Don't Suck My Balls
by OnigiriReject
Summary: Eric Cartman and Kyle Broflovski hate each other. They cannot stand the sight of each other, they argue every time they meet, disagree on everything... then why can't they keep themselves away from the other? KylexCartman slash.
1. Unadulterated Loathing

ALL CHARACTERS AND EVENTS IN THIS FAN FICTION—EVEN THOSE BASED ON REAL PEOPLE—ARE ENTIRELY FICTIONAL. THE FOLLOWING FAN FICTION IS ALSO SEVEN YEARS IN THE FUTURE… BECAUSE RAPING OF NINE YEAR OLDS IS GROSS. THIS ALSO INCLUDES COURSE LANGUAGE AND STRANGE HAPPENINGS, AND DUE TO ITS CONTENT SHOULD NOT BE READ BY ANYONE. EVER.

"An eye for eye only ends up making the whole world blind."

M.K. Gandhi

It was another peaceful day in South Park, Colorado. The birds were chirping, the air was filled with snowflakes, townsfolk greeted each other as they walked past. Even South Park High looked as if time itself had stopped to breathe in the peaceful, mountain air.

It was another typical day in this quiet mountain town.

"Fucking Jew! Suck my ass barf!"

"Haven't you learned any new insults since you were nine, Cartman?!"

"Of course I have, I just didn't think you'd understand them considering my supreme intelligence and everything."

"Cartman you are so unbelievably stupid I just can't believe it. What kind of insult could you possibly think of that I couldn't?"

"How about the fact you've never had a date because you're the ugliest boy in the class? Even Butters is hotter than you!"

"Wait a minute, are you talking about that list from fourth grade?"

"Where I was hotter than you? Yes."

"Two things: one, that list was fake, and two, at least I've never been beat up by Stan's girlfriend, you fucking fat ass!"

"At least I've had a girl touch me, you fucking fag!"

The sounds of desks clattering disturbed the nearby birds. A crash of wood against metal was heard, closely followed by gasps of students inside. It was another 'peaceful', typical day in South Park.

"Eric, Kyle, that's enough!"

Some students walked in front of the school, accompanied by the distinct smell of weed. "What's that noise?"

"Oh, it's just that transvestite teacher again. So glad I'm not in his…her class."

The kids continued on their way, just in time to miss a desk crashing through the classroom window and hitting the snow with a thud.

"What the fuck is your problem Kyle?!"

A look through the newly-broken window would show us Ms. (Mr.) Garrison's 11th grade English class.

A bunch of students were holding back a thin, red-haired boy wearing a green hat from ripping the face off of a much larger boy with brown hair and a smug face.

"I'm so sick of how you treat me!" Kyle spat at him, while while trying to break the hold of a black-haired boy in a blue hat, and a boy in a suffocatingly large orange coat.

"Dude, calm down!" said the boy in the blue hat.

"No! I'm not going to fucking calm down, Stan!" Kyle snapped back, attempting to break free from the other boy's grasp, other students looked on in horror. "This fat ass has pushed me and pushed me to the point where I just can't take it anymore!"

"I'm not fat, I'm buff! And you're still the ugliest!" Cartman retorted, obviously missing the point in the conversation.

The boy in the orange coat tried to speak, but all that was audible was, "Mis maways men maik mish, must mo muffing mufid."

"Kenny's right dude, Cartman's just so fucking stupid I don't see why you expect it to get any better."

Cartman laughed. "No, come on guys, let him go. He won't hurt me anyways, with his weak little Jew arm- OH!"

Cartman held his gut and fell face first onto the floor as Kyle straightened his posture and shot Cartman a look of extreme loathing.

"Fuck you fat ass." Kyle turned his back on the other students and walked out of the room.

_What the fuck just happened,_ Stan thought as he watched Cartman pull himself up off the floor.

At this point, Mr./Ms. Garrison regained its courage.

"Cartman, get your ass to the counselor's office right now!"

"ME?! But Kyle was the one who attacked me-"

"I don't fucking care get the hell out of my class!"

---

_Stupid fat ass. Conceited, fucking moronic, overweight dip shit. I hate him,_ Kyle thought as he trudged through the snow. He'd never skipped school in his life, but after his display in the classroom, he felt as if this was his only choice.

_Constantly harassing me, insulting my religion, that idiot doesn't even know what he's talking about half the time. No matter what I do, he's always there making my life hell._

_What could I do, to get back at him, to show how absolutely horrible he makes me feel._

_I need to do something._

_If I don't, I get the feeling this will continue even through graduation. He'll haunt me through my work, into a retirement home, in the grave…_

Kyle shuddered.

_An eternity with Cartman, that's a living hell._

---

"I can't believe that fucking Mr. Mackey! A week's worth of detention, and for what?? That fucking Jew attacked me!"

The boys were walking home from school. Cartman was complaining, Stan was rolling his eyes, and Kenny was checking out every girl that walked by, basically not paying attention to the conversation.

"Dude, what did you say that made him so mad?"

"I don't know! It must be his Jewish blood, when they get mad they attack anything, how else would you explain what happened to Jesus?"

"Okay Cartman, for one second, stop being a douche and try to remember what you said."

"Okay okay! I told him he was ugly and Jewish and weak and a gaywad."

"Mai mfink mu myused ma mwurd 'maggot'" Kenny said, then went back to gawking at the wonders of cleavage.

"Hey, Kenny's right dude, you did use the word faggot!" Stan said.

"So? What's the big deal?"

"That word is seriously insulting Cartman, it's one of those things that you just don't say to someone, especially if they might be gay,"

"Has that ever stopped us before?"

They all stopped walking and thought for a second.

"No." They said in unison.

"Well, anyway dude, don't use that word to anyone, especially Kyle." Stan said.

"Why not?" Cartman asked innocently.

"Well… because I think that might really insult him." Stan averted his eyes.

"Why?" Cartman was getting curious.

"I don't know dude… Maybe but I'm not sure… he might…"

"WOAH! Stan, you think Kyle's gay?!!"

"WHAT?! No I never said that!!"

"Mu motally chust med mat!!"

"No I didn't, don't take his side Kenny!"

"I knew it! I always knew it! This is fucking fabulous, absolutely amazing, you have no idea Stan! HEY EVERYONE! KYLE'S GAY!"

"DUDE SHUT THE FUCK UP!!" Stan put his hand over Cartman's mouth. He said quietly, "I don't know if he's gay or not, I've just had this feeling for a while, and I'm not sure. If you do ANYTHING to Kyle about this, I will tell everyone you're gay for Butters."

"COME ON STAN THAT'S NOT FAIR!" Cartman broke of Stan's grip.

"I'm dead serious. You don't think people remember you putting Butter's dick in your mouth?" Stan's eyes narrowed and looked directly at Cartman. "Think again."

Kenny and Stan walked off, leaving Cartman in the road by himself.

"FUCK YOU GUYS!!"

---

7:00 at night, Stan was lying on his bed, talking on the phone with his girlfriend.

"No Wendy, do we have to go ice skating? I have other stuff to do. Oh, hold on Wendy, someone's on the other line. No I'm not trying to hang up on you to avoid going out with you. Hello? HELLO?? WENDY!!" The line was disconnected.

Beep.

"Hello?"

"Hey dude, sorry about today, I just needed to get out of there." It was Kyle.

"Don't worry about it," Stan said, "Uh… dude did Cartman say anything to you?"

"After school today, I never wanna see that asshole again. So, no, why?"

"No reason." Stan answered quickly. "…you know Kyle, if there's anything you wanna talk about, you can always come talk to me about it. I won't judge you or anything, I promise. I'll always be here."

The other line remained awkwardly silent until Kyle said, "What did you do Stan?"

"Nothing!"

"Yes you did! You said something to Cartman!"

"No I didn't dude, look, I gotta go finish my math homework. Talk to you tomorrow!"

"Wait- STAN!"

The line disconnected.

"GOD DAMNIT!" Kyle slammed the phone and looked around his room.

_What could Stan possibly have said to Cartman to make him act like that?_ Kyle thought.

"KYLE! COME DOWN TO DINNER, your Hamantaschens are getting cold!!" His mom yelled from downstairs.

"Coming mom!"


	2. Many colors in the Rainbow

"There is nothing that war has ever achieved that we could not better achieve without it."  
Henry Ellis

_High school sucks,_ Kyle thought as he walked through the halls of South Park High. _Everyone's looking at me funny._

"Oh hey Kyle!" Butters was running toward Kyle.

"Oh, hey Butters." Kyle said, disappointed.

"Well, gee, you know, I'm really excited for later! And you know Kyle, I always thought you were swell."

Kyle turned and looked at him. "Excuse me?"

"Oh gee, I better get to class! I'll see you later, Kyle! And remember, you'll always be the same Kyle to me!" Butters ran off, leaving Kyle thoroughly speechless.

"Now everyone, remember, it's a surprise, so don't say anything to him!" Cartman's voice traveled from around the corner. Kyle followed the sound to its source.

"What's a surprise?" he asked. Everyone turned and saw him, wide eyed.

"Oh, um, nothing!" Cartman said, smiling. The other kids joined in agreement, looking awkward all the while.

Kyle didn't believe him. Some of the kids mumbled about getting to class, and snuck away before Kyle could target the force of his hatred onto them.

"You're planning something."

"Oh whatever do you mean, Kyle?" The bell rang through the hall as students began filing into the classrooms.

"I don't know what you're up to, but I'm going to find out!" Kyle ran off, leaving Cartman alone.

"Oh, you'll find out soon enough Kyle." Cartman smiled that evil Cartman smile. "You'll find out soon enough…"

---

"Dude, something was up with Cartman today!!" Stan and Kyle were walking to Kyle's house to do homework together.

"Wha-What are you talking about?" Stan asked nervously.

"You didn't notice how he kept staring at me, when I would ask him 'what?' he would laugh like a maniac?"

"Nope, guess I was just distracted today

"Hmm." Kyle looked at his friend suspiciously. "What's been up with you today? You've been acting-"

"Jesus Christ." Stan stopped in his tracks, staring at Kyle's house.

"See you've been acting so weird!! What the hell is it??"

"No, dude…" Stan pointed toward Kyle's house.

Kyle looked confused, and then turned to face his house, decked out in rainbow flags.

Big Gay Al had a microphone and seemed to be telling jokes on a rented out stage, blocking the doorway. Streamers and balloons were everywhere, of all colors. Tables were set out with punch and pie. People were crowding from the other houses, it also seemed the entire school was there, drinking and chatting away, oblivious to Kyle's horror. Someone had spray painted a purple triangle on his door.

Kenny was dancing on a table with his shirt pulled up with a crowd of girls screaming around him. Kyle ran toward him.

"Kenny what the hell is going on?!" He yelled.

"Mif mis mufcking mawsum! MROOHOOO!" Kenny began grinding up on one many girls surrounding him, leaving Kyle exasperated.

"Attention, everyone, I'd like your attention!"

Kyle stopped dead. _Oh no. Oh no no no no no._

He turned around and saw Cartman center stage, adorned in a rainbow-king outfit, complete with a glitter-flower crown and a rainbow cape. Everybody quieted down and turned their attention to the stage.

Cartman cleared his throat, "Thank you all so much for coming out here today, to celebrate this momentous occasion. You're really showing your support in a much needed time right now, and I, as the spokesperson for him, want to send out a big warm 'thank you' from my dear friend, Kyle!" He extended his hand toward where Kyle was standing, sheet white and absolutely dumbfounded. Applause and commentary burst from the crowd and they all turned to look at the red-haired boy.

As if to make matters worse, a large banner unrolled from the roof of his house, to reveal the words, "CONGRATULATIONS ON COMING OUT!"

Kyle felt faint. He had no idea what was going on. Loud applause was ringing in his ears.

He looked around for a comfort face in the crowd, and spotted Stan, just as shocked as he was, a few feet away.

"STAN! WHAT IS GOING ON?" He tried to yell over the crowd's applause.

"CARTMAN YOU SON OF A BITCH, I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!! I TOLD YOU NOT TO TELL ANYONE!" Stan yelled onstage to a dancing Cartman who wasn't paying any attention.

"Stan…" Kyle was horrified. "You did this?"

"What?! No Kyle, listen, yesterday I was walking home with Cartman and Kenny, and we were talking about why you got so upset-"

"SO SOMEHOW YOU ASSUME I'M GAY?! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" Kyle started yelling, people were looking.

Stan attempted to calm him down, "Kyle just listen to me-"

"NO STAN! NO! I thought you were my friend!"

A couple standing near them saw them arguing.

"Oh a lover's spat?" They giggled.

_I fucking hate everyone_, Kyle thought, and tore through the crowd toward the stage.

Cartman continued dancing, until he spotted Kyle climbing onto the stage.

"And everyone, I would like to bring you the man of the hour, here's Kyle!"

More cheers from the crowd, Cartman handed the microphone to Kyle. Giving Cartman a look of utter detestation, he snatched the mike and took a deep breath.

"I AM NOT GAY. Cartman is just playing another one of his stupid pranks on all of you, and you fell for it."

The crowd became completely silence and people began looking at each other confusedly.

Cartman tore the microphone from Kyle's hand.

"Oh, don't listen to him everyone. Kyle's still having a little trouble in his closet, that's why we're here, to help him come out!" The crowd began cheering again.

"I'M NOT GAY!!" Kyle yelled, but no one seemed to pay attention to him. The song "The Rainbow" by Ween began playing through the loudspeakers.

"It's alright Kyle! We all accept you for who you are, deep inside your homo heart!" Cartman smiled encouragingly.

"_Many colors in the homo rainbow, don't be afraid to let your colors shine- SHINE!"_

"Fat ass, you know I'm not gay!!"

"_Many colors in the homo rainbow, show me yours, and I can show you mine- MINE!"_

"It's alright Kyle, we all still love you!"

"NO YOU DON'T YOU FUCKING HATE ME!"

"KYLE BROFLOVSKI!!" a shrieking voice penetrated the air and caused everyone to turn around. Kyle's mouth dropped.

His mom was home from work.

Kyle's mind went completely blank.

His mom marched toward the stage as the entire crowd backed away to let her through.

"WHAT THE HELL IS ALL THIS?!" She yelled.

"Ms. Broflovski, I can explain-" Stan stammered.

"No need Stan, I can see it all for myself! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING KYLE?!"

Cartman smiled.

"Mom, no!" Kyle recovered slightly, "None of this is true, it's Cartman and Stan, I didn't-"

"YOU CAN'T EVEN TELL YOUR MOM THE TRUTH?!" Bellowed the angry red head. "AND ALL OF YOU," she said waving her hand at the audience, "GET OFF MY LAWN!!"

The crowd dispersed immediately (pulling with them the stage and all decorations, magically), leaving only Stan, Kyle, Cartman, Kyle's mom, and a passed out Kenny.

"Get inside now Kyle." Sparks seemed to be flying through Ms. Broflovski's hair.

"Mom, please, no-"

"I SAID NOW KYLE GET IN THE HOUSE!"

She grabbed her son's arm and yanked him toward the door.

Stan looked completely distressed, but Cartman had never been so happy in his life.

_Yes_, he thought, _yessssss…_

"MOM PLEASE NO!" Kyle was struggling for release from his mom's grip, when Cartman stopped smiling. He noticed tears falling from Kyle's eyes onto his cheeks and shirt.

He was crying.

"IN THE HOUSE!" Ms. Broflovski practically threw Kyle into the house, and slammed the door behind her. Muffled screams were heard from inside. The screeching of a chair was heard and the sound of it breaking against the wall. Glass was being shattered as Ms. Broflovski screamed at the top of her lungs, accompanied by a disturbing thumping noise.

Cartman stood perfectly still, staring at the spot where Kyle started crying, lost for words.

Stan turned around and socked Cartman on the jaw. Cartman fell over and his crown fell off.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Stan asked, his anger boiling over. "Did you think that was funny?! Did you get your laughs in?!"

Cartman didn't say anything, he simply stared.

"Don't speak to me unless you want that smile to become a permanent addition to your face." Stan ran off toward his home, leaving Cartman alone in the lawn, listening to Kyle's echoing screams of terror.


	3. Hey, Someone to punch in the face!

"War grows out of the desire of the individual to gain advantage at the expense of his fellow man."  
Napoleon Hill

_God fucking damnit_, Cartman thought bitterly as he walked through the school halls.

_I was having so much fun, I was the happiest I'd been since Kyle sucked my balls. Then everything felt like shit, and I don't know why._

_And what is this feeling in the pit of my stomach... Maybe I ate too many Cheesypoofs…_

He opened his locker angrily and spotted Stan talking to Kyle a few lockers down.

He caught a little of their conversation,

"I'm fine," Kyle said stubbornly, not looking away from his books as he put them in his locker.

"No you're not fine dude," Stan said pointedly.

"Look, I just want to be left alone today, alright?" Kyle snapped.

Stan gave up and walked away, then, spotting Cartman, gave him a look that screamed 'Get away from me' and continued to gym class.

Cartman glanced back at Kyle and the hole in his stomach seemed to get bigger.

_Fuck you Stan, _he thought angrily, and slammed his locker.

---

When Cartman walked into the locker room, he noticed most of the boys changing on one side of the room. Or more specifically, everyone except Kyle.

"Hey" he said to Token, Craig, Clyde and Tweak. "What's up?"

"You know what's up!" Token whispered, "Kyle's gay!"

"Oh. Right." Cartman said, almost forgetting what he had done the day before.

"Yeah, and I'm not gonna let him try to butt rape me, so I'm changing over here," said Craig.

"Yeah!" agreed Tweak.

"You guys, it's Kyle. He's always been a homo."

"Woah dude, we know you gave him AIDS, but we didn't suspect a relationship in there." Token said, while Tweak twitched in agreement.

"Dude, I'm not gay, I'm just saying it's KYLE."

"I'm getting out of here before I catch it the gayness too." Clyde said, slamming his locker, while others followed.

And that left Cartman and Kyle in the locker room. Alone. Tension filled the air.

Cartman pulled his shirt over his large body and tossed his clothes into his locker. _Fucking Jew, ruining my well-planned fun. Where does he get off fucking crying?! He never cried when I did shit to him. Why the hell would his mom make him cry?!! I mean I know she's a bitch, and having to look at her everyday would make me cry too. I just didn't think Jews COULD cry._

Cartman tied his shoes, _Argh! My stomach… feels like I ate a fucking brick. What the hell is going on?!_

_I will get my revenge, Kyle WILL cry because of me (Now that I know it's possible) and I will be the happiest person ever to have lived! _ Cartman smiled and turned around, and caught sight of Kyle's back while he pulled on his gym shirt. It was a strange mix of flesh tones with large black and purple splotches that seemed to engulf his whole body.

Cartman's stomach plummeted again.

Kyle noticed Cartman staring at him. "What?"

No response.

Kyle realized his shirt wasn't quite on yet, and quickly pulled it down.

"You're surprised?" Kyle turned to face him.

Cartman didn't say anything. Kyle slowly walked toward Cartman, his footsteps echoing through the locker room.

"What're you gonna do? Throw me another party? How about 'we still love you even though you're a fag and your mom hates you!'?" Kyle smiled a twisted smile, full of hatred for Cartman.

"Don't expect me to lie down and take your shit anymore Cartman, I don't care what happens from now on, it couldn't possibly be worse for me. I don't even feel like wasting words on you, so instead, I'm going to use one of your lines. Suck my balls."

Kyle walked out to the gym.

---

When Cartman snapped out of his daze, he ran into the gym and quickly realized the game of the day was dodge ball.

The teams were already chosen, and by default Cartman would be on the jersey team with Craig, Token, Tweak, Bebe, Jimmy, Wendy, and a bunch of other minor characters.

The non-jersey team would be Stan, Kenny, Clyde, Timmy, Butters, and Kyle, ignoring the other minor characters to make listing easier.

The teams were huddled on opposite sides of the gym, discussing strategies. Cartman joined in his team's.

"What's going on?" he asked.

"We're gonna take down the fag." Craig said smugly. The others cheered.

"Ready? BREAK!"

People lined up on either side of the half line, Kyle directly across from Cartman. The gym teacher blew the whistle and the balls began plying every which way.

The loud whistle pulled Cartman back to reality. He saw the nearest red ball and grabbed it without a second thought, aiming it at Stan.

Before he knew what was happened, Cartman felt a sharp pain start from his left cheek and travel through his whole head.

"FUCK!" Cartman yelled as he dropped his ball, he looked up to see a smug Kyle. Anger pulsed through Cartman. Completely ignoring the fact he was out, he tried to pick the ball back up and throw it at Kyle.

"You fucking Jew! No wonder Hitler wanted all of you fucking dead! Suck my balls!!"

"Not on your life!" Kyle yelled back, and proceeded to grab another ball and throw it at Cartman.

Cartman ducked and ran behind Craig and Token.

"Dude, you okay?" Token asked while Craig aimed another ball at Kenny.

"Yeah, I'm fine."_ I can't believe that fucking Jew. _Cartman thought, annoyed. He rubbed his cheek, still burning from the impact. _Why did I ever begin to regret what I had done to him?! I never did, that's a total lie. I'll teach him a fucking lesson, make that little gay-wad cry in front of everyone!! YES!_

"Good, because it's time to put our plan into action. Teach is inside the locker rooms, now's our chance."

Cartman looked up to see the entire non-jersey team on the benches except for Butters and Kyle.

First, Craig grabbed another ball and threw it at Butters. He ducked and cowered on the floor, useless as usual, leaving Kyle completely open for attack.

"Get up Butters!" Kyle yelled exasperatedly.

Then Craig proceeded to throw a ball in a perfect straight line at Kyle's head. Kyle was out.

"Fucking shit," Kyle muttered as he began to walk off the gym floor.

Token smiled and aimed his ball at Kyle, hitting him in the back.

"Shit! What the fuck- I'm out!" Kyle winced and kept walking off.

Wendy and Jimmy grabbed the balls in front of them and threw them at Kyle's legs.

Kyle's knees gave way and he fell flat on his face. He yelled in agony.

The image of Kyle's back covered in bruises flashed into Cartman's head.

Kyle couldn't get up, Tweak, Wendy and Craig ran over the half line to grab more balls and began to throw them at close range at Kyle.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU GUYS DOING?!" Stan yelled from the bench.

"Stan, if you love me, you'll stay back!" Wendy yelled at Stan. Stan stood rooted to the spot, debating his options, watching his best friend getting pummeled.

Craig gave up on the balls idea and just started kicking the bejeesus out of him.

"Come on, let's go!" Token said as he attempted to pull Cartman toward the scene of the action. Cartman couldn't move.

Kyle was whimpering. Why was no one helping him?

Clyde yelled, "Get that fucking fag!" from the sidelines.

A few on the non-jersey team joined in.

Stan ran onto the court and tried to pull Wendy off.

---

_Okay, so I was playing a friendly little game of dodge ball in my high school's gym class with kids that I've known since kindergarten. Minding my own business._

_Somehow it turned into a "hey-let's-beat-the-shit-out-of-the-ginger" game._

Kyle just lied there on the floor being pummeled by ball after ball. He didn't even feel them anymore. Stan was being an idiot, fighting with Wendy to make them get off him, the rest were being useless or hitting him.

Craig began kicking his ribs in. The searing pain was becoming too much, everything was slowly blending together in Kyle's vision.

Nobody would save him.

"GET THE FUCK OFF HIM YOU DIRTY ASS SUCKERS!!"


	4. Warm me up, and Breathe Me

"Dreams are answers to questions we haven't yet figured out how to ask."

X-Files

_It's so warm…. I feel like I'm gliding,_ Kyle thought sleepily. _I'm so warm, and everything smells so good…_ Kyle nuzzled into the source of the heat. It had been a while since he had felt so calm.

Suddenly it was gone and the searing coldness traveled through his body.

_Wait…don't leave…come back…._

Kyle woke up in the nurse's office on an uncomfortable white bed surrounded by curtains. For a second, he couldn't remember what had happened and how he ended up there. After squirming in the bed in an attempt to see what was around, he was unpleasantly reminded by the aches all over his body of the dodge ball game.

"Mey, me's mawak!"

The curtains were pulled back to reveal Kenny and Stan standing next to the bed.

"Dude, are you okay?!" Stan asked urgently, getting up.

"Ah…" Kyle said, thinking back to the incident and all his new bruises. "Yeah, I'll live."

"Mu muffing scaed mus!" Kenny said

"Sorry, sorry. Not my fault my whole 11th grade class attacked me."

"Actually that would be Cartman's," Stan said darkly. "Or, more likely, the after-effect of one of his jokes taken too far."

"What do you mean?" Kyle asked.

"Most of the guys were convinced you were gay, and decided to try and 'fix' you."

"By beating the shit out of me?" Kyle asked sarcastically.

"Yeah, or that's what they claim."

"Fuckers…" Kyle muttered. He vaguely remembered Stan and Wendy arguing before he passed out. "What happened with you and Wendy?"

"Oh," Stan looked down, and said stiffly, "We broke up."

Kyle felt a twinge of guilt. "Sorry dude."

Stan waved it away with his hand. "Oh! It's not your fault, besides, it wasn't really working anyway."

Kyle tried to remember what happened next, but could only get as far as Craig kicking him, and then it would skip to him waking up in the nurse's office.

"Wait… how'd I end up here?"

"You were attacked by adolescent homophobes."

"No, I mean how did I get here?"

Stan exchanged an awkward glance with Kenny, looked down, then murmured, "…Cartman."

Kyle blinked. "Cartman?"

"Yeah."

"What about Cartman?"

"He…stopped them from basically killing you, and brought you here."

Kyle laughed nervously. "You're kidding."

"No." Stan looked serious.

There was a pause and Kyle could hear voices talking outside.

"I don't know…" It was the nurse.

"Well, as you can understand, this matter is of the utmost importance to the family, and I can assure you the parents have already been notified, there's no need to report to them." It was Cartman.

"Alright then I understand." The clacking of heels got softer and a door closed.

Kyle was utterly confused. Cartman stopped him from getting beaten to a pulp?

Cartman helped him get to the nurse's office?

Eric Cartman helped Kyle Broflovski?

"Guys? Is that filthy Jew awake?! I swear I've been waiting here for forever, and I'm missing Lunch now and I'm getting SERIOUSLY pissed off!"

The fatso Kyle hated walked behind Kenny and Stan, and quickly realized Kyle was awake.

"Oh." He looked at Kyle for a second, then Stan and Kenny, then back at Kyle. "This means I can go. Screw you guys, I'm going home."

Quick footsteps echoed through the small nurse's office followed by a door slam.

After a few moments of deafening silence, Stan recovered, "You have no idea how completely weird it was to see him stand up and defend you for once. I mean, we thought it couldn't get weirder than that, but then when the guys didn't wanna help you, he…"

Kyle stopped listening, he was lost in thought.

_Why... why did he defend me? There must be a reason… some sort of catch._

_Maybe he thinks I'll let my guard down when I'm around him now so he'll take advantage of that and hurt me even more! Yeah! That must be it._

_He's such a manipulative conniving fat little-_

"I mean carrying you? That was so fucking weird!"

Kyle snapped back to reality. "Wha-what?"

"Dude he CARRIED you here! Nobody else tried to touch you because they didn't want to make him even more pissed off than he already was."

"Ca…" Kyle turned sheet white.

"Mit mas me most gayesd ming I'b eber cheen." Kenny laughed.

Kyle's mind wandered to his dream right before he woke up, where everything was warm and he felt so happy and safe. Kyle went from a sickly white, to a violent red, then settled with a solid, putrid green.

"Are you okay?" Stan asked, noticing his wild color changes.

Kyle grabbed Stan's shirt collar while keeping his head down. "I think I'm gonna be sick."

---

Later that day, in math class, Stan stared at the blackboard and attempted to pay attention, since the one who usually supplied him with notes was stuck in the nurse's office the rest of the day. He was replaying the scene in the gym over and over.

It seemed so unreal; he thought it might make sense if he replayed it enough.

_Everyone stopped what they were doing and directed their attention toward the source of the noise. Cartman._

_Stan turned his attention away from Wendy. He couldn't believe it._

_Cartman waddled toward Kyle, pushing Bebe and Craig out of the way._

_Stan blinked, confused._

_Cartman pointed at the pile of pain that was Kyle on the floor._

"_NOBODY can torture this Jew, except ME! You got that?! He is MY victim, he is MY tool for amusement, and MY Jewish classmate, so BACK THE FUCK OFF."_

_Everyone stood dumbfounded. Stan couldn't believe it._

_Cartman defending Kyle? The apocalypse was near._

_Token stammered- "Bu-But dude, we thought you hated him."_

_Cartman looked at him. "Of course I hate him, that's why all you fucking cock-suckers need to back off. He's MINE to make life hell for."_

_Cartman glanced down at Kyle. "Fucking weak-ass pussy, should be able to take more for that. WAKE THE FUCK UP JEW!"_

_Cartman kicked Kyle's shin, with no luck. Kyle was out cold._

_Cartman sighed and said, "Anyone else wanna touch him?"_

_Everyone backed away a foot, no longer because of Kyle being gay, but because of the dangerous look of smoldering hatred in Cartman's eyes._

_He sighed. "FINE. Fucking FINE. I'll just do EVERYTHING myself!!"_

_Cartman angrily bent down and picked up Kyle, one hand under his head, the other under his limp legs. Kyle hung like a rag doll, looking completely helpless, while Cartman looked around the gym._

_Stan couldn't move. After many moments of awkward silence, Cartman spotted a door, and walked confidently and coolly out of the gym._

"What the fuck…" Stan muttered under his breath. He felt like most of this was his fault. He looked guiltily up at the empty chair two seats ahead of him, where Kyle usually sat.

But with Kyle being who he was, he would just forgive him without Stan even having to apologize, Stan knew that. Hell, he probably already did forgive him.

What Stan couldn't figure out was why Cartman was being… so un-Cartmanish. Granted, he was being mean, but at the same time it was a different kind of mean.

Stan shook his head; he was thinking too much.

He glanced out the window at the parking lot to see the same boy he was thinking about leaving school grounds. It was fifth period… He was skipping.

Stan silently cursed himself for not thinking of it first, and then put his head down.

Before completely falling asleep in Mr./Ms. Garrison's lecture about the importance of the quadratic formula, he vaguely wondered if Kyle would forgive Cartman for calling him a fag.

He wondered if Cartman cared.

He wondered if Wendy and he would ever get back together.

And he pondered many other difficult questions, until his eyelids became too heavy, and he silently drifted to sleep.


	5. And That was When I Ruled the World

"The victor will never be asked if he told the truth."  
Adolf Hitler

Kyle went home as soon as school was out, even though he spent his whole day in the nurse's office. He didn't want his mom finding out he was beaten up… for being gay.

Kyle kicked at the snow.

_Me… gay. ARGH! That makes me so angry! I'm not gay!! Stupid Stan, opening his mouth and not thinking about what he was saying! And in front of CARTMAN! Of all the stupid egocentric morons to say something in front of…_

"DAMN YOU STAN!" Kyle yelled to nothing, a nearby couple eyed him and walked into the grocery store.

Kyle wasn't embarrassed- he could've seriously cared less. Trudging through the snow, fuming silently, he walked by a diner. In the window, he briefly saw a larger teenager in a red coat with brown hair.

Kyle did a double-take, it was Cartman. He stopped walking and stared at the view through the window for a second, contemplating his options.

_Of course he's eating a hamburger, that fat piece of shit._

Eventually, he pushed open the silver, metallic doors and walked over to Cartman's table. Cartman's hat was on the table in front of him, his hair stuck out at odd ends from being in it too long. He looked up from his hamburger, and furrowed his brows.

"Hey! What the fuck do you want?! I'm not paying for you, you cheap-ass Jew!!"

_Crude as ever,_ Kyle thought glumly. He glanced at the chair across from Cartman, and sat down.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?! I'm trying to fucking enjoy myself!!"

"You skipped." Kyle said bluntly, not looking at Cartman.

"Yeah, so?!"

There was an awkward pause while Kyle thought over what to say.

"I wanted to ask you something…"

"Well make it quick Jew I'm hungry!!"

Kyle twiddled his thumbs and bit his lip, thinking of a way to word the question he had been wanting to ask since Kenny and Stan left the nurse's office. Cartman was getting annoyed.

"Why…did you stop them from beating me up?"

Cartman's eyes grew large for a millisecond, then retracted to normal size before Kyle could notice.

"Well, I wouldn't have had to if you weren't so fucking weak."

Kyle pouted and flushed a little from embarrassment. "You know what I mean!"

Cartman sighed, "Oh Kyle, Kyle, Kyle… You should know by now, I only do things if I get something out of it. I figured you'd be in my debt and would let me copy your math homework for a few years."

"LIKE HELL!" Kyle's chair screeched as he got up, waiters and various diners looked up.

_I shouldn't have expected anything from this asshole! _He thought angrily.

"I'll never fucking owe you anything! Years and years you've put me through hell, and I've endured every single one of your moronic stunts. I've dealt with you and your stupidity for too long now! AND I'M GETTING SICK OF IT!! And, lest I remind you, your most recent one caused all my classmates, who I thought were my friends, to turn on me and beat me until I passed out! HOW THE HELL DO YOU THINK I OWE YOU ANYTHING YOU MANIPULATIVE ASSHOLE?!?!"

Kyle panted, out of breath, and slightly red from yelling.

Cartman looked taken aback. He responded coolly, "You can't blame me for your own gayness, Kyle."

Kyle snapped.

"I. AM. NOT. GAY!!!" Kyle took the plate of food in front of Cartman and threw it against the red wall of the diner. "GET OVER YOURSELF CARTMAN- I CAN'T BELIEVE I EVER SAW ANY FUCKING GOOD IN YOU!!"

Kyle ran out of the diner, more pissed off than ever, leaving Cartman to his empty table.

---

"I'm home," Kyle said angrily as he stomped through the front door of his house. His brother, Ike, was watching Terrance and Philip.

"You sound cheerful," he said sarcastically, never breaking his gaze from TV. "Did your boyfriend break up with you?"

"SHUT-THE-FUCK-UP-IKE-YOU-KNOW-I'M-NOT-GAY!" Kyle yelled in one breath.

"Kyle? Is that you? Come to the kitchen, I need you," his father yelled from the other room.

Kyle took off his shoes and glumly walked into the kitchen.

"Hi Dad."

"Hey Kyle, I need you to clean up this mess," he said, waving to a pile of glass on the floor, "Your mom had a little accident."

Kyle scowled, he knew it wasn't an accident. He grabbed the broom and dustpan and began to sweep up the glass shards.

_Ow_, Kyle thought, as he bent over to sweep. His ribs were sore, and his back and shin hurt. _Fucking idiots._ _Making me miss a day of school, getting me stuck in the nurse's office, her calling home…_Kyle's stomach dropped… Call his house? His mom?!

After a moment of thought, Kyle looked at his dad.

"Hey dad, uh, did anyone call while I was at school today?"

"No, why?" he said while wiping off a counter top.

"Uh really? N-no reason," Kyle quickly looked back down at his pile of glass, and began to sweep, his fears alleviated.

---

"Stan, you don't have to apologize," Kyle said that night, while on the phone with his best friend. "It wasn't your fault; it was that stupid asshole's."

"I know, but I still feel responsible, what I said was out of line and I'm sorry I ever said anything."

"Well, apology accepted. Can we just be friends again?"

"Yeah dude."

"Thanks. Oh, dude, I should also tell you, I tried to take notes today in math for us, but I fell asleep."

"Of course," Kyle said knowingly, "It's fine."

There was a silence as Stan flipped through his vocabulary workbook.

"So… have you spoken to Cartman?"

"About what?" Kyle answered quickly.

"About what he did for you today?"

"He seemed to think that I would owe him if he did something nice like that, I fucking knew it. It was too good to be true that he might have a heart for once."

Stan paused. "Dude, how long have we known Cartman?"

"Our whole lives."

"And has Cartman EVER done something nice, for ANYONE? Even if he thought he would get something, he didn't put in that much effort for anything. I mean, at the nurse's, he even convinced her not to tell your mom you were beaten up."

Kyle thought back for a moment to when he heard Cartman through the curtains.

"_Well, as you can understand, this matter is of the utmost secrecy and I can assure you the parents have already been notified, there's no need to report to them."_

Kyle sat on his bed, and looked out the window, feeling like a real asshole.

---

Cartman was putting books in his locker the next day, feeling really pissed off, when the very person he wanted to see the least walked up to him.

"What the hell do you want Jew?!"

Kyle looked at him for a second, then silently pulled an envelope out of his jeans pocket, and held it out to Cartman.

"Ten dollars." Kyle said, turning a little red. "It's…for the hamburger and fries I destroyed yesterday."

Cartman just looked at him.

"You're kidding."

Kyle reached over to Cartman's coat pocket, and stiffly stuck it in. He paused, and looked down.

A small, almost inaudible, sound escaped his lips and he turned around, running toward the classroom.

Cartman could've sworn that noise Kyle made, was an extremely small, almost nonexistent,

"I'm sorry."


	6. I Tried Counting Sheep

"A Rattlesnake, if Cornered will become so angry it will bite itself. That is exactly what the harboring of hate and resentment against others is - a biting of oneself. We think we are harming others in holding these spites and hates, but the deeper harm is to ourselves."

E. Stanley Jones

_What the hell is that Jew thinking_, Cartman thought to himself in Ms. Garrison's (Apparently it was 'Ms.' today, it was wearing a dress.) English class that day.

_Giving me money, is he trying to bribe me? He better not think I'll fall for that._

Cartman was staring intently at the seat diagonal to him, where Kyle sat, completely absorbed Ms. Garrison's lecture on the Catcher and the Rye. He was too busy taking notes to notice Cartman's staring.

Stan glanced sideways at Cartman, and whispered "Dude, if you stare any harder, your eyes'll fall out."

"Fuck you." Was all Cartman could manage; he was too engrossed in his own thoughts.

Stan looked at him for another second, then at Kyle, then gave up and went back to longingly staring at Wendy, sitting on the complete other side of the room.

Kenny was watching his three best friends intently, wondering what the hell was going on, but found more interest to his right, in Bebe's cleavage. It's a wonder they passed their classes at all.

_That Jew wouldn't give me money for any other reason!_ Cartman thought stubbornly, _I'm onto your little game now Kyle. Beware._

---

"Dude, can I copy your notes?? I totally lost track of everything in class today." Stan pleaded when class was over. The students filed into the hall and stopped at their lockers to get lunch.

"Too busy staring at Wendy?" Kyle shot him an accusing look.

"NO! Well, not exactly, I've just had a lot on my mind- dude can I please just see your notes?!"

"FINE!" Kyle gave up, "Here- but actually read the book tonight so you understand what he's talking about." He thrust his notebook at Stan.

"Thanks dude, you rock. Wanna come to my house after school and play Halo?"

"You aren't gonna study? Even when I just told you-"

"CARTMAN!" Stan yelled, trying to steer the discussion. "Wanna come to my house after school? Just got the new Halo game."

Cartman walked up, and looked between Stan and Kyle, "Depends," He looked at Kyle. "You gonna give me money for that too?"

"What?" Kyle asked, perplexed.

"You know what I mean Day-walker! First, you give me money for no apparent reason, then you think I'll let my guard down, so you can attack me!"

"What the hell are you talking about fat-ass?!" Their argument steadily increased in volume. Kenny walked up out of nowhere, while Stan pretended he didn't know them.

"I'm saying I know your plan! You're trying to make me let my guard down!"

"There's no plan Cartman!! And that's not why!!" Kyle was seriously angry now.

_I gave him that money because…_

"Well I know your plan, so it won't work this time you stinking Jew!"

"I DIDN'T GIVE YOU THAT MONEY SO YOU'D TRUST ME, IDIOT!"

"Mat mar dey dauking about?" Kenny asked Stan, who covered his face in embarrassment.

"I have no fucking idea. They'll cool down in about ten minutes."

"Well then why did you give me that money, Kyle? I'm sure everyone would like to hear." Cartman smiled smartly and gestured to the rest of the hall, which was filled up with students who had stopped to watch them.

"IT WAS BECAUSE I FELT BAD OKAY?!" Kyle yelled at him.

Cartman was not expecting that answer.

"YEAH THAT'S RIGHT! I FELT BAD!! BECAUSE I, UNLIKE YOU, FEEL BAD WHEN I THINK I DID SOMETHING WRONG, I CARE ABOUT HOW THE OTHER PERSON FEELS!! YOU FUCKING IDIOT!"

"YEAH?" Cartman began to yell back, "WELL MAYBE IF YOU WEREN'T SO GODDAMN JEWISH YOU WOULD'VE REALIZED HOW ABSOLUTELY STUPID THAT IS!"

"IT ISN'T STUPID!"

"YES IT IS!" Cartman barked at him, "YES IT IS! You don't seem to realize because you're so goddamn nice that people are gonna take advantage of you and copy your notes and kick you around BECAUSE YOU ACT LIKE A PUSH OVER!! Fucking GAYWAD!"

"BEING NICE ISN'T STUPID! AND I'M NOT GAY!!"

"FUCKING FAG!"

"FUCKING FAT ASS!"

"JEW!"

"MORON!"

"SHORTIE!"

"IDIOT!"

"KANK!"

"FATSO!"

"GINGER RETARD!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP BOTH OF YOU!" Stan had had enough.

They stopped, and quickly remembered where they were.

"Come over to my house after school today, and either calm down, or get out."

Cartman turned around and sped off toward the cafeteria, angrily stomping the tiled floor. Kenny ran off after him, followed by Butters (a bystander to the fight), leaving Stan and Kyle. The crowd quietly dispersed.

Kyle was quiet.

"Is that true?" He asked after a moment. Stan turned to face him.

"Is what true?" Stan asked, still slightly annoyed at the two of them.

"That… I'm a pushover because I feel like being nice to people?"

Stan blinked. "Are you taking what Cartman said seriously?"

Kyle stared at the floor.

---

"FUCKING JEW!! HE CAN KISS MY ASS FOR ALL THAT'S WORTH!" Cartman yelled once he was safely in the noisy cafeteria with Butters and Kenny.

"Wh-Why were you two arguing like that Eric? Did you two have another tizzy?" Butters asked, trying to understand the situation.

Cartman swirled around and turned the force of his frustration on him.

"WE WERE ARGUING BECAUSE KYLE DOESN'T HAVE ANY FUCKING IDEA WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT, THAT'S WHY!!"

Luckily, no teachers would hear him in the large cafeteria, since everyone was already making a lot of noise.

"Wat de phuck diff meh say?" Kenny asked, now genuinely interested in the lives of his friends. (This means he'll get killed soon.)

"He said I was stupid and didn't care about how the things I did hurt people!"

Kenny and Butters stared at him for a second.

"Y-You mean you do care?" Butters stammered, disbelievingly.

"NO! NO I DON'T! I'M THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN MY LIFE, I DON'T GIVE A FLYING FART ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE! I WOULD NEVER JUST BE NICE TO SOMEONE LIKE THAT FUCKING IDIOT!!"

"Den wat wash it?" Kenny asked, curious.

Cartman grabbed Butters' pudding cup (much to the dismay of Butters) and stared at it for a second.

"I just… felt like it was something I should do." He muttered, playing with the plastic cap.

"Wh-What was, Eric?" Butters asked, still completely out of the loop.

Cartman continued to pick at the pudding cup, and didn't say anything else for the rest of the period.

---

"Guys hurry up, it's fucking freezing out there!" Stan yelled when he opened his front door.

His three best friends ran into his living room, covered in snow. Kenny looked chipper, but Kyle and Cartman were anything but.

"Dood is phuking hot in here!" Kenny said, while Stan closed the door.

"Yeah, my mom turned the heat way up last night. You can take off your coats and shit, just put it on the floor." Stan took his own advice and threw his hat to the ground.

Kenny was the first to shed his coat.

"Finally, god our school is so fucking cold. The only thing that's good for is the fact all the girl's nipples are hard." Kenny smiled in recollection.

"Shut up Kenny," Stan said as he threw an Xbox controller at him.

Cartman took off his jacket and hat, and threw them on the floor, without so much as a glance at Kyle.

Kyle unzipped his jacket, but kept his hat on.

They sat down on the couch, and inched as far away as they could get from each other.

Stan looked over at Kyle.

"Dude, take off your hat, it looks weird." Stan said, and he turned his attention back to the TV.

"Um… I'd rather not." Kyle said, quickly glancing over at Cartman.

"It's not a big deal Kyle, no one's gonna laugh."

"That's what you think…" Kyle muttered.

"Just take off the fucking hat you pussy," Kenny laughed, pushing various buttons on his controller.

Cartman finally looked up, as Kyle removed his green floppy-eared hat.

Kyle's curly, red hair stuck up at odd angles, and bared a resemblance to Marge Simpson on a bad hair day.

It was too funny,

"PAHAHHAHAHAAAHAAHHA!! HHAHAAAHAHAHA!! Hahahhaahaaaa!!" Cartman laughed hysterically while pointing at Kyle's head.

Kyle flushed and put his hat back on.

"Cartman shut the fuck up!!"

Cartman was crying, "But… it's … too…funny!! HAHAHAAAAhahahaa!!!" He managed to say while clutching his stomach.

"SHUT UP FATSO!" Kyle snapped at him.

"Either you both chill out or I kick you out." Stan said loudly, while smashing his buttons repeatedly.

Cartman continued to snicker while Kyle pouted.

Hours passed, as Stan and Kenny became too absorbed in their game to notice their surroundings. Cartman already had his turn, and was getting sleepy just watching them, while Kyle did his math homework.

"Um, Cartman?" Kyle asked, not looking at him.

"What, Jew?" Cartman answered, opening one eye to look at Kyle.

"I didn't mean what I said earlier."

"What the hell are you talking about now?"

"When I said you don't think about how other people feel, I didn't mean it."

Cartman closed his eye and rested his head on the pillow.

"Well I meant what I said."

Kyle looked up, half surprised and half angry. Before he could say anything, Cartman continued.

"You're too nice and let people walk all over you, and people like that asshole Craig, and those idiots Clyde and Token, will give you shit because they see you as weak. It's not my fault they beat you up, it's because you never defend yourself against anyone but me."

Kyle stared at Cartman and couldn't believe he said something that made sense.

When he didn't say anything else, Kyle said, "Cartman?"

Kyle nudged him, but it was too late, he had fallen asleep.

_Stupid fat-ass. _He thought, slightly annoyed. _You don't have any idea how much what you just said means to me._


	7. Living in the city, Wanting it to Burn

"There is no coming to consciousness without pain."  
Carl Jung

"I HATE CHEMISTRY!" Cartman yelled, throwing his book angrily across the room, where it hit the wall and collapsed on the floor with a thud.

"Calm the fuck down and do your work," Kenny said, tapping a pencil against the table.

"I thought you'd like chemistry," Stan stated, while mindlessly flipping through his text book.

"Why the hell would you think that?" Cartman turned to look at him.

"Because _food_ is made using chemistry." Stan answered calmly.

"FUCK OFF!" Cartman spat at him. Kenny and Stan laughed, while Kyle, completely engrossed in their 'group' project on the periodic table, didn't even notice the noise.

The four boys were sitting in Stan's living room, where the TV and Xbox from two weeks before had been replaced by a circular study table. This was the Marsh family's response to Stan's progress report, which he brought home a week before. Stan was not informed of this furniture exchange.

"Damnit, this is so boring," he said when the laughter died down. "I just want my fucking Xbox."

"Totally. Do you have any Playboys? That would make this more interesting." Kenny looked hopeful.

"My dad might, but… no Kenny we have to do the homework."

"Why bother?" Cartman added, "Kyle's doing just fine on his own."

"What?" Kyle had the ability to read amidst complete chaos, from being around these three so much, but hearing his name usually snapped him out of it. He looked up, and noticed that Stan's book was upside down, Kenny's wasn't even open, and Cartman's was on the floor a few yards away.

"Dudes, what the hell?! Am I the only one who cares about this project?"

"Yes," the three others said in unison.

Kyle sighed in disgust.

Cartman turned to Stan. "Dude can we have some fucking grub? I'm starving."

"As long as you don't eat it all again." Stan's chair screeched against the wood floor as he got up, and walked into the kitchen.

Kenny stared at the table with a bored look on his face. "Stan?!" He called to the kitchen.

"What?" He called back. The rustling of potato chip bags were heard.

"When is your dad coming home?"

"I think in another two hours."

"Okay, thanks!" Kenny got up from the table, ran up the stairs, and slammed the door to Stan's parent's room.

Leaving Cartman and Kyle alone, sitting at opposite ends of the table. Kyle was back to reading and scribbling various notes, while Cartman, as usual, did nothing.

The clock ticked away as his eyes wandered around the room, lingering on various interesting objects. The couch, the table, their jackets lying together in a pile on the floor. After a few minutes of staring at his damaged book lying against the wall, his eyes darted to something dark on Kyle's upper arm.

He wouldn't have noticed it before, because Kyle usually wears a thick coat, but now that they were in Stan's heated house, he wasn't wearing it. And Kyle's shoulder had a splotchy dark purple mark on it, in the distinct shape of a hand.

"What's that?" Cartman asked.

Kyle snapped out of his reading daze. "What's what?"

"That." He pointed at Kyle's rolled up sleeve. It had been over two weeks since the dodge ball incident, he would've been healed now, unless…

Kyle glanced down at his arm. His eyes widened.

"N-nothing." He pulled his sleeve down to try and cover it.

"It didn't look like nothing."

"Shut up Cartman and get back to work," Kyle muttered, looking down at his book.

"I'm not taking orders from any fucking ginger Jew!" Cartman yelled.

"Yeah, well maybe if you did you'd get better grades, and wouldn't be so fucking stupid!!"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

He walked over to Kyle's side of the table and grabbed his sleeve.

"CARTMAN, FUCK!!" Kyle winced.

"Pussy! I barely touched you!" Cartman pulled up his sleeve to reveal a very clear purple handprint on Kyle's shoulder.

Kyle responded by hitting Cartman's head with his chemistry text book.

He doubled back, slightly dazed, and let go of Kyle. Kyle was breathing rapidly.

"TOUCH ME AGAIN AND YOU DIE!"

Cartman was angry, "YEAH?! IS THAT WHAT YOU SAY TO YOUR BITCH OF A MOM WHEN SHE KICKS YOU AROUND, KANK?!"

Kyle's mouth dropped. Stan walked in, "What the hell are you guys yelling about this time?"

Kyle's and Cartman's eyes locked.

---

"_Kyle? My little Bubbala come here."_

_His mother called from the shadowy living room. Kyle walked into darkness and could barely make out his mom lying on the sofa._

"_Yes mom?"_

"_Let mommy give you a hug." Her outstretched arms' silhouettes were vaguely outlined in the darkness._

_Kyle reached forward and hugged his mom, but she dug her fingers into his back._

"_Tell me you're not gay Kyle." His bruises ached._

"_I'm not gay," he whispered in her ear. She released her grip._

"_Good little Bubbala."_

_He began to walk out of the room, when she called out to him again._

"_Kyle? Did you memorize what I asked you to?"_

"_Yes mom."_

"_Recite it please."_

_Kyle took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and spoke,_

"_Honor your father and your mother, as the Lord your God commanded you, so that your days may be long and that it may go well with you in the land that the Lord your God is giving you. You shall not murder. Neither shall you commit adultery. Neither shall you steal. Neither shall you bear false witness against your neighbor. Neither shall you covet your neighbor's wife. Neither shall you desire your neighbor's house, or field, or male or female slave, or ox, or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor."_

"_Very good my little Bubbala." Kyle attempted to retreat again._

"_Kyle? Remember I love you very much."_

_He turned around and gazed into the menacing darkness, toward his mother._

"…_I love you, too, Mom."_

They stood staring at each other for what seemed like an eternity.

_My back aches, my head feels like it'll split open, I'm covered in bruises so even moving in a chair hurts… So why is it this fat-ass, of all people, has to notice?_

Kyle stared at Cartman, not knowing what to make of him.

Cartman was Cartman. A Jew-hating, foul mouthed, spoiled fat ass with the temper and charisma of Hitler.

Yet, he had his moments. Various moments that constituted as kindness in his book (not exactly kindness in other's), and those moments were so few and far between that it was easy to overlook them as something Cartman just did because he felt like it.

But why, of all the people in the world to notice, did it have to be Cartman?

Cartman stared at Kyle with a stubborn expression, while Stan looked between the two of them, trying to figure out if he'd have to stop one from clawing out the other's throat. Kenny walked down the stairs (while zipping up his fly), and stopped at the bottom stair to gawk at what appeared to be the beginning of a Mexican stand-off unfolding in the Marshs' living room.

Kyle closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and attempted to calm his thoughts.

"How my family deals with our problems is none of your business, Cartman." Cartman continued to look at Kyle. Stan caught on as to the topic of the conversation.

"Dude, it is our business," he interrupted. "We're your friends."

"I can take care of it," Kyle said coldly, all traces of emotion gone from his voice, "it's doesn't concern you."

"Kyle…" Stan started.

"Don't say anything," Kyle said, catching the eyes with his three friends. "I can take care of it."

"But Kyle, you can't! Look at how she's treating you!"

"MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS STAN!"

"Damnit Kyle!" Stan yelled, "OPEN YOUR EYES! What that bitch is doing isn't normal!!"

"DON'T BE SO FUCKING STUBBORN KYLE!!" Cartman finally retorted.

"DON'T YOU ALL STAND THERE AND ACT LIKE YOU'RE SO JUST!" Kyle had lost it. He looked wildly around the room while his hands shook. "BECAUSE THIS ONE," Kyle pulled up his left sleeve to his shoulder, to reveal the handprint Cartman had discovered earlier, "THIS ONE," he pulled up his other sleeve to reveal a matching one on his right shoulder, "AND THIS ONE," he pulled up his shirt to reveal a large purple swatch the size of someone's foot on his ribs, "ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT!!"

Everyone stood absolutely dumbfounded.

Kyle grabbed his coat, swiftly put his arms through the holes, and ran out the door, into the snow.

---

_I hate them, I hate them, I hate them, I hate them, I hate them, _Kyle thought to himself as he walked through the heavy-falling snow. _Those looks, of concern and denial and caring, I can't watch it. I can't see those looks._

It had been about an hour since he ran out of Stan's house. Kyle didn't know or care where he was going, he was just walking.

_And that asshole, talking to me like it was my fault this is happening. If it's anyone's, it's his! HE made her think I was gay, HE threw that stupid party to get me in trouble, and now HE tells me not to be stubborn, like it's my choice this is happening!_

"That fucker…" he muttered. It was dark, and no one was around to hear him.

"…lee…. Kyyyyleeee…." Or so he thought.

Kyle turned toward the direction the voice was coming from.

"GO AWAY FAT ASS!!" He yelled when he saw Cartman trudging through the snow, toward him.

"Oh like I'm gonna listen to YOU?!" He yelled back. "COME ON! Stan and Kenny are looking for you too, we need to finish that stupid-ass project!!" Kyle was not in the mood to argue; he turned his back on Cartman and tried to walk off again, when a sharp cold pain hit his right ear.

"OW!" Kyle fell on his knees and held his right ear, to discover a snowball.

He turned around.

"I HAVE PLENTY FUCKING MORE WHERE THAT CAME FROM, JEW!!" Cartman yelled, holding another one at the ready.

Kyle saw red.

Out of nowhere, he jumped onto Cartman, knocking him over, and pinning him down on the snow-covered ground.

"THIS! IS! ALL! YOUR! FAULT!!" Kyle yelled directly into his face. "ALWAYS MAKING MY LIFE HELL, IT'S YOUR FAULT SHE'S LIKE THIS! ON HER LAST NERVE!! I'M DOING WHAT I THINK IS RIGHT! I'M TAKING CARE OF MY FUCKING FAMILY AND YOU KEEP GETTING IN THE WAY!!"

Kyle lifted his right hand and balled it into a fist.

"IT'S YOUR FAULT!!" BAM!

Kyle's fist made contact with Cartman's left cheek.

"IT'S YOUR FAULT!!" BAM!

Kyle's left hand followed suit and hit the right side of Cartman's head.

"IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT!!" Cartman closed his eyes, expecting another punch to the face. Kyle's hand hit the snow next to Cartman's head with a thud.

Cartman felt a warm trickling on his cheeks, and opened his eyes.

Kyle's face was full of rage and hate, but his wet eyes had a different message. He had never looked so alone and desperate for understanding as when Cartman saw him now. Tears fell onto Cartman's face, as hen gazed up at Kyle, wide-eyed with shock. The warm tears felt like a curse; a permanent mark on Cartman's heart.

Kyle stood up stiffly, walked a few steps away, and then collapsed on the snow next to Cartman in a pathetic slump. He sat there as the hot tears fell from his eyes and hit the snow.

He began sobbing uncontrollably and covered his face with his hands. He was being loud and obnoxious and selfish and rude but he could care less, he just wanted to cry.

All his anger and hatred seemed to continually leak out of his eyes.

"It's not my fault…" he whispered like a prayer.

It was worthless. Everything was worthless.

He cried like he had never once cried before in his life, he cried like this was the last time he ever could, and he cried like nothing mattered anymore.

Everything was utterly, completely, hopeless.

After minutes of crying, Kyle was surprised to feel an unexpected warmness on the middle of his back, and stopped sobbing for a moment to turn around and see what it was.

It was Cartman's hand.

It must've been a strange sight; two teenage boys sitting on the snowy ground, one with the beginnings of a black eye, the other crying like the world was ending.

But neither noticed nor bothered to think about that. Kyle's crying slowly died down and Cartman stiffly patted his back, and that was all that existed in their eternity of the moment.


	8. Didn't think I'd turn around and Say

The price of hating other human beings is loving oneself less.

Eldridge Cleaver, _Soul on Ice_, 1968

"Dude! You found him!" Stan yelled when he saw Kyle and Cartman walking through the snow toward his house.

"You have no idea how far I had to go- this asshole was all the way down near Token's house!"

"That's about four blocks, Cartman," Stan said, smiling.

"Yeah well at least I found him, dip shit," Cartman retorted.

"Phuking phat ash," Kenny laughed.

Stan joined in, but noticed Kyle wasn't laughing.

"You okay dude?"

Kyle appeared to be in deep thought for a moment, then looked up. "Hmm? Oh, yeah! I'm fine- I just needed to clear my head, you were all just over-reacting." He smiled, convincingly.

"Grate, no kan we ko inshide?" Kenny asked hopefully.

The boys walked toward Stan's front door, when Stan noticed something odd. Kyle and Cartman weren't arguing.

He turned around to hold open the door for them. He also noticed that there was an odd air about them. Normally they don't really look at each other, but now, they were determinedly not facing in the direction of the other.

Kenny walked through the door, while as Kyle stood rooted to the spot in the snow.

"Are you coming?" Stan asked.

"Hmm?" Kyle was distracted again. "Oh, yeah!"

He quickly ran inside. Stan turned toward Cartman and saw his lip was bleeding. He blocked the door and looked Cartman directly in the eyes.

"Did something happen I should know about?" He asked bluntly.

Cartman blinked. "The usual shit," he replied, and pushed Stan out of the way to walk inside.

Stan closed the door behind him, and said quietly to Cartman, "Go wash your face, my parents'll be home any minute and we've supposedly been doing homework for three hours."

"Fine, whatever," Cartman said tiredly. Stan was shocked he didn't argue.

Cartman walked up the stairs and closed the bathroom door once he was inside. Glancing in the mirror, Cartman knew what Stan was talking about. Not only was he red from the cold, but his left cheek was slightly swollen and his upper lip was bleeding.

"Fucking Jew," Cartman muttered as he rubbed his cheek. It was wet. Cartman looked at the hand he just rubbed it with and the image of Kyle's helpless eyes popped into his head.

Cartman turned on the hot water and vigorously washed his face.

_I need some fucking sleep,_ he thought to himself, and began to scrub at his cheek.

---

The next day at school, Stan stared longingly at Wendy in math class.

"Dude, seriously," Kyle said exasperatedly. "I'm not gonna let you copy my notes if this is why you don't take any."

Stan sighed and glanced over at Kyle, who had gone back to solving the equation Mr. Garrison (he was wearing pants today) had written on the board.

_Everything seems normal today_, Stan thought to himself.

The bell rang for lunch, and everyone began to gather their things. Stan and Kyle walked out of the classroom, toward their lockers.

"Soooo, you're okay now?" Stan asked awkwardly.

"Yeah, for the most part," Kyle answered, looking a little embarrassed at the mention of the night before. "I'm… sorry for the trouble."

"Dude, stop apologizing, it's totally understandable."

Kyle nodded and bit his lip. "And… it's not your fault… my mom does what she does… she was like this before you said anything to Cartman, so don't blame yourself or anything."

Stan thought for a moment. "But do you blame Cartman?"

Kyle didn't say anything.

"Is she like this to Ike, too?"

"Stan, seriously, I said it wasn't your fault but that doesn't mean you can go sticking your nose in it." Kyle said flatly, "And anyway, I'm handling it."

Stan decided to steer the conversation.

"Did you do something to Cartman?" he asked, curiously.

"Ah…" Kyle looked lost in thought for a moment, then replied, "I punched him… a few times."

"Did it make you feel better?" Stan smiled.

"Sorta," Kyle smiled back, slightly embarrassed.

"Then next time you have a bad day, I'll just let you hit him; I won't stop you."

They laughed, then heard some commotion around the corner.

"Yeah, this dirty Mexican came out of nowhere and just started hitting me! Oh- but don't worry, I got him back a thousand times worse."

Kyle and Stan saw Cartman in the middle of a pack of girls. (Much to Stan's dismay, amongst which was Wendy.

"Oh you poor thing," Bebe said, while reaching up to touch Cartman's swollen cheek. "Are you okay now?"

"Yeah, I just feel bad for the Mexican. I really got him good- I could swear he was coughing up blood by the time I was through with him!" Cartman looked smug.

Kyle couldn't believe it, he turned toward Stan to ask him what he thought of this, but his friend was already walking toward the group. Or to be more specific, his ex-girlfriend.

"Wendy? Can we talk?" he asked.

She turned away from Cartman to face Stan.

"What about?"

"About… you and me…and us." He looked away.

"There's nothing to talk about, you left me to be with your gay friend.

"Wendy, you know that's not what happened!"

As they continually argued, Kyle looked up and locked eyes with Cartman. He flushed slightly, and walked up to him.

"Can I talk to you?"

"Sure, Jew, what's up?" The group of girls was staring at Kyle.

"I meant alone," Kyle said, annoyed, and gestured toward the nearby classroom.

Cartman smugly walked into the empty room, followed by Kyle, and closed the door.

"So, what's on your mind?" he said, smiling, as he leaned on the teacher's desk.

Kyle thought for a moment. He did have something to say, but now he couldn't remember what it was. Nothing made sense anymore. He felt he should apologize, like he had to Stan, but he no longer felt like it.

Recently, most of the problems in Kyle's life had been because of this enigma of a boy.

Cartman threw Kyle a 'coming out' party, and he (unknowingly) had set off a chain of events such as Kyle's mom's rage getting out of hand, kids at school turning on him, and Kyle's pent up anger finally boiling over.

He felt he should chastise Cartman for these things, but at the same time, he couldn't.

Every time Cartman had severely fucked him over, he did something that made Kyle slightly forgive him.

When Kyle was mobbed by angry dodge-ballers, Cartman took him to the nurse's office, and made sure his mom wasn't called.

When Kyle lost his temper and ran out into the snow, Cartman went out looking for him, and let him cry there for god knows how long.

Kyle was lost for words, and continued to stare at the floor, attempting to think of what to say first. Cartman was getting annoyed with waiting, so instead, he took a guess as to what this conversation was about.

"I don't blame myself as for why your mom has issues."

Kyle looked at Cartman, astonished he had read his intentions so clearly.

"I'm not like that pussy ass Stan who blames himself whenever something goes wrong."

Kyle was slightly annoyed, but relieved he didn't have to explain anything.

"Anything else?" Cartman asked, raising an eyebrow.

Kyle thought for a moment.

"Yeah actually…" Kyle smirked. "Why are you telling everyone that you got into a fight with a Mexican?"

Cartman rolled his eyes, "Because, Dumbass, I have to have some reason to explain to the ladies as to why my handsome face is covered in scrapes and bruises."

The bell rang as Cartman got off the desk and began to walk out of the room.

He stopped, and without turning around, said, "And, about last night, it is partially your fault."

Kyle's smirk was wiped off his face.

"If you were listening to what I said before, people see you as weak because you never defend yourself against anyone but me. If you hit them like you hit me, nobody would give you shit ever again."

The door closed behind him, leaving Kyle alone in the empty classroom.

---

_Haha, killing two birds with one stone_, Cartman thought to himself as he strolled down the halls to lunch.

_Not only do I not have to tell anyone that the Jew hit me, but I get covered in hot girls! Sweeeeet._

He seemed to walk with a skip in his step all the way down to the cafeteria.

"Hey, Cartman!" yelled Patty Nelson as he walked through the doors, "Come sit with us today!"

Cartman smiled_, of course they recognize my charms_.

He walked over to the table where Patty, Bebe, Craig, Token, Wendy and Clyde were sitting.

"What's up?" He said as he sat down.

"Dude, you look totally banged up. We heard what happened." Token said, "Good job man."

"Yeah, it was really brave," Bebe said as she batted her eyelashes.

"Heh, it was no big deal." Cartman smirked.

"Anyway, we also wanted to say we were sorry for what happened before, during that dodge ball match." Clyde said.

Cartman slightly winced at the memory. _Carrying Kyle… what a faggy move. But it was all I could think to do at the time, God damnit!! Besides, these guys obviously don't think much of it if they're still talking to me._

"Yeah," Craig interrupted his thoughts, "sorry dude. But, anyway, is it true what happened?"

Cartman blinked.

"With Kyle?" Token asked.

"…Kyle?"

"Yeah."

_DAMNIT KYLE!!_ He thought to himself, _he told everyone he hit me!! I KNEW I should've hit him back, that fucker!! DAMN JEW! Now I look like a total ass and these idiots are just laughing at me…_

"Yeah, that he confessed his love to you this morning?"

Cartman realized he must need his ears checked. "…what?"

"He asked to talk to you this morning, remember?" Bebe nudged him. "He looked totally embarrassed and wanted to talk to you alone in an empty classroom."

Cartman's brain was still catching up with the conversation.

"Of course you turned him down, what an idiot for thinking you were gay! That faggot." Clyde laughed.

"So true, I mean you do hate him after all, and you did the guy a favor by taking him to the nurse's office because we took our joke too far," Token smiled. "Completely understandable."

"Wendy, we need to talk." Stan walked up to the table.

"Stan, I already told you we have nothing to talk about!!" Wendy snapped at him. He grabbed her and dragged her away from the table.

"Stupid ass fag for thinking you might be gay for him haha!" Patty snickered, ignoring Wendy's lack of presence.

"Of course you were just being nice," Bebe smiled and hugged his arm, making sure her boobs were pressed firmly against his chest. "You would never like a fag."

"Shut up." Cartman muttered.

"Sorry, what did you say, Honey?" Bebe smiled and looked him directly in the eyes.

---

On the other side of the cafeteria, about ten minutes earlier, Stan and Kyle were sitting with Butters and Tweak.

"Where's Kenny dude?" Stan asked Butters.

"Oh, ah, well, this morning he was run over by our bus." Butters shuddered at the thought, "I took the notes in Math though so he won't have missed anything!"

"Yeah, he'll probably be back by English." Kyle said dismissively. Stan noticed Kyle was a little out of it today, but he didn't say anything. Kyle directed his attention toward the new member of their table. "Why're you sitting here, Tweak?"

"Well- Craig and Clyde told me I couldn't sit there today, and I know it's cuz they hate me!" He twitched, "GOD I should've known sooner! Replacing me with Cartman ARGH!!"

Stan looked at him. "Cartman is sitting with Craig and Clyde… and WENDY?!"

"Taking my spot, I should've been a better friend, JESUS!"

Stan got up and marched over to the table where Cartman and company were sitting. Kyle rolled his eyes, and went back to talking to Tweak and Butters.

"Wendy, we need to talk."

"Stan, I already told you we have nothing to talk about!!" Wendy snapped at him.

He grabbed her arm and dragged her away, toward the lunch line.

"Wendy- look, if you're trying to make me jealous, it's working! I never wanted to break up with you!"

"You chose that little gay friend of yours over me- that's enough."

"Wendy you KNOW that's not what happened!! You were attacking my best friend, what did you expect me to do?!"

"BEFORE THAT!" She whirled on him, her eyes teary. "It was always 'Kyle this' and 'Kyle that', I was getting so sick of it! You think you're jealous of me talking to Cartman, try being jealous of him if all I ever talked about was Cartman. Every single day! And here's another thing, I'm not petty enough to try and make you jealous by talking to him, it was Bebe who wanted-"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU STUPID SKANK!"

Wendy and Stan turned toward the table they just walked away from.

Cartman was standing up with his fist in Bebe's face.

"Ca-Cartman dude, chill out." Craig tried to rectify the situation, "It's not like we're calling you a fag. Just the actual one-"

"SHUT UP!!" Cartman wheeled on Craig as he cowered. "For god's sake, you're all a bunch of fucking hippie Jews!! Leave me the fuck alone!!"

Cartman ran as fast as his legs could carry him out of the room. Stan turned toward Wendy, "Later. I have a bad feeling."

He left Wendy speechless as he followed Cartman out. He caught up to him outside of his locker.

"Cartman, what the fuck?" was all he could think to say as he tried to catch his breath.

"WHY did they have to keep bringing it up!?!" Cartman slammed his fist against the locker, not facing Stan.

"Bringing what up?" Stan asked, trying to cool him down.

"The fact I called that Jew a fag! They kept talking about it- they still think he is one!! FUCK! I can't fucking take it!!" Cartman kicked his locker and made a dent in the bottom.

"Why do you care? Kyle doesn't- he could care less what the people here think of him. He figures they don't matter."

Cartman turned toward him. "Are people still kicking him around?!"

"Yeah but he really doesn't complain so I think it's-"

"YOU THINK IT'S OKAY?!" Cartman's face was red. "You obviously don't understand him at all Stan, AND THAT FUCKING PUSSY!! I told him to beat the shit out of anyone that bothered him, and he doesn't fucking listen so they still give him shit!! AGH!!" He kicked his locker again, the dent increased in size.

Stan blinked. "…Cartman?" He asked carefully, afraid to become the next target for his anger.

"God damnit." Cartman closed his eyes.

"Cartman… do you feel… _guilty_?" Stan couldn't believe it.

Cartman put his back to the lockers and slumped onto the floor, looking disgusted with himself.

"It's … my fault people are like that to him. And I shouldn't feel responsible, but I do." He hit the floor with his fist. "And it's so fucking annoying."

Stan stood, not knowing what to do or say.

"You know, Kyle would forgive you if you apologized." Stan said after a moment, sitting down next to his friend.

"I don't wanna be forgiven by any god damn Jew," he muttered huffily. "I just don't understand- why doesn't he fight back?! He knows people will keep giving him shit unless he does!! I mean, look at ME?!" he pointed at his bruised cheek and swollen lip, "He fights me and I still make his life hell!!"

Stan looked at him, trying to figure out what to say, "Like I said, he doesn't really care what those people say about him. He doesn't care if they think he's gay or not. It's only his mom's and our opinions that matter to him. Those idiots aren't hitting him anymore, ever since you stepped i-"

Cartman got up quickly. "I don't need to hear that again."

Stan cautiously stood up. "Fine, fine. But, did you know that his mom hit him _before_ that fucking party?" Cartman's eyes widened- he didn't know that. "And, I don't think it's toward Ike either, just Kyle. So, just so you know, it's not-"

"Dude what the hell?! I've been looking for you everywhere!" Kyle ran up to them from around the corner. "What the hell happened I just saw you take off-"

Cartman walked off, Stan and Kyle looked after him.

"What's up with him?" Kyle asked innocently.

Stan thought better than to tell Kyle what their discussion had been about.

"Oh, nothing, just Cartman." Stan said convincingly. Kyle continued to stare at Cartman's back until he was around the corner and out of sight.


	9. I Hear in my Mind, All of these Words

"The best proof of love is trust."  
Joyce Brothers

"Mey guysh!" Kenny said as he walked into English that day.

"Hey," Stan and Kyle said in unison, both sounding distracted.

He looked at them for a second. "Mat mappened?"

"Eh… nothing," Stan said, waving away Kenny's disbelieving look with his hand. "How was the morgue?"

Kenny laughed and sat down next to them. Cartman still was not in the room when the bell rang.

"Okay children, take your seats," Mr./Ms. Garrison said as… _it_ wrote on the board, "Today's English class is going to be about your new projects, in which you analyze…"

"Mere de hell ish Kartman?" Kenny asked, looking over at the boys expectantly.

"Probably skipping again," Stan answered. "Oh, right, Butters took notes for you from Math."

Kyle tuned out of their conversation, and thought to himself for a while.

_My mom… has had problems for a while now, ever since I was twelve, that's almost five years now…It's not Cartman's fault, I know that but somehow, I can't bring myself to think I should apologize to him, since a lot of what's been happening lately is his fault-_

"WENDY!!" Stan yelled, breaking Kyle out of his pensive mood. Wendy ran out of the room, covering her face, Stan stood up in his chair and took off after her.

"Stan I'm not taking notes for you AGAIN!!" Kyle yelled angrily as he slid his chair back.

"KYLE BROFLOVSKI THIS IS _MY_ ENGLISH CLASS!" Mr./Ms. Garrison shouted after him as he ran after his best friend, out the door.

---

"STAN!! STAN!! God damnit- I AM NOT LETTING YOU COPY MY NOTES!" Kyle had followed the sound of Stan's footsteps to outside of the school, but had lost track of him since. He turned his head left, then right, then seeing nobody, angrily kicked the snow.

_I can't go back to class now, since I ran out like that… _He paced back and forth outside of the school, lost in thought._ Stupid Stan, now neither of us has today's notes. We can't expect Kenny to take them, maybe Butters if we're luc-_

"KEEE!" Kyle yelled as he slipped on a hidden patch of ice in the snow, and fell on his back. "FUCKING SHIT!!" He yelled as he winced in pain.

"Hahaha! Nice going Jew!" Yelled an all-too-familiar voice from behind a bush.

Kyle maneuvered himself so as to look to his right, toward the source of the noise. "Fuck off skipper!" he spat back. Cartman was sitting in a nearby bush with a copy of Silence of the Lambs clenched in his fat hands. "Don't you have better things to do than hide in a bush?!"

"For your information, I was merely enjoying the weather by reading one of my favorite books."

"Wow, you can read?" Kyle said, sarcastically bewildered.

He sat up and tried to brush off the snow on his head, when he realized he lost his hat in the snow. He began to feel around where he fell, when he heard an evil cackle from behind him.

"Looking for this?" Cartman smiled, holding up Kyle's green bunny-eared hat, far out of his reach.

"GIVE IT BACK!!" Kyle said as he ran toward Cartman, attempting to grab at it.

"Short little Jew," Cartman laughed, "Too weak to get your beloved hat back!!"

"FUCK- YOU-" Kyle said between jumps. He couldn't help it- Cartman had a good two inches on him. When Kyle just about punched him down under, he heard something that made him stop.

"Giving up already? Weak little pus-"

"SHHH!" Kyle pushed Cartman down in the bushes and covered his mouth.

"What the fuck- GET OFF ME!" Cartman barked, pulling Kyle's hand off his mouth.

"SHUT. UP!" Kyle said, making the childish motion for Cartman to 'zip his lips'.

"I'M NOT LISTENING TO A FUCKing Je-" Cartman trailed off, also tuning into the conversation on the other side of the bushes.

"-was ALWAYS about him! You can't blame me for being suspicious!!"

"Wendy that's so dumb!" Stan pleaded. "You know I've always only love-"

"DON'T SAY IT!" Wendy sounded like she was crying. "I'm trying to get over you Stan, don't make it any more difficult than it already is."

"Wendy, please!" Kyle and Cartman attempted to peak through a hole in the bushes at Stan and Wendy.

Wendy started to walk away again when Stan grabbed her arm.

"WENDY, LISTEN TO ME! You have no reason to be jealous of Kyle, he's just my best friend!"

"You can't blame me for wanting to hurt him!" Wendy was sobbing and twisting her arm away from Stan. "You hang out with him more than I ever see you; it's always been like this! Ever since we were young!"

Stan twisted Wendy around so she was facing him.

"Wendy, three things. I am _not_ gay, Kyle and I are _not_ in a relationship, and I have _always_ been in love with _you_."

"Those are just words Stan!" Her eyes were brimming with tears. "You say that, and then tomorrow you are just gonna go and hang out with him again and ignore me! You never even eat lunch with me, I'm always alone! You have no idea how it feels to be me! The one I'm in love with never even looks at me, it hurts and there's nothing I can do! So please, just stop lying and let me-"

Stan's lips met Wendy's with an extreme force. First, Wendy's eyes were wide open as she tried to break away from his grip, but he held on fast, and eventually she gave in, closed her eyes and put her arms around his neck, letting him pull her deeper into the kiss. Tears rolled down her cheeks as he held her closer; at that moment, it seemed nothing could ever pull them apart.

_I feel like I'm intruding_, Kyle thought to himself awkwardly as he peered through the leaves at his best friend and newly revived girlfriend. He glanced to his left and noticed Cartman was a measly two inches away from his face; their cheeks almost touched. He could feel the heat of Cartman's breath on his lips. Kyle flushed slightly, and attempted to move a few inches away.

"Does that mean they're back together?" Cartman asked bluntly.

"Huh?" answered a distracted Kyle, "Oh, I guess."

"Damnit," he muttered, "He got one of the last hot ones."

"Yeah, I guess…" his thoughts drifted.

Cartman glanced over at him, and smiled, "Nice Jewfro, shorty."

Kyle was brought back down to earth with a thud, "Fuck you."

He grabbed his hat from Cartman's hand on the ground, briefly brushing against his fingers. Kyle's flush deepened.

_What the hell is going on_, he thought to himself as he felt his face, and pulled his hat back on. _I've been in the cold too long, I must be getting sick._

He looked up at his best friend, who was completely intertwined with his girlfriend, "I'm gonna go back inside…" he muttered.

"And go back to a class you already ditched? Stupid," Cartman said smartly.

"Oh yeah?" Kyle said, turning around to face his least-favorite-person. "Got a better idea?"

"Don't go back," Cartman said matter-of-factly, as he turned his back on Stan and Wendy, and settled himself in the snow. "Doesn't look like _they're_ going back either," he added, gesturing over his shoulder.

Kyle weighed the possibilities as Cartman pulled out his copy of Silence of the Lambs again. On the one hand, he could stay here with the fat ass, and watch Stan and Wendy suck each other's faces off. On the other hand, he could go back to class, apologize to Mr./Ms. Garrison, and get a day's worth of education in.

"I'm going back," Kyle said flatly, as he moved to stand up.

"No you're not," Cartman said, not looking away from his book

"Yeah- I _am_," he replied defiantly, and attempted to stand up.

"Dumb ass!" Cartman grabbed his shirt and yanked him back down on the snow with a thud. He put his face in Kyle's, and hissed, "There are two things wrong with your plan: One, if you interrupt Stan while he's _finally_ getting some ass, he will hate you, and two, do you want your bitch of a mom to find out you skipped?!"

Kyle slumped on the snow as Cartman let go.

_He's right_, he admitted bitterly. He stared at the ground.

"I've already left… she'll find out anyway," he said worriedly, all color from earlier gone from his face.

"No she won't," Cartman said, smirking. Kyle looked up. "Dude, seriously, how do you think I skip all my classes, yet been able to pass?"

"You copy me," Kyle pointed out.

"And Butters, but that's beside the point. Trust me- you won't get in trouble." Cartman looked sure of it.

_Trust Cartman?_ Kyle thought, not knowing what to do. Instead, he peered through the leaves of the bush again, to see Stan and Wendy getting _way_ too into each other for school property.

"Fuck it, I can't leave anyway," Kyle said, giving up. He wheeled on Cartman, "You better have a good idea to get me out of trouble."

"Just trust me Kyle," Cartman smiled, and went back to reading his book.

---

Kyle couldn't tell how much time had gone by since he began to stare at the outside of the school, mostly because he was unable to move from the bushes, so his view was very limited and boring.

Kyle silently cursed himself for forgetting his book bag inside of the school. He lied on his back, and stared at the sky. A few noises were heard, like the sound of Cartman turning a page, or the occasional slurp from the other side of the bushes.

As Kyle looked at the passing clouds, he wondered how he ended up in this predicament. Hiding in the bushes with Cartman, if anyone, listening to Stan make out with his girlfriend, and skipping class for the second time in his life.

He should be angry at Stan for causing him to run out of the room, he should be angry at Cartman for convincing him to stay, but he could do neither, for this was the first time in a while that Kyle felt truly at ease.

He couldn't explain it, but ever since that day in class when Cartman called him gay (from what felt like forever ago), things had just been one thing after another, and Kyle never got to truly relax.

He closed his eyes and felt the breeze cooling his cheeks. He opened one of his eyes and glanced at Cartman, who seemed to be completely absorbed in his reading.

_And yet everything that has happened comes back to you,_ Kyle thought as he closed his eyes again and breathed in the cold air. _Absolutely everything…how annoying…_

---

Kyle's breathing became steadily louder as his chest moved up and down rhythmically. Cartman briefly glanced over at him.

_How the hell can he sleep out here? It's fucking freezing!!_

Cartman began to compare the sleeping Kyle in front of him to the Jew he normally knew. Normally, he would never let his guard down like this. He was always striving to be the best, always putting his all into everything, always under so much stress, and most of all, always hating Cartman.

Yet, now, he didn't look like any of that. He looked… peaceful almost.

Cartman studied his face pensively, then realized what he was doing, and jerkily stopped.

"Fucking Jew, I'm gonna have to wake you up you know," he muttered angrily. Kyle's breathing echoed in his ears, as he tried to read his book again. Ultimately, he failed and huffily put his book down. He glanced back over at Kyle, then up at the sky.

"You're wasting my day off," he said to the sleeping Jew, knowing he couldn't hear. Silently, he gave in and decided it might be okay… to spend _one_ day like that.


	10. I Just Want, I Just Want Love

"If you hate a person, you hate something in him that is part of yourself. What isn't part of ourselves doesn't disturb us."

Herman Hesse

"Oh Mr. Mackey- You have to understand the stress I've been under lately, between tending to my beloved, sick Grandma and my two part-time jobs to support my family while my mom's in rehab, I'd just had enough. Luckily though, my good friend Kyle was there to help me through my break down. It's just been so hard lately, you don't understand the pressures teenagers are under these days! It's hard just to get through all our homework and school, let alone jobs and family things! Please don't blame Kyle for his leaving class- it was my fault, I truly am sorry. Please don't get him in trouble for my stupidity!" Cartman asked Mr. Mackey while he and Kyle were in his office after the final school bell rang, saying the day was over.

"Well, Mm'kay Eric, as long as this doesn't happen very often, otherwise I'll ask you to come see me, mm'kay? I am your counselor after all, mm'kay?"

"Thank you so much for understanding Mr. Mackey! You're the best!" Cartman flashed a smile showing all of his teeth and waved goodbye as he pulled Kyle out of the office.

"I can't fucking believe you," Kyle said once they were out of ear-shot.

"It's all because of practice, my friend." Cartman smirked.

Kyle shot him a disgusted look. Earlier, the bell had to ring before they could come inside (it caused Stan and Wendy to finally leave, so they could escape from the bushes). Kyle had fallen asleep, and woke up because of it. Cartman appeared to be reading the whole time, since he had his face in the book when he woke up.

"Well, at least now your bitch-mom won't call you out for ditching," Cartman said.

"Wonder what Stan is gonna do when his parents find out?" Kyle wondered aloud.

_He probably could care less right now_, they both thought in unison, remembering them both getting into Wendy's car and driving off.

The halls were completely empty except for the two boys, their footsteps echoing through the building. They were about two feet apart, their walking almost completely in sync. Kyle looked down as they walked, and couldn't help but feel slightly relieved.

_My mom isn't going to be called_, he smiled to himself.

"You're welcome, Jew," Cartman said bluntly, noticing his smile.

"Oh yeah- Thanks!" Kyle said, beaming. Cartman looked a little surprised at his response for a second, then turned away.

"…How are you getting home?" He asked awkwardly.

"Oh," Kyle thought for a moment, "Probably walking, I don't live that far."

"Right," Cartman said absentmindedly.

The awkward silence stretched on until they finally reached the entrance doors.

"Um, I'll see you later!' Kyle said, and ran off toward the direction of his house, leaving Cartman alone on the school steps.

"Later," Cartman mumbled, as he walked in the opposite direction.

After much running, Kyle stopped and thought to himself_, 'See you later?'… To CARTMAN?! What the hell- what's going on with me!?! Why did I say that?? I hate him! Why was I just being so friendly?_ Kyle began to walk again

_Okay it's true that he was being…non-Cartmanish today. It must be because he saved me from getting in trouble- yeah! That's it!_

_I just feel indebted to him… _Kyle shuddered_. Fuck, I'm indebted to CARTMAN. What will he make me do…? Better not be to suck his balls, I barely escaped that last time..._

Eventually during Kyle's many ponderings, he had reached his house. It began to snow.

"I'm home!" He yelled when he opened the front door. The living room lights were dimmed. A dark figure in the armchair moved

"Hi mom," he said as he took off his shoes and began to walk upstairs.

"Bubbala? I need you for a second," his mother called to him

He reluctantly walked over to the source of the voice.

"How was school today?" the darkness asked.

"It was okay," Kyle said, and thought for a moment how to make it sound convincing he actually attended the whole day, "Our teacher gave us a ton of homework, it was a tough day."

"Why?" his mother asked. He suspected she was pretending to care just to feel better about her actions later.

"Oh, just a lot of stuff," he said dismissively. He decided to steer the conversation, "Did you go to work today?"

"Called in sick," She answered matter-of-factly. "Have you memorized the verses for today?"

"Yes," Kyle answered quickly. The armchair creaked with the weight of his mom being shifted. "Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it _is_ abomination. Neither shalt thou lie with any beast to defile thyself therewith: neither shall any woman stand-"

"Alright that's enough," His mom was annoyed. "Go do your homework, Bubbala."

Kyle gratefully walked out of the dark room, past the study where his father was sitting at his computer, and toward the stairs to his room.

"Kyle?" He called.

"Yeah dad?" Kyle stopped and faced him.

"…I'm sorry," he said sadly.

Kyle eyes stung. "I know," he replied, his voice completely void of emotion.

He continued on his way upstairs, closed his room door behind him, and put his bag down. He leaned his back against the door and slid to the floor, not bothering to turn on the light.

He held his head in his hands and let out a deep sigh.

_Another day down_, he thought to himself.

---

"Poopsykins, are you home?" Eric's mom cheerily called from the kitchen, "I made you some snacks- they're in the fridge! Mommy will be going out tonight with one of her boyfriends, so you are going to stay by yourself again, okay? Mommy loves you very much!"

And with that, Ms. Cartman quickly walked out of the same door Cartman himself just entered through. It had started snowing since he walked home from school, so he was covered in a fine layer of white powder. "Fuck you bitch," he muttered to the now-empty room.

He threw his coat and hat onto the floor, brushed the snow off, and settled himself into the couch, not feeling like doing his homework. He closed his eyes and heaved a heavy sigh.

_Another night to myself_, he thought smugly as he flicked on the TV.

---

"I am ashamed of all of you," Ms. Garrison (lipstick and earrings makes a woman?) said after class the next day. He had told the four skippers to stay after the bell rang. "I don't care if the counselor excused you two," he gestured at Kyle and Cartman, "But Kyle and Wendy, you're some of my best students! What happened?"

"I'm sorry… 'Ms.' Garrison," Wendy said while Kyle flushed, "It won't happen again." She said with a confident smile. She and Stan exchanged happy glances.

"It better not- otherwise Mr. Mackey might not be so kind as you excuse _any_ of you." Ms. Garrison shot Kyle and Cartman a warning glance. "Anyway, you missed the new project coming up. You get into groups of two and read a book to compare with the movie based off of it, full report due Monday. Since you four are the only ones who were absent yesterday, Stan and Wendy, you're a group, and Eric and Kyle, you're a group. Get it done on time- no excuses!"

"Well this sucks," Stan said when the four of them were excused from the classroom.

"It's not so bad- you and I get to work together!" Wendy smiled and grabbed Stan's hand, who in turn blushed and smiled.

"While you two are busy having a moment, let me point out this is totally unfair," Kyle interrupted.

"How so?" Stan said, returning to the predicament at hand.

"Well, while YOU have Ms. Smart-Girlfriend as your partner, I'm stuck with tubby here," He gestured over to Cartman. "And I don't think he's ever even read the nutritional facts on a cereal box, let alone a whole boo-"

"For your information, Kyle, I already started the project," Cartman said smugly, "and even though I skipped yesterday, I still found out the assignment."

"How?" Wendy asked, while Kyle and Stan's were still recovering from the fact that Cartman was doing homework in the first place.

"I broke into the classroom after lunch and looked in his desk," he proudly announced. Kyle vaguely remembered him running toward the classroom after he spoke to Stan in the hall the day before.

"Then what book did you choose?" Stan asked.

Cartman rolled his eyes, "Possibly the book about the coolest people alive!!" He held up Silence of the Lambs and smiled.

Kyle felt really, really stupid for not realizing it sooner.

"But," Cartman continued, "I guess if you say you're sorry," he said, eyeing Kyle, "I'll let you help me, since I'm already halfway done." His smirk grew wider. "So Kyle, is there something you'd like to say to me?"

_I really do hate him_, Kyle thought.


	11. So Bad I'm Gonna SCREAM!

"Hatreds are the cinders of affection."

Walter Raleigh

_This is absolutely disgusting_, Kyle thought to himself as he lied curled up on his bed with a very-used copy of Silence of the Lambs. _I can't believe Cartman is making me read this._

_---_

"_We're doing __Silence of the Lambs__!" Cartman yelled at Kyle, "I don't care what you say- I already fucking started it and I've seen the movie over a million times, so shut your goddamn daywalker mouth!!"_

_Kyle growled angrily, "You just like anything with fucking blood in it you sicko!"_

"_That's cuz it's fun!" he barked back. "Anyway, use this fucking copy, I have another," Cartman threw a paperback used copy at Kyle, the pages yellow and curled from wear._

_Kyle caught it and looked at it, noticing various passages highlighted and marked with post-it notes._

_---_

_Of course that psycho would love this book enough to mark it up!!_ Kyle thought angrily, _and it's not my fault I didn't know the project! He broke into the teacher's files, I would never even think to do that, stupid conceited lying asswipe…_

Kyle eventually gave up on his night-time endeavors, threw the book to the floor, and got up to brush his teeth.

He walked toward the bathroom, breaking the silence of the night with his quiet footsteps, and passed his parents' dark room, whose door was wide open. He attempted to tip toe by.

"Why are you still awake, Bubbala?"

Kyle froze and turned toward his parents' bedroom.

"I was doing homework, mom," he answered coolly.

"Don't lie to me Kyle," his mother said. She turned on the lamp next to the bed; Kyle noticed his dad was not there. "Don't you lie to me, too."

"Where's dad?" Kyle asked warily.

"How should I know, we've only been married for twenty some-odd years, why would I know where he is in the middle of the night," she said disdainfully, getting out of her bed.

"Don't grow up to be like your father, Bubbala, for you'll only hurt everybody," she slowly walked toward him.

"Mom, what are you talking about?" Kyle attempted to back away.

"DON'T ACT SO INNOCENT!!" She yelled at him, "Don't look at me with those eyes, like I'm a _monster_- it's your father who's the monster! AND YOU!!" She ran toward him and knocked him back against the wall of the dark hallway.

"YOU'RE DISGUSTING!! The deformed spawn of a MONSTER!" she spat in his face; his eardrums were about to burst. She pinned him against the wall with her body and raised her right hand- Kyle tried to wiggle free.

She slapped him across his face with as much force as she could, "DISGUSTING LITTLE SHIT!!" she screamed, hitting him again, but this time on the other side. Kyle didn't fight it.

"YOU LYING CHILD PRODUCED BY A LYING MAN!!" she kneed his ribs and let go as Kyle crumpled to the floor in a heap.

He didn't think, he didn't rebel- he just took the pain without another word.

Ms. Broflovski continued to kick him, and yelled, "I REFUSE,"

Thud. Pain spread through Kyle's abdomin.

"TO BELIEVE,"

Thud, everything was losing focus and slowly growing dark.

"THAT YOU,"

Thud, Kyle's eyes began to water.

"ARE _OUR_ SON!!"

Blackness.

---

"Kyle, wake up, you're gonna be late," Ike said, nudging a bandaged Kyle in his bed.

"I don't fucking care," Kyle mumbled, rolling over, then wincing in pain when he shifted his weight onto his new bruises.

Ike gave up and began to leave the room, then added, "Your friends are downstairs."

Kyle's eyes shot wide open. "Have they seen me yet?"

"No," Ike answered, "And you're welcome for letting you crash in my bed,"

"Oh right- thanks!" Kyle felt the bandages around his chest, "sorry you always end up having to fix me up…"

"It's not like she hits me, it's the least I could do," Ike said. "Hurry up; I think one of them is coming up the stairs."

The creaking of the stairs was heard, Kyle still didn't have his shirt on.

"SHIT!" Kyle jumped up and grabbed his shirt off the floor.

"Kyle, hurry up," Kenny pushed open the door as Kyle tried to pull it on. "We're gonn-"

He stopped; Kyle didn't quite have his shirt on all the way, so Kenny was able to the bandages. There was an awkward silence even after Kyle had his shirt on all the way, Kenny just continued to stare.

"Kenny…" Kyle said pleadingly, "don't tell the other guys, okay? They'll just overreact again. I promise I'm handling it."

Kenny looked at Kyle, lost for what to do. After a moment, he pulled on his hood and left the room, without another word.

Kyle and Ike exchanged confused looks

Once Kyle was fully clothed, he grabbed his bag and went downstairs to meet his friends.

"Come on dude, Wendy's waiting and we're already late!" Stan said, annoyed.

"He was probably doing his make up," Cartman added, laughing. Kyle shot him a look of pure hatred, then glanced over at Kenny, who didn't look at him.

"Uh ok, sorry, let's go!" Kyle said, running out the front door followed by his friends.

---

_Hello. My name is Kenny McCormick. I attend South Park High School, in South Park, Colorado. It's not much, but my parents can't afford much better for me, we're dirt poor. Anyway, here in this town, everyday is basically the same- school, hang with friends, get into lots of trouble, and usually, the day ends with me dying._

_But recently, something new has happened that breaks this every day routine._

Kenny intently stared at Cartman throughout the first half of the day. Of course, Cartman never even turned around, but Kenny was too busy thinking about something.

_Recently, it's been discovered that one of my closest friends, Kyle Broflovski, has family problems of the highest degree._

"Dude, are you paying attention to this at all?" Stan asked.

"Mone matshoeber," Kenny replied, who broke his concentration from Cartman to Bebe, who was sitting to his right, and her C cups.

_Anyway,_ he thought, _after being friends for our entire lives, I thought I would know exactly what any of these guys would do in any situation. But recently, it seems I've made a miscalculation._ He attempted to look down Bebe's cleavage-showing shirt,

_Kyle, who hates Cartman, doesn't seem to realize this, but lately he's been agreeing with him more. There's less fighting, which is a blessing for my eardrums, but there's something else… something __**kinder**__ almost in the way they interact with each other. _Kenny switched his attention over to Patty Nelson, sitting two seats ahead and one to the right, and noticed her underwear was showing. It was a thong.

_And Cartman, who hates Kyle, and has most likely not noticed this either, is taking care of Kyle to some extent. Saving him from the dodge ball game, running out into the snow looking for him, and they don't know this, but I definitely saw them both napping in the bushes while skipping class the other day (They were blocking my view of Stan and Wendy, damn idiots)._

Kenny was happy to see it was a G string. Before he could borrow Stan's cellphone and snap a picture, the bell rang, and she got up and pulled up her pants.

"Phuking shid!!" Kenny said angrily. His friends turned around to see what happened, and Kenny snapped back to his train of thought.

"Kartman, kan I dalk du you?"

"Huh?" Cartman said, surprised, "Sure, but don't keep me waiting, I've got places I need to be."

Kenny rolled his eyes and pulled him into the hall.

_After this morning, I can't say anything about his mom to anyone,_ Kenny thought, letting go of Cartman, _and even though Kyle is one of my best friends, I can't do anything for him._

_But…_ Kenny looked at Cartman, _**he**__ might be able to._

"Inbite Kaile ober tu your hose," Kenny said defiantly.

"…Why?" Cartman asked smugly.

_To keep him away from his mom._ "Bekuz you need tu woak on your poject," he replied coolly.

Cartman thought for a moment, "Yeah, but I don't need his help, he's already reading the book on his own time and I-"

"JUS PHUKING INBITE HIM OBER!!" Kenny yelled annoyed at him. People walking by looked at them, "STOB BEING SUCH A DIB SHIT AND DO IT!"

"Okay Okay I'll fucking do it, asshole!" A surprised Cartman yelled back. "What the fucks the big deal?"

Kenny turned away, slightly embarrassed from his outbreak.

"Noffing," and he walked away.

Cartman looked at him suspiciously, "Dude, seriously, you're starting to piss me off. You yell at me to invite that Jew over to my house, and you don't even tell me why!" Their argument continued until they reached the entrance of the school.

Kenny walked outside of the school, attempting to get away from Cartman.

"Tell me what the fucks so important!" Cartman yelled angrily.

Kenny walked a few steps into the road and turned around.

"You haben't figurd it out?" Kenny asked.

"NO otherwise I wouldn't be asking, shit head!!"

Kenny sighed, and figured he might as well tell him.

"Well, Kaile's-" WHAM! A big yellow school bus hit him, knocked him to his side, and ran over his limp body.

"OH GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!!" Cartman yelled at the sky, where Kenny's soul was most likely flying to heaven for the umpteenth time this month, "KENNY, YOU'RE NOT GETTING OUT OF THIS- WHEN YOU COME BACK TO LIFE I'M GONNA FUCKING KICK YOUR ASS!!"

---

"Jew," someone called from behind Kyle.

"What do you want fat ass?" Kyle turned around.

Cartman was looking awkward, "Could you… come by my house tonight? We need to work on our project."

Kyle's brain took a moment to catch up.

"You…" he said, carefully wording his sentence, "want to do homework… with me…"

Cartman was looking at his locker, away from Kyle.

Kyle was too dumbfounded.

"Alright, fine, I don't know what you're playing at, but we need to work anyway, so-"

"My house after school," Cartman said hurriedly. Before Kyle could say anything else, his worst enemy ran off in no apparent direction, with no destination, except to be away from Kyle.


	12. I've Been, Secretly Falling Apart

"Hate is misguided love."

Author Unknown

The bell rang, signifying the end of the day.

"Dude, you wanna come over to my house? I got my Xbox back." Stan asked Kyle as they walked toward their lockers.

"Eh, I can't," Kyle said awkwardly, "I think I'm going over to Cartman's house…"

Stan looked at him for a second, "Seriously?"

"Yeah." Kyle opened his locker and began replacing the books in his bag with various notebooks.

"Alone?"

"I think so…" He took out his copy of Silence of the Lambs and stuffed it in his bag.

"You know not to drink anything he gives you, right-"

"Stan shut up! I know it's weird, okay? But we have to work on the project!"

"Oh," Stan remembered, "The project…" he trailed off.

Kyle glanced up at him and closed the metal door. "That you and Wendy have supposedly been working on?"

"Working on…" Stan smiled. Kyle didn't want to get into this conversation.

"I'm going," Kyle abruptly stood up.

"Oh- oh right," Stan said, coming back to earth. "Just be careful- who knows what he might try when Kenny and I aren't around!"

"It's not gonna be like that, dude," Kyle turned his back on Stan and began to walk toward the entrance doors.

"How do you know? He might spend the whole time bashing Jews and trying to poison you, or knock you out and take pictures of you like he did with Butters-"

"This time just…" he stopped walking and turned his head toward Stan, "felt different. I'm gonna trust him, just this once, don't worry so much."

With that, Kyle left Stan standing in the hall, wondering what the hell was going on with his best friend.

---

Kyle had been waiting outside of the school for about two minutes, when he was joined by Cartman.

"Hey, wanna go?" Cartman seemed nervous. Kyle couldn't blame him- there were many people staring at them, probably bracing themselves for another heated argument.

"Yeah," Kyle said, staring down Bebe and her friends as they left the school grounds.

It began snowing on their way home, the snowflakes drifting lazily onto the sidewalks and streets. Kyle looked up into the overcast sky, and wondered what the hell he was doing. Nothing was said between the two boys for the longest time, the only sound being their boots squishing the snow beneath their feet.

After the silence stretched on for what seemed like forever, Cartman finally asked, "How far have you read?"

"Huh?"

"In Lambs?"

"Oh, uh…" Kyle didn't want to explain why he didn't get very far the night before (the reason being he collapsed from being attacked by his mom,) "Maybe the first five chapters?"

Cartman looked at him, annoyed. "Dumbass, this is a group project, I chose the book and already finished it. How're you gonna hold up your half of the work?"

Kyle was getting angry, "Well, maybe if the book wasn't a complete graphic retelling of the adventures of murderers and cannibals, it would be easier to get through!"

"Don't insult my favorite book! And there's only one cannibal, Hannibal Lector? Maybe you'd know that if you actually read it."

"Whatever! And considering how I do most of the work for projects anyway- I consider this you paying me back!"  
"Of course all you Jews think about is 'pay'," Cartman spat back.

That hurt. Stan was right, Kyle bitterly thought, this whole project thing was just gonna be him attacking me for being Jewish.

"Well it's better than always thinking about food, you fucking fat ass!"

"For the last time- I'm not fat! I'm BIG fucking BONED!"

Kyle sighed in disgust, and realized Cartman had turned to walk in a different direction. He followed, without saying another word.

The silence had reached an ear-deafening level when finally, they reached Cartman's green house. He walked up to the entrance, pulled out a key from his pocket, and opened the door.

"Mom? MOM?!" He called, walking inside. Kyle followed close behind- it had been a while since he was in Cartman's house.

Everything looked basically the same, except lack of the head of household.

"Where is she?" Kyle asked nervously.

"I don't know- probably with another boyfriend," Cartman said, sounding annoyed, then threw his bag to the floor and removed his jacket and hat. His brown hair was matted against his wet head; he attempted to fluff it with his hand.

"I'll be right back," he said huffily, not looking at Kyle, and walked into the kitchen.

Kyle stood stiffly in the doorway, and closed the entrance door behind him. He, too, removed his jacket, and attempted to look for a place to hang it up. Eventually, realizing there was no closet, he settled with folding the jacket neatly and setting it beside his bag.

He glanced at the couch, looked again around the room, and figured it was okay to sit down. After settling slightly into the cushions and closing his eyes, his hand brushed against something rubbery. He picked it up and glanced over at it.

It was a condom.

"AAAAAAAAAAAH!!" Kyle screamed, dropping the atrocity.

"GOD DAMN IT WHAT IS IT?!" Cartman ran into the room, and saw the cause of Kyle's freak-out on the floor. "FUCKING BITCH!!" He quickly ran over and picked it up, and in one swift motion tossed it into the garbage can.

He looked over at Kyle; Cartman's first expression seemed like embarrassment, but then it quickly changed into a smirk. "What? You've never seen one before?" he taunted.

"FUCK YOU!" Kyle felt his face turn red as he threw a pillow at Cartman's head. It made contact, while Cartman burst into a hysterical fit of maniacal laughter.

"WHAT?!" Kyle yelled angrily.

"You…look… so… funny!!" Cartman was laughing so hard, his words came out between deep breaths. Kyle was bright red, and perched on the couch like a terrified mouse in a corner. His hat was slightly off center, so some of his red hair was sticking out awkwardly.

"SHUT UP!" He threw another pillow at Cartman, this time missing. Cartman responded by picking it up and striking Kyle with it, laughing all the while.

After a few moments of silence, Kyle, too, burst into laughter and hit Cartman upside the head with the last pillow on the couch.

Cartman took a few strides toward him, and jumped up onto the couch, to beat Kyle over the head with his pillow. Kyle's bruises from last night ached, but he didn't care at the moment. He was too busy trying to kick Cartman's ass.

Eventually, he stood up too and they both continued to wail on each other, until they had given up on the pillow idea all together and attempted to wrestle each other down onto the couch. Kyle quickly lost against Cartman's larger body, and collapsed onto the cushions. They both were laughing, until Kyle opened his eyes and looked at the position they had fallen in.

Somehow, Cartman was on top of Kyle. His hands held him up, and were on Kyle's shoulders, holding them tightly. Kyle winced at the extra weight, and vaguely realized that maybe Cartman was right about the big-boned theory, it wasn't nearly as much weight as Kyle expected. Their legs were intertwined; Eric's right leg between Kyle's, and the couch was severely messed up. Worst of all, Eric's face was two inches away from Kyle's. He could've counted every one of his eye lashes- but was too distracted by Eric's warm breath heating his already beat-red face.

Cartman opened his eyes, locked them with Kyle's. Time seemed to stand still as the boys took in each other. Brown eyes gazing into green eyes staring back into brown eyes. Their reflections in each other's eyes seemed like eternity itself.

After several minutes had passed, Eric was the one who broke the sanctity of their stare, slowly pushed himself off of Kyle, untangled his legs, and got off the couch. Without so much as a backward glance, he walked into the kitchen.

Kyle was lying with his back on the couch, in the same position he was left in.

_What…_ he thought,_ what was that?_ He didn't budge from his spot- he just stared at the plaster yellow ceiling of the Cartman's living room.

---

Meanwhile, Eric silently screamed at himself in the kitchen.

_WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT?!_ He thought, _WHAT THE FUCK?!? WHAT WERE YOU DOING YOU FUCKING SICKO!!_ He splashed his face with cold water from the sink.

_THERE IS SOMETHING SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH YOU!!! WHY THE HELL DIDN'T YOU GET UP?!?!_

Kyle's eyes flashed into his mind. His green, piercing, sad eyes.

_GOD FUCKING SHIT MOTHER FUCKING KANK ASS DIP SHIT!!_ He attempted to scrub at his eyeballs in order to remove the image from his brain. After cooling off a bit, he looked up into a small mirror, hanging off the handle of a cabinet above the sink. _What…_His face was a violent shade of rouge. _What's happening to me?_


	13. Why You Can't Raise Your Voice to Say

"Sometimes it's a form of love just to talk to somebody that you have nothing in common with and still be fascinated by their presence."  
David Byrne

The doorbell rang; breaking both Cartman's and Kyle's confused thoughts. Kyle quickly sat up.

"Pizza," Cartman stood in the doorway of the kitchen, looking at Kyle. When attempting to return his gaze, Cartman quickly looked away, and briskly walked toward the door.

"Here's your order, that's $15.27," some pimply teenager said. Cartman handed him a twenty.

"Keep the change," he said hastily and closed the door.

Kyle blinked. "When did you…"

"Before you flipped a shit from seeing a condom," Cartman commented, finally looking up at Kyle. He stifled a laugh.

"What?" Kyle asked, confused.

"Your hat," Cartman answered, pointing at the couch.

Kyle looked to his left and saw his hat lying on the cushion. He quickly realized it must've fallen off when Cartman was on top off…

"Fuck you," he muttered angrily, as he grabbed the hat and pulled it down over his hair.

Cartman laughed once more. "Shall we get to work then?" he asked.

"Whatever," Kyle said annoyed. He watched Cartman pull out his copy of Silence of the Lambs and place it on the floor in front of them, along with the DVD.

They both sat cross legged on the floor, a good four feet away from each other.

"So… how far have you actually read?" Cartman asked, annoyed.

"Uh…" Kyle was still not quite concentrating, "About to the fifth chapter. The woman just met the cannibal dude in prison, and-"

"Her name is Clarice Starling, she's a trainee FBI agent, that's important. Do you know who Jack Crawford is?"

"Uh…"

Cartman rolled his eyes and looked up at Kyle, "How busy are you this weekend? Cuz from the looks of it, you're gonna have a lot of shit to do."

"Extremely," said Kyle, avoiding doing the work (and hoping Cartman would learn from this), "…Family stuff."

"Right, well then I'll just show you the important shit," Cartman said, scooting closer to Kyle. He opened the book to a page in the beginning, while Kyle grabbed a piece of cheese pizza and began taking small bites.

"Clarice Starling is an FBI trainee, who Jack Crawford asks to interview Hannibal Lector, a brilliant cannibal and mass murderer who sees nothing wrong with his actions. He's fucking sweet. There's also another strain of murders going on at the time, by someone called Buffalo Bill. Crawford is knee deep in media coverage and in the investigation of this guy, so he asks Clarice to interview Hannibal because…"

Kyle zoned out of Cartman's summary and glanced over at his classmate- who continued to read off the important parts of the book, grabbing a highlighter and marking certain passages. Kyle noticed he looked so completely fascinated by the book, even when summarizing it. He had a different look about him- determined, focused, so completely unlike the Cartman he knew. He ate the last piece of his crust and looked back at Cartman.

Kyle began to visually compare the two- the Cartman in front of him and the Cartman his brain knew. This Cartman wasn't nearly as large as the one in memory.

_What's that saying about if you don't like someone… you magnify everything wrong with them?_ Kyle thought, distracted. He stared at Eric's face, leisurely memorizing the outline of his nose, keeping it in memory to compare later. Eventually, he stared into Eric's brown eyes, and lost his train of thought. He remembered the image from ten minutes ago, with the brown eyes so close to his own, reflecting each other, not only in image but in the feelings of confusion, fear, embarrassment, and something else…

"-and you haven't been paying any attention have you?"

The brown eyes met Kyle's as he turned to glance at him, with annoyance considering he was paying absolutely no attention to Cartman's detailed summary of the book they were _both_ supposed to have read.

Kyle continued to stare at Cartman, "Hu-what?"

Cartman sighed and turned back to the book. "God, you are completely hopeless," he said as he grabbed a piece of pizza and stuffed it in his mouth.

"Fucking Fat ass," Kyle muttered angrily.

"What'd you say, Jew?" Cartman turned toward him, cheese hanging from his mouth.

"Nothing!!" Kyle said suddenly, wanting to avoid confrontation so they could finish their report as quickly as possible.

"Yeah what the fuck ever," Cartman finished his piece and looked back at the book, "I'm gonna go over it again, so this time pay attention, Kank."

Kyle shot him a look of disgust, "If we're gonna work together on this stupid thing, could you at least stop referring to my religion as an insult every five seconds??!"

"That's just revenge for that fat ass comment."

"FINE, you lazy asshole!"

"Lazy?! At least I read the book you fucking Jew!" He shoved Kyle's stomach to knock him over slightly, and end the argument quickly, for he didn't want to fight either.

"Ow!" Kyle yelped when Cartman's hand made contact with his ribs. His eyes watered a little from the pain.

"What?" Cartman said, surprised. He barely touched him, it shouldn't have hurt, unless…

Kyle looked up to see a very pissed-off looking Cartman.

"You said you were taking care of it." Cartman said darkly.

Kyle's brain took a moment to catch up. "What?"

"You promised that you would deal with it," he added, his forehead creasing.

"Wha- I am," Kyle said nervously.

Cartman lunged forward and grabbed Kyle's shirttail. "No!" Kyle yelled and tugged his shirt down, resisting Cartman's hands, to keep him from pulling it up and revealing his new bruises.

Cartman glanced up and looked Kyle directly in the eyes. "You fucking pussy. You said you'd deal with it!!"

"I am!!" And with that, Kyle pushed Cartman's hands off his shirt.

"No you're not! She's still kicking you around and you haven't done a god damn thing about it!!"

"You act like this is my fault!!"

"NO I'm not, but it's your fault for not standing up for yourself!! If you did something and made her stop taking out all of her god damn problems on you, then this would stop!! It's your fault for being a fucking pussy- you're not doing it for her benefit, you're just scared to stand up!! If you fought back for once, she'd stop, you fucking stupid asshole!!"

Kyle was slightly taken aback, but recovered quickly.  
"Why the hell do you care?!! You just love having another reason to laugh at me!! I'm fucking surprised you aren't laughing every time you see me, 'Hey look at the pussy who gets beaten up by his Jew mom!' What the fucks the big deal?!?! It's mine and my family's business- it's got nothing to do with you!!"

Cartman looked a little deflated, but Kyle could care less. Cartman turned back to the book and opened it up to a page.

"Then don't come crying to Stan and me every god damn time you have a problem." He said coldly.

Kyle just looked at him.

"Me- come crying- to YOU?!" He lost it. "I would NEVER!! I fucking HATE YOU! You're just always there when I don't need you to be, at school, at Stan's house, you're EVERYWHERE, when I want you fucking GONE!! Don't you get it?! I would be so much happier if you were just gone from my life completely-"

Kyle stopped as Cartman turned to look at him. Cartman's entire face was twisted in rage, except his eyes, which looked so out of place. Instead of Cartman's eyes being full of hatred, like they rightly should have been, they looked hurt.

"Get out," he said coldly.

With that, Kyle grabbed his coat, walked out of the Cartmans' house, and slammed the door.

---

"I'm home!" Kyle said when he opened the front door to his house. After taking off his jacket, he realized he left his bag at Cartman's.

_Shit, I don't wanna go back. Fucking fat ass, he'll probably eat it if I don't get it… and my math homework's in there too…_

"STOP LYING TO ME GERALD!!"  
"I'm not lying, Sheila, I swear!!"

A crash and the sound of glass breaking came from the dining room.

"Mom? Dad?" Kyle called as he walked into the room to see his parents on opposite ends of the room, with various bits of broken glass on the wall behind his father's head. He realized one family member was missing. "Where's Ike?"

"He's at a sleepover," his dad said.

"SO HE WON'T HAVE TO SEE HIS FATHER LIKE THIS!!" His mom yelled, tears streaming down her face.

"What happened?" Kyle asked, utterly confused.

"ASK YOUR FATHER!" Sheila yelled, pointing wildly across the room at her husband.

"…Dad?"

"Nothing Kyle, your mom is just imagining thi-"

"DON'T TELL ME I'M IMAGINING THINGS GERALD!! I talked to Shannon and she agrees with me!! Don't deny it!!"

"Mom what is going on?!?!" Kyle yelled, becoming more and more worried.

"Kyle, YOUR FATHER IS GAY!!"

Kyle just looked at his parents, sure he just misheard her.

"…What?"

"He's gay and has been cheating on me with Randy for god knows how long!!"

"…No…" Kyle took a step back as it seemed his world was crashing in on itself.

"Kyle, there's a very logical explanation for all this," his father began.

"I DON'T THINK ANYBODY WANTS TO HEAR IT!!" His mom yelled, "I can't believe you, lying for all these years, and expecting us to…"

The front door slammed as Kyle ran out into the cold of the night.


	14. You Want a Reason to Keep Believin'

"It is to the credit of human nature, that, except where its selfishness is brought into play, it loves more readily than it hates. Hatred, by a gradual and quiet process, will even be transformed to love, unless the change be impeded by a continually new irritation of the original feeling of hostility."

Nathaniel Hawthorne, _The Scarlet Letter_

_Why…_

_Why…_

_Why?! Someone, God, please tell me why you keep fucking doing this to me?!_

Kyle's thoughts were scattered as he ran through the streets of South Park, barely stopping to catch his breath.

_Someone, tell me why!!_ He thought angrily. Eventually, he saw a familiar house in the distance and started running toward it. There were no lights on in the house, and there was an unfamiliar car parked outside, but Kyle couldn't care.

"STAN!!" He yelled when he reached the front door, banging on it. "Stan, open up!!"

Stan answered the door in his Terrance and Philip pajamas, "Jesus Christ dude, it's ten at night!! Wha- are you okay?! You look fucking freezing!"

Stan pulled his best friend inside and closed the door behind him.

"What's going on?" He asked cautiously.

Kyle had to straighten out his thoughts before he could say anything. _What was wrong, he thought, besides the fact that my mom has severe mental issues, my dad's gay, and I'm turning into an overly dramatic emo kid…_

"Is it Cartman again?" Stan interrupted before Kyle could finish his train of thought.

"What?" Kyle turned around suddenly and glared at him, "NO it's not Cartman!"

"Well, since you were at his house I thought-

"Well you thought wrong!" Kyle spat, as Eric's words echoed in his head, '_It's your fault for being a fucking pussy- you're not doing it for her benefit, you're just scared to stand up!!_', _'Then don't come crying to Stan and me every god damn time you have a problem.'_

Kyle's blood boiled. "Don't EVER mention that fucking moron to me AGAIN!! I hate him!!"

There was a silence and Kyle's breathing slowed down.

"You hate him?" Stan inquired.

"YEAH!"

"Why?"

That question caught Kyle off guard, "Be-Because he's a self centered egotistical sadist with a fat ass and a Jew-hating mouth!!" he said in one breath.

"And you think you hate him?"

Kyle blinked.

"If you hated him, you wouldn't care what he thought or what he said about you, it wouldn't affect you. You wouldn't care that he hates Jews or that he yells at you! You'd write it off as stupid and completely forget about him- don't you get it?"

_What… _Kyle thought, collapsing onto the Marsh's sofa and holding his head in his hands.

"That's not true," Kyle said into his hands.

Stan sighed and sat down next to his friend, "You really think that it's hate? Have you even thought about exactly why you hate him, besides surface reasons?"

Kyle didn't say anything.

"Maybe you hate him… just because you need something to hate."

Kyle looked up at Stan, completely lost for words, and hoping to god that Stan was clinically insane.

"Stan, what's going on…" a man's voice traveled from upstairs. Stan's father, Randy Marsh, was coming down the stairs.

Kyle's brain clicked into motion.

Randy.

Randy Marsh.

His super best friend's dad, and his dad.

"Oh hey dad, it's nothing," Stan said, waving him back upstairs.

Kyle stood up suddenly.

'_Then don't come crying to Stan and me every god damn time you have a problem.'_

_Because one day they might not be there,_ Kyle's brain continued Eric's statement.

"Dude, you okay?" Stan asked, standing up quickly.

"I'm leaving," Kyle said, hiding his face.

"What- dude, you at least need a coat-

"I HAVE TO GO!!" Kyle said as he ran out of the room and swung the door behind him.

The crack of the door slam echoed through the silence of the night. Kyle attempted to walk straight, but failed miserably and ended up collapsing in the snow a feet few in front of Stan's house.

When nobody came outside for a few minutes, it hit Kyle. He was alone.

_Nowhere to go_, he thought. _My home is falling apart, and the reason for it is living with my best friend. Kenny is still dead, and I can't rely on him to come back anytime soon. There's nobody._ He thought sadly, and with that, tears gathered in his eyes and fell onto the snow. He sat up onto his knees and held himself, remembering his lack of protection against the bitter cold. Eventually, he heard the crunching of snow, but didn't look up.

A pair of shoes stopped in front him. "Stop being such a pussy and get up," an all-too familiar voice said.

Kyle didn't even try to stand.

"Get up or I will make you get up." Cartman's voice warned.

Kyle didn't move. Soon after, he heard a sigh and felt a tug on the back of his shirt as he was lifted up, until only his feet touched the ground.

"Use your feet and walk," Cartman said, attempting to meet his gaze. Kyle didn't try to return it; he continued to stare at the ground.

"Fucking idiot," Cartman's voice muttered as a force pulled Kyle toward the street. Kyle's feet obediently started moving as Cartman opened a car door and pushed him in.

The closing of a car door was heard to Kyle's right as the warmth engulfed him from the heater. Kyle hazily noticed his book bag on the floor of the passenger seat's side.

Cartman got in on the other side, closed his door, and turned on the car. After a few minutes of what appeared to be driving aimlessly, Kyle finally realized what was going on, and recovered the use of his vocal chords.

"You can drive?" was the first thing he could say.

"Yeah, I mean it's totally easy, too bad I don't have my license though."

Kyle vaguely wondered if what they were doing was safe. "How'd you know where I was?"

"You're predictable." He said automatically. "I stopped by your house first, but saw you take off, and then I lost you for a while, then realized you would go to this idiot's house, if anywhere."

There was a silence as Kyle waited for him to continue, which he didn't.

"Aren't you gonna ask me what happened?" he asked, his voice completely lacking emotion.

"No, I don't especially care," Cartman answered bluntly, not bothering to stop at the stop sign.

Nothing really phased Kyle anymore after the night he had, so he wasn't especially pissed off at Cartman for saying that. "Then why?" He asked.

Cartman had to think for a moment.

"For the longest time, I was the only one who could cause you any sort of pain. I was the one who made you cry, the one who made your life hell, and it was great. Then, your mom decided to be a bitch and join in on my fun… and that's just not fair. No one else was supposed to be able to do that to you. Only me… and that pisses me off."

Kyle turned, for the first time all night, to look at Cartman.

"So stop letting her get to you, she's just a stupid Kank. You shouldn't care what she says, stop letting her hurt you the way she does, that's my job." Cartman had a slight tint of red on his cheeks. "Only I should have the ability to make you cry."

Kyle was going to ask why, he was going to ask what made Cartman think that, and why, if he didn't care, did he look for him, but suddenly a wave of tiredness swept over him, and he drifted to sleep.

---

_For some reason, I'm not worried,_ Stan thought as he looked out of his window at Cartman's car driving off.

When Kyle walked in the house, Stan saw the car waiting outside, so he assumed it was Cartman that caused him to freak out the way he did. Obviously, that was only part of it.

But Stan wondered why Kyle freaked out the way he did when he saw his dad.

Stan turned off the living room light and closed the shutters. The only reason he didn't go outside to Kyle is because he saw Cartman in the car, and thought he would be interrupting something. And, when he first got out of the car, Cartman waved at the window Stan was looking through, and gave him the thumbs up sign.

_Hopefully everything will be okay_, Stan thought, and he walked back up the stairs to his room.

---

"Wake up, Jew," the world's most irritating voice said as something nudged Kyle's shoulder.

"Wah…" Kyle opened his eyes slightly to see Eric's brown eyes staring right back at him. "AGH!" he jumped off his seat and hit his head on the roof of the car. "Fuck, what the-"

He vaguely remembered running into Cartman after stopping by Stan's house, who he visited only because he was so distressed at finding out his dad was ga…

Kyle held the bridge of his nose and sighed,_ I didn't want to remember that_, he thought, annoyed.

"Get up, and out of my car," Cartman said, not noticing Kyle's changes in facial expressions.

"Why? Where are we?" Kyle asked, looking around, realizing it was still pitch black out, with a slight amount of light coming from the east.

"You don't recognize your own school? Idiot," Cartman almost smiled. Kyle could vaguely make out the outline of the building.

"Why are we here? School doesn't start for another…" He looked at his watch, "Four hours."

"You'll see, just follow me, and don't make any sounds," he answered, walking toward the front doors. Kyle didn't say anything more as he closed the door of the car and followed him. He realized it should have been cold, but then looked down to see he was wearing one of Cartman's giant red jackets. He held it close for a second, then picked up the speed in his step and ran up to Cartman, who was crouched near the front door.

Cartman pulled out a credit card and began to pick the lock on the entrance doors.

"Dude, we're gonna get in trouble, what the hell are we doing here so earl-"

"Shut the fuck up Jew, I'm trying to concentrate."

"Oh like me shutting up is gonna help you break into the-"

The lock released a satisfying click sound as Cartman pushed open the door. "After you," he said, smirking.

Kyle looked between Cartman and the dark hallway ahead. "You better not be planning on killing me or something."

Cartman rolled his eyes, "Dumb ass, if I was gonna do that, I would've knocked you out by now."

Somehow, Kyle wasn't feeling reassured. He carefully walked through the door and slowly came to a halt, waiting for Cartman to lead the way.

Cartman closed the door behind him and walked ahead of Kyle, glancing at the clocks on the walls every now and then. Eventually they came to a stop outside of the Janitor's closet, which was unlocked. Eric opened the door, and gestured for Kyle to come in.

"What the hell are you planning?" Kyle asked suspiciously.

"Just come on, we don't have a lot of time," he said hurriedly.

Kyle sighed and walked into the small room with Cartman. As soon as the door was closed, Kyle could see another door to the right, inside the small room, labeled 'Fire Escape'. Cartman pulled it open and walked up the stairs.

Kyle followed, and after what seemed like forever, they reached a door on the ceiling, that Cartman pushed.

As soon as it broke open, the dark stairwell was filled with the colors from the sun rising outside. Cartman climbed out and held out a hand to Kyle.

"Come on," he said.

Kyle looked between Eric's face and his outstretched hand, then decided to take a chance and grab hold.

Up on the roof, Kyle quickly let go of Cartman's hand and looked around. "Why exactly are we here?" he asked.

Eric pointed toward the east, where the sun was rising. The dark blue of the night was receding as the reds and pinks of the sun rise took over the sky, clouds changing from purples to blues with hints of pink around the edges. The sun itself glowed a brilliant yellow with a red tinge, slowly rising through the sky. This magical sight would have only lasted a few minutes in the morning, before everything turned back to their natural colors. The snow seemed to reflect every color in the sky- it was absolutely breath taking.

"Wow," Kyle muttered softly.

"Do you know why I brought you here?" Cartman asked, not looking at Kyle, but instead was focused intently on the bright sun in the far east.

Kyle thought for a moment, but couldn't come up with anything besides that it was beautiful. He knew that couldn't be the reason, because Cartman could care less for the beauty of nature.

"It's so you'll realize," he continued, "that even when it's seems completely hopeless and the darkness doesn't seem to end, the sun still rises. It doesn't matter how black the night is, it will still rise every morning. No matter what."

Kyle turned to face Eric, who continued to stare at the sun determinedly. Much to the surprise of Kyle, he was smiling. Kyle's heart skipped a beat.

_What…_ Kyle thought, feeling his heart thump loudly in his chest,_ I must be getting sick from all this stress, my heart can't take so much…_

He turned back toward the sun rise and felt the heat of the sun's rays warming his face. He couldn't remember, if at any other point in his life, if he was as absolutely content as he felt at that moment, standing in the cold air at four in the morning, and watching the sun rise.


	15. He Said Take My Hand, Live While You Can

"Sadness is almost never anything but a form of fatigue."

Andre Gide

Four hours later, Ike was standing outside of Mr. Garrison's classroom, holding Kyle's orange parka, apparently waiting for Kyle.

"Ike?" Kyle called from the other side of the hall.

Ike turned and saw him, held up the coat and smiled.

"Mom said you left your coat, she was worried you'd catch cold." He smiled a toothy grin.

"Thanks…" Kyle took it, realized he still had on Cartman's coat, and tore it off quickly. While putting on his coat, he looked at his brother, "Mom didn't mention anything else?"

Ike blinked, "No, but Dad wasn't home this morning, and neither were you when I got home, so I wondered if something happened, but Mom looked completely normal so I just figured… Why?"

Kyle looked down at Cartman's coat in his hands, "No reason," he muttered.

_It's better if he doesn't know_, he thought. "You're gonna be late getting to your school," Kyle told his brother.

Ike looked at him for another second, waved goodbye, and ran off toward the exit.

Kyle watched his back until he was completely out of sight, then walked into his first period class, where he saw Kenny and Stan waiting for him.

"Welcome back dude," Kyle said to Kenny.

"Mu muk mfuking washted dood," Kenny responded, looking up at Kyle's puffy eyes.

"Kenny's right, did you get home last night?" Stan asked, concerned.

"Uh, not too…" Kyle was thinking of a correct way to word his response, "I kinda barely got any sleep, then woke up early for no reason, and couldn't go back to sleep afterward." He smiled convincingly. "But don't worry- I'll be fine later."

Kenny and Stan exchanged concerned looks as Kyle sat down.

"I told you, Kenny, something's up," Stan said quietly to Kenny.

"Meah mu mer maight!" Kenny whispered back. "Mere mas he mlast night?"

"He drove off with Cartman around eleven, and I didn't see him until this morning, when he was wearing Cartman's jacket."

"Mat me muck…" Kenny muttered, glancing over at Kyle's bag, which had the same red jacket.

"And what's weirder: last night he came to my house, crying, but as soon as my dad came downstairs, he bolted. My dad had no idea what was up, but then Cartman was outside waiting for him when Kyle was crying in my yard!!"

"Shumthings up…" Kenny glanced over at Cartman's empty chair as the first bell rang for class to begin.

Kyle didn't hear a single bit of their conversation. Instead, his mind was on something Stan had said the night before.

"_If you hated him, you wouldn't care what he thought or what he said about you, it wouldn't affect you. You wouldn't care that he hates Jews or that he yells at you! You'd write it off as stupid and completely forget about him- don't you get it? You really think that it's hate? Have you even thought about exactly why you hate him, besides surface reasons? Maybe you hate him… just because you need something to hate."_

Kyle groaned and put his head down on his desk.

_Why is everything becoming so complicated?_

---

Kyle stared into space for the first half of the day, right into lunch. Stan and Kenny were worried, while Butters was completely out of the loop, as usual.

"Mere de mell ish Kartman?" Kenny asked exasperatedly.

"No clue," Stan stated, pushing his peas around with a fork. "It's really fucking annoying how he can always skip and get away with it.

"Oh, he's in the clinic," Butters said, sounding worried. "I went in there earlier to deliver some papers, and he was sleeping on one of the beds."

Stan looked up, "What?"

"Yeah, uh, the nurse told me not to worry about it, something about collapsing from exhaustion- YEOW!"

"Thank you Butters, that's enough," Cartman said retracting his foot from Butter's back.

"Eric!" Butters yelled happily. "I'm so glad you're okay!"

"Yeah, yeah whatever." Cartman said as he sat down with a tray piled high with food. Kyle's concentration was broken for a moment as he realized who had joined them.

"Why the hell were you in the nurse's office?" Stan asked, looking annoyed.

"Didn't do my math homework," He flashed an evil grin. "Now I can turn it in tomorrow." _He seems back to normal_, Kyle thought leisurely.

"Lazy ass, it figures." Stan said, returning to his game with the peas and the fork.

Kyle glanced up at Cartman.

_Well, I have good reason to hate him_, he thought watching Cartman stuff his face. _He's obnoxious and rude, and always picking on people for being different. He treats everyone as toys, and some people,_ he thought, _glancing at Butters, are too naïve to realize it._

_Although, do I hate him? _He looked back at Cartman, and began staring intently again.

_Stan said that 'I need something to hate,' what the fuck does that mean?! I don't need a reason to hate Cartman, I have plenty! But… do I actually? Maybe… I've just accepted him as an asshole and moved on? No, that's not it… or what if-_

"If you take a picture, it'll last longer, you fucking Jew," Cartman interrupted his thoughts.

Kyle realized that he had been staring at Cartman this entire time, and turned red, "FUCK OFF FAT ASS!!"

"Woah, Kyle, chill," Stan said, "It's not that big a deal."

Kyle cooled down slightly and turned a brighter shade of red from the embarrassment of his outburst.

_What the hell is going on with these two?_ Stan thought, annoyed. He was getting sick of the drama his friends were causing him.

Kenny looked between Kyle and Cartman, "Shooo…" he began, "Mat dij mu guys do rast night?"

Cartman choked on his hamburger, while Kyle shot Stan a look of horror. "Dude, were you watching us or something?!" He asked embarrassingly.

"No! Well, not really," Stan began, "Dude, I was worried about you, so I was watching you, hoping you were okay and Cartman just walked up and-

"And what?" Cartman asked angrily, recovering from his coughing, "Nothing happened, I just drove Kyle home." He answered smugly.

Kyle looked at him confused. "He was upset because he left his backpack at my house, and didn't feel like getting it, so instead he went to your house, Stan, to borrow your math book, being the nerd that he is. He didn't want to get a late grade so he ran to your house in the middle of the night! Can you believe him? What a nerd." Cartman laughed and went back to eating his burger.

Stan glanced sideways at Kyle, who looked just as confused as he was.

Although Kenny and Butters seemed to accept the answer with ease, Stan continued to stare at Kyle, hoping for an answer.

---

"Are you gonna tell me what really happened last night?" Stan asked Kyle when they were hanging outside of their lockers, before the last half of the day started.

"Cartman already told you, I just forgot my math book-

"Bullshit," Stan said bluntly. "You came to my house practically crying, without a jacket, and you expect me to believe it's because you forgot your homework?"

_I can't tell him_, Kyle thought, _I can't tell him his dad is gay with mine. He'd never speak to me again._

"Yeah, basically," he answered.

Stan was getting mad, "Something's been going on these past few days and you're not telling me any of it! I thought we were best friends!"

"We are best friends!" Kyle yelled defensively, "There's just some stuff going on that I need to sort out- I can't tell anyone."

"Fuck that! You're supposed to be able to talk to your friends, that's what we're here for! Is it something with your mom again? Is that it?!"

Kyle didn't say anything, and attempted to avert his eyes.

"That's it isn't it?!"

"Look Stan- BUTT OUT!" Kyle yelled angrily at him, "It's not anyone's business! Not yours, and not Cartman's, so stay out of my family life!! Besides, you have enough to worry about with that girlfriend of yours!!"

Stan looked appalled, "Not only does Cartman know about this before me, but you're not telling me things because you think it'll distract me from my girlfriend?!"

Kyle didn't say anything for a moment, and then averted his gaze. "Look, can we just fucking drop this? I'm just tired, I didn't get any sleep last night, and I'm taking my shit out on you. Sorry."

He opened his locker defiantly and began to shove his books in it.

Stan looked at him, feeling slightly deflated from yelling, then asked, "What Cartman said about dropping you right back home last night… that was a lie wasn't it?"

Kyle didn't answer.

"And you came crying to my house, not because of Cartman, but because of some family problem that you want me to butt out of for my own benefit, right?"

Again, Kyle remained silent. Stan knew Kyle well enough to understand what that meant, though.

Stan thought for a moment, "Last night… when I said that you hated Cartman only because you needed something to hate… you've been thinking about that, haven't you?"

This time, Kyle nodded.

"I just…" Kyle began, "I don't know what's going on. Everything is so confusing, between my mom and everything, and then Cartman's making everything worse by acting so unlike his usual self, I'm just lost and tired… and I don't know anything anymore." Stan watched Kyle finish putting away his books and close his locker, and began to wonder if his friend was really _just_ tired.

---

Back in the cafeteria, Kenny was pestering Cartman, and for the sake of understanding him better, he had removed his hood.

"Why were you sleeping in the nurse's office?" Kenny asked slyly.

"I already told you, to avoid Math because I didn't do my homewo-"

"Math isn't until the second half of the day, dip shit." Kenny stated flatly, "You think I wouldn't pick up on that? You're lucky the other guys didn't."

The color seemed to drain from Cartman's face; he'd been caught.

_Fuck I'm slipping up_, he thought, _I'm too fucking tired- I can't keep my lies straight!!_

"Kenny, you poor piece of shit, leave me alone," he said violently.

"Well… I'm just curious, because Kyle this morning was completely exhausted, and you were off napping at the nurse's. So tell me: Do these two things have any connection with each other?"

"No," Cartman answered quickly.

"You didn't take him home, so that means you two spent the whole night togeth-

At that precise moment, the bell rang, and Cartman bolted from his seat and ran out of the room.

---

"_What're we gonna do for the next four hours?" Kyle said, looking back over at Cartman once the sun had risen ten degrees in the sky and the magic of the colors was gone._

"_Easy: Get some fucking sleep, you look like shit, and you don't wanna go home, right?"_

_Kyle nodded slowly; Cartman laughed and began to walk back down to the parking lot._

_Once they both were inside the car, Kyle attempted to give Cartman back his jacket._

"_Keep it for now," he answered gruffly, "I have another, and if you freeze to death I don't want it on my hands."_

"_Thanks," Kyle answered sleepily, the heat was getting to him, as was the comfortableness of the car and Eric's jacket. _How weird this night has been_, he thought tiredly, _and it all began, and ended, with fucking Cartman, of all people… Who knows_, he thought, remembering the brilliant colors of the sun rise, _Maybe things really will be okay…

_Soon, Kyle's light snoring filled the car, while Cartman lied awake on the driver's side._

I can't fucking sleep, I can't fucking sleep, and I won't be able to sleep because I have the fucking Jew in the car with me. _He thought, exhausted. _I'm too tired to even act like myself, why'd I show him MY super secret spot? It's my place! _He glanced back over at the sleeping Jew, and, immediately regretting it, turned back toward his window. _He'll _never_ fucking know how much shit I went through tonight for him, I'll make sure of that… I hate him, he hates me, and that's that. But, at least this time, I won't feel guilty...

_He timidly peered one more time over his shoulder at Kyle's sleeping face, angrily turned his back toward him, and closed his eyes._

_At that moment, a blinding flash filled the parking lot as Kenny appeared in a beam of light. He looked around the parking lot, completely unaffected by his sudden return to life, and looked at the car in the usually completely empty parking lot. His jaw dropped as he saw Kyle and Eric both sleeping in the same car._

_Kenny worried, for a moment, that he was resurrected in a parallel universe._


	16. Instead of Saying All of Your Goodbyes

"One's suffering disappears when one lets oneself go, when one yields - even to sadness."

Antoine de Saint

Ten minutes later…

"Kyle?" a familiar voice from behind Kyle said. They were in Math, taking notes. Or, more specifically, Kyle was taking notes while the rest of them goofed off as usual. "What?" Kyle turned his head- he looked annoyed.

"Well," Kenny began (His hood is still off for story purposes), "Do you wanna sleep over at my house for a while?"

Kyle looked confused, so Kenny continued.

"I mean, I know that you want us to butt out, but we're your friends… and it sucks we can't do anything to help, it really makes us worry, and feel bad. It's especially depressing Stan."

While Kyle mulled over this last sentence in his head, Kenny silently congratulated himself. He was right- the guilt trip worked.

"Alright, fine, I'll just need to…" Kyle thought for a moment, "…get some stuff from home first.

Kenny smiled, "Good!"

Kyle turned back to the black board in the front of the room, and noticed Cartman wasn't in his seat.

Cartman.

Fucking Cartman.

Lazy ass, know-it-all fucking _Cartman_.

Kyle sighed and put his head down on the desk, wondering how he was going to face his mom after running out like last night… and his dad….

_Wait, Ike said Dad wasn't there,_ he thought, _maybe he went to a hotel for a while… that would make all this a lot easier…_

He tapped his pencil on the desk. _How am I going to face Mom, though?_

_Now that I know… what caused her to snap the way she did, so many years ago… if she knew what was going on, and didn't confront him, it was probably building inside of her… until finally, last night._

_Damn it, why can't I have a normal family?! Like Sta-_

Kyle stopped mid thought, and glanced back at Stan, who was writing a note for Wendy to throw across the room. _Never mind, his dad is as gay as mine._

_My mom though… what will she do since I didn't even call her? She sent my coat, but she had no idea if I was actually here, she was just using Ike to find out…._

_Damn it._

He placed his head back down on the hard surface of the desk, not even bothering to take notes at that point. He reminisced about all the things his friends had said about his family in the past month.

"_Fuck that! You're supposed to be able to talk to your friends, that's what we're here for! Is it something with your mom again? Is that it?!"_ Stan's yelling from minutes before rang in Kyle ears.

_Stan has obviously been worried for a long time_, Kyle thought, _his voicing of it has just become more frequent recently._

_And Kenny… well he doesn't say it, but I know he's worried. I have the sneaking suspicion he's behind why I went to Cartman's house last night to begin with… and he invited me to stay the night, most likely to keep me away from my mom again._

_I really do have great friends._ A smile briefly flickered on Kyle's face, until another voice echoed in his head, then it disappeared and quickly as it came.

"_You're too nice and let people walk all over you, and people like that asshole Craig, and those idiots Clyde and Token, will give you shit because they see you as weak. It's not my fault they beat you up, it's because you never defend yourself against anyone but me."_

Kyle's face turned into a frown.

"_If you were listening to what I said before, people see you as weak because you never defend yourself against anyone but me. If you hit them like you hit me, nobody would give you shit ever again."_

His lips twisted to form a scowl.

"_NO I'm not, but it's your fault for not standing up for yourself!! If you did something and made her stop taking out all of her god damn problems on you, then this would stop!! It's your fault for being a fucking pussy- you're not doing it for her benefit, you're just scared to stand up!! If you fought back for once, she'd stop, you fucking stupid asshole!!" _

Kyle slammed his head into his desk, causing numerous classmates to turn around. The lights dancing in his vision from the impact, reminded him of the sun rise from earlier in the day. Eric's voice accompanied the dazzling memory of the colored sky.

"_It's so you'll realize, that even when it seems completely hopeless and the darkness doesn't seem to end, the sun still rises. It doesn't matter how black the night is, it will still rise every morning. No matter what."_

_Fuck,_ Kyle thought, _I hate this_.

_I almost can't believe it… but… I have to say it…_

_Cartman was right._

---

"I'll only be a second Kenny…" Kyle said as he and Kenny stopped in front of his house after school; he handed Kenny his school bag.

Kyle walked up to his familiar front door, and opened it with a twist of his hand.

_Breathe_, he reminded himself, _because no matter what…_

The darkness of the house seemed to swallow him whole.

_The sun will always rise tomorrow._

"Mom?" He called to the gloom.

"Bubbala? Is that you?!" His mom yelled from the dining room. Kyle noticed, even through the darkness, there were bits of broken glass and old pictures littered across his living room floor.

"I'm here, Mom," he said as he dove further into the blackness, toward the sound of her voice.

"BUBBALA!" She shouted happily as her arms wrapped tightly around his middle, " I was so worried you weren't coming home!"

The dining room was in just as bad shape as the living room.

Kyle didn't say anything as his mother practically wept onto his shirt.

"Mom…I'm gonna be at Kenny's house for a little while."

His mom looked up at him, and Kyle vaguely wondered if she'd always been that small.

"No, you can't!"

"Mom, I have to."

"NO, YOU CAN'T I WON'T LET YOU!!"

Kyle pulled her hands off of him as he turned around to continue his route upstairs.

"Bubbala, NO! I'm telling you, YOU CAN'T GO!!" her voice sounded desperate.

Kyle paused and turned around, barely able to make out his mother in the lack of light.

"Mom… for the longest time, you scared me. I couldn't… no…_wouldn't_ do anything to disobey you, because I believed that it was the right thing to do."

His mom hiccupped, as he continued.

"But lately, I've begun to see that it was wrong. I should do things for myself, instead of for you. I need to live my life, not exist only to help you with yours. And for starters, I need to get away from here for a while."

"No… no Kyle, I won't let you." His mother's small hand tugged on his shirt pathetically.

"I'm sorry, Mom."

"KYLE, YOU'RE ALL I HAVE LEFT!! Don't do this to me!!"

"You still have Ike, and Dad if you for-

"DON'T MENTION THAT BASTARD TO ME!!" Her hold on her shirt grew stronger. "HE WAS A LYING CHEATING _FAG_, FOR A HUSBAND, AND YOU ARE _NOT _TO BECOME LIKE HIM!!"

"Mom, I'm not condoning what Dad did, but I know deep down he still loves-"

An earth-shattering crack echoed through the house. Ms. Broflovski's hand stung from its impact with Kyle's face.

Tears rolled down her cheeks as Kyle turned coldly toward his mother.

"I'm going now. I don't know when I'll be back."

"Kyle…" she sounded terrified.

He proceeded to turn his back on her, and walk up the stairs to his room, where he filled a suitcase full of various toiletries and clothes. After gathering all his belongings, he walked back down the stairs and headed toward the door.

"Kyle?" his mom feebly called from the darkness.

He glanced in the direction of the voice.

"I love you," Her voice cracked.

"I know," he said as he turned back toward the door, and pulled it open. A light filled the dark room, as he caught a glimpse of his mom, broken and crying. The door closed and he walked toward Kenny.

"Done," he said almost cheerily.

Kenny looked at his face worriedly. "You okay?"

Kyle touched the cheek where his mom slapped him; it was still warm from the blow. "Totally. Now, let's go."

---

"So, what do ya wanna do first?" Kenny smiled as he bounced up and down on his broken sofa. His family was out for the night, so he had the house (More specifically, the one room) to himself.

"I dunno, what're the options?" Kyle smiled back, glad to be able to hang out with a friend normally for a change.

"Well…" Kenny looked around dramatically, "We COULD break out my playboys and judge the girls on a 1 to 10 scale!" He smiled widely.

"I'll pass," Kyle said, hoping Kenny was joking.

There was a loud banging noise on the front door; Kenny and Kyle both looked up.

Kenny made an overdramatic sound, "Oh, I wonder who _that _could be."

Kyle eyed him suspiciously as he got up and unlocked the front door, to reveal Kyle's best friend and worst enemy both standing in the doorway.

"Dude let us in, it's fucking freezing out here!" Stan said, pushing Kenny out of the way.

"It's not much better in here," Kenny admitted, "We don't have heating… I have blankets though!!" He ran toward a pile of old, giant comforters he had stacked next to the couch, as Kyle looked between the two new arrivals.

"Kenny…" Kyle said quietly, "You didn't tell me more people were coming."

"You didn't ask!" He answered, smiling, as he threw two comforters at the newcomers.

Cartman closed the door behind him and walked toward the couch, then sat down on the floor.

Kyle looked at him for a moment, then flushed in embarrassment at his stupidity, remembering his revelation earlier about Cartman being right; he looked toward Stan, who was dragging behind him a large, bulky bag.

"What's in there?" Kyle asked curiously. Cartman pulled his blankets closer in the cold.

"Videogames," Stan smiled, pulling out a small 14 inch television set and his Xbox.

"You got it back?" Kenny asked excitedly.

"Yeah, I told my dad I was coming over here and he just gave it back to me!" Stan began to untangle the cords while Kenny plugged the TV into the only outlet in the small room.

_His dad,_ Kyle thought angrily.

Kyle remained silent as he watched his two friends enjoying themselves, first connecting the Xbox, then eventually playing it. The sounds of their laughter echoed through the small room, as Kyle's exhaustion from his previous night's endeavors finally caught up to him, and he closed his eyes.

---

"Dude, he's out cold," Stan said, pointing behind him on the couch.

"He'll start snoring soon," Cartman muttered reassuringly, although no one could hear him. At this point, Kyle's sleeping patterns had become subconscious knowledge to him, considering all Kyle seemed to do around him (besides yell and cry), was sleep.

"Good, now I can tell you what I heard," Kenny said, turning away from the game system. Stan and Cartman turned confusedly toward their friend, and pulled the blankets tighter around them.

"When Kyle was in his house, I heard his mom yelling at him… she said something about how he shouldn't be like his father, who was apparently cheating on her… like gay-like." Cartman's and Stan's jaws simultaneously dropped.

"What?" Stan asked.

"Yeah, which would explain a LOT," Kenny said. Cartman stifled a laugh.

"WHY THE HELL DIDN'T HE TELL US?!"

"Why're you guys telling me? I don't care about that Jew at a-' Cartman started.

"Cartman, actually, just shut the fuck up. If you didn't care you wouldn't be here right now," Stan menacingly shot back at him.

"You don't understand anything you stupid fucking pussy, so shut up!" Cartman snapped.

"Cartman…" Kenny started cautiously, "…I saw you this morning with Kyle."

Cartman's stomach plummeted, hoping he didn't see what he thought he saw…

"What're you talking about Kenny?" Stan asked, seriously confused.

"Well, you know that Kyle was having family problems, and didn't want to go home, but did you think that after Cartman picked him up-

Cartman quickly responded by covering Kenny's mouth with his hand. Kenny's wide smile was still obvious under his hand; Cartman slowly turned pink.

Stan's brain could almost be heard clicking into place. He swerved his head so it was directly in Cartman's face, and tried to arrange a sentence expressing his confusion. "What… were… you… doing…with Kyle… all night?"

Cartman's mind, for the first time in his life, completely blanked out. He had no idea what to answer, a lie or a truth, when usually the answer to that was completely obvious (the lie). And even if he picked the lie, he couldn't think of any. He'd have to face it- he was caught. He removed his hand from Kenny's mouth.

"He slept," Cartman answered bluntly, shifting uncomfortably under his blanket and looking down at his hands like a guilty child.

Stan and Kenny exchanged looks of confusion and shock; they were not expecting this.

Only one word seemed to fit the situation.

"…Why?" Stan asked.

Cartman glanced quickly over at Kyle's sleeping face, only a few inches away from his own.

"I don't know," was all he could manage to say.


	17. I've Just Got to Get Myself over Me

"An apology is the superglue of life. It can repair just about anything."

Lynn Johnston

_He was right, _Kyle thought to himself dreamily. Half asleep on Kenny's sofa, he watched his three friends turn to look at him and begin to talk.

_Wait… three friends? _Kyle thought,_ I have three? Kenny, Stan, and… Cartman? He's my friend...?_ His eyelids fluttered, even he wasn't sure if he was awake or asleep.

"What're you talking about Kenny?" Stan's voice drifted into Kyle's subconscious.

"Well, you know that Kyle was having family problems, and didn't want to go home, but did you think that after…" Kenny's non-muffled voice said.

_That's right, after I left Stan's… Cartman was there…He's always there, when I think I've hit my bottom… Why is that...?_

_And, he was right._

"What… were… you… doing…with Kyle… all night?" Stan's voice sounded confused and stressed.

_I was sleeping,_ Kyle thought, and _he told me… the sun would always rise. And he was right. I stood up to my mom, finally… and the world didn't end. I can still have moments like this… Happy moments…with my three best friends._

"I don't know," Eric's voice answered, Kyle's eyes slightly opened.

"Thank you," he told the dream-Cartman, smiling. Black engulfed his vision as he finally, after many hours of sufferring, fell into a deep sleep.

---

Cartman, Kenny and Stan all stared at Kyle, mouths agape.

_He just said thank you,_ Stan thought, _looking at… _Cartman_ of all people._

"Guys… we should go to sleep," Kenny said awkwardly, turning off the Xbox.

"Cartman…" Stan started, "I feel like I'm missing something."

"It's nothing," Cartman quickly said, and turned his head away from Stan as Kenny turned off the lights.

Stan glanced back over at Kyle. _What the hell is going on with you, Kyle?_

In the darkness, no one could see the expression on Eric's face.

---

It was Friday, and never had anybody had been so happy to say "TGIF" as Kyle was.

At the end of the day, after the last bell rang, Stan watched Kyle as he took books out of his locker to take home over the weekend. Kyle paused as he grabbed Cartman's copy of Silence of the Lambs.

"Fuck…" Kyle muttered.

"What?" Stan asked, being pulled out of his thoughts.

"Ah that stupid project with Cartman is due Monday, and we've barely done anything on it."

"Oh… right. Wendy did most of it; I just have to rent the movie…"

"What did you guys choose as a book anyway?"

"Romeo and Juliet," he smiled, Kyle rolled his eyes.

"Somehow I'm not surprised."

Stan was broken out of his rapture and looked at Kyle expectantly.

"Are you ever going to tell me what happened between you and Cartman two nights ago?"

Kyle dropped the book he was holding and quickly glanced at Stan, wide-eyed.

"Wha-What are you talking about?"

"Kenny told me you two were sleeping in his car at four AM in the school parking lot."

_FUCK KENNY!! _Kyle silently yelled.

"Cartman didn't say what you were doing there," Stan continued slowly, eyeing Kyle, who looked like a rabbit caught in a trap.

"I…" Kyle began, "ran away from my house… ended up running to yours, but then I saw…" he stopped talking, and attempted to nonchalantly pick up the book and put it back in the locker.

"You saw what?" Stan asked.

"Your dad…" Kyle attempted to cover it up, and fiddled with some papers. "And- uh, it just reminded me of my family and how I didn't need to see family at the time…"

Stan had the sneaking suspicion that Kyle was lying, but didn't interrupt him.

"Somehow, Eric was outside of your house and saw me leave and picked me up and…" Kyle's words began to overlap as he turned red.

Stan was sure he had misheard Kyle.

"…_Eric_?"

Kyle covered his mouth at the slip up. "It's nothing, forget it. We just… hung out and I didn't wanna go home… so he just let me sleep in the car."

Stan looked at him, "And you trusted him?! Kyle, he might've… he could've…" Stan trailed off, thinking about the Cartman he saw the night before. The way he looked at Kyle… was somehow different. Not as cruel and full of ill intentions as before. "No… actually you're right."

Kyle glanced up at him nervously.

"I'm glad you have someone else to hang out with when you're upset and I'm obviously not helping." Stan smiled encouragingly.

Kyle felt a twinge of guilt, "Dude, it's not your fault I couldn't stay at your house, I promise! Just…. Something else…. And besides," Kyle waved his hand to dismiss Stan's obvious worry, "I can't trust Cartman, you're talking crazy. He hates me, and I hate him. It's always been that way. I'm just a Jew to him, and he's a fat, lazy, conceited, manipulative…" Kyle looked down, "…I-I can't hang out with him when I'm upset, he'd just make fun of…"

Kyle's eyes began to water, "He'd just…"

Stan kneeled down next to him, "Kyle?"

Kyle sniffled as new tears fell from his eyes. He looked absolutely pathetic. "…You were right, too."

"What?" Stan was panicked.

"You mentioned a few days ago that… I just…need someone to hate. Yesterday, when I finally left my mom… I realized you were right… without something to hate… something to strive to beat; I didn't have anything for a long time…. Maybe I still don't, I feel pretty empty most of the time without that drive… It's so stupid." Kyle covered his face in his hands.

"And…" Kyle stammered, "And I _would_ tell you about why I couldn't stay at your house, but I can't. I just can't Stan, you have to understand. And I think you were right- I _need_ someone to hate. I need someone to be my rival to try to beat and impress, otherwise I felt like I had nothing. And when that hit me last night, I just got really sad…" he sniffled, "Because I know, deep down, that Cartman might actually be my friend…"

Stan watched his friend's eyes brim with thick tears, and knew the only thing he could do was let him cry.

"And deep down, I just want to say to him… I'm sorry… and thanks."

---

_GOD DAMNIT!!_ Cartman thought angrily_, that's THREE DAYS without sleep because of that fucking Jew! If it's not one thing, it's another with him!! Stupid moron… saying 'thanks' out of nowhere with that weird look on his face... ARGH all his drama is driving me crazy! Why the hell can't he just be happy??!_

Cartman stopped walking. _Wait… why do I care if he's happy or not? That shouldn't matter to me!! It doesn't fucking matter! Yeah! Why am I even bothering to worry about… Oh god I'm worrying about him too!_

Cartman scratched at his head, looking severely annoyed.

_Why do I worry about him?! It's not worry! It's… concern? NO!!! NO FUCKING NO!! It's just me… feeling sorry for the stupid little Jew bastard. I mean, his life is fucking falling apart- his dad's a homo and his mom is a complete wreck. I just feel sorry for him. That's normal, isn't it? That's a completely normal emotion!!_

"HI ERIC!" a cheerful voice said from behind him.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS IT, BUTTERS?!!!" Cartman turned around and stuck his face in Butters', his face twisted in rage.

Butters cowered. "I-I just wanted to say 'hi' Eric… you just looked really sad and I thought I could cheer you up!"

Cartman turned his back on Butters and walked in the opposite direction of his locker, in an attempt to get away from him.

"Oh- hey WAIT UP ERIC!" Butters yelled from behind.

Cartman sped up his pace.

"Eric!!" Butters grabbed onto his sleeve. Cartman turned to see Butters' two large eyes gazing up at him. A brief flash of someone else's sad green eyes popped in his head.

"GOD DAMNIT BUTTERS GO AWAY!!" Cartman yelled angrily and kicked Butters' shin.

_What's happening to me??_ He asked himself as he sped down the hall. _Why am I getting so mad about everything today?! I mean sure- Butters is a fucking shit head, but he doesn't usually freak me out that much… except that time when he snuck in my room and gave me a hickey, but really, what the hell's going on?!!_

He turned the corner and saw Kyle huddled on the floor being comforted by Stan.

_Again. That fucking pussy seems to break down every fucking day, he needs to get over himself,_ Cartman thought.

"…I realized you were right… without something to hate… something to strive to beat, I didn't have anything for a long time…." Cartman heard Kyle mumble; he hid by the lockers hoping they wouldn't notice him.

_Wait… why am I hiding?! I don't care why that Jew is crying!! I'm not listening, la la la…_

"Maybe I still don't, I feel pretty empty most of the time without that drive… It's so stupid." Kyle covered his face in his hands.

"And…" he stammered, "And I would tell you about why I couldn't stay at your house, but I can't. I just can't Stan, you have to understand. And I think you were right- I _need_ someone to hate. I need someone to be my rival to try to beat and impress, otherwise I have nothing. And when that hit me last night, I just got really sad…" he sniffled; Cartman began to wonder what they were talking about.

"ERIC!!" Butters yelled happily, finally catching up to him. Cartman put his hand over his mouth.

"_Shut up Butters- I'm busy_!!" he vehemently whispered at Butters.

Butters stopped trying to talk, and began to listen in on the conversation down the hall.

"…thanks," Kyle cried to Stan, his sobs getting progressively louder. Stan just sat next to him, looking unable to do anything.

_He's THANKING him?!_ Cartman thought angrily, _What the hell is going on- that god damn Stan doesn't do anything! He always just stands there, never knowing how to help him- I'M always the one who finds him, the one who makes him happier, I'm-_

Cartman stopped himself mid-thought. I make him happy?

… _I look for him?_

… _I know what's best for him??_

Cartman removed his hand from Butter's mouth and looked at it, lost for words.

"Eric, what were they talking about?" Butters asked curiously.

Cartman didn't say anything, instead, he ran back down the hallway in the opposite direction, toward the bathrooms. He burst open the door to the men's restroom, and ran into a stall.

Butters followed closely behind, wondering what had happened.

"Eric?" He called cautiously into the bathroom. The sounds of retching echoed on the tile walls. "Eric!!"

Butters ran toward the only closed stall. "Eric, is that you??"

"Go… away Butters…" Cartman sounded really weak, "I don't want to deal with you right…"

The unpleasant noise of vomit hitting water was heard.


	18. Ever been alone in a crowded room?

"Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind,  
And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind."  
William Shakespeare, Mid-Summer Night's Dream

"Why is it all we seem to do is play videogames?" Kyle asked after shooting Stan's head off.

"I don't know, dude. We're guys, we're teenagers, it's a great way to relieve stress, pick one," Stan said throwing a grenade at Kyle.

Kyle tapped his 'a' button furiously. Kenny watched as they attempted to kill each other.

"So Cartman isn't coming?" Stan asked, pulling out an M-16.

"No," Kenny answered. Kyle swore as his character fell onto his face and moaned in pain. "My turn!" Kenny yelled happily. Kyle traded places with him and sat on the couch, while Kenny replaced him on the floor next to Stan.

"Butters told me after school that Cartman was puking his guts out," Kenny continued, grabbing the controller.

"Yeah right," Kyle said, annoyed. "He probably just didn't want to come, so he made up an excuse." He almost sounded disappointed.

Kenny and Stan briefly exchanged looks. Kyle caught himself looking a little dejected, but quickly covered it up. "It's better for us anyway, less annoyance."

Kenny turned back to the TV and didn't say anything.

"Kyle… shut up," Stan said, surprising both Kenny and Kyle. "You don't hate him so stop acting like it." Kyle flushed, while Kenny turned around and looked at him wide-eyed.

"You don't?" Kenny asked.

"No, he doesn't," Stan answered for him. "He told me earlier, he actually just wants to be frie-

"STAN!! Shut up!!" Kyle shouted at him. "Besides, it doesn't matter anymore… it's too late, he already hates me from our stupid years of fighting, so leave it."

Kenny looked between Stan and Kyle. "Stan… you know he-

Stan shot him a look that silenced him right away.

_But he doesn't completely hate him_, Kenny thought. _You remember that day, too, Stan…_

---

"_Damnit Kyle!" Stan yelled, "OPEN YOUR EYES! What that bitch is doing isn't normal!!"_

"_DON'T BE SO FUCKING STUBBORN KYLE!!" Cartman shouted angrily at Kyle._

"_DON'T YOU ALL STAND THERE AND ACT LIKE YOU'RE SO JUST!! BECAUSE THIS ONE, THIS ONE, AND THIS ONE, ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT!!" Kenny saw various bruises covering Kyle's stomach and arms._

_Kyle grabbed his coat, swiftly put his arms through the holes, and ran out the door, into the snow. It was silent for a moment._

"_What did I miss?" Kenny asked nervously, breaking the silence._

"_FUCKING ASSHOLE!" Cartman yelled angrily, grabbing his coat off the ground and putting it on quickly._

"_What're you doing Cartman?!" Stan asked, walking over to him._

_Cartman turned toward Stan, a look of determination in his eyes._

"_I'm gonna go fucking get him- what's it look like?!!" He yelled back, "Since obviously YOU'RE not gonna do anything about it!!"_

_Stan stood dumbfounded, staring at Cartman. Kenny walked down from the stairs, equally stupefied._

"_You can either help me or not, but I'm gonna go on ahead, that Jew is fucking fast."_

_With that, Cartman swung open the Marsh's front door, and sprinted headfirst into the cold._

"…_that was _Cartman_, right?" Kenny asked, feeling like he missed something._

"_Yeah…that was definitely Cartman." Stan answered, staring after his two friends lost in the snow. "Let's go."_

---  
The phone's loud ringing brought Kenny back down to earth. Stan went into the dining room and picked up the phone.

"Hello… what do _you _want…. What?" Kenny and Kyle watched Stan shift his weight between his feet and turn back toward them.

"Kyle?" Stan called. "It's for you…" he looked slightly confused.

Kyle got up and walked toward Stan's outstretched hand, which was holding the phone.

"… Hello?" he said.

"…Kyle," Cartman's voice said. Kyle felt his face grow warm.

"Why did you call Stan's house…" Kyle trailed off.

"I needed to talk to you and Kenny doesn't have a working phone… luckily you guys were over there, you're too god damn predictable." He said smugly.

Kyle grew angry, "Well excuse me for being at my BEST FRIEND'S house." _Wait… why am I getting so mad??_

Cartman was silent for a moment, "We still need to do our report… it's due on Monday."

"Yeah…" Kyle agreed.

Cartman was silent again. "Could you sleep over tomorrow night so we can finish it?"

Kyle brain wasn't working. "Excuse me?"

"Tomorrow night… come over and finish the project?" Cartman sounded uncomfortable.

"Uh…" Kyle looked back at Stan and Kenny, looking as equally confused as he was. Kenny gave him the thumbs up sign. "Sure…"

"Alright then, bring your book and whatever, since you're not at home anymore you can just bring all your shit… Later."

The phone disconnected. Kyle stayed standing there for another moment, then recovered the use of his legs and walked back to the couch, still holding the phone.

"What was that about?" Stan asked hesitantly.

"…Cartman just asked me to sleep over," he answered.

An awkward silence ensued.

Stan recovered first. "Well, that's not much different than before," he answered calmly, turning back to his TV, hoping for more videogames. "Considering you've slept in his car with him befo-

Kyle threw the phone at him; Kenny noticed he was bright red. "Sh-shut up Stan."

"Stan?" a male voice called from upstairs, "Stan were you on the phone?" his father walked down the stairs and looked at the three boys. Kyle could've imagined it, but it felt like his eyes widened slightly when he saw Kyle. He fidgeted uncomfortably in his seat.

"Yeah, Dad, Cartman just called," he answered boredly.

"Oh, okay then, I'm expecting a call from Nelson tonight, so if you could try to stay off the phone for a while…"

"Sure Dad, whatever."

"Alright, thanks Stan." He looked back at the boys sitting in front of the TV, then walked back upstairs.

---

It was two o'clock in the morning, and Kyle was asleep. Kenny and Stan continued to kill each other when the phone rang. It was right next to Stan, and he was too busy playing his game to think about what his Dad had said earlier.

"Hello?" Stan said, shooting Kenny's leg.

"Randy?" It was Mr. Broflovski's voice. "Oh God, sorry it's so late, but I needed to talk to you, thanks for staying up-

"No, sorry Mr. Broflovski. This is Stan." He said distractedly. "You wanna talk to Kyle?"

"Stan get off the line, I got it," his father's stern voice said. Stan hung up and turned his attention toward the game again.

"Who was it?" Kenny asked curiously, blowing off Stan's legs.

"Oh, it was Kyle's dad, my dad picked up the phone to talk-

Stan stopped talking when the recent incident finally made its way to his brain.

"Stan?" Kenny turned his head to see Stan thinking slowly. "What?"

"Kyle's dad… just called my dad, not to talk to Kyle… but to him."

Kenny realized how weird that sounded too. "But… what's the big deal?"

"It's just weird that Kyle left home and hasn't seen his dad in a few days, but his dad isn't curious as to how he's doing…."

Stan remembered Kyle's reactions both times he'd seen Stan's dad.

"And he wanted to talk to my dad before his own son…"

"Maybe he didn't know Kyle was here?" Kenny suggested.

"Maybe…" but something still felt wrong to Stan. Something felt horribly, horribly wrong.

---

The next day, Kyle knocked awkwardly on the Cartman's front door. Eric answered.

"Where's your mom?" Kyle asked.

"Out again," he answered gruffly, "It's fucking cold, get inside," Cartman grabbed Kyle's hand and pulled him inside. Both of them flushed at the sudden contact of Eric's skin on Kyle's, and Eric quickly let go.

"Er…" Cartman started awkwardly, "How far have you read in Lambs?"

"I finished it today," Kyle answered, not making eye contact with Eric. _Friends, friends_, he thought to himself, _Act like a friend, don't be a douche_.

Kyle looked up into Eric's eyes, and time seemed to freeze for a moment. He looked away again and busied himself with taking off his coat.

"Friends…" he muttered under his breath.

Cartman glanced at him for a moment, slightly confused at Kyle's oddness, and embarrassed, but he couldn't pin point exactly why for the latter.

"I own the movie…' he said hesitantly. "We need to watch it and compare the two…" he turned around and walked over to his TV set where the said video was already in the DVD player.

Kyle looked back up at him. "You know, I've never actually seen the movie."

"…What?" Cartman asked, like Kyle had just admitted to being Satan instead of just not seeing a movie. "It's the best movie ever!! I loved this when we were younger!!"

_Yeah, that might be why_, Kyle thought sadly.

Kyle watched Eric turn on the TV and set up the DVD player, until the movie menu popped up on the blank screen.

Kyle awkwardly walked over to the couch and sat down, like he would have at Stan's house. _Friends._

Cartman pressed play and sat on the cushion next to Kyle. Close. Too close for Kyle's comfort. Their hands were almost touching.

Kyle vaguely remembered Eric on top of him on this very same couch.

Eric looked over at Kyle, "Dude… are you sick or something? You look like you have a fever."

Kyle felt even more embarrassed. "No, I'm totally fine, promise." He smiled awkwardly, and Eric looked away. _Stupid smile_, he thought, and turned his attention to the movie. Kyle did the same. The MGM lion roared, signaling the start of the movie.

Many minutes passed as the two boys sat on the couch and watched the movie, sometimes paying attention. Kyle glanced at his watch, it was eleven.

"I went downstairs, outside. I crept up into the barn. I was so scared to look inside, but I had to." Clarice said.

"And what did you see, Clarice? What did you see?  
"Cartman this is so gross," Kyle said, covering his eyes.

"Dude you said you weren't sick, and they haven't even gotten to the blood!!"

"Lambs. The lambs were screaming." Clarice continued.

"They were slaughtering the spring lambs?" Hannibal asked.

"Cartman _please_," Cartman shushed Kyle. _Be friendly_, Kyle reminded himself, but he couldn't quite shake the mental image of bloody wool from his head.

"Yes. I took one lamb, and I ran away as fast as I could."

"Where were you going, Clarice?"

"I don't know. I didn't have any food, any water and it was very cold, very cold. I thought, I thought if I could save just one, but... he was so heavy…" Kyle began to feel sick.

"Cartman… I read the book, but this is too much…" Kyle warned, while Cartman ignored him.

"What became of your lamb, Clarice?"

"Cartman! Come on!" He covered his mouth with his hands and closed his eyes.

"They killed him." Clarice answered sadly.

"DAMNIT ERIC, TURN IT OFF!!"

Cartman quickly pressed pause and looked over at Kyle, who looked like he didn't feel well at all.

He sighed angrily. "Two things," Kyle looked up at him, "One, tell me why this movie is freaking you out so much, then maybe I won't turn it back on."

Kyle's eyes darted around the room, looking at anything but Cartman. "I'm not really sure but… the image of dead, helpless lambs isn't helping my stomach."

"So you were feeling sick and still decided to watch one of the top horror movies of all time?" Cartman smirked.

"Fuck off."

Cartman laughed, then looked slightly awkward. "And the other thing… when the hell did you start calling me Eric?"

Kyle finally looked him in the eyes, and felt his insides freeze, then heat up and melt. He had no answer to that question.

"…Now," he answered uncomfortably, attempting to skirt around the question. He knew very well that wasn't true, mentally he'd been calling him Eric since about a week ago.

"Why?" Cartman looked almost interested.

"We-well…" Kyle's face turned from pink to scarlet red. _What the hell is wrong with me today?! Stop blushing god damnit!_ "I mean I call Kenny 'Kenny', and Stan 'Stan' so why shouldn't I call you-

"Don't put me on the same fucking level as Stan!!" Cartman said suddenly. Kyle stared into his eyes- the look in his wasn't hate, it was anger.

"What?" Kyle felt dejected- he was trying to be friendlier and it felt like Cartman didn't want that, he couldn't even call him by his first name. "Why not?!"

"Does _Stan_ ever run after you when you yell at him?! Does _Stan_ ever stop people from attacking you?! Do you ever fall asleep in front of _Stan_ and not worry about how you'll have to repay him?!" Kyle watched Cartman's eyes as they transformed from anger to sadness… with a hint of jealousy. "You can always go to him when you're having trouble, but what does he do for you?! He just goes on and whines about his girlfriend and can't decide that you're more important than her, and… and…"

Kyle was utterly confused.

…_Cartman? What are you saying…?_

"And I don't like it," Eric concluded, looking away from Kyle, toward the floor. His face had turned red.

Kyle felt everything in his world turn upside down. In the last 72 hours, he had lost his dad, his home, and his sanity. But, apparently, he made a new friend.

"…I'm sorry," Kyle whispered the words he'd been wanting to say for a long time. "I'm sorry." Cartman broke his gaze from the floor to look up at Kyle. Their eyes met, and everything seemed to finally click in place.

---

"Dad, tell me why!" Stan yelled at his father.

"I already told you why, Stan, you're just imagining things!!" Randy yelled back at him in their living room.

"Then tell me why when Kyle saw you he ran away?!" Silence ensued. "Don't lie to me Dad!! Tell me why!!"

Randy stared into the eyes of his son with a look of sheer hopelessness.


	19. Maybe Someday Soon, It'll all Come Out

"If I love you, what business is it of yours?"

Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

_It is three fifteen in the morning, and once again, because of the Jew, I can't sleep. _Cartman thought angrily, lying on the floor next to the Jew, his back facing him.

They were sleeping in the living room, because Cartman had put on Lambs again to break the awkwardness of Kyle's apology. Kyle seemed grateful, and ironically fell asleep with Hannibal Lector tearing off the police officer's face and attacking the ambulance driver.

'_Makes him sick' my ass, he can fucking fall asleep during anything._

---

At about two in the morning, Kyle closed his eyes because he didn't want to watch anymore of Cartman's stupid movie.

Now, it was three fifteen, and he was paying for it by not being able to sleep. His back was to Cartman, as they were both sleeping on the floor in front of the TV (since Kyle faked falling asleep there.)

_Damnit why doesn't he go sleep in his room?!!_ Kyle cursed Cartman silently.

Eric's back shifted positions and was now only an inch away from Kyle's. He could feel the body heat emanating from Cartman's shoulder blades. Kyle blushed furiously.

_I need to go to a fucking doctor; there must be something wrong with my internal heating system._ He thought to himself, feeling his temperature rise.

Cartman was thinking the exact same thing as he felt his cheeks turn color. _What the hell is wrong with me… I must've eaten too many Cheesypoofs, they're gonna give me a heart attack…_

It was now three twenty in the morning, and both the boys' eyes were wide open, unbeknownst to the other. Kyle shivered slightly,_ Of course Cartman forgot to give me a fucking blanket!!_

He shivered again, and tugged lightly at Eric's blanket, thinking he was asleep.

Cartman held onto it tightly, _Fucking Jew trying to take my shit even when he's sleeping!!_

Eventually, Kyle gave it a hard yank and pulled it over his feet.

_Damnit…_ Cartman thought, feeling Kyle's cold feet on his own. _Now it's cold…_

Kyle smiled satisfactorily and settled into the carpet more. He didn't mind the hard surface. His back brushed up against Cartman's, but instead of moving it away again, like he would have if he had known Eric was awake, he left it there.

Eric's mind froze. He could feel Kyle's feet touching his legs, and heart beat through his back. Waves of warmth swept over him, radiating from the points where two boys were touching.

Kyle suddenly felt a lot warmer as well, and closed his eyes. Unconsciously, he listened to Cartman's heart beat. It seemed to be speeding up, but Kyle convinced himself he was imagining it.

Soon, both the boys' eyes were closed. They were so intently focusing on each other's heart beats that soon they both were lulled to sleep.

---

"THE PROJECT IS DONE!!" Cartman yelled victoriously in the lunch room on Monday.

"Thank God, I was getting so sick of seeing your face in and out of school," Kyle laughed.

"Better than having a Jew in my house- I had to make sure all the silverware was still there when you left."

"Don't push me fat ass." Kyle spat at him.

"Don't boss me around Jew!!" Cartman yelled back.

"You guys are so hopeless," Kenny said, his hood off.

"You fight like an old married couple," Butters added innocently.

Kyle choked on his pretzels while Cartman turned a delicate shade of blue. An awkward silence followed, while Kenny looked between the two of them, and Butters was still clueless as always.

Stan, on the other hand, was completely lost in thought. He had decided to keep what he and his father had discussed private, for now, but that didn't mean that it wouldn't trouble him, and silently smolder inside of him until it came to a boil.

"I'm stealing you for a second," Kenny said, grabbing Cartman's arm and yanking him out of the cafeteria. Cartman, still sick-looking, could only oblige.

Kyle looked at Stan, "What's wrong dude? You're acting off."

Stan was brought out of his daze, "Dude I'm fine, don't worry."

---

"Spill it," Kenny demanded once Cartman and he were out of earshot of the cafeteria.

"What?" Cartman asked bluntly.

"Tell me what happened with you and Kyle," his eyes lit up as a large smile flashed across his face..

"Nothing happened," Cartman answered automatically.

"Don't lie to me, I've watched you two fight for too many years to know the difference between before and now."

Cartman was perplexed. "What?"

"Before a few months ago, you would cut him down as meanly as possible. Now your insults are just to attack him for being Jewish or gullible and trusting. Also, you always stared him directly in the eyes when you attacked him before, now you can't even look in his direction." Kenny said matter-of-factly.

Cartman didn't have anything to say to that. "…I don't know why actually…" he mumbled.

"Nothing happened?" Kenny asked.

Cartman remembered Kyle's heart beat traveling through his back like waves of comfort. He went from slight blue to pink. "Nothing."

Kenny knew better. "How do you feel about Kyle?" He asked bluntly.

"I hate him!!" Cartman yelled automatically, surprising even himself with the loudness of his answer.

Kenny looked at him, annoyed. "Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why do you hate him?"

"He's a Jew."

Kenny rolled his eyes. "Yeah, whatever, besides that."

"No! No 'besides that'- he's a Jew and that's all that matters!!" Cartman was getting angry at Kenny not understanding.

"Do you hate him because he's a Jew… or do you hate Jews because he's one, and you want a reason to hate him?"

Cartman didn't quite understand.

"Your whole life… you've looked for reasons to hate Kyle. When you found out he was Jewish, you decided Hitler was cool and Passion of the Christ was your favorite movie. You use energy to think of ways to hurt him, and most recently, worry about him."

"I don't worry about him!!" Cartman yelled, flushing deeper.

"You changed the way you think," Kenny continued, getting angry at Cartman's ignorance. "Not just toward him, but toward everyone. You became more hostile after you met him, especially toward him and those close to him. But now, you've softened up again."

"I've always been like this!!"

"You do things you wouldn't do otherwise. He occupies your thoughts. In the back of your head, you wonder what his reaction will be to whatever you do. You've changed yourself so he would always be thinking about you too, wondering what you'll do to him next."

"Kenny I'm warning you, shut up!!"

"YOU RAN AFTER HIM IN THE SNOW!! Before Stan or I did, and we're his best friends! You thought he hated you!!"

"SHUT UP YOU POOR PIECE OF SHIT!!"

"Why did you do it if you thought he hated you?! You never do nice things for people you hate!! Not even for people you like- if you like any, you heartless basta-

Cartman's hand hit Kenny across the jaw.

"SHUT. UP. NOW." Cartman's face was bright red and his arms shook. "I DON'T CARE ABOUT HIM AT ALL!! STOP TALKING SHIT LIKE YOU KNOW EVERYTHING!!"

"Tell me what the opposite of hate is Cartman," Kenny was mad now, and knew exactly what to say to cut him down. "Tell me what you think the opposite of hate is."

"It's love!! That's what the opposite of what I feel for Kyle is!!"

Kenny smirked- his evil side was showing now. He began to laugh.

"WHAT THE HELL IS SO GOD DAMN FUNNY?!!"

Kenny's laughing got louder as he held his stomach- Cartman was beginning to question his sanity.

"You idiot!! You total, complete idiot!!" Kenny laughed again. "The opposite of hate isn't love, it's absolute apathy!! That means lack of interest whatsoever, and absolute indifference. If what you felt really was the opposite of love, then you wouldn't care what he did or how he felt about what you did!!"

Cartman stopped shaking and looked at Kenny's content smile.

"Your feelings for Kyle are constantly influencing your thoughts and actions, don't you see yet?"

Cartman's heart beat loudly in his chest; it was the only thing still working in his whole body.

"Everything you do is about him!! Your being, your self, it all revolves around him!! What would you do if he was gone?! You'd be empty!! You'd have nothing!!"

Du-dump. Du-dump.

"You know that! That's why you've saved him so many times- you realize that without him your life is meaningless."

Du-dump.

"You NEED him."

Du-dump.

"You can't live without him."

Du- dump Du-dump…

"Cartman, you might say it's hate, but you're practically in love with-

"ERIC!!" Butters yelled from down the hall; Kenny and Cartman both turned. "Everyone left the table, and I was wondering where you went, then I heard screaming. Something about love… what's going on fellas?"

Cartman stared blankly at Butters.

"Eric?" he asked cautiously.

Eric took a step forward, and his knees gave out from under him. His head hit the floor with a thud.

"OH MY GOD! ERIC!!"

Blackness.

---

"Stan, really, what's wrong?" Kyle asked him as they walked down the hall during lunch. They ditched Butters at the table, so Kyle could have a more private conversation with Stan.

"Nothing, like I said," his eyes and voice were dead.

"Stan, I've known you too long, I can tell when you're lying," Kyle said.

Stan stopped walking, and looked at Kyle, "…Do you know who your father was-

"OH MY GOD! ERIC!!" Butters' voice traveled from around the corner.

Kyle automatically looked up and felt the blood drain from his face. His legs were moving before he knew what was happening, as he left Stan trying to discover the source of the noise.

Kyle skidded to a halt as he turned the corner and saw Cartman on the floor. It became the only thing he could see, Kenny and Butters and the lockers and the floor all melted away. All that existed was Kyle and Eric.

He ran over to Cartman, and fell down next to him. "Eric…" he pleaded. He felt his world implode on itself.

"What happened?!" Stan yelled.

"He just collapsed!" Butters voice sounded like it was miles away. Kyle felt Cartman's neck for a pulse, but was rewarded with a heart beat three times too fast. "No…" Kyle whispered.

"I'll get the nurse!" Stan's footsteps echoed through the hall, bouncing into Kyle's subconscious.

Kenny stood rooted in the same spot, and watched Kyle with interest. Cartman felt cold to the touch- Kyle feared the worst.

"Eric, get up!!" he demanded the unconscious boy next to him.

---

It was cold and dark, and Cartman was severely pissed off.

_GOD DAMN YOU KENNY!_ He yelled into the dark void. _ACTING LIKE YOU KNOW EVERYTHING- WELL YOU DON'T!!_

_I have my own life outside of Kyle! He doesn't affect me at all! He's just a stupid little pansy Jew… I have no feelings for him!!_

_None whatsoever!_

_Only feelings of complete and utter loathing!!_

_Saying that it's close to love- THAT IS SO ABSOLUTELY DUMB!!_

_I only feel sick around him out of… anger! Yeah! It's anger and hate!!_

_You don't have any idea how I feel!! And I just protect Kyle because…_

Cartman thought for a moment, but he couldn't think of a good answer to that one.

_An-And I save him because…_

…

_And I worry about him… and think about him… and do things for him… because…_

…_I hate him?_

"… Get up!" a voice from very far away demanded. The darkness lightened up a little bit.

_GET OUT OF MY FUCKING REVELATION DIP SHIT!!_ Cartman thought angrily.

"Eric…" a voice sounded really sad, and was calling Cartman's name.

_You know… if I was gone, nobody would be sad._ He thought, _that's obviously my mind playing tricks on me, I only cause trouble for everyone around me, even when I try to save the one person that matters…_

Cartman smacked himself in the head. _NO, NO!! He doesn't matter to me!!_

_Stop trying to hide it,_ his conscience (In the voice of Kenny) said.

_GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HEAD!! _Cartman retorted. _You've been dormant for seventeen years; don't try to act all high and mighty now._

"Get up NOW!!" The voice sounded very sad.

"What should we do?!" Butters' voice said.

"Get help! Stan is taking too long!!" Kenny yelled.

"GO NOW- BOTH OF YOU!!" The sad voice said.

Cartman's black consciousness began to melt away as he focused in on the voice.

_Who the hell would be sad??_ He asked himself, trying to open his eyes. His head was in intense pain, so he winced a little.

He felt warm water trickle down his face, as he opened one of his eyes. The blurry outline of a person was blocking his view from the rest of the hall.

"I don't hate you… I didn't mean what I said…" the sad voice mumbled "I'm sorry, I'm sorry… I'm sorry… I'm sorry, I'm sorry…"

_What the hell is hate anyway?_

Eric recognized the outline of a stupid bunny-eared hat on the person above him. He slowly realized… that this voice was the only one that mattered in his world.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry…"

His heart throbbed as he raised one of his hands to the face of the person directly in front of him.

"Stop crying, you pussy," he said smiling, "I'm not gonna die that easily- that's reserved for you."

Kyle's eyes shot wide open as he looked down at Eric. His tears fell more heavily onto his face. "Er-Eric?"

"Seriously, stop crying," Cartman caught one of Kyle's tears trickling down his cheek and brushed his hand against Kyle's warm face, "I've already made you cry enough."

Kyle angrily smacked Cartman's chest, then grabbed his shoulders and pulled him into a hug. "Fuck you fat ass." Eric's heart felt like it was going to burst.

_If this is hate… _he thought.

Kyle pulled back, slightly embarrassed, after realizing what he was doing. He caught Cartman's brown eyes, and couldn't look away.

"He's over here!!" Stan yelled; it sounded so far away, they questioned if they were in the same hallway still.

_Then I don't know what love is_, Cartman concluded, staring into Kyle's deep, green watery eyes. Maybe he really was having a heart attack.


	20. With All These Things That I've Done

"We choose those we like; with those we love, we have no say in the matter."

Mignon McLaughlin

"So Cartman was completely fine?" Stan asked.

"Yeah- totally, he just got up on his own, I saw it!" Kenny happily bounced around his small house, flitting between Stan and Kyle sitting on his couch, and getting blankets. Stan was acting normal, as usual, but Kyle was acting a little off, and was bright red.

And earlier, Kenny was totally standing there watching him cry on top of Cartman.

Then hug him.

Then stare into his eyes.

And Kenny couldn't help but feel absolutely giddy for the two of them.

He eyed Kyle suspiciously. "Kyle…" he said smiling.

Kyle looked at him, his blush not fading, "What?"

Kenny looked at him like a cat spying a lone mouse in a trap. His grin grew wider. "No-thing," He answered in a sing song voice.

Stan glanced at Kenny worriedly. "Dude, ever since Cartman collapsed, you've been smiling like a mad man. Did you get some perverse pleasure out of seeing him fall on his ass?"

Kenny laughed, "Noooo… I'm just really happy for the world today!"

He danced around the room as Stan and Kyle watched him, worried about his mental state.

"Oh, right, Stan? You were asking something about my dad before, what was it?" Kyle turned toward him.

Stan was caught off guard, "Wh-What?"

"Before Eri-" Kyle caught himself and turned a deeper shade, "Cartman collapsed, you were asking something about my dad, what was it?"

Stan wanted to change the subject fast, "Nothing, but I wanted to ask you, why were you and Cartman so close when I ran back with Mr. Garrison?"

Kyle stammered, "Uh- we… we weren't close, haha, what are you talking about??" He nervously laughed.

Stan became suspicious, "You were two inches away from his face."

_Don't remind me, I got so dizzy…_ he thought, feeling his heart speed up. _Fuck, this again… I need to see a doctor._

"I…I think I'll see the nurse tomorrow," he said awkwardly.

"Why?" Kenny asked.

"Well… my hearts been acting up lately, and I think I've been running a fever for a few weeks now, and I can't get too close to certain people otherwise I can't think straight- I get really dizzy…" he trailed off.

Kenny burst out laughing, while Stan looked confused. "Wha- What do you mean your hearts been acting up?"

"Like it speeds up and I can hear it beating when I get too close to a person, or if I remember shit."

Stan started full on laughing too.

"What?" Kyle asked confusedly.

"Kyle- do you seriously think you're sick?!" Stan asked, trying to regain composure.

"Yeah, what the hell else could this be? And it's getting worse since like last Thursday, all the late nights are starting to take a toll on my health…"

Stan laughed again, "Dude, you like someone." He said bluntly.

Kyle looked at him, puzzled, "_Like _someone?"

"Yeah! Those are all the things that happen when you like a girl!! That's how I feel around Wendy all the time."

"Yeah I get that way around girls I really like too," Kenny added, plopping down between Stan and Kyle.

"You only like their chest size," Stan pointed out.

"True, but that's beside the point!" Kenny said happily. He looked at Kyle and started laughing again.

Kyle thought for a moment, "I don't like anybody," the only person who was constantly in his thoughts lately was Cartman; he didn't have time to like girls.

"Oh come on, you can tell us dude! Seventeen years and you finally have a crush!!" Stan said proudly.

Kenny continued to laugh.

_I know_, he thought hysterically, _I KNEW IT!! HAHA!! I am totally right, I should just yell it at him right now!!_

"HAHA- HAHAHA! HAHAHA!!!" His laughter rang through the house.

---

"Dude, why won't you tell us?" Stan said the next day, following Kyle through the halls.

"Because, dude, I don't like anyone!" Kyle said defiantly. His blush had gone down since the night before- he was convinced he was getting over a bad cold.

"Come onnn," Stan pestered him. "I'm your best friend, tell me!!"

"STAN MARSH!" An irritating girl's voice called from across the hall. "Why didn't you pick up when I called you last night?"

"Oh, sorry Wendy," he said, turning his attention to his girlfriend.

"Sorry?? Is that all you have to say?" She walked toward him huffily.

"Yeah… and that it won't happen again?" He looked hopeful. Kyle saw this as a chance to escape, so he slipped away from his best friend into the bathroom.

"Stan, this happens every time! Were you with Kyle again?"

"Yeah, what's that have to do with anything?"

Wendy rolled her eyes and sighed, "Do I have to explain this again? Kyle is your friend, I am your girlfriend! Your priority should be _me_!"

"Wendy, that's not fair, he's going through a really rough time right now."

"Stan, he's ALWAYS going through a rough time! You're always putting me aside to help him! It's like he's your girlfriend and I'm the third wheel!"

"Wendy, that's not cool, you're my girlfriend!"

"Then stop putting his problems above our relationship! He's always had issues Stan, you should just ditch him! He's bringing down your happiness! He's just a sad little gay kid who latches on to peo-

The sick crunching noise of bone on cartilage was heard. Wendy fell to the floor, and Stan looked to his left.

"That's for years of being a bitch, you whiny little cunt," Cartman said, holding up his fist triumphantly.

There was blood all over the floor. Wendy was screaming; Stan looked horrified.

"Om mai gawd you boke my nose!!" Wendy squealed, holding her nose while it profusely bled all over her shirt and the floor. "Sdan, do sumding!!"

Stan looked at Cartman, then at Wendy, then at Cartman again. He glanced down at the bloody floor and shrugged.

"Wendy, I know you're always on your period but this is just ridiculous!!" He turned around and walked down the hall with Cartman.

"SDAN!!" She yelled, "We're so ofer!! Don't eber dalk do me agan!"

Cartman flipped her the birdy without even turning around.

"MAN that felt good," he said triumphantly, turning the corner. He looked at Stan, "You're worth at least ten times that bitch dude."

"Uh… thanks," Stan looked at him suspiciously, "What's the catch?"

"What?"

"What do I have to do for you now?"

Cartman blinked, "I don't want anything from you, punching that skank was enough."

_Cartman, whether you realize it or not,_ Stan thought, _you've changed._

"Somehow… I just can't feel bad haha!"

They both began to laugh.

---

_I don't like anybody_, Kyle thought to himself defiantly once he was alone in the bathroom. He rigorously washed his face_. I don't like anyone, I don't like anyone, I don't like anyone…_

He confidently opened the bathroom door and strolled out, smiling, "I don't like anyone," he whispered proudly, then opened his eyes and saw his best friend… and someone-he-really-didn't-want-to-see-at-that-moment walking toward him.

He turned around and walked back into the bathroom.

His temperature shot up again and his heart throbbed painfully in his chest

_I don't like anyone…_ he thought to himself, hearing his heart beat in his ears. _But it's…_him_ that's causing these reactions from me…_

"Kyle?" Stan's voice called, Kyle looked up from the floor and positioned himself upright. He saw two figures in the doorway. Everything was spinning.

"Dude, you don't look like you feel well at all," Stan bent down and put his cool hand on Kyle's burning forehead. _When did I end up on the floor?_ "Maybe you really are just sick…"

"What else could it be you idiot?" The voice of someone-he-didn't-want-to-see-him-like-this piped up.

"Well, I thought he might like someone, but really he just seems to get-

"I'm FINE!" Kyle stood up and lost his balance. He started to fall backward, but someone grabbed his hand and pulled him back up.

"Idiot, you look really sick… maybe you should go home… Stan's house?" Cartman asked Stan, not realizing he was still holding Kyle's hand. It felt like it was on fire.

"Let me go!" Kyle yelled and snatched his hand away. "I'm fine- leave me alone, both of you!!" He picked up his pace and ran out of the bathroom.

"Fucker," Cartman muttered, running after him.

Stan watched him pick up his pace and sprint out of the door, after Kyle. He vaguely remembered Cartman running after Kyle before, when he ran out into the snow. He had the same expression then- the same determined looking back sprinting after who was supposed to be Stan's best friend.

_Cartman,_ Stan thought, _you…_

---

"GET THE FUCK BACK HERE JEW!!"

"STOP FOLLOWING ME CARTMAN!!"

Kyle had found his way outside of the school, running as fast as his legs could carry him, past trees and cars, with Cartman following close behind.

"SLOW… DOWN!!" Cartman said, beginning to wheeze but keeping up the pace.

"NO!" Kyle turned his head and yelled, then caught his foot on a rock and fell headfirst into the snow. He quickly got back up and tried to run again, but he felt a tug on the back of his shirt.

"LET GO OF ME!!" Kyle yelled over his shoulder.

"NO!!" Cartman yelled back.

He attempted to run again and failed. Kyle tried to break free but Eric held on tight. He swung his body and arms around, wanting to be let free.

"CARTMAN GET OFF ME!!"

"NOT UNTIL YOU STOP TRYING TO RUN AWAY FROM ME!!!"

Kyle continued to struggle, so Eric put his arms around his torso and held him forcefully. Kyle whole body suddenly became light and he stopped struggling. All the points of their contact, Cartman's chest on Kyle's back, and his arms on Kyle's chest, became very warm. Kyle's head was spinning.

"I'm… going to be sick, let go…" he said, closing his eyes, trying to straighten out his thoughts. His heart beat in his throat, and the snow on his face melted.

"NO!" Eric stubbornly yelled in Kyle's ear, his breath warming his skin. Kyle felt faint.

_What's happening to me…?_ he thought. Eventually, Kyle lost all knowledge as to why he was standing outside in the cold and Eric was holding him. He gave in to Eric's grasp and let him hold him there, realizing he liked the feeling of spinning as long as Cartman kept on the ground.

"Cartman, let go of him," Stan's voice said from behind them. Kyle was woken out of his rapture, and broke free of Cartman's arms. Eric looked annoyed.

"It's not my fault this god damn idiot kept running away!!"

_You have no idea how wrong you are,_ Stan thought. "Come on Kyle, let's get you to the nurse." He wrapped his arm around Kyle's shoulder and began to walk him back to the entrance of the school. Cartman watched after them, and narrowed his eyes. He followed them back inside.


	21. Hate me Today, Hate me Tomorrow

"Love multiplies past hate."

Jareb Teague

"101.7," The nurse said, removing a thermometer from Kyle's mouth. "He has a slight fever, he should go home and rest for the remainder of the day."

Stan looked between Kyle sitting on the bed and the nurse, "Ah… could he just stay here until the final bell rings today?"

The nurse looked at him confusedly, "Yes he could, but for his own health, he should go home and rest."

"I'll stay here," Kyle said, "I'd rather just see if I feel better later so I might go back to class."

The nurse nodded like she understood, and walked back into her office. Stan turned toward Kyle.

"You sure you're gonna be okay?" Stan looked worried.

"I'll be fine," Kyle said encouragingly. "I think I'll just sleep here- it's easier than explaining I don't have a home to go back to."

"Okay… you're staying at my house tonight, and my parents aren't gonna be home, so it should all be okay."

"How long until they realize I'm homeless?"

"I dunno, they're pretty clueless." Stan scratched his head. "Dude, you better call Ike. Have you spoken to him since you left?"

Kyle nodded, "Yeah, I called him last night when you and Kenny were playing Halo, he's fine. Mom doesn't do anything to him so he's safe, and he stays at his friends' houses most of the time now too."

Stan thought for a moment and bit his lip, "Have you… spoken to your dad?"

"No, nor do I want to," Kyle answered quickly.

"Kyle…"

"Yeah?" Kyle asked looking up at Stan.

"…I know," Stan said quietly.

"You know what?"

"About your dad… and mine."

Kyle's stomach flipped over. "Wh-What are you talking about?"

"So I really hate to break up you two lovebirds, but class is starting," Cartman said from the doorway. Kyle and Stan both jumped, neither realizing he opened the door.

"Since when do you care about class?" Stan asked annoyed.

"Since when do you care what I think?" Cartman shot back.

Stan huffed and walked out of the room. "Feel better dude," he said over his shoulder, and closed the door of the clinic.

---

_Fucking Stan, all you do is make Kyle act even more pathetic,_ Cartman thought as he paced back and forth in front of the clinic. Not like he was gonna let Kyle know he was worried about him.

_Fucking Stan,_ Cartman muttered, thinking back on when he was running after Kyle. _And Fucking Jew… why is he always god damn running away from me!?_

Cartman peered through the window at Kyle and Stan talking. Kyle seemed to have lost all the color in his face. _FUCKING STAN!_ Cartman thought angrily, and opened the door.

"So I really hate to break up you two lovebirds, but class is starting," Cartman said annoyed. Kyle and Stan jumped and turned toward him.

_Of course they wouldn't notice me walk in,_ he thought angrily. He glared at Kyle for a moment.

"Since when do you care about class?" Stan asked._ I guess I really did interrupt something._

"Since when do you care what I think?" Cartman shot back. _Fuck off you pussy._

Stan huffed and walked toward Cartman, out of the room. "Feel better dude," he said over his shoulder, and closed the door of the clinic.

"Like that'll make him feel better," Cartman said sarcastically.

Stan looked at him. "At least I wasn't the one groping him outside." He smiled and walked off.

Cartman fumbled over his words, "Fu-FUCK YOU!!!"

---

_Hello, this is your favorite hooded-friend here again, Kenny._

_And I'm getting severely ticked off at two of my friends. Well, okay, only one of them is my friend, the other's just this fat guy that hangs around us._

Kenny stared at the math question on the board, zoning out.

_First, I'm annoyed at the fat ass. Why? Because he FINALLY realized that he doesn't hate my friend. Huzah for his tiny brain in realizing that much, it took long enough…_

_And second, I'm annoyed at my friend Kyle, because he's being too stubborn to realize anything himself._

_As a result, both of them are completely in denial yet it's so obvious to the rest of us that they… are more than friends._

_God damn them, don't they realize I have better things to do with my life than match them together?! I could do great things, like become a doctor or a lawyer, and date lots and lots of girls! People just don't seem to realize that I have my own mind and life and I exist as more than just a secondary character… I should just stop worrying about them, and start worrying about school, so I can do what I know I'm capable of-_

Just then, a lightning bolt struck Kenny through the ceiling of the school. Everybody glanced at his fried corpse for a moment, then went back to solving the equation on the board.

---

"Guess he can't come tonight," Stan said to himself, while taking his bag from his locker.

"What are you talking about fag?" Cartman asked curiously.

"None of your business fat ass," Stan answered coolly, closing his locker door and walking toward the clinic.

"Gonna go see your boyfriend again?" Cartman asked gleefully.

Stan turned around and stuck his face in Cartman's. "I was so wrong about you asshole. I can't believe I actually thought for a moment you changed."

"What the hell are you talking about now?" Cartman asked. Stan paused.

"Nothing," Stan said disgusted, and turned his back on Cartman. Stan heard Cartman speed up and stop to walk next to him.

"…What were you two talking about earlier?"

"Who? You mean me and my boyfriend?" Stan said venomously.

Cartman rolled his eyes, "I mean you and Kyle…"

Stan glanced briefly over at Cartman in time to see a blush spread across his face.

"He looked really freaked out when I walked in, and I just… I wanted to know…"

"If it was your fault?" Stan asked, finished Cartman's sentence. "No, it was something I said, it's none of your concern."

"Can people stop saying that?!" Cartman said angrily, surprising Stan. They stopped walking. "I know it's not my business, but I just want to know! I can't help it!!"

Stan looked at him, confused.

"Cartman… what is going on with you two?"

Cartman didn't answer, instead he gruffly said, "Have fun with Kyle tonight."

He started to walk off. Stan remembered Kyle crying to him the week before, about how he just wanted to thank Cartman.

"Wait," Stan said, "Kyle…he… ah just wait here."

Stan ran off toward the clinic. "Don't boss me around…" Cartman muttered angrily.

Minutes passed, and eventually Cartman was the only one left in the hall.

"What do you want?" Kyle's voice broke the silence. Cartman looked up; Kyle did not look happy to be there.

"Uh… Stan told me to wait here…" Cartman trailed off.

"Well, if it's nothing," Kyle still looked sick, he wasn't focusing his eyes on Cartman. "Then I'm going to Stan's house."

"Oh, you mean your boyfriend."

Kyle was in no mood for this, "Cartman, piss off. That whole rumor thing was because of you anyway."

"Well if you're not going out, and that wasn't a complete moment I saw in the clinic, what WERE you talking about??"

Kyle flushed out of anger, "None of your fucking business fat ass!! We're not gay- that's final, stop acting like you know everything!"

"Not my fault you always act so god damn faggy!!" Cartman retorted. "Crying and whining- it's disgusting!"

"Yeah well you're the one always causing me problems! If you were gone my life would be so much easier!"

"That's not what you said yesterday!!" Cartman was angry now. " 'I'm sorry Eric please don't die boohoo!!'"

Kyle blushed furiously, "YOU FUCKING MORON!! You don't understand me at all- don't ever bring that moment up AGAIN!"

"Why do you say that then act like you hate me and run away from me Kyle?! Answer me that!!"

"I'm out of here," Kyle said, turning his back on Cartman, "I'm going home."

"You mean to Stan's house."

"Yeah. To my _best friend_'s house."

"Why the hell is it always Stan's house?!" Cartman snapped, "You wonder how I'm always able to find you- it's because you do the same thing every time!! When you're upset you go to _Stan_!"

"How the hell is that _your_ business?" Kyle looked angry.

"Because you're always crying in front of me!!" Cartman yelled back. "But, you always run from me, Kyle!! You don't seem to fucking get it- you always go to Stan! But what the hell has Stan done for you?! He always stayed back when you needed help!! Who has been the one to run after you first?! Who has been the one to stick by you when you act like a complete pussy?!!"

Kyle looked at Cartman for a moment, a look of complete disbelief on his face.

"That's right, it's been ME!! Yet you thank STAN!! You thank HIM for god knows what, when it's been ME this entire time!!"

Kyle didn't know what he was talking about, "When the hell did I thank Stan?!"

Cartman realized what he said, and looked down, almost embarrassed, "The other day… I saw you crying and talking to Stan… you were talking about how without something to hate you wouldn't be happy, and how you needed a rival…" Kyle blushed. _He heard THAT?!!_

"Then you thanked him…" Cartman trailed off. Kyle opened his eyes.

"What?"

"You thanked Stan and that's all I heard."

Kyle tried to remember the conversation, and was pretty sure that he didn't thank Stan… unless…

"I didn't thank Stan…" Kyle said nervously.

Cartman looked up. "I know what I heard; you thanked STAN for god knows what, probably a blow job you fucking fags-

"I was telling him I wanted to thank someone else!!" Kyle said embarrassed. "But I'm not so sure I want to thank that person anymore!!"

Cartman didn't get it. "Anyway, you need get over yourself and stop using me as a punching bag for your real problems!!" Cartman continued, "You have no idea how much shit I go through for you!!"

A burning anger seared through Kyle. "I DIDN'T ASK YOU TO DO ANYTHING FOR ME- DON'T BLAME ME FOR YOUR GUILTY CONSCIENCE!!"

"Why the hell would I feel guilty for anything I've done for you?! You deserved every single bit of it!!"

"So I deserved being made fun my whole life?! Why?!! What did I ever do to you to make you hate me so much?!!"

"_YOU EXIST_!!" Cartman yelled back. His last sentence echoed off the walls with the feeling of finality.

"I can't fucking believe you…" Kyle held back tears- why was this idiot always the one to make him cry. He was sick of it.

"I hate you…" he said quietly, all his anger toward Cartman spilling out.

"What?" Cartman asked.

"I FUCKING _HATE YOU_!!" Kyle yelled, breaking the sound barrier. He closed his eyes and continued to scream, "I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YO-

Kyle could no longer scream, something was blocking his mouth from continuing his yells of anguish. Kyle opened his eyes. Eric's lips were locked on his. Kyle couldn't breathe, Kyle couldn't think, he completely froze in that moment. A voice that wasn't Kyle's rang through his head.

_I love you._

Eric pushed him up against the wall and continued to mouth at Kyle hungrily. He grabbed his slender wrists and held them against the lockers, completely dominating Kyle's strength and hope for an escape.

Did Kyle want to escape?

Did he want to kick Eric and run and scream for help and never speak to him again?

Eric pushed his body against Kyle's, and Kyle lost his grip of reality.

What was real or not, a dream, a feeling, a fleeting thought, an illusion, and all the things in between didn't matter. He closed his eyes and gave in, letting Cartman's lips speak for the both of them. He felt dizzy and light headed, his temperature was way over the norm, and his heart beat loudly through his entire body, but he didn't care. Because this time, it made sense.

Kyle wasn't thinking as he began to kiss Eric back, forcefully pressing his lips onto Eric's. Eric pushed Kyle's head back onto the lockers and feverishly breathed onto his lips. When he felt Kyle return his kiss, he let go of his wrists and slid his arms around Kyle's slim waist, hoping that this time Kyle wasn't going to run away.


	22. How I Could Just Kill a Man!

"I was never one to patiently pick up broken fragments and glue them together again and tell myself that the mended whole was as good as new. What is broken is broken -- and I'd rather remember it as it was at its best than mend it and see the broken places as long as I lived."

Margaret Mitchell

Kyle's thoughts were completely blank. His mind was totally separated from his body, and the only feelings he had were anywhere that was touching Cartman. He didn't know what he should be doing; instead he just gave into his feelings and let Eric pull him closer. He allowed himself and Eric to feel each other's lips, exploring all they had to offer. He forgot all about his dad, school, Stan, his entire life… and was at peace in that single moment connecting them.

And then all at once, it broke.

"_NO!!_"

They broke apart with a deafening smack as their lips parted. Kyle looked at Eric with wide eyes. _What…_.

"What…did… you…" was all Kyle could say, then covered his mouth with his hand and sprinted off in a random direction. His loud footsteps bounced off the walls and trails of lockers as he left Cartman there, staring after him.

_For God's Sake Cartman, for once, _Kyle thought desperately,_ please I'm begging you, don't come after me._

---

"That took a while," Stan remarked, glancing at Kyle as he ran out of the school toward him, "You didn't need to run to get here," he added.

Kyle ran up to Stan and almost tripped over himself, "Whoa! Slow down dude!" Stan caught him and realized something looked off about Kyle. He looked even more flushed than before, his hat was askew, and Kyle's skin was burning hot to the touch.

Also- the area surrounding his mouth was red and wet.

"Kyle, are you okay?! We should go home…" Stan was worried. He walked Kyle to his car and pushed him into the passenger seat. Once he slammed the driver's door and made sure they were both buckled in, he backed out of the parking space and sped toward his house.

"…ssed me…" Kyle muttered. He was staring at his lap, looking like he was about to throw up.

"Dude, please not in the car," Stan said, speeding up slightly. They were about two blocks away from his house, he wanted to get Kyle there as soon as possible before he could wreck the inside of his parent's car-

"Eric kissed me," Kyle said in disbelief.

The brakes screeched as Stan swerved the steering wheel and almost hit a tree. He whirled on Kyle, completely sure he had misheard him. "What did you say?" he asked, praying to god he had misheard him. Hoping Kyle was clinically insane.

"Eric kissed me," he repeated, completely zoned out, like he himself still couldn't believe it. Stan stared at him and vaguely forgot they were in the middle of the road.

"Hold that thought," Stan said, pressing the gas pedal and reaching his house in less than five seconds. He put the car in park and looked at Kyle again.

"Eric… kissed you?" he slowl said, sounding disgusted.

"Yeah," Kyle responded, not looking up.

"Eric… _Cartman_?"

"Yeah."

"Eric, Theodore, Jew-hating, fat ass, moronic _Cartman_?"

Kyle didn't respond this time. He didn't even move.

"I think…" he said after a while, "I think I need to lie down."

Stan nodded, quickly got out of his seat and opened his door. Kyle followed suit and walked behind Stan, into his house.

"Your dad's not home… right?" Kyle asked cautiously, still not looking at Stan.

"Yeah, everyone's out…" Stan answered awkwardly. He didn't think it was the best time to have the conversation about their fathers at that moment.

Kyle seemed slightly relieved, and sat down on Stan's couch. He held his head in his hands and rubbed his face, looking completely stressed. Stan sat next to him and glanced at his friend. Something… _weird_ had been going on… and he had no idea what.

"Do you want to tell me what happened?" Stan asked.

Kyle shook his head, still not looking up.

"…Were you expecting this or-

"Jesus Stan will you shut up?!" Kyle snapped, looking at him. "Of course not- NO! For Christ's sake it's CARTMAN!! ERIC FUCKING CARTMAN!! Eric… he hates me…"

Kyle looked back down, looking even more confused than before his outburst.

"Why…"

"That's what I'd like to know," Stan muttered.

"Why…" Tears streamed down Kyle's face as he looked up. "For years… he's been Cartman. Stupid Cartman, and then recently I started calling him Eric… and I don't know why. And I can't stop…"

Stan turned to look at his friend, confused.

"You don't think you hate him anymore, do you?"

Kyle shook his head and put it back in his hands.

Stan put his arm around Kyle. "Just… try not to think about this anymore tonight… maybe it'll just blow over after getting some sleep, okay?"

Kyle nodded and sniffed pathetically.

After a few minutes, Kyle began to lose consciousness, and closed his eyes. Stan moved his arm back and got a blanket for his friend, who he thought was asleep.

"And… right during… it happened," Kyle said quietly, still not ready to refer to the incident by name, "I could've sworn he said something… except he didn't… but it was his voice… and he said…"

"Shh, Kyle, it's okay, don't think about it," Stan said, sitting next to Kyle again. He wasn't sure why he felt so bad for his friend, whether it was because it was Kyle's first real kiss that was stolen, or because it was stolen by Cartman of all people.

Stan didn't want to think about it either, so he changed the subject. "I broke up with Wendy today."

Kyle feebly opened one of his eyes, "Why? …I thought you loved her?"

Stan laughed, "Yeah… so did I," he thought for a moment, "Love… is such a dumb word."

Kyle looked at Stan, not really understanding what he was saying.

"I mean, people just throw it around now, like they 'love dogs' or they 'love doing something', it doesn't really have the same meaning anymore. And then, people can say they love someone, but you never really know what kind of love, or if they're just saying it to be nice. Love… really doesn't mean anything anymore. It's kind of sad actually…" Stan trailed off, lost in thought, then continued, "I don't think I loved her. I think… it's real love when you are able to trust the other person implicitly. You know what they're going to do, and you know where they are at that moment, without having to say anything. You just… have this connection. And some things don't even need to be said, you can just hear them almost… ah okay I know I sound crazy… But it makes sense, right?" Stan turned to Kyle in the dark.

Kyle didn't say anything, Stan assumed he was asleep. He sighed and slowly got up, walking toward the stairs to go to his room.

_You have no idea how much sense that made, Stan,_ Kyle thought in the darkness, _you have absolutely no fucking idea._

---

"Hey guys!" Kenny said cheerfully as he walked into the classroom the next day, "What'd I miss?" He smiled.

Kyle and Stan gave him a look that wiped the smile right off his face.

"Sooo," Kenny said nervously, "I take it a lot."

Kyle turned his back on Kenny as Stan walked over and ushered him to the side.

"Dude, uh, for at least… the next week," Stan whispered, his eyes darting around the room, "Don't mention the 'C' word to Kyle."

Kenny looked surprised, "Cun-

"No you idiot! '_Cartman'_, don't mention _Cartman_ to Kyle!"

Kenny blinked innocently, "Why?"

Stan looked down and shifted his weight uncomfortably. "I'm not exactly sure, some shit went down and… I think Cartman kissed him."

Kenny looked at Stan like he just announced the world was going to blow up in two seconds. "_What?_"

"Yeah, I know, it's totally weird. Cartman… isn't here yet, so maybe we'll get out of the drama today, but seriously… just don't mention him. Kyle was a total wreck last night… Trust me you just don't want to see it."

Stan walked back to his desk and sat down, leaving Kenny standing in the back of the room, holding in uncontrollable fits of laughter.

"Pfft…" he said, trying to hold it in, _You've got to be fucking kidding me!!_

_Absolutely kidding!!_

_Cartman, you IDIOT!! HAHAHAH!!!_

_Oh god, I need to get out of here before I explode._

Kenny ran out of the classroom into the hall, toward the bathroom. When he made sure he was out of ear shot of Kyle and Stan, he let out an eruption of laughter that seemed to make the building shake.

"You've… got… to… be…kidding me!!! PAHAHAHA!!" He laughed, pushing open the men's room door and collapsing in fits on the floor. "HAHAHAAAA!!"

"What the hell is so god damn funny?"

Kenny looked up to see Cartman standing above him. He couldn't hold in his laughter.

"HAHAHAH!!!"

"What the hell is it?!!" Cartman asked, surprised at Kenny's sudden outbreak of laughter.

"You… you…. HAHAH!!" Kenny kicked up and down and held his sides.

"What?!! I swear to God Kenny you're freaking me out!!"

"HAHAHAA!!"

"Kenny unless you stop laughing right now I will kick you in the nuts!!"

Kenny sniffed and attempted to get up. He held himself up by leaning against the wall.

"…So… I heard you and Kyle had _fun_," was all he could think to say. He snickered again.

Cartman's eyes widened, then in the next second, he was looking away and walking toward the sink. He turned on the faucet and began to wash his hands.

Kenny smirked and stared at his back.

"Are you going to tell me about it?"

Cartman was obviously ignoring him, as he made a point to put gobs of soap on both his hands.

"Will you tell me what spurred this random act of… _kindness_?" Kenny said, emphasizing the last word.

Again, Cartman ignored him and put his hands under the scalding hot water.

"So what did he taste like?" Kenny continued, smiling. "Was he sweet, or was he more-

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!!" Cartman yelled, ramming his fist into the paper towel dispenser. It bled a little. Kenny's smirk was wiped clean off his face; his dark side emerged, it seemed to be saved specifically for Cartman's ignorance.

"Why did you do it?" he asked darkly, walking toward Cartman.

"Just shut up now, Kenny."

"What did Kyle say that finally broke you and your petty little delusions?"

"KENNY I'M WARNING YOU-

"Did you _finally_ realize how you feel about him?"

Cartman stopped and looked at Kenny, lost for words.

"I… don't know…" he answered truthfully.

Kenny rolled his eyes, "God, are you actually stupid or are you too stubborn to admit it?"

Cartman had to think that one over.

"Kenny?" A voice called from outside followed by the creak of the opened bathroom door. It was Stan.

They looked at him. Stan looked at Kenny for a moment, then at Cartman, then had to look away instantly.

"What… the hell did you do to Kyle yesterday?" he finally asked.

Cartman blinked, then glanced over at Kenny and flushed a little.

"Cartman… Kyle is my best friend," Stan said, forcing himself to stay calm, "And if you were just fucking with him yesterday… that was a real shitty way of doing it. I know I told you I thought he was gay, but getting back at him like that for whatever he did to you this time was totally unbelievable!!"

_What_… Kenny and Cartman thought together.

"That… was his first kiss Cartman…. How the hell did you think it was a good idea to do that?! To scar him for life?! Are you _happy_ with what you did?!!"

"He didn't do it to hurt Kyle," Kenny started, his anger toward Cartman receding. Cartman stopped him.

"You really think that's why I did it?!" Cartman yelled at Stan. He was getting sick of people prejudging why he did things.

"Well why the hell else would you-

"THAT'S NONE OF YOUR GOD DAMN BUSINESS!!!" Cartman snapped, balling his hands into fists. The blood from his right hand dripped onto the wet, tiled floor.

"IT IS MY BUSINESS- THAT'S MY BEST FRIEND YOU FUCKED WITH!!"

"Oh sure, you're best friend, when it took you how many years to get rid of Wendy when she always gave Kyle shit?! What kind of friend dates a bitch like that?!!"

"That's not fair Cartman, look how you fucking treat him! Don't act like you've been some fucking saint to him the whole time!! You've given him AIDS, called him a Jew at least twenty times a day every day of his life, made fun of him, hurt him, harassed him, and-

"And saved his life every time it came down to it," Kenny finished his sentence. They both looked at him and suddenly cooled down.

"Look, Cartman, why…" Stan trailed off, "You knew it would fuck with Kyle, if you really… are trying to be nicer to him, and maybe be his friend, like I originally thought, why did you do that?"

There was a pause before Cartman answered.

"…You really think it wasn't also my first-" Cartman muttered, then realizing what he said, looked away and tried to cover up his blush. "I'm- I'm outta here. I can't take anymore of your bullshit today."

He dashed out of the bathroom before Stan or Kenny could say another word. Stan looked at Kenny.

"So… for the past few weeks, I feel like I've been missing something big…" he said, sounding confused. "Do you happen to know what it is?"

Kenny looked at Stan, then back down. "It's not my place to say." He walked toward the door to the hall. "We should get back to class before Kyle starts to wonder where we went."

Stan nodded and followed Kenny out of the bathroom.

Slowly, a realization hit Stan as the door shut behind him. He remembered when Cartman passed out two days before and how Kyle…was crying.

_Kyle was crying because he thought Cartman was dead…_ he thought slowly, walking back quietly with Kenny. _Why did he… I mean, he doesn't hate Cartman anymore, but…What's going on…_

_Sorry Kyle, but I'll have to bring up the C word._


	23. Why can't we seem to pull it together!

"Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."

Kahlil Gibran

Kyle stared out of the window during math that day. Who could blame him- after all the shit he's been through, he deserves a day just to zone out.

Kyle attempted to calm his rampant thoughts.

_Did yesterday actually happen?_ He asked himself. _I mean… it seems too unreal for a bunch of reasons._

_First off, it was Cartman._

_Second, he… he ki---- me, _(Kyle's brain wasn't ready to say the full word yet for fear of a complete breakdown.)

_Third, and this is the most puzzling of them all… I didn't want to stop._

Kyle slammed his head into the desk in an attempt to get that disgusting notion out of his head.

_I…I hate my life_, he thought angrily. _Stupid stupid Cartman!! You… you stole my first kiss!! God damnit!!!_

_I mean, yeah, when I was nine… but who counts back then?!! You know, I'm just not going to count it!! Yeah!! It didn't mean anything!!_

_And besides, he only did it to freak me out. It's not like he meant anything by it. He hates me!! Fucking idiot, what kind of pay back is that?!! Well, it did come from the same guy who put Butter's dick in his mouth and didn't think it was gay._

…_Everything sucks._

Kyle looked back out of the window, where he had a good view of the parking lot. He spotted Cartman's large figure running off the campus. Kyle vaguely remembered how it felt to have his lips on his own, the warmth of his touch… Kyle touched his lips in remembrance.

_What the FUCK?!_ He yelled at himself inwardly. He wiped at his mouth with his sleeve vigorously. _I need… therapy_. He concluded.

A folded piece of paper landed on his desk. He glanced to his write and saw Stan motioning for him to open it. Kyle unfolded the paper football and read it.

You know I'm really getting sick of being left

out of the loop. You wanna tell me

what's been going on with you lately, or are you

gonna keep it bottled up until you

explode again?

Kyle rolled his eyes, grabbed his pen, and began to scribble furiously on the paper.

I'm fine- just still in shock from yesterday.

I'm not bottling anything up, and out of the loop?

Of what?

He threw it back on Stan's desk, watched him read it, and write a response.

You've been acting off. Kenny's noticed too-

and you aren't telling us what's really going on.

Don't say it's your family again, you've been

living with us, it shouldn't be bothering you much now.

Kyle quickly wrote a response.

I'M FINE!!! Seriously Stan, the only shit that's been

going on with me lately has been with Eric CARTMAN.

Don't worry so much.

Stan furrowed his brow worriedly as he read Kyle's message, and tried to think of a delicate way to word his next question. It took him a few minutes to give the note back to Kyle.

Why were you crying when Cartman collapsed?

Kyle stared at the note and reread the sentence at least twenty times before crumpling up the piece of paper and throwing it into the trash.

"Kyle!!" Stan whispered angrily.

"Kyle Broflovski and Stan Marsh! This is my classroom, and I'll advise you to pay attention to me!!" Ms. Garrison yelled at them

"Sorry... _Ms_. Garrison, uh, Kyle was just telling me he's… very sick."

Kyle looked at Stan, "What?"

"Yes he's very sick and about to throw up so I'm taking him to the nurse's office, dunno when I'll be back!" Stan said quickly as he grabbed Kyle's hand and pulled him out of the room, Kyle fighting all the while.

After running about halfway down the hall, Kyle broke his hand free of Stan's.

"What the fuck, dude?!" Kyle asked angrily.

"Why won't you give me an answer?!" Stan asked, whirling on Kyle.

"Because I don't feel like it!" Kyle responded tartly, then turned around and started to walk back to the classroom.

"FUCK THAT!!" Stan yelled, grabbing Kyle's shirt and pulling him back. "Kyle, I am your best friend, but I'm getting really sick of you not telling me anything! Whenever it's something really important you shut me out- like your parents, or with this Cartman shit-

"CARTMAN IS NOT IMPORTANT!!" Kyle yelled at Stan, his eyes watering. "CARTMAN MEANS NOTHING TO ME- DON'T FUCKING CALL HIM IMPORTANT!!"

"Kyle, see?! Something is bothering you and you won't tell me!! Why were you crying when Cartman fell down?!!"

Kyle didn't answer.

"TELL ME WHY KYLE!! I'm getting absolutely sick of you yanking all of us around like this!!"

"I'm not meaning to! I mean, I barely know what's going on myself-

"Then TELL me! I'm your friend, fucking _tell_ me what's driving you this crazy to make you cry every chance you get!!"

"I DON'T KNOW!!" Kyle said, pulling his hat down over his ears and slamming his back against the lockers. He crumpled in a heap on the floor and held his legs close to himself.

"Why were you crying Kyle?!! You said you don't hate him, but you weren't even friends! He hated you- why did you care?!!"

No response.

"WHY DO YOU CARE KYLE?!!"

"I don't know," Kyle said softly. "Why… why is it always Cartman?"

Stan sat down in the middle of the floor and looked at Kyle on eye level, then looked away, trying not to get angry.

"Why do I always get sick around him…?"

Stan stopped and glanced back over at Kyle. "…What?"

"I get really dizzy… around Eric," Kyle continued. He seemed to be forcing out every word, like it hurt to say. "And my stomach gets jumpy… around Eric. And my thoughts…" Kyle trailed off. "…are always on him."

"And every time I run off and act like a completely immature stupid jerk… it's always him that finds me. It's him every single stupid fucking time!!" Kyle pushed his head further into his knees.

"And when I thought he died or whatever- my mind completely shut down. I thought the world was ending, there wasn't a point in anything else!! I didn't care about myself at all, just if he was okay… He's been the only person to ever treat me special!! He's been the only person to go out of his way for me without expecting anything in return!!"

"And… and he hurts me…" Kyle inhaled sharply, "Even when he doesn't mean to, he hurts me. Just by being around me… there's this sharp pain in my chest like someone is stabbing me and then twisting the knife. I don't understand it at all!!"

"I don't… get it…" he sniffed, finally breaking down into true sobs.

_I hate him… I really really hate him… for making me feel like this…_

---

"I don't know what I'm doing anymore," Cartman said to his empty room that night.

'_That's because you're an idiot_,' Clyde Frog responded smartly.

"Shut up Clyde Frog, you have no fucking idea how it feels to be me right now," Cartman said, turning to his favorite stuffed frog sitting on top of his computer. Even years after he stopped playing with toys, he couldn't bear to get rid of this frog. Some days though, like today, he severely regretted that.

'_Haha you think you're the only one who's done something stupid like kissing a boy you supposedly hate?_' Clyde Frog smirked. '_Oh wait- YOU ARE! HAhahaaa!!_'

"SHUT UP!!" Cartman grabbed the stuffed frog.

'_It doesn't matter whether or not I say it- it's true. You fucked up, my friend, and you're not the only one paying for it. How do you think Kyle feels about it right now?_'

"Don't fucking remind me," Cartman muttered, sitting on his bed. The mattress sunk slightly; he sat Clyde Frog down next to him and glanced at him. He noticed Clyde Frog's neck had an old thread sewn on it, from years and years ago.

He remembered that it was _Kyle_ who ripped Clyde Frog's head off in response to Cartman giving him AIDS.

Eric sighed, "I can't really blame him if he hates me," he muttered.

'_So, are you ever going to tell me why you kissed him_?'

Eric blushed slightly and kicked Clyde Frog off his bed.

"It's none of your business."

'_Well it looks like you need to tell someone_.'

Cartman thought it over, and decided it was okay to tell his stuffed animal, if anything.

"Ever since… I first saw Kyle cry… a few weeks ago, I guess, when his mom dragged him back inside the house… his eyes…. have cursed me.

"I mean… I close my eyes, and they pop in my head! They're always right there! And he's always crying, with those stupid sad green eyes of his!! And then- if that wasn't enough, he… cried on me… that day when I ran out after him. Those fucking tears… I swear it's his Jew magic…"

Clyde Frog watched Cartman have an internal debate.

'_And that explains why you kissed him _how_?_'

Cartman flushed again, and continued.

"It's those…. stupid eyes. He was crying, again, and his stupid green eyes were right there. He told me… he _hated_ me… and I just lost it. I couldn't think of anything! I wanted to hit him, but not, and I wanted to yell at him 'I hate you too!' but I couldn't…"

Cartman covered his face with his hands. "He… just doesn't get how much shit he puts me through."

'_You did think something though, when you kissed him. You lied about that part._'

Cartman stopped rubbing his face and felt his stomach drop. "Yeah… I did."

'_You wanna share it with the rest of the class?_' Clyde Frog said sarcastically.

"NO," he answered quickly, "because it was a _brief, momentary thought_ that meant _nothing_ and it's _none_ of you business!!"

'_Haha, deny it all you want but you still thought it_!!'

"SHUT UP CLYDE FROG!!"

"Oh Eric?" his mother called from downstairs, "Your friend is here to see you."

Cartman's temperature dropped twenty degrees. He glanced down at the floor and picked up his stuffed frog.

"Hi Cartman," Kenny said as he pushed open the door. He saw Cartman attempting to hide Clyde Frog.

"Oh… it's you," Cartman's voice had a strange mixture of disappointment and relief in it.

"Who were you expecting?" Kenny said, walking inside of the room and closing the door.

"No one," Cartman answered quickly. "Just… no one."

"Ri-ight," Kenny said, laughing on the inside. "So, I came to get an answer to my question. Why did you kiss Kyle?"

Cartman's temperature rose rapidly again. "I just went over that shit…" he muttered.

"What?" Kenny asked, surprised.

"Oh! Um, nothing," Cartman said, glancing down at Clyde Frog nervously.

"Anyway, will you just tell me? I can see right through all your lies, and since I'm probably the only person in South Park, besides Butters, to consider you my friend, I think I deserve an explanation."

Cartman mulled this over in his head. Kenny watched him, until finally Cartman broke the silence.

"I'm not gay," was the first thing he said.

Kenny looked at him, and nodded for him to continue.

"I… don't like guys," Cartman said confidently, "But… I ki…kissss…" he couldn't quite bring himself to say it, "the-thing-I-did-to-Kyle, I did because…"

"…Because he was driving me crazy and crying and his eyes were right there and he was yelling and he said he hated me and after all the shit I've done for him I don't see how he could and then he was there and I was there and it just happened and _I'M NOT GAY_!!" Cartman said in one breath, whirling on Kenny.

Kenny stared at him, attempting to comprehend what he just said. Cartman was breathing heavily.

"Stan told me… Kyle broke down crying again today, this time, specifically because of you… Are you going to apologize to him?"

Cartman blinked, "Why would I apologize?"

" 'Because you stole his first kiss and scarred him for life', to quote Stan."

Cartman sighed, "I can't believe I have to spell this out for you too… Okay, so even though I'm extremely hot and smart and all, would you believe that I've never kissed a girl?"

Kenny blinked, "I could believe that."

"Then why… do you think I kiiiii…. Kyle?"

Kenny paused, "Do you really want my opinion?"

Cartman watched him, then looked down, "No, actually."


	24. Teardrop on the Fire

"How did it happen that their lips came together? How does it happen that birds sing, that snow melts, that the rose unfolds, that the dawn whitens behind the stark shapes of trees on the quivering summit of the hill? A kiss, and all was said."

Victor Hugo

_I fucking hate Stan and Kenny_, Kyle thought angrily as he arrived at the arcade Friday night.

After two days of avoiding Cartman, and questioning his sanity, he really _really_ didn't want to be near him. At all.

And all of that was shattered when he saw the person he wanted to see least, waiting for him at the arcade.

Let's back up to this morning, shall we?

---

"Hey Kyle!" Stan yelled and waved when he saw his friend in the hall. He dropped his voice when Kyle got closer. "How're you doing?"

"How do you think I'm doing?" Kyle said, a little snottily, since his last class had Cartman in it. It had been two days since the… incident, and he was still not anywhere close to being over it.

"Well… I was hoping you'd be getting over everything soon. Well, anyway, tonight me and Kenny were going to the arcade, wanna come with?"

"Sure," Kyle said automatically, anything to get his mind off of Cartman and their 'incident', he still couldn't think straight when he was around…

"Good! Alright, see you tonight!!" Stan sped off.

Kyle thought this was a little odd, but was focused more on his English homework, so didn't read too much into it.

---

_And so that's how I got here_, Kyle thought glumly. It was about 7:30, and standing between Stan and Kenny was the person he loathed most in the entire world.

_Fuck you Eric_, Kyle thought angrily. _And fuck you Stan and Kenny; you really thought this was a good idea?!!_

Kenny was smiling, while Stan carefully watched Kyle. Cartman looked like he was about to throw up.

"Soooo… I guess I should explain," he shrugged and smiled slightly, "See, Kenny and I are getting sick of all this drama going on between you two. It used to be easy to hang out, you know, even if you two hated each other's guts, but now it just seems like one thing after the other with you two!! And since neither of you will tell us what's going on…" Kyle glanced at Cartman, who shifted uncomfortably. "We decided you two are just going to hang out with us and deal with it." He smiled.

"Stan that's totally stupid and unfair," Kyle started, angry, "You don't get to just push people together and say get alo-

"Oh Kyle, grow up," the-person-Kyle-wanted-to-punch-said smartly, apparently recovered from almost gagging. "You can't even stand to be near me, all because of a tiny, little ki-

"SHUT THE HELL UP CARTMAN!!" Kyle said, walking quickly and putting his face in Cartman's. His cheeks were bright red and the hair poking out from underneath his hat seemed to flicker with electricity.

"Make me," Cartman dared him, "But there's no reason for you to be acting so stupid and avoiding me. What happened _happened_, you should just suck it up and deal with it."

Kyle's anger slightly subsided when he realized how close he had gotten to Cartman. He could feel the heat of Cartman's breath on his face when he spoke. Kyle backed away a little and looked helplessly at Kenny and Stan.

"Wun naight kouldn't hurt," Kenny said.

Kyle sighed, "FUCKING FINE!" he said, raising up his hands, "I give up."

"GOOD!" Stan said, grabbing Kyle and pulling him into the arcade.

---

Cartman watched as Stan wrapped his arm around Kyle's, and attempted to tug him along, into the brightly lit, colorful arcade. Cartman's brow furrowed.

"What're you thinking about?" Kenny asked playfully, removing his hood. His toothy grin was now visible.

"None of your god damn business, you poor asshole," Cartman retorted, and began to walk behind Stan and Kyle.

_You're trying hard to cover everything up, aren't you Cartman?_ Kenny smiled and followed him in.

"Let's play that one!" Stan said, pulling Kyle toward the racing car games. Kyle smiled slightly and let Stan drag him along. It was obvious to Kenny that Stan was just trying to make all of this easier on Kyle, and maybe Kyle realized that too.

But Cartman did not look happy. "I'm going over there…" he said quietly, and walked toward the UFO catcher games.

Kenny watched him leave, then walked over to Stan and whispered in his ear, "This was a great idea."

"I know- it was yours," Stan replied quietly, putting a quarter in the slot.

Kenny laughed and turned his back on Stan and Kyle. He had more important matters to deal with. Like the two girls and the four C cups lounging around the DDR mat.

---

A few hours later, Cartman was getting seriously annoyed by the UFO Catcher. It had eaten about twenty three dollars worth of quarters in his attempt at getting the Terrance and Philip doll, hidden underneath a small, stuffed elephant.

"God DAMNIT," he muttered under his breath. He reached into his pocket and grasped at his last few quarters.

"You look like you're having fun," a voice from behind him said. Cartman turned slightly and was greeted with a green bunny-eared hat.

The image of Stan's arm wrapped around Kyle's burned in Cartman's brain. "Where's your boyfriend?" Cartman asked huffily, turning back toward his game.

Kyle remained calm, completely unaffected by Cartman's comment. "Playing DDR with Kenny and some blonde chicks."

"Well then, what do you want Jew?" Cartman asked, annoyed. He wasn't in the mood to hear Kyle yell at him for 'stealing his first kiss' or whatever.

"Nothing. I'm just enjoying watching you get angry and lose," Cartman turned toward the Jew to yell at him, but realized Kyle was smiling. Eric lost his train of thought, then turned back toward his game, a slight pink tinge on his cheeks.

Eric continued to try and get the Terrance and Philip dolls, but lost two more quarters. Kyle continued to watch him struggle.

_Why the hell is this Jew watching me?_ Cartman asked himself, attempting to concentrate on his game. _He's distracting me from my game, what does he think he's trying to pull?! Is this some sort of stupid revenge for me ki-i-i-… him?!_

Cartman glanced back at Kyle, whose eyes were glued on Eric's face. Eric was slightly taken aback.

"Wh-What?" he asked nervously. Kyle jumped slightly.

"Nothing…" Kyle replied, realizing he was staring at Cartman. He looked away quickly, toward the game. After a moment, he added, "You know, it's a lot easier if you go for the top ones first."

Eric blinked, "What?"

"If you got that elephant first, the Terrance and Philip thing would be easier to get at, and you wouldn't be wasting so many quarters."

Eric thought for a moment, "Oh."

He proceeded to situate the claw above the elephant, lower it, grab it and bring it back up.

"Hey, I got it!" he said happily. Kyle smiled.

The elephant fell down into the retrieval slot as Eric put another quarter in and restarted his game. He positioned the claw above the Terrance and Philip doll.

"Dude, no, you won't get it that way- here," Kyle said quickly, slightly nudging Eric out of the way and putting his hand on Eric's, to move the claw.

He moved the handle ever so slightly to the left, his hand clutching Eric's all the while. Cartman glanced at their hands, then back at Kyle. Kyle seemed to be having trouble keeping a flush down; Eric's heart sped up in response.

_Stop it,_ he told himself, _you're acting like a fag, it's just his hand, it's not a big deal._

Kyle's body heat finally reached Cartman, and it suddenly got way too warm. Kyle stared at the glass pane in front of the toys for another second, then let Cartman's hand go.

"See… this claw is slightly angled toward the right, so if you move it to the left, it has more of a chance of getting… the stuff," Kyle was looking everywhere except at Cartman.

"Right," Cartman said awkwardly, and after a moment's recovery, he pressed the red button on the handle to lower the lever.

---

"Dude I can't believe I got it!!" Cartman said happily, throwing the toy in the air as they walked out toward the parking lot, looking for Kenny and Stan.

Kyle laughed. "Kenny was right; you _do_ still play with dolls!!"

Cartman looked at Kyle, and flushed in embarrassment, "I do _not_!! I was just… just gonna sell this on eBay for money! Yeah!!" _I'm going to fucking kill Kenny._

Kyle laughed again- he seemed to be smiling easier than before.

Cartman looked down in his other hand, at the elephant. He thrust his hand out toward Kyle. "Here," he said awkwardly, definitely not looking at Kyle. Kyle blinked. "I… have no need for this thing, and since you helped me… I don't want to have to owe you anything," he said quickly.

Kyle blinked, then flushed slightly, taking the toy from Eric's hand. "Thanks…."

A horn honked in the parking lot, breaking their awkward silence.

"Come on you guys! It's late and I wanna play videogames!!" Stan yelled from his parent's car, Kenny in shotgun.

Kyle was the first to dash toward the car, protectively clutching the small elephant to his chest. Cartman slowly walked behind him.

Kyle jumped in the back seat and slammed the door, attempting to hide the elephant.

"What's that?" Kenny asked slyly, motioning at the stuffed animal in Kyle's hand.

"No-nothing," Kyle said quickly. "I won it," he added.

Kenny smiled widely. "Sure."

Cartman climbed in the opposite side of the back seat, and closed the door, saying nothing.

"Looks like you finally got your doll," Kenny said smartly, still smiling.

"Fuck off Kenny," Cartman muttered in response.

Stan remained blissfully unaware of the rest of the car, and sped out of the parking lot, toward his house.

---

"Andddd we're back!" Stan said happily, unlocking the front door. "And everyone is gone, again, so I got to use the car!"

Kenny bounded in excitedly as Cartman trailed behind him.

"Uh dude?" Kyle said to Stan, walking behind the other two, still holding the stuffed elephant. "I'm… going to the bathroom, I'll be back later."

"Sure, Kyle…" Stan looked worried. Usually Kyle didn't announce whatever he was doing in Stan's house. "Go ahead…"

"Thanks," Kyle sprinted up the stairs to the bathroom and closed the door behind him before Stan could get another word in. He locked the door, put his back to it, and slumped onto the floor.

"Look at me, he does one nice thing and I completely lose it… Keep it together, Broflovski," he whispered to himself, clutching the small elephant tightly. "Eric can't know…"

_Because if he knew, he would hate me, _Kyle thought. _I mean… he already does, but at least he puts up with me on a daily basis._

_If he knew, then… he wouldn't even be around._ Kyle breathed in sharply, as if scared of the very thought. _Gone… would that hurt more than it already does?_

_Would it hurt more if he was gone, or if he was still around?_

_Why is it when he's nice to me, it hurts?_

He grasped the elephant with both hands, between his chest and knees.

_When he does random acts of kindness like that… when I'm least expecting it, my heart races._

_What he says and does… affect me so much… _

_When he's mean to me or makes fun of me, I lash out and yell at him. It hurts. I want to attack him for being so unbelievably mean to me and only me. I want to hurt him so badly, as much as he hurts me every single time he harasses me. I want to mess him up and make him feel like I do…_

_But then, when he does something so nice to me, it just… makes me so happy that I could just explode. It feels like I'm dying. Dying a blissful, happy death. And then I realize, even when he's being mean to me… it's only to me. That means I'm special… and that also makes me so happy…_

_And everything is forgiven._

Kyle smiled despite himself, then sad tears traveled down his cheeks and hit the elephant.

_And then, I get sad, because I can't be happy because of Cartman. He's Cartman. I'm Kyle. He hates me… he hates me…_

The last words rang through Kyle's head. _He hates me…_ Kyle muffled his sobs in his knees so no one could hear his cries.

_I couldn't even tell Stan. Stan would be disgusted with me too, now that he knows about our dads too._

_All those times… he came after me. _Kyle's hands burned, remembering how it felt to punch Cartman that night in the snow. _He made me so happy… to know that someone cared. _The lights of the sunrise bouncing off of Eric's silhouette found their way onto the back of Kyle's eyelids. _And he kept doing it… and I don't understand why he would. _Eric's brown eyes reflecting Kyle's green eyes flashed in his mind. _And I can't tell him… how happy I was when he kissed me. Because I know it was only a joke…_

_I have to admit it… I have to admit it for my own sanity, I can't hide it anymore._

_I'm in love with Eric Cartman._

Kyle covered his face with his hands and dropped the stuffed elephant on the floor. He tried to silence his cries of anguish, because to anyone outside, it would've sounded like someone was dying…

Because their heart was being ripped out.


	25. But Lullabies go on and on

"My heart beat so hard when I was near him, I feared he could hear my secret longing for him."

Destiny Vaestus

"Dude where is Kyle? He's been gone for a while now," Kenny remarked, after kicking Cartman's ass on the Xbox for the umpteenth time.

"Eh… he's in the bathroom…" Stan said worriedly, "But I'm sure he's fine."

Kenny snorted, "He's probably jacki-

"I'm right here," Kyle's annoyed voice called from behind them. All three boys turned and looked at him.

"Kyle!" Stan cried happily. He noticed Kyle's eyes were slightly red and puffy, "Are you-

"I'm fine," he said encouragingly. He smiled and walked around his best friend, to the couch where Cartman and Kenny were already sitting.

_He seems normal_, Stan thought, eyeing Kyle.

Kyle sat down between Stan and Eric. The other three boys were slightly taken aback he put himself within three feet of Cartman, considering he still wasn't quite over their incident, but they didn't say anything. Stan noticed Kyle was clutching something tightly to his chest.

"What's that?" he asked pointing at it. Cartman broke his gaze from the TV for a split second to glance over at Kyle. It was the elephant.

Cartman was surprised, but pretended not to notice, and continued to try and beat Kenny.

"Oh, um, nothing," Kyle said, dropping the elephant to the floor as if to prove his point. "I won it on one of those stupid games Eric was playing."

Kenny snickered, but Stan didn't seem to notice. He was too busy trying to decipher the strange look in Kyle's eyes.

"Kyle. Come get pizza with me," he said quickly, grabbing Kyle's hand and pulling him to the front door. Cartman and Kenny barely seemed to notice as Stan opened the front door without hesitation, and ran out into the cold, followed by Kyle.

"What's up?" Kyle asked once they were outside.

"You're acting weird, so I'm getting you out of the house," Stan said smartly, opening the driver's side door and gesturing Kyle into the car. Kyle blinked, then rolled his eyes and walked to the passenger door.

---

"Oh Cartman," Kenny said, pausing the game.

"What?" Cartman asked, angry that Kenny had beaten him forty six consecutive times.

Kenny didn't say anything; he just continued to stare at Cartman, eventually forcing him to turn and return his gaze.

"What the fuck is it?"

"This." Kenny picked up Kyle's stuffed elephant off the floor and shoved it in Eric's face. Cartman flinched slightly and whacked it out of Kenny's hands.

"What's the big deal, _Eric_?" Kenny said, smirking. "It's just a stupid little toy, why're you freaking out _Eric_?"

Cartman was getting pissed off. "Don't call me that."

"Why not? Everyone else seems to call you _Eric_, so why can't I call you _Eric_?" Kenny said, obviously accenting his name.

"Kenny shut the fuck up," Cartman said, tossing a pillow at Kenny's head.

Kenny muttered angrily; he was obviously losing patience with Cartman. "At least tell me this; do you know how you feel about Kyle?"

---

Kyle and Stan sat quietly in the Marsh's car, listening to a CD. The song 'Pictures of you' by the Cure was playing quietly.

"Stan?" Kyle asked hesitantly.

"What?" he turned the car into the Domino's parking lot.

"Is this a mixed CD?"

"Yeah," Stan didn't elaborate.

Kyle paused, "Is this a get-over-Wendy mixed CD?"

Stan turned to look at his best friend and laughed, "How did you know?"

Kyle rolled his eyes. "This is only _the_ 'I miss you and want you back' song of our generation."

Stan laughed, "Ah, you caught me. I can't help it dude… Sorry, I know she was a total bitch to you, but ya know, we've been on and off for years… and it's just hard to _finally_ be over, after our history and all."

Kyle nodded appreciatively.

"And I feel like I should apologize to you about that…" Stan continued, shifting the car into 'park'. "I mean, she was such a bitch to you, and it was my fault because I didn't treat her better! Who knows, if Cartman hadn't come along, I might still be going out with that-

"Cartman?" Kyle asked, slightly confused. "What does he have to do with this?"

Stan realized he messed up. "Uh, oh, nothing… he just helped me realize what a bitch she was," he smiled, hoping Kyle wouldn't ask him to elaborate.

Luckily, Kyle wasn't in the mood to discuss Cartman, so he didn't. Stan turned off the car and faced his best friend.

"Dude… I know how awkward it is, but we need to talk… about our dads," he said, sighing.

Kyle had attempted to wipe that eventual conversation off the face of the earth, but obviously failed. He sighed too, "I know dude… but is it really our business?"

"I think it is. He was cheating on my mom with your dad for a few years-

"A FEW YEARS?!" Kyle jumped and hit his head on the roof of the car. He cursed and rubbed his head while Stan looked at him, surprised. "Sorry…" Kyle continued, "My dad hasn't told me anything about it. Before he could explain, I ran out."

"Oh…" Stan said, feeling slightly guilty. "Well… my dad told me a lot of stuff I didn't really _want_ to know… but apparently my mom knows and forgave him, because she knows deep down he loves her no matter what, and has always put the family first."

"That's definitely not what it's like in mine…" Kyle muttered. "So… your mom's okay with everything? Like, all's forgiven and whatever?"

"Yeah… I was surprised too, but my dad swore she already knew about everything. My family… is just really open about some things. I don't think yours is as much." Stan smiled uneasily.

"You have no idea," Kyle smiled back. He felt slightly relieved to talk about this. "Wait… so you don't hate your dad?"

Stan rolled his eyes, "My dad is a complete idiot sometimes, but he would never do anything to intentionally harm us or hurt Mom, so he's mostly forgiven in my book."

"So you don't…" Kyle started, trying not to be obvious. "You're not against a guy lov-" he caught himself for his word choice and blushed, "_liking_ another guy?"

"…what brought this up?"

"I'm just wondering," Kyle said defensively.

Stan thought, "No… I'm not. I mean love's just love; you can't really choose who it's for. I just don't like the idea of cheating on someone, that's my only problem with our dads, not because they might be gay or whatever."

Kyle sighed in relief; it felt good to know his best friend wouldn't hate him for his earlier revelation.

He thought for a moment, and tried to steer the conversation back to where they were earlier. "…I think my dad is like that too… but my mom… do you know when it all started? Like… when they had their…" Kyle searched for the right word, "_relationship_. When it started?"

Stan tried to remember, "I think my dad said four or five years ago."

Kyle did the math, "So when we were twelve?"

"Yeah."

Kyle paused and stared at his feet. "…That was when my mom started acting off."

Stan turned back toward his friend, "…seriously?"

"Yeah," Kyle didn't move.

"You think… she started all of her shit toward you… because of our dads?"

Kyle didn't say anything; instead he opened the car door and unbuckled his seatbelt. Stan did the same and soon they were both inside the Domino's. Stan investigated the menu while Kyle shifted uneasily.

"Let's just… drop this for now, okay? I've had enough break downs for one day," Kyle said quietly.

Stan tore his gaze away from the menu and looked at Kyle, confused.

"What was your other one about?"

"What?"

"Your other break down. What was it about?"

Kyle flushed and looked back toward the menu, pretending to be busy. "No-nothing. It's nothing."

Stan stared at him for another second, then, realizing their cashier was waiting, took a step forward, ready to place their order.

---

"We're back," Stan said, opening the front door. He carried two pepperoni pizzas, while Kyle carried two cheese.

"Finally!" Kenny said happily, looking at their plentiful pizza boxes, "I was starving!!" he jumped down from the couch and nearly tackled Stan to get at the first one.

"Calm down Kenny!" Stan said, trying to kick him away. He placed the boxes on the floor and flipped the top off the first one. Kenny dove and grabbed the first slice. "Kenny!!" Stan yelled, pushing him out of the way.

While they wrestled, Kyle struggled to keep hold of the two remaining pizza boxes, until Eric walked over and grabbed them.

"I got it…" he mumbled, averting his eyes. His hands were touching Kyle's, helping him support the boxes.

"Thanks…" Kyle said awkwardly, blushing at their skin contact. They both stood there like that for another second, until Eric looked up, and saw Kenny grinning widely at him. He automatically let go and Kyle, not expecting this, let the boxes slip out of his hands. They fell to the floor with a thud.

"Cartman!!" Stan yelled.

"What the fuck did I do?! It's that damn Jew's fault for being so weak!!" Cartman snapped, his cheeks tinged pink.

"Fuck you fat ass!" Kyle furiously yelled, still blushing from their touch. _God damn this!_ he thought.

He growled and knelt down to pick up the boxes, which luckily did not open and spill all their delicious contents onto the floor. He began to flip them over and restack them.

Cartman rolled his eyes and joined him in fixing their clumsiness. Stan looked at him, confused.

_Why is he helping Kyle? _He wondered, _He's too fucking stubborn to admit it was his fault, so why…_

Kenny snickered and took another bite of pizza.

"Dudes… that's enough," Stan said uncomfortably, after Kyle and Cartman restacked the boxes and held them. "Let's have some well-deserved fun, after the week we've had."

The other boys nodded appreciatively and sat down on Stan's couch, pizza and game controllers at hand.

---

Kyle could hear the birds chirping outside Stan's window living room window; it was well into Saturday morning when he woke up. He felt the sun's rays warming his hair; his hat must've fallen off in the middle of the night. He was on the floor, with a comforter, in front of the TV.

Kyle yawned but didn't feel like opening his eyes yet, so instead he snuggled into his pillow. Everything smelled so good, he didn't want to wake up yet…

He felt something move in front of him. He reluctantly opened one of his eyes to see what it was.

It was Cartman.

Kyle's face was a measly inch away from his. Their noses almost touched; he was surprised he didn't feel Eric's warm breath on his lips when his eyes were closed. Kyle almost screamed with shock, but forced it down, realizing the other three boys were asleep… and he _really_ didn't want to explain to them why he screamed and woke them up.

He attempted to close his eyes and go back to sleep, but he couldn't do it, so he lied there, way too close to Eric for his comfort.

He tried to edge back a little but was stopped by Eric's arm, which he moved on top of Kyle. He was pinned. Cartman seemed to have mistaken Kyle for a pillow, because he pulled him back into his chest and kept him nuzzled there.

Kyle felt extremely grateful that his other two friends were asleep. It had only been a few hours since Kyle consciously realized his love for this boy; it was hard enough trying to hide his blush every time he accidentally brushed up against him, but this was absolute torture. He was sure his skin color matched his hair.

He originally felt extremely embarrassed and awkward being held by Cartman, but soon his nervousness was alleviated when the butterflies in his stomach seemed to fly through his whole body. He peered up at his face; Eric looked so peaceful when he slept, it was hard to believe he was the one who caused the hell in Kyle's life for so long.

Kyle felt so at ease in that instant, like all the stress in his life was gone, even if for a second. Cartman seemed to have that effect on him (however ironic that was). Kyle hated him, but he loved him. He loved to hate him and hated to love him, it was a paradox.

Cartman was a paradox.

His heart thumped rapidly against his rib cage, and the feeling of pure ecstasy pumped through his veins. Kyle closed his eyes and began to drift to sleep again. There was a slight hurt tingling through his body, like that of a heart ache, but the bliss he felt being held by Eric overcame any pain. He unconsciously snuggled into Cartman's embrace and nuzzled his face into the other boy's chest.

Eric's heartbeat echoed through Kyle's body. It was lulling him to sleep in a way no song or lullaby could have.

_God, please let me just enjoy this moment,_ Kyle thought sleepily, _I know it might be wrong, and I know I probably don't deserve it… but I beg you, please let it just stay this way a little longer._

_Please don't take this away._


	26. I've been biting my tongue all week

"It's easy to love the snow because at the end of every snowstorm it's as if the world has started over. There is no dirt, no footprints, just a layer of seamless, indiscriminate nature connecting everything to everything else. Isn't that the amazing thing about the natural world? You can tear it down, you can drill holes in it, you can ignore its power with all your might, but one morning you wake up and it has selflessly given despite all of our abuse. I think I'll make a snowman."

Andrew McMahon

"You wouldn't ever actually show that thing to anyone, right?" Kyle asked nervously.

"No dude, we're just using it to piss off Cartman, don't worry," Stan said smugly.

It was Sunday; they were sitting in Stan's kitchen, waiting for the popcorn to be finished cooking so they could start their movie, _Dodgeball_.

"I guess… I owe you an explanation," Kyle said, looking at Stan guiltily.

"What're you talking about dude? That kind of weird shit happens to all of us- do you know how many awkward moments I've had in my life?"

"No… not that," Kyle said, staring at a spot on the floor.

"Then what?" Stan had a confused look.

"I… I think you were right…" Kyle twiddled his thumbs as his cheeks turned red. "I… do like someone."

Stan's eyes widened in surprise, "You serious?"

"Yeah… actually… I think I might be in love with… them."

Stan stood up and walked over to him, looking ecstatic. "That's great Kyle, I'm so happy for you!!" he knelt down to Kyle's level and looked him in the eyes earnestly. "Who is she?"

Kyle met Stan's gaze, then awkwardly averted his eyes. "It's…Er-

The phone rang loudly, breaking Kyle and Stan from their conversation. Stan walked over and picked it up.

"Hello?" Stan frowned angrily. "What do you want?... Oh really? Not my dad?"

_Who is he talking to?_ Kyle wondered.

"…It's for you." Stan said irritably, thrusting the phone toward Kyle.

Kyle was confused, _who the hell is it this time?_

He walked over to Stan and took the phone from his hand.

"…Hello?"

"Hello, Kyle, how are you?"

All the blood drained from Kyle's face. It was his dad.

"…I'm fine."

"That's good, that's good… I know your friend doesn't want me talking to you," Kyle cast Stan an annoyed glance, "but there's something we must discuss. Could we meet sometime this week?"

Kyle thought for a moment. He really _really_ didn't want to speak with his family, but he knew that some things needed to be said…

"Sure."

"Oh-great!" his father sounded relieved, "I have a business meeting tomorrow, but could we meet at five on Tuesday? At that café near the grocery store?"

"Sure…"

"Thanks Kyle, see you then! Have a good week!" the line disconnected. Kyle put the phone back on its receiver and turned toward Stan. "I'm…meeting with my dad…"

Stan raised an eyebrow, "Really?

"Yeah…. I figure I need to."

"I guess… I just don't like how he kept it all quiet and got your mom to… where she is now." Kyle nodded in agreement.

"Anyway, let's not think about that," Stan said, waving his hand, "Let's get back to the topic at hand… who do you love?" he smiled.

Kyle regretted bringing it up. "Uh…. No one, forget it."

"Oh come on Kyle, is she hot? Is she smart?

"Stan…"

"Knowing you, she's probably a nerd. Is she someone I know?"

"Stan…"

"Oh! Is it Bebe, I know she had a thing for you a while ago, but maybe it's-

"Stan, I'm in love with Cartman!" Kyle yelled. His voice rang through the house, leaving a silence in its wake.

Stan looked like he swallowed a golf ball. "Wh-What?"

"I…. I love Eric…"

Pause. "You're crazy."

"I know."

"You're absolutely fucking insane."

"I know."

Stan sighed and put his hand on Kyle's shoulder, "As your best friend, I'm going to say that that is possibly the weirdest feeling for you to have… toward _Cartman_, of all people," Stan spit his name like it was a curse. "But… also as your best friend, you have my support."

Kyle smiled, "Thanks dude."

Stan smiled back and dropped his hand, "No problem, but you know… if he breaks your heart, I'll kill him."

"Too late…. He hates me, remember?"

"Oh. Oh yeah," Stan's face fell.

"Don't worry; I accepted that a long time ago. It doesn't really affect me anymore," Kyle lied. Stan could tell, but didn't push the love matter any further.

"So… are you gay?" Stan asked bluntly.

Kyle thought for a moment, "No… I don't think so at least, I'm not sure. I mean… I've never been attracted to anyone really."

"Except…" Stan trailed off.

"Well… I think with me… he…." Kyle blushed and looked away, "I just love him. I've… never felt this way about anybody…"

"Are you sure you love…him?" Stan cringed at the thought. "I mean, are you sure it's love?"

Kyle paused, "Remember what you said… about how you think love is just complete trust and understanding of another person? And how some things don't even need to be said? Just a real strong connection?"

"Yeah…?"

"Well… with… Eric… I know his reaction to anything I do. I know what he's going to say before he says it. I just… know him so well. And besides completely understanding and trusting he's going to do whatever he does… I also accept that. I think that… accepting someone for who they are, and not turning them away no matter what, that's love. Complete trust and acceptance and wanting to protect them and be near them and never leaving and…" Kyle turned a deeper shade of red, if that was even possible. "I mean, I still hate him, don't get me wrong, but…"

"Okay, now you lost me." Stan frowned; Kyle waved his hands around aimlessly trying to make a point Stan couldn't get. "But… I don't think I need to. I'll just… deal with it. Okay?"

Kyle smiled, relieved. "Thanks, Stan."

---

"Oh Eric," Kenny said in a singsong voice, "You are looking absolutely _fabulous_ today, is that a new product in your hair?"

"Kenny just shut up, right now," Cartman said. They were sitting in his bed room, browsing on his computer with nothing better to do.

"Oh Eric, you know you have to be nice to me," Kenny smiled, and reached into his pocket. "Otherwise _this_ will be all over the school tomorrow."

He held up a picture of a very much asleep Cartman holding an equally unconscious Kyle.

"I know yesterday you said you still don't know how you feel about him… but this seems to make it _pretty_ clear," Kenny's eyes narrowed; he was such a sadist.

"I _really_ fucking hate you, Kenny," Cartman turned back toward the computer screen, and reminisced about his rude awakening the day before.

---

_Snap! A blinding light filled the back of Cartman's eyelids, waking him up._

"_Ahh! What the fuck you guys-?!" He opened his eyes and was met with a mess of red hair and the overwhelming smell of Dove shampoo He blinked, originally thinking something was wrong with his vision, but quickly realized it was actually Kyle._

"_AAH!!" He screamed, automatically letting go of the Jewish boy and attempting to stand up. "Wh-What?!!" he looked around confusedly, and turned to see Stan and Kenny doubled over laughing; Kenny was holding a camera._

"_What the hell?!" Cartman attempted to figure out what was going on._

"_I think this is great blackmail material until at _least_ graduation," Stan said smugly, smirking. It finally clicked what exactly woke Cartman up._

"_Wh-What did you guys see??" he asked nervously, hoping it wasn't as bad as it seemed._

_Kenny laughed, "Oh, just you two _lovebirds_ cuddling while you slept, it was absolutely precious." An evil smile flashed across his face._

_A blush slowly spread over Cartman's cheeks, "Don't you DARE show that picture to ANYONE!! You got that?!!"_

_Stan and Kenny laughed._

"_You're in no position to be making threats, Cartman," Stan said, waving the camera around, "Instead, you should be begging us for mercy."_

"_LIKE HELL!!" Cartman yelled, "GUYS, I'M SERIOUS!! If you don't get rid of that, I'll… I'll…"_

_The other two boys laughed again. "We'll be in my room… making copies, so you can't ever destroy them all." Stan smiled and darted up the stairs to his room, Kenny close behind._

"_FUCK YOU!!" Cartman yelled._

"_Uhh…" something on the floor, near where Cartman previously slept, moved under the covers. He glanced down at it, and saw Kyle groaning, his eyes still closed._

"_What time is it?" he asked sleepily, sitting up. Some of the red curls fell in his face; his eyes half open. It was absolutely adorable._

_Eric smiled, "Nice hair, Jew."_

_Kyle's eyes opened all the way, realizing who was standing in front of him. He felt the top of his head, for his hat, then made a dive for the sheets. He pulled them over his head, covering his hair; he looked almost as covered as Kenny on a daily basis._

"_Fu-Fuck you, fat ass," Kyle retorted, his cheeks turning. Cartman blushed in response, and looked away._

"_You should, uh… go see Stan. He has something you might want to see."_

_Kyle looked confused, then stood up. He tightened the covers around himself and walked around Cartman, up the stairs, dragging them slightly._

_Cartman looked after him, and remembered how at some point in the night, he woke up slightly and grabbed whatever comfortable blob was in front of him._

That must've been… Kyle…_ he thought, embarrassed, as he heard Kyle scream bloody murder upstairs._

---

"Kenny, for the last time, get rid of that fucking picture," Cartman said angrily.

"But _Eric_," Kenny said, emphasizing his name. "You didn't even say please."

Cartman turned around and smiled, "Alright Kenny, could you please stick that picture up your-

"Oh _Eric_…" Kenny interrupted him and shook his head, "You are absolutely _hopeless_."


	27. Now I am stuck inside a Memory

"_Creon_: Can _you_ not see that your voice _offends me_?

Guard: Are your ears troubled or your soul?"

_Antigone_, written by Sophocles

Monday morning at South Park High School was exactly like every other morning in South Park, Colorado. Completely dull and normal. The teenagers filed in and spoke of their various weekend dramas and whatever else they bothered to do, the teachers stocked up on coffee, and the halls were spotless again (Thanks to the janitors working all weekend), ready for another week of school.

There was nothing special about this Monday whatsoever. Even though it was the beginning of December, it was already freezing outside through the entire year, so the townsfolk felt no difference. It was also too early for the Christmas feeling to take over, so everyone still at least _acted_ normal.

The only difference in this particular Monday was that Kyle Broflovski had learned a few new things since the previous Monday.

1) He was in love. He never knew what that felt like at any other point in his life, but now he never felt more sure of anything. It was the nagging thought in the back of his head; the tug at his heartstrings, which kept reminding him that he, was in fact in love with…

2) Kyle was in love with Eric Cartman, the boy he supposedly hated his entire life. It was not long ago that they were arguing and screaming and hating each other completely; the love Kyle experienced wore at him like a torrential flood on a tiny dam. Originally, he didn't realize it, but it kept pushing and washing over and picking away at him until finally, he was completely swept under.

3) His life was about to completely flip upside down… unless he did something fast.

"Dude, so you probably know this, but don't mention anything about the… stuff I told you yesterday, okay?" he asked Stan as he waited for him to finish filling his backpack with various books. Kenny and Cartman stood nearby, but were apparently too absorbed in their own conversation to listen in on Stan and Kyle's.

"Yeah dude, I figured, don't worry about it. My lips are sealed!" Stan made the 'zip your lips' motion from kindergarten and smiled. Kyle rolled his eyes.

"I'm serious!" he whispered, hoping Kenny and Eric wouldn't hear.

"So am I. I wouldn't tell anybody Kyle, don't worry," Stan smiled earnestly, putting Kyle's fears at ease.

"Thanks dude," he smiled back as Stan closed his locker and turned to walk with him to class. Now that he broke up with Wendy, he seemed to have a lot more time for Kyle (Both the boys were extremely grateful for this), so they had no problem enjoying each others' company now.

"Stupid alphabetical lockers…" Cartman muttered angrily, looking after Kyle and Stan's backs as they walked toward Mr./Ms. Garrison's room. _I really didn't need to see those two gaywads acting so… _gay_, first thing in the morning. _He was waiting for Kenny McCormick (who had a locker near Stan Marsh) to grab his books so they could just get to class already. Kenny glanced over at him.

"You're staring," he said, noticing where Cartman was looking.

"Kenny, shut up," Cartman said, attempting to ignore him.

Kenny smiled, "You liiiikkee him…"

"No I don't Kenny, shut the fuck up!!"

"You wanna huggg him…"

"Kenny-

"You wanna kisss hi-

"KENNY SHUT UP I'M NOT GAY!!"

Kenny smiled and closed his locker. "Really? Well this says otherwise," he reached into his pocket and pulled out the blameworthy photograph. Cartman turned a distinct shade of red.

"WELL I WAS ASLEEP!! I don't wanna fuck Kyle, Kenny, get over yourself!!" Cartman said loudly, causing many passersby to turn their heads.

"_Really_?" Kenny looked at him through his blonde eyelashes.

"YEAH '_REALLY'_, YOU STUPID PIECE OF SHIT!!"

"Because I still think you love hi-

"FUCK!!! YOU!!!" Cartman yelled really loudly. He picked up his bag and stomped in the direction of their classroom, leaving Kenny smiling

---

"Alright children, we've been reading the play _Antigone_ for a while now, and I'd like to know how you feel about it. Plus I don't feel like teaching today- so it's up to you. Class discussion. What makes this a tragedy?" Mr. Garrison looked around the room full of bored students.

Kyle's hand shot up in the air. Cartman imitated him attempting to jump up really high, overly eager to answer the question, and pretended to fall. Kyle ignored him and kept his eyes on the board.

"Yes, Kyle?" Mr. Garrison asked.

"The major underlying theme in the play is it teaches us to be wary of hubris, for it shall be the downfall of man. And deep down, it could also carry on the theme from Oedipus Rex that you cannot avoid fate, because essentially, Oedipus was the downfall of Thebes, like the Oracle originally predicted two plays ago."

"Very good Kyle. What do you think Aristotle would think of this play in his view of tragedy?"

"It has all the points that he brings up in 'On Tragedy', such as characters, thoughts, a chorus, etc, so I think he would have considered this to be one of the best examples of tragedy."

"Good. And, who do you feel is the main character in this play?"  
Kyle thought for a moment, "Antigone. Because of her innocence and motivation, audiences automatically love her. She didn't even do anything wrong. Instead she just did what she thought was right, and was punished for it. All of the problems that arose in her life were because of her father- it wasn't her fault at all. Instead, fate is still following their family around and there's nothing she can do to escape it."

"Interesting..."

Cartman's hand shot up.

"Yes Eric?" Mr. Garrison raised his eyebrows.

"Although the Jew, I mean _Kyle_, makes an excellent point…" he began. Kyle narrowed his eyes and turned to face him. "I have to disagree. I think the main character in the play is Creon."

Mr. Garrison looked surprised, then pleased. "Why do you say that?"

"Because more people can relate to him. More people are prideful than completely innocent. If the underlying theme truly is to be wary of 'hubris', or 'excessive pride', then wouldn't it be easy to assume the main character is the one with the pride, Creon?" he shot Kyle an evil smile and continued, "Plus, I can't help but feel bad for the guy. As the leader of Thebes, he has to put up a strong front, and show that he's not going to just forgive Antigone for breaking the laws even though she's his niece. Even though the Gods might be angry, he can't go back on his word, not only because of his pride, but he's trying to hold Thebes together! What was he supposed to do?"

Kyle growled angrily, "Well it was Creon's own fault! If he was willing to admit to his mistakes sooner and save Antigone, his son wouldn't have killed himself."

"And if Antigone hadn't been such a stuck up bitch, she would've seen things from people's points of view outside of her own, and not caused Creon so much fucking trouble!"

"Eric! Watch your language!" Mr. Garrison attempted to calm the boys down, but it was too late. They were off and running.

"Well if CREON wasn't such a JACKASS and acted like a normal human being for once, _he_ would've realized that Antigone had a right to bury her brother and that forbidding it was going to cause him trouble!!"

"And if ANTIGONE wasn't such a WHINY BITCH, _she_ would've seen that there were worlds outside of her own and she was interfering with the greater picture!!"

"What the hell do YOU know about the greater picture, Cartman?! You can barely see your own toes, let alone the 'greater picture'!!"

"Oh fuck off Jew; you don't understand a god damn thing!"  
"Yeah? Well I understand enough to know the only reason you actually read the play was to argue with me!"

"Puh-lease don't flatter yourself, fag, I have better things to do than think up ways for you to notice me. Or did you think I liked you?" he smiled evilly. Kyle felt his heart chip off a tiny bit; he began to see red.

"YOU don't understand ANYTHING outside of yourself, so back off!! Creon was a self absorbed asshole who only thought of what he wanted, and no matter what he told himself about having just reasons for not saving Antigone, he was just afraid of hurting his over-inflated ego!!"

"Creon is so the main character, you just don't want to admit you lost!!"

"THE PLAY IS CALLED _ANTIGONE_!! WHY WOULD YOU CALL IT _ANTIGONE _IF IT WAS ALL ABOUT CREON?!!"

"Technically, the play is about two very stubborn people who have different views about what their duty in life is, so they argue and argue until one is dead and the other spends the rest of his life trying to fix the city he so desperately tried to rule," Wendy piped up from the back of the room. Kyle and Cartman quickly turned their heads toward her and shot Wendy a look that made her shrink back into her seat.

"Well, if you boys are done," Mr. Garrison said, taking advantage of the silence. "I would like to say that even though the play is called _Antigone_, it is widely known that the main character is, indeed, Creon."

Cartman cheered while Kyle's mouth dropped. He was wrong. Cartman sneered and turned to face Kyle.

"Well Kyle, had enough? Or do I need to make you eat more of your words today?"

"Shut up…" Kyle said, completely deflated from his loss.

Stan watched him curiously, noticing it had been a while since he and Cartman went at it like that. He wondered vaguely if something had happened.

---

_At least now Kenny won't think I 'like' him; that should shut him up for a while,_ Cartman thought, distinctly proud of himself. He walked down the hall toward the cafeteria. People passed by him, chatting, as he smugly strode to his locker and spun the combination lock. He swung open the door and smiled as he put away his copy of _Antigone_, fully marked for such a situation as today.

"I know you only did that to piss me off," a voice said from behind the metal door. Cartman's smile grew wider as his eyes narrowed.

"Of course. It makes my day a little brighter, why else would I read some story a dead guy wrote?"

"Maybe because it's a classic and a good read?" Kyle suggested, his face still hidden by the door. Cartman snorted.

"Yeah, whatever Jew, not everyone's as nerdy as you." He closed the door and looked at Kyle. His green eyes were looking at the floor.

"Why… do you do that?"

Cartman was confused, "Do what?"

"That. Be nice to me… and then flip back, and then be mean to me but still treat me like a friend… it's confusing."

Cartman laughed, "Since when have you been my friend? God, Kyle, open your eyes! When are you going to realize I have no desire to be nice to anyone, let alone 'friends'?"

_There's no way I could lo… this nerd_, he thought, _I don't even like him!_ "You're such a loser Kyle, just get this through your head: I hate you. Maybe once you realize that, you'll-

Kyle finally looked up from the floor, and met Eric's eyes. Eric stopped talking when he realized Kyle's green eyes were the saddest he'd ever seen them. They seemed to go right through him; piercing directly to his heart.

_They're like a curse… _

"I know that," Kyle said, smiling sadly. "I've known that… for a long time now. And I know… you'll never change." Kyle continued to smile as he turned his back on Cartman and walked away.

_They're a curse… I'll never break free from._

"God damnit," he angrily muttered as he kicked his locker, once Kyle was out of sight.

---

"Kyle! Over here!" his dad waved excitedly from a table near the window in the café the next day. Kyle smiled slightly and waved back, beginning to walk over to where he was sitting.

"How are you?" he asked once Kyle sat down across from him. "You don't look like you've been sleeping." Kyle set his bag down and sat on the stool across from his father.

Truthfully, Kyle had been pretty lifeless since his argument with Cartman the day before. Of course, he wasn't about to admit that. "I'm fine," he said smiling.

"Good, good…" his father said distractedly, spinning the cup in his hands nervously. "Listen, Kyle, I feel like I need to explain what exactly happened with your mother and I."

"Um… I heard a lot of stuff from Stan," Kyle mumbled, "so I don't think you need to go into full detail…"

Gerald's eyes widened slightly, "Randy told Stan?" Kyle nodded. "Wow… okay well that speeds things up a bit… uh, you're not living with your mother now, are you?"

Kyle shook his head, and Gerald sighed, "I know sometimes she might not seem like it, but she is your mother and she loves you, Kyle. You should check in with her at some point, and tell her you're okay, I'm sure she'd be happy."  
_That's likely_, Kyle thought sarcastically, watching his father. His dad seemed to be slightly paler than last time he saw him; it was probably from stress.

"Well… Kyle… It's not that I don't love your mother," Gerald began. Kyle inwardly winced at the direction this conversation was taking. "But… there are some things in life you can't really explain. I mean, I love you and your brother and mother more than any of you could possibly imagine, but… with Randy…"

Kyle felt like he was about to throw up. "With Randy… I felt whole. I know he didn't feel the same way, but when I was with him… everything seemed to make more sense. Colors seemed more vibrant; the air seemed like it had more of a taste… he made me so happy. I won't go into the details because I don't think… it needs to be said…" Kyle nodded eagerly, hoping the awkward conversation would end soon.

"Although… With Randy… it's not like I wanted to love him. It just happened. And one day, it just hit me out of nowhere and I realized there was no way I could continue living the lie I was."

_This… sounds familiar…_ Kyle thought as he listened to his father struggle to make sentences.

"I really do love you guys, but it's a different kind of love with your mother and Randy. Your mother made me feel… empty, like I could never do enough for her. But… with Randy, I never felt more alive, like I could enjoy things without feeling guilty or ashamed. He just… made me so happy." His father smiled, and Kyle felt himself shiver. "Now, Randy won't have anything to do with me, so I assume we're completely over… But…" he coughed. "Anyway, one of the reasons I asked you here was because… I was hoping you could do something for me."

Kyle glanced up at his father's pathetic, disheveled figure and nodded slowly. "Whatever it is… I'll do it," he said, thinking this was the least he could do for his father.

Gerald smiled, "Well… I was hoping, you could talk to your mom for me…" Kyle looked at him like he had gone crazy, but he didn't notice. "She won't answer any of my calls… and I think it would be better if we were all together again, like a family, you know? What do you think?"

Kyle did not want to speak to his mom, but vaguely remembered the happy times he had with his family, with his brother telling jokes, his dad laughing, and his mom… smiling.

"I'll… think it over," Kyle finally answered.

Gerald smiled widely, "Thank you Kyle, thank you! You are so nice and forgiving and a great son… just, thank you."

Kyle smiled weakly. "I… have homework… so I better go."

"Oh! Of course," Gerald said, standing up. Kyle followed suit and picked up his bag.

"Hey… um Kyle? I know that… a lot, if not all of the stuff I said, made next to no sense, but please… try to understand. None of this was about you or your mom or Ike. It was all me. I just… fell in love… and I knew it was wrong and I'm sorry, but please try to understand." He said hopelessly.

Kyle nodded and turned to leave the café.

_You have no idea how much I do understand, Dad._

_You have absolutely no fucking idea._


	28. Try Not to Bring It Back Home With Me

"If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins."

Benjamin Franklin

That night, Cartman sat alone in his room. His mom was out with yet another boyfriend (Eric thought it was Mr. Mackey this time), so he had the house to himself. He preferred to leave the lights off; it made everything look cooler, and he didn't have to think about as much. It calmed him down more than anything.

He tossed his copy of _Antigone_ back and forth between his hands, then eventually got sick of it and threw it at the wall and sighed heavily.

'_You hurt him_,' Clyde Frog said bluntly.

"I know…" Cartman muttered, resting his head in his hands, and closing his eyes.

'_Didn't you think what you said would hurt?_'

"Yeah… but I didn't think it would hurt him…that much… didn't think he would care…" Cartman trailed off, remembering Kyle's sad eyes. He rubbed his own eyes, trying to get rid of the image in his memory.

'_You're stupid._'

"I know."

'_Basically retarded_."

Cartman threw his English notebook at Clyde Frog, and knocked him off the computer. "Shut up, you weren't there."

He paused and fell back onto his bed. "I just don't know… why it bothers me so much. Those eyes…"

_Those sad green eyes…_

_They cursed me, now I can't think of anything else. Those…tears that fell on me that day in the snow… they cursed me too. Nothing has made sense since then. Nothing…_

_Why should I care if that Jew is hurt?? Or even, if I caused it??_

Kyle's sad smile flashed in Eric's mind, followed by the image of his back as he walked away.

_Why does he care if I hate him or not?! He shouldn't- he knew! It's not like it was a surprise or anything!!_

_I've always… _hated_ him._

Cartman covered his face with his hands and sighed.

_But… I never want to see him like that again._

_It… hurts me…to see him like that… why…?_

_Why the hell does it hurt?!!_

_It shouldn't hurt… but…_

_But it does. _Cartman remembered when he collapsed the week before, and Kyle was crying over him. Eric flushed.

_And he… cried when I was out… right? He cried… for me._

Cartman thought about his empty house. How usually no one was downstairs waiting for him when he came home. How, instead of a family, he had food, TV and Clyde Frog.

Clyde Frog watched him from the floor.

'_You're friends_,' he said.

Cartman stared at the ceiling.

_I think… I know what I need to do. _

With that, he jumped off his bed, hurriedly pulled on his hat and jacket, and opened his window.

'_Have fun,_' Clyde Frog said sarcastically from underneath his desk.

"Fuck you," Cartman said as he put one foot on the ledge, balanced himself, and reached out to the tree branch from outside his window. He held onto it for safety, and carefully maneuvered his other foot on the tree branch.

'_By the way…_' Clyde Frog called out to the window, '_Since your mom isn't home, you could use the door._'

Cartman slipped on the ledge, let go of the tree branch and fell onto the cold ground, a story below. There was a silence, broken by Cartman's agonizing screams of pain.

"FUCKING SHIT!!"

---

A few minutes (and bruises) later, Cartman found himself standing outside of Stan's house, out of breath and not sure of what to do. He knew he ran there for a reason… but now that he was actually standing there, about to knock on the Marsh's door, he found himself wondering if it really _was_ a good idea.

"-you actually gonna do it?" Cartman heard Stan's muffled voice through the door. Cartman hesitated, then put his ear to it and listened, completely ignoring the cold wind blowing.

"I don't really have a choice dude… I mean he's my dad…" It was Kyle.

_Of course_, Cartman thought bitterly, _I fucking knew he was here…_

"But why can't he talk to her?! Why does he think that you doing it for him will work-

"I DON'T KNOW STAN!!" Cartman's ears rang from the loudness. "I don't know, alright? But I feel like I have to do something, they're my parents!!"

The phone rang, causing all three boys to jump. Footsteps were heard and followed by Stan's muffled talking somewhere else in the house.

---

_Fuck… I don't want to talk to her… but, she is my mom, and Dad seemed… so upset._ Kyle thought bitterly, _there must be something I can-_

"Kyle? It's Ike!" Stan called. "Something sounds weird!"

"What?" Kyle asked, feeling his temperature drop as he walked over to Stan.

"Hello? Ike?"

"Kyle…" he sounded weak.

"Ike?! What happened? Are you okay??" Kyle said desperately, hoping his brother was just tired, and not something worse…

"I'm… fine. I just… I need to know something," Ike sounded terrible, Kyle wondered what could have happened. "Are you… coming home soon?"  
Kyle paused, "I'm…" he looked at Stan, "not sure. Why?"

Ike made a barely audible whimper, then lowered his voice, "Mom… is getting worse."

Kyle's eyes widened, "Ike… did she do something?"

Kyle heard a woman screaming on the other side of the conversation. "I- I have to go." Ike hung up.

Kyle didn't say anything as the dial tone rang in his ear. He couldn't believe it. His stomach plummeted as his hand holding the phone shook. "She never… touched him before…"

"Kyle?" Stan asked carefully. "What happened?"

"She never hit him before… Why…" he dropped the phone and huddled in a ball on the floor, holding his knees. "Why is she doing it now?!"  
"Kyle! What did she do?!" Stan bent down and attempted to comfort his friend.  
"Ike was hurt… he was hurt, Stan, he's only twelve!! What did I…" he trailed off, looking up from his knees and shakily standing up. "I have to go."

"What?!" Stan said, taken aback. He stood up and watched Kyle walk into the living room and grab his coat. He threw it around himself when Stan caught up with him. "Don't go Kyle."

"Why not?!" he turned on Stan, looking helpless. His eyes were watery.

"You're just… too emotional right now, Kyle, it won't do any good…" he attempted to calm Kyle down, putting an arm around his shoulders.

"No Stan, you don't understand!! That's my _brother_… my mom… is hurting him, and it's all my fault!!" Tears began to fall heavily down his cheeks and hit the rug as he attempted to break free from Stan's friendly gesture. Stan held on tight as Kyle struggled, and eventually gave up.

"Just… wait until tomorrow dude, when you're calmer, so you can think about what to do and what's the best action in this situation, okay?"

"I can't…" Kyle numbly whispered.

"Well, you'll have to try!" Stan said loudly, getting annoyed. "Think about it! You're usually good at these things Kyle, just… relax."

Kyle closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths, slightly relaxing in Stan's grasp. He thought for a moment. "…You're right," he said softly, "I'll just… try to calm down….for now…"

"Good," Stan said, attempting to smile at his best friend. He glanced at the clock and realized it was one in the morning. "I'm going to get you something to help you sleep better, so you don't worry yourself until you can't sleep."

Kyle nodded listlessly and sat down on the couch, his coat still around his shoulders, as Stan ran upstairs to the bathroom. He returned soon with a glass of water and two pills.

Kyle looked at him confusedly.

"They're nighttime cold pills," Stan said, handing the glass to him. "My mom used to give these to me when I couldn't sleep… after Wendy stuff." He smiled slightly and held out the pills to him. Kyle tried to smile back, but it was obvious he was in no mood. He threw the medication into the back of his throat and gulped down large amounts of water.

"Do you…" Stan started, "want to sleep in my room tonight? I'll take the couch, but I'm pretty sure my bed is more comfortable so…"

"It's fine…" Kyle stared ahead at the wall, "Actually, could we hang tonight… like in your room, until I fall asleep? I don't know if these meds will work, and… if I don't fall asleep, I might… go and do something I regret."

"Yeah dude, totally," Stan held out his hand to help Kyle off the couch. Kyle took it gratefully and was raised up to Stan's eye level, then regained his balance and turned to walk up the stairs. Stan ruffled his black hair and sighed. He walked into the kitchen and turned off the light, then back into the living room, where he noticed something odd. His mail slot was open… and he saw a pair of eyeballs looking through them.

He slowly walked over to his front door, pretending not to notice, like he was going to turn off the lights, then at the last moment, grabbed an umbrella leaning against the wall, and quickly swung open the door. He raised the umbrella ready to attack, when he noticed who it was.

"…CARTMAN?!!!" he said loudly, as Cartman stood up and covered Stan's mouth.

"I'm not here," he said hurriedly, casting quick glances around the room. He felt cold.

Stan dropped the umbrella and broke free of his icy hand. "Yes you are!! What were you doing outside of my door-

As soon as Stan worded the question, he realized the answer, "You- You were spying on us!!"

Cartman closed the door and looked away, "Was not."

"Yes you were! How long were you out there?! What were you trying to find out?!"

"Nothing you dip shit! I already said I wasn't spying… I just… came here, and overheard a conversation, that's all."

"Sounds like spying to me! You fucking asshole- I can't believe you sometimes! Don't you have anything better to do than make Kyle's life hell?!!" Cartman twitched slightly.

"YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND A GOD DAMN THING SO SHUT THE FUCK UP!!" he retorted loudly.

"Stan? Are you coming up?" Kyle's voice rang from upstairs. Cartman and Stan both looked in the direction it came from, then back at each other.

"Like I said- I'm not here," Cartman said quietly, looking at his feet and shifting his weight.

"For fuck's sake Cartman, you show up here to eavesdrop on Kyle and me, in a pathetic attempt to find something else to make fun of Kyle with, and you can't even man up to-

"_I didn't come here to eavesdrop_!!" he hissed at Stan, "And it's not like I heard much, just that fucking Jew, crying, again! What the hell did you do this time?!"

"_ME_?!" Stan whispered venomously back, "It's not me Cartman, it's fucking YOU and his fucking MOM and his fucking DAD that are causing all his problems! Don't come in here and act like you know everything!! Now, kindly, get the fuck out of my house!!"

Cartman didn't move, instead he looked Stan directly in the eyes. Stan saw something in them… that looked almost hurt.

Cartman sighed, "I _swear_, on my slut of a mom, that I didn't come here to listen in on you fags. I came… for a different reason, but you two were talking and he sounded mad and I just… wanted to know… if it was…" he trailed off.

"If it was your fault?" Stan finished for him, slightly surprised. Cartman looked back down. "You… you're worried about Ky-

"NO I AM NOT!!" Stan could've sworn Cartman's cheeks were red. "I just wanted to know if… I really fucked up…"

Stan cocked his head slightly, then looked back up at the stairs. He remembered what Kyle told him two days before, and sighed heavily.

"Stay quiet and follow me," he said, annoyed. Cartman looked up as Stan turned off the living room light and walked up the stairs. Once outside of Stan's room, he motioned for Cartman to shut up and wait there. The door was wide open, and Stan walked into the bedroom.

"Kyle? You still awake?" The sound of the bed creaking was heard.

"Yeah… barely. Those pills really do work…" he said drowsily.

"…Are you in such a weird mood because… something happened with Cartman today?" Stan asked quietly.

"You mean besides him being a total asshole in class?" Kyle yawned. "No. Well… not really. He told me he hated me again, like I needed a reminder... I mean… I was mostly fine, it's not like I was surprised. This isn't because of Er-_Cartman_, though, I'm just wiped from my dad… and Ike…" Kyle's voice cracked on the last word.

"Kyle, it'll be okay dude, just sleep for now…" Stan said softly, "I'm going to the bathroom, I'll be right back. You can go ahead and sleep on my bed, I'll just take the floor. Don't worry."

Stan walked back out into the dark hall and closed his bedroom door behind him. He glanced to his left and saw Cartman sitting on the floor, his head in his hands.

"See?" he whispered, "It's not you."

Cartman merely grunted and stood up again. He began to walk back downstairs, when Stan called out to him again.

"Why do you even care?"

Cartman stopped walking and turned around. In the darkness, Stan couldn't make out his facial expression. He slowly walked back up the stairs, past Stan, to the bedroom door. He pushed it open slightly, and looked inside. Stan was confused, then walked over to him and looked inside as well.

Kyle was asleep, curled up on Stan's bed, tangled in the sheets. There was a residue of tears on his cheeks, and his eyes were closed. The pills seemed to finally take effect.

After a few moment, Stan glanced over at Cartman, his face complete unreadable. He seemed to be concentrating hard on Kyle sleeping in the room.

"I don't know…" he finally answered, tearing his eyes away from the boy on the bed, and walking back toward the stairs.

Stan watched after him, "Don't eavesdrop again, fat ass," he smiled.

"Don't make him cry again, fag."

The faint _tink_ of the front door opening and closing was heard.

---

"Stan… I need to see my mom," Kyle said once they were outside of Stan's house the next morning.

"I know." Stan sighed, pulling his backpack on, and walking out the door.

"Not only for my sake, but for Dad's… and Ike's…" he trailed off and stared at the sidewalk as he waited for Stan to lock the front door. Will you… come with me?"

"Of course dude, but," Stan fidgeted with his keys, not looking at Kyle. "…isn't there someone else you want to come too? You know… for moral support?"

"No." Kyle answered quickly. "No one else… would understand."

Stan remembered last night, and realized Kyle, for the second time in twenty four hours, was completely wrong. He turned the key and joined his best friend, smiling slightly.


	29. That I'm Better off on My Own

"From the deepest desires often come the deadliest hate."

Socrates

Before Kyle fell asleep, he thought of a lot of things, before the medicine could kick in.

_What if Ike hates me_, he wondered, closing his eyes. Stan's bed was so comfortable. _What if he'll never speak to me again… because I ran away like a little coward?_

_What if she treated him the same way…_

He remembered his mom asking him the same question every night when he came home from school.

"_Have you memorized the verses for today?" _

"_Yes," everything was dark, a hand reached out to Kyle from the darkness, and made a motion for him to continue. "Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it __is__ abomination. Neither shalt thou lie with any beast to defile thyself therewith: neither shall any woman stand-"_

"_Alright that's enough, now you must promise not to love anyone."_

_Kyle blinked, "What?"_

"_Loving only hurts everyone involved. It always dies and leaves at least one person behind to wallow in their misery. I mean, look at what happened to your father and I, then your father and Randy. And now you. You understand don't you? After all, you're in love with someone who hates you." A large white grin appeared through the black._

"_Kyle?" His dad called from the next room. Kyle turned away from the darkness in front of him, toward a brighter light in the room over. He slowly walked toward it, and stopped when he saw his dad._

"_Yeah dad?"_

"…_I'm sorry," he said sadly._

_Kyle eyes stung. "I know."_

_The darkness suddenly swelled up and took over both rooms, leaving no light whatsoever. Kyle felt dizzy and collapsed on the cold floor. He couldn't see anything- he felt around him, and realized the door knob for the entrance was directly in front of him. He opened it- and saw Ike standing there, frowning._

"_Ike!! Are you okay?!" He reached out to his brother, but then could no longer move._

"_Mom… is getting worse," Ike smiled slightly, as blood trickled down from his hair onto his cheek._

"_IKE!!" Ike also was swallowed up by the darkness. Soon Kyle realized, he was now completely alone, surrounded by darkness. He heard voices; they sounded far away._

"_Why do you even care?" Kyle heard Stan's voice say._

_A door creaked and Kyle couldn't tell where anything was coming from._

"_I… don't know." It was the most beautiful voice Kyle had ever heard._

_Eric… he called to the darkness. Don't leave me here, come back. Please… don't leave me here. Cartman's outline appeared in front of him, his back to Kyle._

_He tilted his head to look back at Kyle. "I hate you." Kyle saw a smile spread on his face._

No… don't say that, please… anything but that…

Kiss me again… pretend you love me… just for one minute… then I could die happy.

Then the darkness would vanish, don't leave me here! _He called._

"_Don't eavesdrop again, fat ass," Stan's voice said as Cartman's outline vanished, leaving Kyle feeling utterly alone._

"_Don't make him cry again, fag."_

Kyle shot up in the bed, first not recognizing where he was. He shook and looked for anything that would calm him down, then realized Stan was sleeping on the floor next to him. He relaxed a little and glanced at the clock. 4 am.

"Shit…" he muttered. _I'm never taking cold medicine again…_

Minutes passed as it began to get lighter outside. Kyle glanced over at Stan again, and thought about how much Stan had done for him. And how much trouble he had caused him…

_I'm such a bad friend… he does so much for me, and all I do is get upset and cry… I just cause everyone trouble, Stan, Ike, my mom…_He turned to his side and stared at the dark wall next to Stan's bed.

_Maybe… maybe everyone would be better without me._

---

"I'm gonna see my mom today," Kyle said confidently to Kenny, as Stan looked on, that day in class.

"Really?" Kenny asked, surprised. "Why?"

Stan and Kyle looked at each other, then Stan responded, "Ike… called last night. He misses Kyle."

"Oh," Kenny didn't quite believe him, but he felt the subject was best left untouched for now.

"Cartman!" Stan yelled, when he saw his fat friend walk into the classroom. He quickly glanced at Kyle, then ran over to Cartman, near the door.

Kenny took advantage of this opportunity alone with Kyle, "So, Kyle… You and Eric fought again yesterday." A smile spread across his face as his dirty blond hair fell in his eyes.

"Yeah, so?" Kyle didn't sound like he was in the best mood.

Kenny's smile vanished, "You two are the most stubborn people I've ever met."

"What're you talking about?" Kyle glanced at him and was met with Kenny's dark eyes.

"You love him, don't you?"

Kyle's mouth dropped open. "Wha-What?! NO!"

Kenny smiled again and lowered his voice, "Don't lie to me Kyle, it's completely obvious. Just because Stan didn't notice something doesn't mean it's not apparent."

A flush spread across Kyle's face as he looked down, "Well, it doesn't matter, does it? He hates me."

Kenny blinked. "Where the hell did you get that idea?"

"He acts like it," Kyle mumbled, continuing to stare at the floor as his eyes watered. "He yells at me, makes fun of me, and he even said it yesterday… it's completely understandable, he doesn't return my feelings at all, I get it. I'm used to it by now, I mean, he's hated me my whole life why would it change like tha-

"I don't believe it."

Kyle looked back up at Kenny, who looked completely serious.

"I can't believe he just hates you and that's it. You shouldn't either! How long have we known him?"

Kyle continued to stare at Kenny, questioning his sanity.

Kenny continued, rolling his eyes, "And how many times has he actually told the truth? To anyone? Ever?"

Kyle thought about it for a moment, and realized Kenny had a point. "Bu-But the way he acts, I mean he always calls me a Jew and whatever… and that's not love at all! Being mean to someone doesn't show any affection, it's all just hate!"

Kenny sighed, "Believe me Kyle, he-

The bell rang loudly, drowning out the rest of Kenny's sentence. Kenny glared at the bell angrily then turned around in his seat to face the front.

_Could Kenny be right? Could he… no. That's just stupid. He hates me._

Stan walked over to the seat next to Kyle and sat down, glancing over at his friend.

_There's nothing there I mean it's fucking Cartman, he'll never return my feelings._

Cartman sat down on the opposite side of Kyle, looking distinctly upset. Kyle didn't notice, he was too lost in his thoughts.

_God… damnit_.

---

"Cartman!" Stan yelled from the other side of the room. He ran over to join Cartman as he walked into the class.

"What the fuck is it, pussy?" Cartman said, averting his eyes.

Stan dropped his voice, "You know… last night. I thought… I should tell you why Kyle _really_ was upset."

Cartman looked at him, confused. "Why the hell should I know?"

"Because I know I'm not the one Kyle wants to be there when he faces his mom."

Cartman's brain clicked into motion. "He's… going to talk to his mom?"

"Yeah… I think today after school… he said he wants me to go with him, but…" Stan glanced back over his shoulder at Kyle. He seemed to be in deep conversation with Kenny. "I really think he actually wants you there…"

"Me?" Cartman was seriously confused. "Why the hell would he want me there?"

Stan didn't say anything. "I'm… not entirely sure myself."  
The bell rang, causing both Cartman and Stan to jump. Stan walked back over to his friends over in their seats, Cartman following behind.

_That fucking idiot… why would he go home… to that bitch? _He sat down. He tried to remember what Kyle said to Stan the night before about why he was angry.

"_This isn't because of Er-Cartman, though, I'm just wiped from my dad… and Ike…" _

_Ike? His stupid Canadian brother? What's he have to do with this?_

_I…shouldn't care… _he glanced at Kyle at the same moment Kyle looked at him. Both boys blushed and looked away.

_But… I do._

_God damnit._

---

A paper football with Stan's sloppy handwriting on it landed on Kyle's desk. Kyle picked it up and unfolded it.

Are you going home today?

Kyle stared at it for a moment, and glanced over at Cartman, who apparently was looking at him. Kyle blushed and looked away. He scribbled onto the paper.

Yeah. Let's do it.

_Stop hoping for something that's not there Broflovski, he'll never love you. _Kyle thought to himself as he tossed the note back over to Stan. _Don't get your hopes up; you'll just get hurt again. You can't love him._

_You're alone. Get over it._

Cartman glanced back over at Kyle, and noticed there was something wrong in his eyes as he stared in his lap sadly. There was something much deeper in them than the normal sadness he had mixed in with the green. There was something much darker in them, and that worried Eric.

---

"You ready?" Stan asked Kyle as they stood outside of the Broflovski's house.

Kyle took a deep breath, "Yeah, I think so."

Stan cast a quick glance around the walkway, then knocked on the front door.

There was a pause, then someone from inside unlocked the door and pulled it open. It creaked as Stan and Kyle peered inside at Ike.

"Ike!" Kyle yelled, grabbing his little brother and pulling him into a tight hug, "Are you okay?! What happened?"

"…What do you care?" he asked softly. Kyle pulled back and looked into his brother's dark eyes, not believing what he just heard. They were cold.

"Ike? Dude, what happened? How are you?"

"You worry about that now?" Ike's expression didn't change, "You didn't worry about it last week, or even yesterday. You could've come here sooner. When I needed you."

Kyle let go of his brother and stood awkwardly in the driveway, facing him. He noticed Ike had dark circles under his eyes, his left cheek slightly puffy. His right knuckles were scabbed and bruised. Stan watched the two of them, at a loss for what to do.

"I'm going to a friend's house, away from here. Great job getting here." Ike walked past his brother, to the side walk, and across the street, without another word.

Kyle watched him leave, a pit forming in his stomach.

"Come on Kyle, don't forget what you're here for," Stan said encouragingly, pushing Kyle inside and closing the door behind him. "To talk to your mom… and help Ike and your dad by doing so."

"He hates me…" Kyle said quietly. He vaguely remembered his dream from two nights before, and started to feel sick.

"No he doesn't, Kyle, don't say that," Stan tried desperately to be positive and cheer up his friend, but being in Kyle's old house with his psycho of a mother wasn't doing much for either of their moods.

Kyle smiled slightly as his eyes watered, "Thanks for coming Stan… I really need someone here right now…" he choked.

"It's no problem, dude, I'm your best friend. I'll always be here." Stan pulled Kyle into a tight hug to reassure him. He felt his shirt grow wet with tears.

"Thanks…" Kyle wrapped his arms around Stan and breathed in, trying to calm down. He was tired of nothing working, tired of trying so hard all the time and getting no breaks. The only people who let him relax like this were Stan (when he wasn't worrying about Wendy), and…

_Cartman_, Kyle concluded miserably. After a few minutes, his tears subsided and Stan awkwardly patted his back.

"I knew it," a voice said quietly from the stairs. Kyle looked up from Stan's shoulder, and pushed him away. Stan turned around and realized what had scared Kyle so much.

"You're just like your fathers, I always knew there was something funny about your _friendship_," Kyle's mother stood on the last stairs, staring down at her son and his best friend with a look of hysterical rage. "You couldn't even tell me the truth Kyle, even when I asked you to… I begged you to come back and you didn't listen… even your brother tried to defend you…"

"Mom, listen! We're not gay, that was-

"WHEN WILL YOU STOP LYING YOU ME?!! YOU ARE A DISGUSTING EXCUSE FOR A CHILD!!!" she bellowed, breaking the silence of the almost-empty house. Their ear drums rang with the loudness of her words.

Stan glanced at Kyle, seeing he was lost for words. He'd lost the color in his cheeks- he was scared stiff because of this woman. "Mrs. Broflovski will you listen to him for one sec-

"SHUT UP YOU FILTHY BRATS!! YOU HORRIBLE LIARS; THE SPAWN OF OTHER HORRIBLY LIARS!! YOU DESERVED EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED TO YOU KYLE!! EVERYTHING!!!"

Kyle felt his heart break a little as more tears welled in his eyes. Why couldn't his mother be the one to tell him everything would be okay? Why was she the one yelling things at him he was already fully aware of?

"I hate you, you know that? I ABSOLUTELY DESPISE YOU!! YOU… YOU ARE YOUR DISGUSTING FATHER AND I COMBINED!! YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE ALIVE AS THE OFFSPRING OF A DISGUSTING LIE!! You lie too... you lie all the time!! You stupid little FAGGOT!! You make me SICK!!"

Mrs. Broflovski had lost all her sanity. She walked down onto the carpet and continued to yell, her eyes shooting daggers at Kyle.

"YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE HAPPY!! YOU DON'T EVEN DESERVE TO BE ALIVE!! ALL YOU DO IS CAUSE EVERYONE AROUND YOU PAIN. PAIN AND TROUBLE!! YOU ARE A HORRIBLE UNGRATEFUL LITTLE BOY, AND NO SON OF MINE!!!"

_She's right… all I do is hurt everyone…_ Heavy tears fell from Kyle's eyes, rolling down his cheeks and landing on the carpet.

"GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!! I WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU ANYMORE; DON'T EVER SPEAK TO ME AGAIN!! YOU ARE NO LONGER MY SON!!"

Her last words reverberated off the walls, striking Kyle like never before. He suddenly tore away from his mother; through the front door and out into the street, leaving Stan and Mrs. Broflovski standing in her living room. He ran as fast as he could, anything to get away from everyone. Everything. He just wanted to be alone… where he was better off.

"Mrs. Broflovski, THAT'S YOUR SON!!!" Stan yelled at the hysterical red-head in front of him; he was so mad at her for hurting Kyle like that. He didn't deserve it at all. "AND HE CAME HERE FOR THE BENEFIT OF YOU AND IKE!!"

"This is family matters, Stan, you wouldn't understand-

"WHERE'S KYLE?!!"

Cartman sprinted through the still-open front door, out of breath, looking mad.

"Cartman?!" Stan blinked, "What the hell are you-

"YOU TOLD ME HE WANTED ME HERE, SO I CAME!!! WHERE THE FUCK IS KYLE?!!" He yelled again, whirling on Stan.

"He just ran out, I don't know where he went!!"

"YOU FUCKING IDIOT!! HOW COULD YOU LOSE HIM?!!" he bellowed, looking back outside, then at Stan. "WEREN'T YOU WATCHING HIM TODAY?!! THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH HIM!! HOW COULD YOU LEAVE HIM ON HIS OWN?!!"

"Cartman?" Stan blinked, confusedly. He didn't notice anything wrong with Kyle that day, "You… how did you notice that?"

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE?!!" Mrs. Broflovski yelled at Cartman.

Cartman seemed to have just noticed Mrs. Broflovski standing near the stairs.

"You…" anger dripped from his voice. He slowly walked toward her, his eyes ablaze. "You did this…"

"What are you talking about?" he slowly approached her with a look of complete contempt in his eyes. She backed against the wall. "Get the hell away from me!!"

"IT'S YOUR FAULT KYLE WAS CRYING!!!" He spat in her face. "AND NOW IT'S YOUR FAULT HE'S SOMEWHERE ELSE CRYING!! YOU FUCKING BITCH!!" He slammed his fist against the wall two inches from Mrs. Broflovski's face. She cowered, her eyes wide.

"Cartman, don't!!" Stan yelled.

"WHY THE HELL NOT?!! SHE'S CAUSED HIM SO MUCH TROUBLE BEACAUSE OF HER OWN UNHAPPINESS, I SHOULD JUST PUT HER OUT OF HER MISERY RIGHT NOW!!" His angry face was inches away from her terrified one. His breathing was rapid. He stopped and said very quietly, "But I won't, because I have something more important to do."

He backed up away from Mrs. Broflovski and faced Stan, "I don't know when I'll be back," he said, looking out the door. "But I won't come back without him."

Stan nodded like he understood as Cartman turned to face Mrs. Broflovski again. "Don't think I'm done with you… If you _ever_ fuck with my Jew again," he smiled dangerously. "I _will_ kill you."  
Even though he was smiling, Stan could feel that he was completely serious. With that, Cartman took a few strides out the door and began to full on sprint down the road and out of sight.

_God damnit, Kyle, don't do anything stupid,_ he thought angrily, his pulse rising. Kyle's eyes from earlier in the day flashed in his head. The sad green eyes with a hint of something much darker and painful in them. They weren't normal.

Cartman quickened his pace as he turned the corner.

_Please… don't do anything stupid._

---

_Everyone would be better off without me…_

_I have nowhere to go, no one to be with…_

_Everyone would be happier if I just disappeared. My mom, my brother, my dad…_

_Stan, Kenny…_

Hot tears trickled down Kyle's cheeks as the sun set in the distance. He kept running, unsure of where he was going.

_Eric… they would all be happier…_

_If I was gone._


	30. I Will Try to Fix You

The first Author's note:

My avid readers and loyal fans, thank you for sticking with DSMB for so long. I shall begin this by saying: THIS IS NOT THE LAST CHAPTER! Don't worry!!

I will make a special note for all my amazing reviewers later, I know the suspense is killing all of you and you just want to read it.

Warning: This chapter is a bit angsty. There's blood and suicidal stuff, so if you're not comfortable with that, I'm sorry, but it's part of the story.

Finally, thank you again for sticking with DSMB for thirty chapters! That's amazing, I would've stopped reading this story if I wasn't the one writing it. :D

It has become the most reviewed CartmanxKyle fanfiction on this website. That's quite an accomplishment- it's thanks to all of you!! :D

So Enjoy! Much love, OnigiriReject

---

"I have decided to stick with love. Hate is too great a burden to bear."

Martin Luther King, Jr.

_Everything… is over… There's no point…_ Kyle thought, running through the snowy dark streets of South Park, with no actual destination.

"_YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BE HAPPY!! YOU DON'T EVEN DESERVE TO BE ALIVE!! ALL YOU DO IS CAUSE EVERYONE AROUND YOU PAIN. PAIN AND TROUBLE!!"_ His mother's words rang in his head.

_She's right… All I've done is cause everyone problems, it's better if I'm just not there anymore. I'm just a burden…I just make life harder for everyone else. Maybe it would just be better if I was gone! I mean… I always complain to Stan, Ike wouldn't have been hurt if I stayed home and protected him… Mom wouldn't be so sad if I was a better son… And Cartman…_

_Cartman… I've just given him the most trouble out of everyone._

_Nothing is worth fighting for anymore… my mom hates me, my dad's a liar and cheater, Ike hates me… while I wasn't there, Mom hurt him… I can't blame him…_

_And… and Cartman hates me. I mean, I always cause him problems and he goes out of his way for me a lot… No, don't look into that Kyle… he just wants to help me so I could live another day for him to torment. He hates me… and it hurts._

…_Wait… that's not what hurts. It's that… he'll never love me._

A cold wind struck Kyle's warm face as his pulse sped up from running. _Why does that hurt so much?_

_It shouldn't. I already knew it, that there's no chance he could love anyone, let alone me. It's not possible. Why is it all affecting me now?! It shouldn't- I mean he hates me. Hates. Completely and utterly loathes me. It will never be love… He will never… ever…_

_It's all pointless… even if I might be gay, what's the point in having a sexuality without your one person to share it with?_ He reached the woods on the outskirts of town and ran into them, scratching his arms and face on the branches of the trees.

_And even though I know this- that he could never love anyone. That he hates me. That he's a manipulative conniving fat asshole who gets off watching me writhe…_

_I don't want anybody else._

_I don't want any girls, or guys._

_I want Eric…_ he stopped running and realized he reached a clearing in the forest, with a steep ditch up ahead and an expanse of trees continuing until the mountains. There were various pieces of trash littering the ground, like someone had a party there long ago. His chest heaved as he caught his breath- if he had kept running, he would have fallen right off the land and into a steep ditch on a bunch of rocks. The moon shined brightly above the trees.

"Eric…" he whispered, falling to his knees in the snow.

_Eric…_

_Eric…_

_Eric…_

"ERIC!!" Kyle screamed to nothing. The birds in the trees overhead took flight, leaving Kyle totally alone. His stomach felt like a bottomless pit.

_He's not here,_ Kyle thought, _no ones here… No one ever is here._

_It's gone._

_Everything is just… over._

_There's no point… I have nothing._

_No point to be around, no point in life… no point in living_. Kyle's thick tears hit his pants and the snow below him.

_What am I…even doing here…_ he thought desperately._ I shouldn't be here…_

_I shouldn't be anywhere…_

_Why do I even… bother? They'll never love me… he'll never love me…_

Kyle glanced to his left and saw a broken wine bottle amongst other garbage.

_Is there… anything I'm here for?_ He shakily stood up and walked over to it.

_Am I…even alive? This is life? _

_Pain? _

_Everything that happens… hurts…_

_Can I feel anything but pain…? _He picked up a large piece of the broken wine bottle and stared at it for a moment, then pressed his fingertip to the sharp edge. He winced slightly and watched the blood break free from his skin, gather at the point of the glass then trickle down his finger and hit the snow.

Kyle stared at his finger, watching the blood drip with a feeling of satisfaction.

_So I really am alive…_ he thought._ But, is there a point though… if it will always hurt?_

_I know I don't deserve happiness. I don't deserve love. I don't need to be reminded by my mom… I know I don't deserve love from Cartman. And it's not so much the fact Cartman hates me, but… more that _I_ love _him_._ A cold wind hit Kyle and the remnants of his tears stung his skin like ice.

_It's me loving Cartman that hurts. It pains my heart, every single day, just to see him… to be near him… And know that I'll never have it back._

_I don't even know when the hate ended and the loving started, or even if it's all been mixed together, the loving and the hating, all this time and it's actually just the same thing. Having to see him though… and act like I don't know about my feelings, that I still hate him, and that I could care less about what he thinks… hurts. It hurts to know I'll never have him._

_No matter what I do… no matter how I change myself for him, or act around him, or wish or pray or cry… he won't love me._

"Eric…" he whispered like it was the last thing he would ever say, "I love you… and I'm sorry."

_I'm sorry… _he thought, falling to his knees in the snow, dropping the glass. His finger bled onto the icy ground. More hot tears sprung from his eyes and fell heavily onto his shirt and legs. _I'm sorry… that I'm not enough._

He grabbed the large piece of glass again and held it up to the moonlight. It sparkled slightly, the tip red from pricking Kyle's finger earlier.

_Is this all that's left?_

He rolled up his left sleeve and held his arm up in the light. He slowly brought the glass to it, wincing as it made contact with his skin.

_Is this all I can do to live anymore?_

He dragged the sharp edge along his upper arm, leaving a trail of irritated skin, which eventually split, revealing a scarlet red line of blood. Kyle stared at it, almost unsure of what he was doing. But it felt like the only thing left.

He brought the glass to the vein directly below his hand, and pressed it against the thin skin.

"That is possibly… the STUPIDEST thing… I've ever seen you do!!"

Kyle stopped what he was doing, and closed his eyes_. No…I'm going crazy… _

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?! PUT THAT THING DOWN!!"

_I'm hearing things again…_

"I SAID PUT IT DOWN YOU FUCKING JEW!!"

_It can't be him…_

Kyle felt someone clasp their hand around his arm and yank the piece of glass from it, throwing it into the woods.

"What the hell is _this_?!" Cartman yelled into Kyle's face. His hat was gone and his coat was torn in several places. He pulled up Kyle's left arm, blood trickling down it and onto his hand. "You think this will solve your problems?! Fucking _cutting_?! You stupid fucking pussy!!"

Kyle stared at Cartman blankly, his expression vacant.

"You make me _sick_! You stupid Jew!" Cartman's voice seemed unnaturally high and almost choked. His eyes were wide as he stared at Kyle, waiting for some sort of answer as to 'why'. "What's wrong?! Fucking _tell_ me! _Tell_ me what made you do this!!"

Kyle didn't answer; he continued to stare with his green eyes at Cartman.

He noticed the eyes still didn't look quite right- they were clouded with something darker. Something that scared Cartman- it wasn't right.

"ANSWER ME!! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG?!" He shook Kyle by his arm and grabbed his other shoulder. Kyle finally seemed to snap back to reality.

"…Eric," he said, meeting eyes with Cartman. Cartman felt slightly relieved that he at least got a response, but was still completely worried. He removed his hand from Kyle's left arm, and realized it was covered in Kyle's sticky blood. At first, he stopped breathing, not knowing what to do.

A split second later, he sat down next to Kyle on the cold ground, wiped his hand against the snow, leaving a red trail, and pulled a sleeve over his hand from inside his jacket. He grabbed Kyle's left hand and pulled his arm back toward him, pressing his sleeve against Kyle's cut.

Kyle blinked, confused. He still couldn't believe the one person he wished to come, was actually was there, in front of him. Cartman dabbed at his cut as Kyle took another second to register that it was _Eric Cartman_ in front of him. The boy it hurt to be around and Kyle knew would continue to hurt him unless he got away.

He suddenly pulled his arm away and stood up shakily.

"What the hell are you doing?!" Cartman stayed sitting down.

"…Getting away from you," he said quietly, and stomped off toward the forest again.

"No you're not!" Kyle felt a hand close on his foot and lost his balance, falling face first in the snow.

"FUCKER!!" Kyle yelled, turning around and trying to kick Eric. His hat fell off from the impact with the ground; his red hair was everywhere. "LET ME GO!!"

"NO!! YOU STUPID JEW, I'M SICK OF YOU RUNNING AWAY FROM ME!! I'M ACTUALLY TRYING TO HELP YOU!!"

Kyle looked at Eric's determined face and stopped kicking.

_I know… I shouldn't see him… I know he's the one that's hurting me… But I just can't bring myself to leave him._

He sighed and sat upright, thrusting his arm back toward Cartman. His red hair fell in his face, covering his eyes.

Cartman blinked, then smiled, looking relieved, "That's more like it."

He began to dab at Kyle's arm again, until the blood looked mostly cleaned up and the one deep cut was the only color on his white skin.

"You know you still didn't answer me," Cartman said after a minute.

"What?" Kyle had been trying to avoid looking at him, but turned and met Cartman's eyes directly. _Damnit_, he thought.

Cartman looked back down at Kyle's arm, avoiding Kyle's eyes. Kyle used his free arm to push his hair behind his ears.

"If I am here," Cartman said slowly, like he was speaking to a small child, "after running after you for God knows how long, sitting in the middle of nowhere, cleaning up your stupid pussy emo mess, I deserve to know," he looked back up, "at least… _why_."

Kyle couldn't believe it. "You… ran… looking for me?"

Cartman rolled his eyes, "Why the hell else would I be out here?!!"

Kyle stared at him and felt a blush spread across his cheeks, warming himself up. "I… I don't know… dumb question I guess… but as to why…" he trailed off, staring at the moon hanging in the sky like a Christmas ornament.

Cartman sighed and vaguely realized he was still holding Kyle's hand. "Look, I went to all this trouble to find you, you should at least tell me wh-

"That's why."

"…What?"

"That's why… all this happened…"

"What's why?"

"You… just treating me special."

Cartman blinked, confusedly. He didn't understand what Kyle was saying at all.

"It started with the making fun of me… and the names and the stupid taunting… It all started with that." Kyle didn't look at Eric; he continued to stare at the moon. His eyes seemed to glisten in the light. "My family life was never perfect… sometimes the only thing getting me through my day was the chance to beat you. I know that sounds… completely stupid… but…

"But then, you started doing things… that made me wonder if all we had was just a rivalry full of hate. If that was it. Eventually… you sort of became my friend, at some point. I'm not sure when… I think maybe you were just my friend all along and I was too stubborn to realize it. You… would be nice to me… when I didn't deserve it. I've never deserved people being nice to me, or just treating me like a human being. I don't deserve even to live… and then you were there and you were nice to me with no reason and it made no sense. It… started to hurt.

"When I saw you or when I was around you, everything started hurting. My head, my heart… I would get sick around you. Then my mom would be horrible and you were there, telling me things would end up okay eventually. You would always say the words that meant the most to me, whether or not you meant to…"

Eric was so confused by what Kyle was saying.

_Does this mean… Kyle doesn't hate me? He doesn't… need me to apologize? He… considers me his friend?_

"And then I left my house," Kyle continued, still not looking at Cartman. "And I was always around you and Kenny and Stan… and I couldn't sleep. I would think about you and wouldn't be able to sleep. I would cry... thinking you hated me. I would cry worrying that you would never speak to me again, and… eventually I realized something… and even if it makes no sense, I don't care anymore."

Kyle turned to look at Cartman in the moonlight, his eyes full of tears.

"I love you," Kyle said quietly. The world seemed to stop moving as Kyle's words traveled to Eric's ears.

"And I'm sorry for two things. One, that I'm pushing these feelings onto you. And two…" Before Eric could completely comprehend the meaning of this, Kyle leaned forward and kissed Eric on the lips, then pulled back right away. "for doing that."

Eric didn't respond. His eyes were wide with shock.

"I know you don't love me. You already made that perfectly clear… You hate me, but you feel almost protective, like it's your duty, guilt maybe? I don't know." Kyle was rambling. Tears rolled down his cheeks as he tried to explain himself. He looked away from Cartman's vacant expression and tried to word his thoughts, "But I guess now I don't need anything else in life. I'm happy with just that, I don't need anything el-

Cartman's lips met Kyle's with such a force, that it was the second time Kyle was shut up only by his lips. Kyle was surprised at first, as more tears trickled down his cheeks and a blush forced itself onto his face. Eric mouthed hungrily at Kyle, this time with much more urgency, but neither noticed.

Eventually Kyle realized it wasn't a dream, that in fact, Cartman was kissing him. He didn't know why, and he didn't know his motives behind it, but he didn't care. He was just so happy it was real.

Kyle closed his eyes and kissed Eric back, except this time, he was fully conscious of what he was doing. He was kissing Eric, and nothing had ever felt so completely right in his entire life.

Eric's lips were soft and forceful on his own- this feeling was familiar. Eric quickly put his arms around Kyle, and pulled him close. Kyle felt like he could fly.

He slowly moved his hands up to Cartman's head and pulled his face even closer into his own. He felt Eric smile and pull back ever so slightly,

"I hate you, too…" he whispered onto Kyle's lips. Kyle opened his eyes, and was met with Cartman's determined gaze. Kyle shivered; Eric's breath on his lips was enough to drive him over the edge.

Eric pushed Kyle down onto the ground, and soon their lips met again, with more confidence than the first time. Kyle desperately pulled Eric closer; they were never close enough, Kyle never wanted to let go again, he had to find a way to keep them like this forever. He didn't want it to end.

Kyle's entire body tingled in anticipation as Eric slid his tongue into Kyle's open mouth. Kyle tensed up slightly, but automatically gave in to the waves of pleasure radiating through his body. Nothing had ever felt this good.

His hands found their way to Eric's hair, and he pulled Eric's face closer into his own as their tongues met. Eric placed his legs on either side of Kyle's and held his face with his now free hands.

Years of pent up emotions and unsaid words seemed to be finding their way out now, onto each other's lips and skin. Nothing made sense, and at the same time, everything made sense. Everything was wrong and it was perfectly right.


	31. I Want You to See me, Close your eyes

"A kiss, when all is said, what is it?  
A rosy dot placed on the "i" in loving;  
'Tis a secret told to the mouth instead of to the ear."  
Edmond Rostand

"Cartman!! CARTMAAAAN!!!" Stan yelled, stomping through the forest. He had been following Cartman ever since he ran out of the Broflovski house. Lucky for Stan, he was a faster runner than Cartman, so he could make up the distance between them, for the most part.

Stan cursed as a branch tore at his sleeve. He was extremely worried about three things.

Where the hell Kyle was.

Why Cartman had the nerve to call Kyle "his" Jew.

If Mrs. Broflovski was okay.

When Cartman ran out of the house, supposedly after Kyle, Mrs. Broflovski turned sheet white, then collapsed on the floor in a heap. Stan wasn't a doctor, so he called the emergency room and ran out of the house, because his first priority was not Mrs. Broflovski, it was his best friend, Kyle.

_Was Cartman really right about something being wrong with Kyle? I mean, he was a little quieter than normal today, but I just thought it was because of his mom… What else could it be?_

_Well… yeah his brother was in danger, his mom is a psycho and Cartman…. _Stan shuddered, _Ah! I don't even want to think about that. How can he li… CARTMAN of all people?! Couldn't he have at least chosen someone NICE?! Or, HUMAN?!_

_Just AGH!!_ Stan fumed, getting even more lost in the woods.

_Stupid fucking Cartman, what the hell made you think to look in here for Kyle?!! I mean he could be fucking ANYWHERE and you happened to choose the most remote stupid sharp-branched place in all of fucking Colorado!!_ Stan saw a clearing up ahead, and took some longer steps in an attempt to reach it quickly without tearing any more of his clothes.

_Cartman, when I get my hands on you, I will…_

Stan stopped in his tracks when his eyes adjusted to the surroundings. Or more specifically- when he saw his best friend, Kyle, and his fattest friend, Cartman, on the ground. It looked like they were talking. Like Cartman was saying something really close to Kyle. Like it was a secret that needed to be said at really close range. Like it was being spoken onto Kyle's lips while Kyle lied with his back on the ground.

Like they were kissing.

Stan felt his insides completely flip and his head grow dizzy. This was a parallel universe. It had to be. There was no other reason for this to happen. Nothing… made sense.

Stan's eyes rolled into the back of his head and he made contact with the cold ground.

"STAN?!!"

---

"Tell me again," Kenny narrowed his eyes and looked at Kyle and Cartman accusingly, "How you found this _thing_," he gestured at Stan lying between them, "randomly lying in the middle of a forest?"

Kyle shifted uncomfortably while Cartman cast his gaze to the floor. They were in Kenny's "house", which (lucky for them) was near the woods they just ran from, Cartman carrying Stan. They knocked on the door rapidly, interrupting Kenny and his Playboy magazine, and dropped Stan to the floor before they even began to explain. Kenny looked between them, totally suspicious.

For one, Kyle wasn't wearing his hat and his hair stuck out more awkwardly than usual, especially in the back. Cartman's jacket's top zipper was down to his mid chest, very unusual for the cold weather. The final straw was the fact the area surrounding Kyle's lips was red. Kenny sighed.

"Well, if you're not going to tell me…" Kenny rolled his eyes, "Then at least help me with Stan."

Kyle's eyes widened, then he nodded, walking over to Stan's head and trying to pull him up. He failed miserably, Kenny stifled a laugh.

"You're too fucking weak, Jew, don't even try," Cartman sighed and bent down to pick Stan up again. Kyle blushed slightly and backed away, without so much as a 'fuck you'. Kenny found this odd but didn't say anything. Cartman lifted Stan up with ease and carried him over to the sofa.

"He should wake up soon," Kyle mumbled, looking away from Stan. He vaguely remembered he was in that position not too long ago, being princess carried by Cartman to the clinic. Of course he wasn't conscious, but still…

His blush grew. He stammered, "I-I mean, he doesn't have a history of fainting, this is pretty rare, so maybe he just fainted from exhaustion… or something…"

"Or something," Kenny smiled. Cartman placed Stan on the torn sofa and backed away. He remained silent. An awkward pause filled the air.

Kyle noticed how dark it was outside, and looked at his watch; it was ten thirty. "Shit," he muttered, "I better call his family… I'll tell them we're sleeping over here tonight, right?"

"Yeah…uh…." Kenny looked around the room hopelessly. "We don't have a phone, ask the old lady next door. She's really nice."

Kyle looked slightly taken aback, then recovered, "Oh. Okay, I'll be back soon." He glanced quickly at Cartman, then turned his back on his three friends and opened the door.

It closed with a slight tink and Kenny wheeled on Cartman.

"Oh _Eriiiic_…" he smiled. Cartman tried not to look at him.

"You got some _splainin_' to _doooo_…."

"Wh-What're you talking about, Kenny?"

"Don't deny something happened," he walked toward Cartman slowly, like a cat closing in on a very large mouse.

"Nothing happened!" Cartman said suddenly. This was the first time in Cartman's life he had ever been this severely freaked out by another human being.

"Well, I didn't ask if something happened, Eric, I just said that you shouldn't deny it. Buuuut, this makes me suspicious." His smile grew wider. "So something did happen?"

"NO, NOTHING FUCKING HAPPENED BACK OFF KENNY!!" Cartman yelled at him. Something stirred on the couch next to them. Kenny glanced over at it, momentarily distracted from his prey.

"Oh, Stan!" Kenny switched from being maniacal to his happy normal self again. Cartman breathed a sigh of relief.

Kenny walked over to the sofa and kneeled down next to his friend, "You awake?"

Stan's eyes fluttered open and he put a hand over his face, "Ahh… God, dude, what happened? My head fucking hurts! I was looking for Kyle and…" His eyes shot open and he quickly sat up in his seat. "OH GOD, KYLE!! He ran off, where is he?! I need to find him-

"Stan, calm down. Kyle's fine, he just went next door briefly. He and Cartman found you in the woods, out cold," Kenny said calmly. Stan looked at him confused, then turned toward Cartman, who he apparently just noticed standing there. Kenny continued, "What do you mean he ran off?"

Stan continued to stare at Cartman, looking like he was just given a very complicated math problem and was still trying to add two and two, "The woods?"

Kenny sighed exasperatedly. "Yes, the woods next to my home, Stan. Now will you tell me-

"So I definitely saw what I think I saw?" Stan interrupted again, still looking at Cartman. Kenny turned to look at him as well, and noticed Cartman was a strange shade of red-green. His eyes were wide and his mouth was opening and closing like a fish when stuck on land.

"What is he talking about, Cartman?" Kenny asked, standing up.

"No-nothing," he finally managed.

"You…. And Kyle… were…" Stan felt dizzy again. "That wasn't nothing."

"That totally wasn't nothing," Kenny said, turning back toward Cartman. "Judging by both of your reactions, that definitely wasn't nothing."

Eric Cartman, seventeen years old, evil genius and world class maniac, was one hundred percent caught.

"Hey guys, I called Stan's parents, and they gave it the okay, but you should know the weather is getting kind of…" Kyle pushed open the front door, and immediately realized he seemed to be interrupting something. He was covered in a layer of white snow and ice. "Uh… What's up?"

"Apparently nothing," Kenny said smartly, smiling at Cartman. Cartman turned redder and stared at the floor, making sure to avoid eye contact.

"Uh… okay…" Kyle was confused but didn't push the matter. He saw Stan sitting up, "Stan! You're awake! Are you okay?! What ha-"

"I'm leaving," Cartman said suddenly. The other three boys all glanced up at him.

"You can't leave," Kyle said.

"You're not the boss of me, you fucking Jew," he muttered angrily. Kyle winced slightly at the tone of anger in his voice, but held his stance.

"No, I mean you can't leave."

"Oh yeah? Watch this. Screw you guys, I'm going home."

He proceeded to stomp toward the door Kyle just came from, and swing it open. A cold gust blew into the room, full of ice and snow. He stared into the darkness of the street, and noticed there was a fresh two inches of snow on the road since he originally entered the house.

"Told you," Kyle said from behind him. "You can't leave- the lady next door said there was a blizzard warning."

Cartman stood there, facing the cold for another moment, then resigned and closed the door. "Fuck off," he muttered. He walked back into the room and sat down on the floor, next to the couch, looking at anything except the red-haired boy.

Kenny was growing tired of the awkward silences. "So… who's up for some comic books?"

---

A few hours had passed since he pulled a box of discarded comic books from the corner of the room (it was being used to hold up the dining table). The blizzard outside gusted forcefully against the outer walls, as the temperature dropped inside. The boys kept their coats on; only Kyle was without a hat. Kenny pulled his hood on in an attempt to fight the cold and also found the blankets to share with his friends.

"This... is… so… lame," Cartman said finally, putting an old Terrance and Philip comic on the ground and lying back on the floor, covered in the comforter.

"What're you talking about dude? You used to love these things," Stan said, not looking up from his copy of 'Terrance and Philip Go to Paris'. He scanned the page and finally placed it on top of Cartman's, grabbing another one from the box.

"Yeah, when I was like… nine," Cartman closed his eyes.

"Dude, last week you were fighting to get a Terrance and Philip doll from the claw machine-thingy."

"That was just because I thought Clyde Frog needed company-" he stopped and opened his eyes, sitting upright again.

"Who needed company?" Kyle cast a look at him from over his comic.

"Mat moofid frog doll Kartman shtill hash," Kenny said, smiling. Cartman shot him a look of utter loathing.

"Don't diss Clyde Frog, Kenny! He's way cooler than-" Cartman caught himself again. He glanced briefly at Kyle, who was snickering, and flushed. Stan and Kenny joined in the laughter.

Kyle finally threw his book to the floor and fell back, sighing. Even though his blanket was extremely comfy, his ears were still cold. He missed his hat. Someone else seemed to notice.

"Here," Cartman said gruffly, pulling Kyle's green hat out of his pocket and handing it to him. Kyle looked up at him, slightly surprised and embarrassed, and stretched out his arm to retrieve it.

"Oh my god, Kyle! What happened to your arm?!" Stan said, pointing at the blood stain on his left forearm sleeve.

_Shit_, Kyle thought, _I forgot…_

"Uh, nothing, Kenny could I use your bathroom?" Kyle said quickly, yanking his hat over his ears and standing up. Before he could reply, he walked over to the bathroom and closed the door behind him. He rolled up his sleeve and looked at his blood-covered arm. The cut appeared deep, and his skin was jaggedly sliced around it.

_Fuck, guess that's what I deserve for using an old piece of glass,_ he thought miserably, turning on the sink. He waited until the water was slightly warm, then submerged his hand in the sink. It stung as Kyle winced, attempting to disinfect his arm.

"You idiot, you don't do it like that," Cartman's voice said from behind him. He walked up directly behind Kyle, holding a paper towel. "Take your arm out."

Kyle glanced at him and obeyed. Cartman began to rub at the skin surrounding the cut with the paper towel. Kenny's bathroom was extremely small, so Cartman was directly next to Kyle, touching his back and arm. The close proximity was making Kyle dizzy.

"Now… this will hurt, so try not to scream, pussy," Cartman said, meeting eyes with Kyle. Their faces were only three inches away from each other. Cartman coughed awkwardly and went back to cleaning Kyle's arm, his internal temperature rising.

Kyle watched him unscrew the cap on a bottle of Iodine and place a thin strip of the paper towel over the top, coating it in disinfectant. He stared at Cartman's lips, remembering what they felt like on his own. The softness of them, the taste…

"FUCK!!" Kyle screamed when the Iodine made contact with his wound. "MOTHER FUCKING AHH!!!"

"Fuck, right in my ear you stupid Jew! Just hold up!!" Cartman said, dabbing the two inch long cut with the towel. Kyle's eyes watered- at that moment, he decided he would never purposely harm himself ever again.

"It'll probably scar though, by the looks of it… Dunno how you'll explain that one…" Cartman muttered, finally screwing the lid back on the Iodine and placing it on the side of the sink. Kyle glanced back up at Cartman, into the brown eyes he loved. Cartman's hand was holding his arm and Kyle's back was against Cartman's chest, but he didn't seem to notice. He was too distracted by all the questions popping in his head.

_Why did you kiss me? Was it a joke? Did you mean it? Yeah right… _Kyle thought bitterly as Cartman stretched a band aid across the newly-cleaned cut. _Did you know it would make me the happiest person in the whole wide world? If you had known that, then you probably wouldn't have. Do you hate me? Really?_

_Because I don't hate you._ He stared at Cartman's face as he busied himself with a bandage.

"Kenny gave me all this shit, if you're wondering," Cartman said, noticing the staring. "I swear, he doesn't have heating or a phone, but he has a complete first aid kit. Probably because of how many times that shit head has died…"

"Cartman what the hell are you doing in there?!" Kenny called from the other room. He paused, then yelled, "Boning Kyle?"

"SHUT THE FUCK UP KENNY!!" Cartman yelled angrily. The two boys outside laughed as Kyle and Cartman blushed awkwardly, now realizing exactly how close they were to each other.

Cartman lingered for a moment against Kyle's body, holding his arm, then let go and joined his friends back in the other room. Kyle felt the body heat leave, the room suddenly dropping in temperature. He glanced back down at the sink and walked back out of the room.

"You're such a dip shit Kenny!!" Cartman yelled at him.

"Hey, I'm not the one who ki-"

"KENNY IF YOU WANT TO LIVE PAST TODAY YOU WON'T FINISH THAT FUCKING SENTENCE!!" Cartman shot an angry look at Stan, who, although he looked guilty, was still laughing along with Kenny.

Kyle blinked, confused, but shrugged it off and walked back toward his friends, then sat on the floor and wrapped the blanket around himself again. He yawned.

"Dude, are you tired?" Stan asked Kyle, ignoring the bickering Kenny and Cartman behind him.

"Yeah… I kinda am," he decided. He looked back at his watch. "Oh, shit, it's two."

"So?" Stan asked.

"We have school tomorrow dude, it is… _was_ Thursday, now it's Friday."

Kenny and Cartman stopped arguing and looked at him. "Oh shit dude, you're right," Kenny said, "Maybe we'll luck out and it'll be a snow day…"

"Yeah maybe, but anyway we should totally go to sleep now…" he glanced at his friends. "Fine, even if you don't sleep, I will. Goodnight." He said annoyed, turning his back to the three of them and submerging himself in the blanket.

"…Fuck you Kyle," Cartman said finally, sitting down next to him and pulling his comforter over himself. Kenny walked over to the wall and flipped the light switch, enveloping the boys in darkness, then walked back over to the couch and lied down on it. Stan grabbed the blanket Kenny was using and climbed up on the couch as well, ignoring Kenny's disgruntled sounds. Stan rolled his eyes.

"Dude, I don't care how gay this looks, I'm cold and I hit my head pretty hard today and need to rest it on something soft."

Kenny groaned, "Why the hell am I the one stuck sleeping with you?"

"Shut up and go to sleep."

There was a pause, broken by the sound of Cartman sitting up and adjusting the blanket.

"…Dudes you look so gay right now," Cartman said, looking at their forms spooning on the couch in the shadows.

"Fuck you Cartman, I know you want to do this with Kyle," Kenny said smartly as Kyle's blush went unnoticed. Kenny's Cheshire Cat grin shined through the darkness at them.

"FU-FUCK YOU KENNY!!" Cartman barked.

"GUYS I REALLY JUST WANT TO GO TO SLEEP!!" Kyle yelled from the floor next to Cartman. Cartman glanced down at him, annoyed.

"Then fucking go to sleep, Jew, no ones stopping you!!"

"Idiot, you're too loud- I can't!!"

"Fucking Kank!!"

"Fat ass!!"

"Ginger retard!"

"Asshole!"

"GO THE FUCK TO SLEEP!" Stan yelled from the bed. This silenced the two of them as Cartman lied back on the floor, a measly two inches away from Kyle.

Minutes passed as Kenny and Stan's rhythmic breathing filled the air. Kyle shivered in the cold- the temperature in the house seemed to drop. He was too cold to sleep.

"You awake, Jew?" a voice asked from next to him.

"None of your business, fat ass," Kyle stammered through shaking teeth. Cartman sighed.

Kyle felt a yank at his blanket as it was removed from his legs, and the cold hit his body like a tidal wave.

"What the fuck dude?!" Kyle said, trying to pull it back.

"It's easier to stay warm with two blankets, instead of one, dumb ass," Cartman said, placing his own comforter on top of Kyle's blanket, then throwing it over the two of them. Kyle automatically felt the difference as heat radiated over his body, not only from the blankets, but from Cartman's body heat next to him. He blushed and was grateful for the fact it was too dark for anyone to see.

"Uh… Cartman… you're a little close…" he said awkwardly, remembering the kiss from earlier and the feeling of Cartman on top of him, pushing him down, breathing on him… his heart raced at the thought.

He felt Cartman smile. "Thought you'd enjoy this, fag." Kyle huffed angrily and closed his eyes. "Besides," Eric continued, "it's not like we're spooning on the couch together."  
Kyle stifled a snort, as Cartman laughed at the sound he made.

"You're totally right… we should take a picture of this and blackmail them with it…" Kyle said, smiling.

"I don't think that poor piece of shit has a camera." Their arms and legs were touching under the blankets.

"Oh, right… oh well, I'll just annoy Stan about it when he wakes up…"He glanced at Cartman again, whose eyes were open, staring at the ceiling.

Kyle thought of all the questions he'd been wanting to ask him. If he hated him, if the kiss was a joke… but he couldn't bring himself to word any of them.

Instead, he muttered an almost inaudible, "Thanks."

Cartman glanced over at him, confused.

"For… finding me… for stopping me from…" Kyle trailed off, not wanting to bring it up just yet, "And for fixing me…"

His left arm brushed against Cartman's right under the covers, so he would know what Kyle was referring to. Cartman seemed to tense up for a moment, then relax.

"Whatever…" he said quietly, closing his eyes, "Just don't ever do any of that shit again."

"I won't," Kyle said automatically.

"I'm serious!" Cartman said, turning his brown eyes toward Kyle, melting him. "Don't do that ever again! You have no idea how… how much I was…" he stopped and turned away. "Whatever, night Jew."

Kyle blinked, then smiled, closing his eyes. "Night, Eric."


	32. Try to kill it all away But I remember

"Love never dies a natural death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish its source. It dies of blindness and errors and betrayals. It dies of illness and wounds; it dies of weariness, of withering, of tarnishing."

Anais Nin

"I can't fucking believe we have school today. There's at least six inches of ice everywhere!!" Kenny said exasperatedly as the four boys approached their school the next morning, looking completely exhausted. Cartman and Kyle kept their distance from each other.

"We're in Colorado dude, we're supposedly used to snow," Stan said sarcastically, yawning.

"So?! Not freaking ICE! I swear I'll sue everyone if I fall and break my back," Kenny said loudly, running slightly ahead of the group.

"With what lawyer? You can't even afford heating, let alone a fucking attorney," Cartman pointed out. Kenny sighed and turned around, an annoyed look on his face.

Kyle was barely listening to the conversation as they finally reached the gate surrounding the school boundaries. Ever since he woke up under the covers with Cartman next to him, he'd barely been able to think of anything else. So close to him… it had reminded him of the night before.

And then, it finally seemed to hit him… Cartman kissed him.

Kyle flushed ferociously as Stan glanced over at him. Stan still hadn't had the chance to ask him exactly… _what_ he saw. He was sure it wasn't a dream, but Cartman and Kyle were still acting the same… so he didn't know what had happened.

Kenny turned toward Cartman and flashed him a maniacal smile before turning back toward the school and dashing ahead.

Cartman huffed as they walked through the entrance doors, and parted ways to reach their lockers. Stan and Kenny toward the left hallway, Cartman and Kyle toward the right. Kyle's blood pulsed through his veins as his thoughts raced.

_What the hell was I thinking… why did I tell him I loved him!?! Why the hell would I do that?!! Well… yeah I wasn't quite in my right mind…. Cutting myself and everything, but really! That was the one thing I swore I'd never tell him… and god, he can't love anyone, why did I think this would be any different! _

_I mean, he kissed me, but…_ Kyle shot a quick glance at Cartman, who kept his eyes straight ahead of him, almost statue-like. _Why the hell did he do that?! He never makes any sense!_

The silence stretched between them as they walked through the hall together, passing various other students. Bebe and Wendy were giggling about something, Clyde was showing off his new jacket to Tweak and Token, and Jimmy seemed to be trying out his latest joke on Timmy. But, not a word was shared between the two boys.

Once they reached their lockers, Cartman automatically twirled his combination lock while Kyle stood awkwardly next to him, his hand on the locker door, unmoving. Cartman pretended not to notice as he pulled his own open and grabbed his math notebook.

"Cartman…" Kyle said cautiously. Cartman inwardly noticed he didn't call him 'Eric', but made no mention of this fact. "We need to talk about… last night."

Eric froze for a moment as his stomach flipped over, but quickly regained his composure (before Kyle could even notice) and zipped open his backpack.

"I would like to…" Kyle trailed off, staring at the floor. "I would like to pretend it never happened."

Cartman's mind blanked and this time he actually stopped moving. _What?_

"I mean… it's just going to be awkward, and who knows, I might not have even meant what I said, I was so out of it." Kyle smiled sheepishly but didn't look at Cartman. "If it's just going to be awkward for us, and Kenny and Stan, I feel like it wouldn't do any of us any good… I mean, you obviously weren't in your right mind either…" Kyle blushed, "I just think… it would just be easier if we both completely forgot about it."

There was a pause. Everything around the two boys was silent, in the hall full of people, it felt like they were the only ones there. Something deep inside of Eric felt wrong; like the words were actually a physical wound instead of just words… he couldn't describe it. Something just… hurt.

"Kyle…" someone said from behind the red head. It snapped the two boys out of their moment to turn and see Ike, behind his brother. Kyle looked shocked- Cartman was confused.

"Ike…" Kyle's voice was soft, "What're you doing here?"

Ike's expression was cold. There were deep bags under his eyes, and his cheek's swelling seemed to have gone down since last they met. "I came before my school started, to ask you what the fuck you did to mom."

Kyle blinked, confused, "What're you talking about?"

"You did something to her!!" Ike yelled angrily, "I came home this morning and there was an ambulance!! They said she fainted and was recovering- that was after you were there! What did you do?!"

"Ike, I didn't do anything! She told me…" Kyle closed his eyes and took a deep breath, fighting down the pain from what she said. "She said that she didn't want anything to do with me anymore!! I ran out-

"Yeah! That's all you're fucking good for, _brother_," Ike spat out the last word, "RUNNING AWAY!" He stormed off and ran toward the entrance.

"IKE!" Kyle said, making like he was about to sprint after him. A hand on his shoulder held him back.

"What're you doing?! I need to go after him-

"You really think he's going to listen to you right now?" Cartman said bluntly, holding his shoulder tightly. Kyle slumped his back a little, realizing Cartman was right. "Anyway, I'm sure your mom is okay…" he trailed off slightly, this time directly avoiding Kyle's eyes. "Otherwise Stan would've said something, right?"

"Yeah… I guess," Kyle said, thinking over what Cartman said. Cartman let go of his shoulder and started to put his book back in his bag. "Wait… how did you know Stan was at my house?"

Cartman froze, "Oh… uh you mentioned it."

"No I didn't…" Kyle said, shaking his head and eyeing Cartman, "Neither did Stan… You'd only have known that if…"

"Well, we've wasted enough time standing around here," Cartman stood up hurriedly and pulled his bag over his shoulder. "Let's get to class before we're late-

"Cartman, we have twenty minutes. Tell me; were you at my house last night?"

"Well I want to get there beforehand; I have some questions on the math homework."

Kyle was getting annoyed. "You NEVER care about the math homework!! Cartman, _why_ were you at my house??"

Cartman turned his back on Kyle and attempted to run away, but Kyle did the same thing to him that Cartman did less than two minutes ago, and grasped his shoulder tightly. "Why were you at my house Cartman?! Answer me!"

In a split second, Cartman turned toward Kyle and shot him a look of utter detestation. Kyle backed toward the locker, out of surprise. Cartman dropped his bag and put hands on either side of Kyle's face, against the metal doors, and slowly lowered his face directly in front of Kyle's, their noses almost touching. Cartman had a dangerous look on his face; it was the one he saved specifically for Kyle. One completely full of hate. It had been a while since he'd shown it to Kyle.

"Don't boss me around, Jew. I don't need to tell you anything," he said quietly, his breath on Kyle's lips. Kyle's heart beat rapidly; whether it was out of fear, or because of the closeness in their proximity, he did not know. "You wanted to forget everything from last night, remember? That's included."

Kyle couldn't argue with that logic, even as Cartman's body heat made him dizzy.

"And you know… I have a very good memory," Cartman continued, his voice dripping with venom. "You and your small brain might be able to completely forget last night, but there's no way I could." He gently grasped his hand around Kyle's left arm and held it up for Kyle to see. "I'll never forget about it."

And for a moment, the green eyes locked onto the brown eyes and nothing else mattered. They held their gaze for another second, then Cartman let go of Kyle's arm, pushed himself off the lockers, grabbed his backpack and headed toward their classroom. Kyle was left with his back against the cold metal, his body already missing the heat Cartman's gave off.

It just occurred to Kyle that people around him were staring. Bebe and Wendy whispered urgently to each other, exchanging shocked glances.

_Fuck, they saw that…_ Kyle thought angrily. He pushed himself back to standing position and walked toward the bathroom. _I already have enough to worry about, you asshole, don't confuse me any more!! I was trying to do you a fucking favor!!_

_I have to worry about Ike and my mom too; you can't always occupy my mind you stupid self absorbed asshole!_

He pushed open the bathroom door. _Fuck you Cartman!!_

---

"So, what _did_ happen last night?" Kenny asked Stan curiously as they parted ways with Kyle and Cartman, toward their lockers.

"Eh… I'm not entirely sure," Stan answered truthfully as they reached his locker. "I just… walked up and… they were on the ground… there was blood everywhere… they were ki…kiii…" Stan looked helplessly at Kenny. "Please don't make me say it."

"Seriously?! I thought you were just delirious last night, they were seriously fucking KISSING?!!" Kenny said excitedly. Stan shushed him as Red and Heidi walked by, giving them awkward stares.

"Sorry, sorry, but really?? Both of them? It wasn't just Kyle forcing himself on-

"Dude, you know Kyle would never do that," Stan said, opening the locker door. "But… anyway he was the one on the ground… Cartman was on top of…" he trailed off, shuddering slightly.

"Wow… didn't think he had it in him," Kenny said, smiling triumphantly. He, too, opened his locker door and gazed at the swimsuit models decorating the inside, lost in thought. "But… before that… you said Kyle ran away from his house?"

Stan nodded, closing his door again. "Yeah, you should've heard some of the stuff his mom was saying… I mean I've known for a while, since we were fourteen, what she was doing, but that was the first time I… actually saw it in action, you know?"

Kenny nodded like he understood, "How did Cartman come into play there?"

Stan looked at the floor sheepishly, "I kinda… told him that even though Kyle didn't say it, Kyle wanted him there when he had to face his mom…"

Kenny looked at his friend, completely surprised, "YOU figured that out?!"

"Shut up! If anything, I know what Kyle means and what he wants… even if I don't understand it. Anyway, Cartman shit aside, his mom was fine when I left her… like I said, she passed out, but it was only because Cartman looked like he was about to kill someone. It was that same fucking look he gave Scott Tenorman when he fed him the chili made from his parents."

"Dude, I remember that," Kenny said, closing the locker doors, "Did he ever get released from the mental hospital?"  
Stan shook his head, "Anyway, I probably would've shit myself if I had to see that thing full on… the only person who's ever survived that look is Kyle."

Kenny and Stan collectively sighed, wondering what the hell was going on with their friends.

---

"THANK GOD IT'S FRIDAY!" Token yelled as soon as the final bell rang that day. The other classmates cheered and filed out of the class, some lingering to collect their books. Kyle and Cartman had been avoiding each other all day, while Stan looked on, clueless as always, and Kenny snickered to himself.

Kyle stood up and dropped his copy of Beowulf on the floor. When he bent down to pick it up, Cartman's hand was already on it. Their hands brushed and Kyle looked away angrily (and red), without so much as a 'thank you' while Cartman awkwardly stared at his hand. Kenny was doing all he could to hold in his laughter.

_Seriously?! Are you freaking SERIOUS?! Oh my god, Carman, you're pathetic!_ He thought to himself while trying to stifle his laughs. Cartman shot him an angry look. Kenny rolled his eyes and directed his attention to Kyle.

"So Kyle, where are you sleeping tonight?" Kenny asked nonchalantly. Kyle blinked and looked at Stan.

"How am I supposed to know? It's your call, dude," Stan said, standing up from his desk.

"Well… no offense Kenny, last night was fun," _sharing a blanket with Eric was worth it_, "But I'd rather be somewhere with heating…" Kyle trailed off. Kyle had looked down all day, Kenny wasn't really sure why.

Kenny smiled. "Well, we always go to Stan's house… how about Eric's?"

Cartman stopped putting his books in his bag. "What?"

"Yeah dude, that's a good idea. I'm sick of him eating all my stuff." Stan smiled too.

Cartman looked between the faces of his two friends, "Fine you fucking idiots can stay the night." He looked at Kyle, "But only one night, freeloader."

"Like I'd stay there without Stan and Kenny, you'd probably shit on me and take pictures, like what you did with Butters."

Cartman rolled his eyes and glanced at the door. "Speaking of which… BUTTERS!"

Butters was walking out of the room when Cartman yelled for him. He turned nervously and smiled. "Yeah, Eric?"

"You're staying over at my house tonight." Cartman smiled in, what appeared to be to anyone except Kyle, an earnest way.

"Re-Really? Gee, wow Eric! It's been so long! Are these fellas gonna be there too?" he asked, nodding toward the three boys behind him.

"Yeah, these dip shits are coming too."

"Oh boy!" Butters clapped happily and ran out of the room, yelling, "I'll be over at your house at six thirty!!"

Cartman turned back toward his friends with a look of pure evil on his face.

"Do we _want_ to know why you invited him?" Stan asked bluntly.

"Oh, you'll see why later." He smiled again in that oh-so-Cartman-like manner, and turned his back on his friends. "Come on, shit heads, I wanna go home, don't keep me waiting."

The other boys quickly gathered their bags and followed Cartman out of the classroom. It was at times like this that Kyle really wondered… _why_ he loved Cartman.


	33. I just won't tell you 'bout it

"They do not love that do not show their love. The course of true love never did run smooth. Love is a familiar. Love is a devil. There is no evil angel but Love."

William Shakespeare

"Hey fellas!" Butters said cheerfully as Cartman opened the front door, smiling.

"Hello Butters, come on in, Kenny Stan and Kyle are all here already…" The three boys mentioned were sitting on the floor in Eric's living room, playing cards, their jackets in a pile near the stairs. Again, Kyle was the only one with his hat on.

"Oh gee this is going to be great!! Tonight is gonna be so much fun, are you guys excited?"

Kyle and Stan exchanged confused glances while Kenny smiled back convincingly, "Of course, Butters. Eric, what are we doing tonight?"

"Well first, I think we should have some drinks…" Cartman said, walking into the kitchen.  
"Dude, no alcohol, right?" Stan wanted to make sure- he didn't trust Kenny or Cartman while they were drunk, while as Kyle wasn't going to be drinking it anyway, so he wanted to avoid any and all possibly awkward situations.

"Right, right," Cartman called distractedly. Glasses were clanking from the kitchen.

Butters threw down his bag and sat next to the three boys. He smiled at the three of them- not grasping the awkwardness of the situation.

"What're you guys playing?" Butters asked, referring to the long forgotten cards in the middle of them.

"Oh… uh… Old Maid…" Kyle answered, snapping back to reality.

"We're playing Go Fish Kyle, no wonder you're losing. Where the hell is your head?" Stan asked, laughing.

_Actually, I haven't been paying any attention. I haven't been able to think of anything else since earlier. It's been like this all day, Cartman… Eric. He kissed me, and he refuses to try and forget about it. He kissed me… after I said I loved him… I hate myself for saying that… but anyway, Eric…_ Cartman reentered the room carrying a tray full of glasses of what appeared to be lemonade. _Why the hell did you kiss me??_

_Was it a joke? Was it to mess with me?_

_Was it a desperate attempt to keep me from killing myself? I mean, you saved me from ManBearPig that time so long ago, but only so you could make fun of me another day. Was that why you saved me this time, too?_

_God… I know I said I'd be happy if you just kissed me, and pretended like you loved me for a minute (which was actually more like five minutes; you did a really good job of pretending… very convincing…), but I'm still just as confused as ever._

"Take a picture, it'll last longer, Jew," Cartman sneered at him. Kyle just realized he was handing Kyle his drink, when all Kyle had been doing was staring at him, completely zoned out.

"Fu-fuck off, fat ass," he growled angrily, attempting to cover up his embarrassment, and quickly grabbing his glass from Cartman. Kenny watched them from behind his glass intently, a smile plastered on his face.

"And here's yours Butters," Cartman smiled, handing it to him.

"Gee, thanks Eric! It's been so long since I was here last… where's your mom?" Butters asked cheerily, taking a swig from his glass of lemonade.

Kyle saw Eric twitch slightly, but no one else seemed to notice.

"I'm not entirely sure, probably with Mr. Mackey tonight, I lost track of her a few weeks ago."

The other four boys sat in a state of complete shock. _What?_

Stan was the first to say anything, "You at least know she's alive… right? I mean she couldn't be dead if you haven't seen her for a few weeks…"

"No she's definitely alive," Cartman looked away, holding his own glass and swirling the liquid inside around. He didn't like where this conversation was going. "Every few days I find clothes in the washer or another suitcase gone."

"Well, aren't you worried?" Stan asked, confused by Cartman's logic, "Don't you care? Don't you think she's important??"

Cartman rolled his eyes, "Dumb ass. Why would I be worried? She's an adult. I'm used to being left alone. It's because she thinks I'm old enough to trust the house with, how is that so hard to understand?"

_But aren't you… lonely?_ Kyle thought.

"Besides, in terms of importance," Cartman continued, "I've just recently discovered something more important that I have to take care of…"

Kenny saw Cartman's eyes glance nervously at Kyle, then look away, but no one else seemed to have noticed.

"Woahhh…." Butters groaned from beside Kyle. He was swaying back and forth dizzily, his eyes half open.

"Butters?" Stan asked him, wondering if he was okay. Cartman smiled.

Eventually Butters closed his eyes and fell back onto the floor with a thud, dropping his glass.

"OH MY GOD! BUTTERS!"

Stan stood up quickly and checked the blonde boy's pulse while Kyle looked on, worriedly.

"Don't worry, he's fine," Cartman said, standing up. Kenny was smiling as well.

Kyle watched him curiously, when it finally hit him _why_ Butters collapsed.

"…What did you give him?"

Cartman smiled. "Of course the Jew would be the first to figure it out. It was just a roofie, no big-

Kyle began to cough spastically and inspect his lemonade glass.

"Seriously, Kyle, I wouldn't waste one on any of you, I wouldn't be any fun." Cartman picked up Butters' now empty glass and went back into the kitchen.

Stan and Kyle looked at each other, worried, while Kenny just seemed amused by the whole ordeal.

A few moments later Cartman returned to the living room with handfuls of his mother's clothes and make up. He dropped them on the floor and smiled up at his three friends.

"Now the fun can begin."

---

"NO! I'm not doing it!"

"Just do it you fucking Jew!!"  
"I can't! I'm totally against this morally!"

"Kyle, just do it," Stan said from beside Kyle, sitting in front of the computer.

Kyle pouted and looked at Stan, annoyed. "But, Stan, this is just…"

Butters lied on the floor of Cartman's bedroom, completely knocked out, wearing a vibrant pink dress and a blonde wig. Kenny was reapplying his lipstick and blush, while Cartman put the left shoe on Butters' foot.

"What the hell's the big deal, Kyle? It's not like he'll ever see this."

Kyle stood awkwardly holding the camera Cartman handed him a minute ago. "I'm not going to take pictures of him- that's just too wrong!!"

Cartman glanced back at Kyle, and rolled his eyes. "God you're such a pussy, Kyle. Just do it."

Cartman readjusted Butters until it looked like he was sitting. Kyle growled angrily and walked out of the room.

"Just where the hell do you think you're going?!" Cartman yelled after him.

"To the bathroom! Is that a crime?!" Kyle yelled back. The sound of him walking down the hall and closing a door was heard.

There was a silence in the room as Stan clicked various things on the computer and Cartman went back to fixing Butters' position. Kenny inched closer to him.

"So…. _Eric_," Kenny said, batting his eyelashes.

"Kenny, just shut up before I get really mad," Cartman said exhaustedly, readjusting the wig on Butters. He grabbed a tube of mascara off the floor, unscrewed the top and began to apply it to Butters' blonde eyelashes.

"Eric…" Kenny smiled dangerously and got really close to Cartman's ear. He lowered his voice so only Eric could hear him, "I know you and Kyle kissed."

Cartman accidentally stabbed Butters' face with the end of the mascara wand, leaving a black smudge. He turned toward Kenny, "…what?" he hissed.

"I know…" Kenny said like he was explaining something to a small child, "That you… and Kyle… were in the forest… kissi-

"Shut up Kenny," he said angrily, attempting to wipe the black off of Butters' face.

"So you don't even bother to try and deny it?" Kenny's smile grew wider. "You're really growing up Er-

"SHUT UP!!" Cartman snapped, turning back toward Kenny and straightening himself to his full height. "JUST STOP TALKING!!"  
"What're you giving him shit about this time, Kenny?" Stan asked uninterestedly from Cartman's computer desk.

Kenny smile vanished. "WHAT THE HELL IS THE BIG DEAL, _ERIC_?! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST ADMIT IT?!"

"THERE'S NOTHING TO ADMIT!!"

"Okay, now you're just being stupid. WHY THE HELL WON'T YOU JUST ADMIT YOU KISSED HIM?"

Cartman turned red. "Fucking shut up Kenny! It's none of your business-

"See?! You won't admit it! You won't even admit your feelings for him have changed!! Why won't you at least admit that much?!"

"BECAUSE THEY HAVEN'T!" Cartman yelled loudly, his last words ringing through the room. Stan looked between Kenny and Cartman, finally understanding what they were arguing about. Butters was slumped against the wall, still completely knocked out.

Kenny huffed angrily, "Well you should at least talk to him about what actually happened, knowing you, you just skimmed over it or tried to cover it up by saying 'oh it was a joke-

"HE was the one who wanted to forget about it, Kenny!" Cartman said angrily, his voice cracking a little. "HE was the one who wanted to act like it never happened! Even if I tried, I could never forget that night!" Kenny and Stan stared wide-eyed at Cartman.

"He said… he did some really stupid things because of me! Because I was nice to him! He said it was my fault he ran away… and it was my fault he hurt hi…" Cartman trailed off, not wanting to admit that bit out loud. "I'd been causing him shit… for I don't know how long, and he expects me to forget the aftermath of it?! Not only that, but he said… he said…"

Cartman blushed ferociously, and looked at the floor.

"Cartman…" Stan started out, "You think it's your fault he ran away…?"

"I need some air," Cartman said quickly. He pushed past Kenny, to the door of his bedroom, where he bumped into Kyle.

"Jeez, why're you in such a…" Kyle looked into the other boy's eyes. "…Eric?"

Cartman looked away and ran down the stairs and out the front door.

"Did I miss something?" Kyle asked Stan and Kenny, who were standing dumbfounded in Cartman's room.

Kenny recovered quickly and smiled, "Nothing big. Don't worry-" he added looking at Kyle's expression, "he just needed to cool down."

Kyle was confused, but the look in Kenny's eyes made him not want to press the matter. A few silent moments passed, when Kyle glanced over at Butters.

"I see you're almost done with him," Kyle said glumly.

"Have you decided to take pictures of Butters now?" Stan smiled, attempting to push the argument they just had with Cartman out of his head.

"No, I'm not doing it," Kyle said stubbornly. He thought for a moment and turned toward Kenny, a skeptical look in his eyes. "Kenny, how is it you seemed to know about all this already?"

"Eric invited me over last time Butters was here, and we took pictures then too," Kenny smiled gleefully. "He also got some video - he has a website where he posts them, he gets a lot of hits-

"Doesn't that strike you as morally wrong in the least bit?" Kyle interupted.

"Not really, no. I mean it's not like Butters knows about it. A lot of the kids at school have seen it though, that's why he has the reputation of being gay."

"…Oh," Kyle said, finally putting two and two together. He looked over at Butters, and wondered vaguely if Cartman had tried any of that on him when he was sleeping.

_No… he might hate me, but I'm not like Butters to him… his relationship with Butters is… 'special'. _Kyle's insides boiled slightly, _Wait…why the hell would I feel jealous of that?! I mean, yeah he spends extra time with him and invites him over a lot and talks with him…_ he imagined the website where Cartman posted his pictures of Butters, _but really, would I want _that_ to happen to me!?_

Kyle faced Stan and Kenny again, trying to push the angry feeling inside his stomach away. "Still… I'm not going to do it. I'd feel too bad, and Cartman is a sick fuck for thinking this is amusing. He's lucky I don't tell Butters what he's up to."

"That's fine, he doesn't have to help," Cartman's voice said from the doorway. The other three boys turned around. "You can, Stan."

Stan blinked, confused. _Usually Cartman would have argued and argued to make Kyle obey him and take the picture… why is he giving up so easily?_

"Uh, okay, since I could care less either way…" Stan said, taking the camera from Kyle. Kyle stood, taken aback. Cartman walked past him, toward Butters, not even glancing at him once.

"Okay now, shall we?" Cartman said smiling, motioning to Kenny and Stan.

Stan held up the camera, ready to photograph whatever Cartman said, while Kenny took off his jacket and unbuttoned his shirt.

"Wha-What is he doing?" Kyle asked cautiously, still unsure as to what Butters was going to be doing within these pictures.

"He's taking off his shirt so as to sit next to Marjorine-Butters and make him look like a gay cross-dresser," Cartman answered coolly, still not looking at Kyle. Kyle noticed he didn't once say 'Jew' in the whole sentence. He feared something was up.

Kenny walked over to Butters and sat next to him, putting his arms around the unconscious boy. Stan flashed the camera while Cartman smiled.

"You're so lucky we know you're totally straight, Kenny," Stan said, smiling.

"Kenny, you've done this before, you know what to do," Cartman said, motioning for Kenny to change his position. Butters' wig slipped a little.

"Fuck, we need to get a new one…" Cartman muttered, walking over to the two boys on the floor. He readjusted the wig and clenched Butters' face, his hands on his cheeks. "His make up is smudged… oh well, now he looks drunk…" he murmured, inspecting the unconscious boy's face. Cartman grabbed Butters' hand and gave it to Kenny to hold.

"You're so pretty, Marjorine," he muttered evilly to Butters, "It's so much fun hanging out with you." Kyle felt his heart twinge a little, but ignored it. Cartman walked back to where Kyle was standing, and turned back toward Butters, motioning for Kenny to continue, without a single word to Kyle.

After about half an hour of Kenny molesting Butters while Stan took pictures and Cartman directed, Kyle began to grow tired. Nobody was talking to him, which was slightly odd considering he wasn't doing anything… Cartman would have at least called him a fag at least once by then. He glanced at the bed, then back at Cartman.

_He won't fucking notice,_ Kyle thought angrily, _he's too busy with 'Marjorine'._

Kyle walked over to the bed and sat down on it, vaguely noticing it smelled like Eric. He began to smile then stopped himself, remembering he was annoyed with Cartman. He took off his hat and angrily punched it.

_Why the hell is he treating me differently? He's the one that kissed me!_ Kyle blushed slightly but everyone was too busy with Butters to notice. _Even though… he was probably joking/crazy/temporary memory loss/trying to save my life…_

_God damnit_, he closed his eyes and sighed. _It'd be so much easier to just hate him...like before._

_Wait… did I ever really hate him? Was it truly hate? I… can't tell the difference any more… _Kyle began to drift in his thoughts. _Hate… love… maybe they're the same._

"_I don't think I loved her. I think… it's real love when you are able to trust the other person implicitly. You know what they're going to do, and you know where they are at that moment, without having to say anything. You just… have this connection. And some things don't even need to be said, you can just hear them almost… ah okay I know I sound crazy… But it makes sense, right?"_

Stan's words from forever ago rang in Kyle's ears.

_Hear things that don't need to be said?_ Kyle wondered vaguely. _I hear things that I wish Cartman would say… does that count? Even when he first kissed me… I heard his voice say he loved me._

_Maybe I really am going crazy…_

---

"Is he asleep?" Kenny asked, referring to the person lying on Cartman's bed. It had been hours since they began photographing Butters, and the three of them grew bored. Cartman had just finished uploading the pictures to his website, when he noticed Kyle sitting up on his bed holding his hat, his eyes closed.

"I think so…" Stan said, poking at him. It was confirmed: Kyle was asleep.

"Guys?" Kenny asked, glancing at the clock.

"Yeah?" Stan answered.

"It's three in the morning."

"Yep."

Kenny glanced over at his two friends who were still awake, and announced, "I'm going to sleep."

"Alright alright," Stan yawned. "I'll go down to the couch, I don't trust being around Cartman while I'm asleep after seeing what the two of you do to Butters… Kenny, you want to come with me or stay here?"

Kenny glanced at Cartman and Kyle. Through the darkness, Cartman could swear he was grinning his stupid know-it-all toothy grin.

"As long as you don't try to spoon with me again…" Kenny said, following Stan out of the room.

Soon, Cartman was sitting alone on the floor, without a word in edge wise. He walked over to the computer and turned it off. Butters, now wearing purple lipstick and a red curly wig, was lying in the corner of the room like a forgotten doll. He glanced back over at Kyle, who was still sound asleep on his bed.

"Damnit," he murmured, "Stupid Kenny." _I know those assholes planned this, he thought angrily._

He turned off the room light and walked back over to the bed, still unsure of what to do. Should he wake Kyle up, or let him sleep and degrade himself by sleeping on the floor?

Being Eric Cartman, he could bring himself to do neither. Instead, he settled with lying back on the bed, it was big enough so Kyle could sleep sitting up against the wall and Cartman could sprawl himself on the other half.

He lied down and made himself comfortable on the remaining half of the bed, not occupied by Kyle. After everything was set, he closed his eyes, ready to sleep. The sound of someone shifting their weight on the mattress was heard and Cartman felt something hard fall on his legs. It was Kyle; he had toppled over in his sleep, and now believed Cartman's legs to be a pillow. He wrapped his arms around them and inched his way toward Cartman's waist, attempting to get comfortable.

_What the fuck… _Cartman thought, trying not to scream. _Why the hell does this always happen to me?!!_

Kyle settled himself into Cartman's stomach as a pillow. Eric was too busy trying to remain calm to notice how absolutely gay they must've looked.

"Jew…" he mumbled, hoping Kyle was slightly awake. No response.

_Damnit you fucking Jew, get off of me!_ He thought angrily, turning red. He reached out to try and push Kyle off.

Kyle was completely dead asleep. Cartman watched him for a moment, wondering how anyone could sleep as much as Kyle seemed to when Eric was around.

He thought for a moment, then reached his hand out and touched Kyle's hair. He patted it awkwardly for a few moments, then pulled back, feeling embarrassed.

He gazed at Kyle's sleeping face, and remembered the last few times Kyle had fallen asleep in front of him.

"You're so stupid, Jew," he whispered, "You think you can sleep in front of me? You actually trust me to do that? Look at what I do to Butters…"

Kyle remained motionless, his chest moving rhythmically as he dreamt.

_Why do you make this so hard for me…_ Cartman thought, lying back down on his pillow.

---

_Cartman was kneeling with his head down in his lawn, his hands supporting him in the snow._

Stupid fucking Jew… how is it my fault you ran away? That you were sad? That you cut yourself?!

Why did you say that…

"_Look, I went to all this trouble to find you, you should at least tell me wh-_

"_That's why."_

"…_What?"_

"_That's why… all this happened…"_

"_What's why?"_

"_You… just treating me special."_

GOD FUCKING DAMNIT!!

_Kyle's green eyes flashed in his head. The same sad eyes that seemed to have been haunting him his whole life. _Those… were my fault…

And then… and then WHY THE HELL CAN'T I CONTROL MYSELF?! I act so fucking impulsively at anything, if I had thought it through I wouldn't have…

And… I know deep down I invited Butters over for more than just fucking with him… what the hell was I hoping for from Kyle? Jealousy? What the fuck is wrong with me…

Kyle is probably hurting more now because of me, and there's nothing I can do. He said it was because I treat him special… I just have to stop.

It's for his own good. Hell, I'm not even sure why I did…that-thing-I've-done-twice-to-him…

_Cartman lifted of his hands and touched his lips. _But it can't happen again. If I'm hurting him so much, and causing him so much pain… then it would be better if I stopped treating him like… I actually care about him.

---

"You… really are stupid," Cartman said quietly to the sleeping boy who had now inched his way to Cartman's chest. "You may think you're smart, but you're really dumb. Smart people don't fall in love with people like me… people that cause you pain, people that don't think about other people. People that act impulsively and just hurt you even more…"

_I have to treat you… like you don't matter, which means just ignoring you completely. I think Kenny called it "apathy" or something a while back…_

Cartman lie awake in his bed, staring at the ceiling. He reached his hand out to Kyle's head and felt his hair again. He pulled at one of the thick curls and felt it bounce back to its original position. Cartman glanced back down at Kyle.

"You shouldn't love me."


	34. I Should Tell You, I'm Disaster

"Love is never lost. If not reciprocated, it will flow back and soften and purify the heart."

Washington Irving

_Should I try to get over him?_ Kyle thought to himself the next morning. It was 5 am when he woke up and found himself lying on Eric's chest. He vaguely remembered falling asleep on Eric's bed the night before… but he was most definitely _alone_. Even though he knew he should move and get off Cartman's bed (and essentially Cartman), he just couldn't bring himself to do it.

_You… asshole_, Kyle thought, staring up at Cartman's face. _Why did you kiss me? You make no sense. Don't you hate me?_ Cartman continued to breathe steadily, oblivious to Kyle's question in his slumber.

_I just… don't know anything anymore._

_What am I going to do…?_ he asked himself, closing his eyes and resting his head back on Eric's chest. He heard Eric's heart beat rhythmically through his chest. Kyle smiled at the comforting sound. He tried to think rationally about his current situations.

_What am I going to do… Not just about Eric, but everything. I need to think this through while I have the chance. _

_Mom is fine, I'm sure, I'll just… see if I can talk to her again when she's cooled down. My friends really don't seem to mind if I mooch off of them a little longer…_

_Ike… who knows. Ike is just as stubborn as I am… I don't think Mom will try anything else on him, whatever Cartman and Stan did at my house made her faint so I think she'll be too out of it for a while. Ike is safe… but I can't leave him alone there forever. That's running away._

_Dad… Do I have to have anything to do with him? He is my dad, but he betrayed not only Mom, but me too… Stan forgave his dad though._

_Has my dad even apologized? Maybe if he apologizes I'll consider it… but Mom will never forgive him. He tore our family apart._

_School is okay. I don't have to worry about that._

_And… Eric, _Kyle opened his eyes and gazed at Cartman's sleeping face, _you are my only problem now._

_You are… everything I want, and everything I don't need. And I know when you wake up that you'll continue to ignore me like you did last night. Probably because Butters is here._ Kyle felt his stomach clench. _God damnit… I shouldn't be jealous._

_But I am… because I love you._

_Damnit._

_Why did I tell you I did? Now I can't cover it up, and since you're being too stubborn to try and forget about it… I don't know what to do._

Kyle looked at his left arm and rolled up the sleeve. He saw the band aid Cartman had placed over his cut two nights before. He traced the outline with his finger and looked back up at Cartman.

_Maybe this makes me as bad as you are, when you harass Butters in his sleep, _Kyle thought laughingly. _After all, this is only for my enjoyment, and you'll never know about it._

---

A few hours later, after everyone woke up, the five of them were in the living room watching TV. Butters was bright and chipper after twelve hours of uninterrupted drug-induced sleep.

"Oh Eric! Last night was so much fun!"

Kenny and Stan rolled their eyes while Cartman smiled convincingly. They were the ones who had to undress him and wash off all of his make up before the roofie wore off and he woke up; Cartman did nothing. He put Butters outside the room and told them to go ahead; he was in there for a while, Stan and Kenny had no idea doing what.

"Of course Butters, you just had _so_ much fun that you can't remember it," Cartman said, patting Butters on the head, in an almost condescending way. Butters didn't notice, instead he smiled his stupid toothy grin. Kyle rolled his eyes.

"Uh, Stan? Can I talk to you for a moment?" Butters directed his attention to the black-haired boy. Stan looked slightly surprised, then nodded. He followed Butters out of the room into the kitchen.

"Sorry Stan, you sure are nice for agreeing to talk with me, I just don't know how to ask this without really bothering Eric or Kyle, so I figured it might be easier if I just asked one of their close friends," Butters said awkwardly, smiling brightly at Stan. Stan grew slightly worried, but nodded to encourage Butters to continue.

"Well…" Butters looked around the room, searching to find the correct wording for his question. "Are Eric and Kyle… _special_ friends?"

Stan blinked, processing what Butters said.

"NO!" Stan said quickly, once he realized what Butters was referring to, waving his hands to keep Butters from continuing. "No no no no no no nooo… they are not… going out. The words are 'going out', Butters."

"Oh, okay," Butters nodded like he understood. "'Going out'… so they aren't?" he added hopefully.

"God no, Butters, where the hell did you get that idea?" Stan asked, severely worried about Butters' mental state.

"Oh… uh well they were all comfortable this morning… I woke up a little when I was on the floor, and I was still real tired so I went right back to sleeping, but when I looked on Eric's bed… he and Kyle were… really comfortable. And it just looked like…" Butters trailed off, looking slightly embarrassed, like what he was spilling a secret.

Stan attempted to digest the words Butters was saying. He smiled slightly, realizing Kenny's plan to get them alone together worked, although… he didn't like how well it seemed to work.

"That asshole still slept on his bed? Idiot…" Stan muttered, ignoring Butters' confused glances. He directed his next question at Butters, "Anyway, why do you care Butters?"

Butters looked surprised for a moment, then cast his gaze toward the floor, away from Stan.

"Uh… no real reason… just wonderin' I guess…"

Stan didn't look convinced, and motioned for Butters to continue.

"Well, uh, I…"

---

"I vote we get out your Xbox, Eric," Kenny said, smiling maliciously toward Cartman.

"I second that," Kyle said, turning toward him. Cartman didn't even glance in his direction.

_Figures… asshole is too busy thinking about Butters…_ Kyle thought angrily. He couldn't _wait_ to beat Cartman's ass at videogames in order to relieve his anger at being ignored.

Cartman sighed, "Fine, fine, you god damn assholes, I'll go get the fucking Xbox."

Cartman stood up and walked out of the living room; soon his footsteps were no longer heard as he ascended the stairs and went in his room.

Kenny glanced at Kyle and smirked, "Have fun last night?"

"Shut up, Kenny," Kyle shot back.

"Green has always been a good color on you Kyle… although not the envious kind." Kenny leaned toward Kyle, and lowered his voice, adopting a more serious tone, "Although I wonder, what's going on with the two of you? Didn't you kiss a few days ago?"

Kyle's skin color quickly went from beige-pink to scarlet, "Wh-what?! That's none of you- How did you know?!!" Kyle asked in one breath.

Kenny smiled again. "Stan told me he saw you guys kissing in the forest…"

_Damnit!_ Kyle thought, _I was hoping when he fainted he would've forgotten it… fuck. How am I going to explain this…?_

"Anyway, so no luck?" Kenny asked like a curious child, his eyes bright with anticipation. "You aren't going out yet?"

If possible, Kyle turned an even deeper shade of red. "Wha- NO! Why would we go out- he doesn't even like me! He hates me!"  
Kenny blinked. "He's kissed you…"

"Yeah!"

"Twice?"

"Yeah!"

"And you think… he hates you," Kenny concluded, trying to understand Kyle's logic.

Kyle realized how stupid it sounded, but there was no other explanation.

"It doesn't matter now anyway, Kenny, he's too busy with Butters to even look at me right now."

Kenny vaguely noticed Kyle was right- Cartman had been avoiding Kyle for the past twenty four hours, that's why he forced them together the night before, he was hoping they could talk about it… but…

"Kyle, he doesn't hate you," Kenny started.

"Yeah he does! He has to-

" "He has to'? You think he has to hate you? It's required?"

Kyle was getting annoyed at Kenny's ignorance, "You know that's not what I meant."

Kenny shook his head, "You are just as hopeless as he is…" he muttered, "Can you at least tell me… how you feel about him? Just say it?"

Kyle looked at him and took a deep breath, "I… love him," he said confidently. Kenny looked slightly surprised, then smiled.

"Good, you're at least a few steps above him…" Kenny muttered.

"What?" Kyle asked, not quite catching what Kenny said.

Before Kenny could answer, a scream in Stan's voice echoed loudly through all the rooms in the house.

"AAAAAAAAAAAH!!"

Kenny and Kyle both looked up in the direction of the kitchen, and stood up in unison.

Kyle reached the kitchen first, and saw Stan, sheet white, looking at Butters like he just uttered the unimaginable.

"What the hell is it, Stan?" Kyle asked as Kenny followed behind him.

"He's… he's…Cartman… special…!" Stan said, sounding completely shocked, pointing at Butters wildly. Butters shuffled his feet uncomfortably as he looked at the floor, his cheeks tinted pink. Stan's head reeled as he looked between Butters, Kenny and Kyle.

"What is he talking about?" Kenny asked, directing his attention to the nervous blonde boy in front of him.

Butters didn't say anything, then muttered something barely audible.

"What?" Kenny asked, unable to hear.

"Eric is my…" Butters trailed off again, closing his eyes.

"What?"

"Eric is my special friend…" Butters whispered.

The other three boys stood there, staring at him in shock.

"You have got… to be fucking… kidding me," Kenny said, a look of complete disbelief on his face. Stan nervously glanced over at Kyle, whose face held no emotion whatsoever. However, inside Kyle, it felt like a hurricane just hit.

"Does he know?" Kenny asked quietly, still feeling one hundred percent awkward. He sent an apologetic glance to Kyle.

"No… I haven't told him… I realized it a while ago though, and it would've just troubled him so I didn't… say anything…" Butters tried to smile but failed. He looked absolutely pathetic- at a complete loss for what to do. "I'm just telling you fellas because… I thought maybe… you would understand, since you're his closest friends."

An awkward silence befell the boys. Kenny and Stan both turned back to look at Kyle. His hands were shaking and white, while he looked down.

"Kyle…?" Stan asked, reaching out to him.

"What're you all doing in here?" Cartman asked from the doorway, holding his Xbox. The four boys jumped, Kenny being the first to recover, "Waiting for your fat ass to bring us some entertainment."

Cartman rolled his eyes, "Well I'm _so_ sorry for making you wait, but if you assholes wanted it so badly you could've gone up and gotten it yourself!" he huffed. He turned his back on the guys in the kitchen and walked back into the living room, automatically followed by Butters and Kenny. Stan began to walk with them but noticed Kyle wasn't moving.

"You okay?" Stan asked him, sounding concerned.

Kyle couldn't think straight. _Butters… in love with… Cart… my… my Eri…_

"No," Kyle choked through a strangled voice, "But I just can' think about it… later… right now, it would just cause more trouble than it's worth, okay?"

Stan stared at Kyle for another moment, then nodded his head.

---

Hours later, after a four hour hardcore videogame session, Stan and Kyle waved goodbye to Butters, Kenny and Cartman as they started their walk home, carrying their book bags from school the day before. Stan glanced nervously at Kyle, who had been quiet since Butters' confession earlier.

"Dude…I'm sorry," Stan started.

Kyle shook his head, "This isn't… anything you should be sorry about. It's just a thing… it's nothing." Kyle looked upset. "You know… it shouldn't surprise me. Butters has been so obviously gay for the longest time now… it was only a matter of time…"

Kyle trailed off, biting his lip.

Stan sighed and looked ahead of him. "I don't understand it… what the hell is it about Cartman?"

They remained silent until they reached the street corner and took a left. Snowflakes drifted lazily from the sky onto their jackets and the ground. They walked a few more blocks in silence, until Stan's house was in view.

"I don't know what it is either, truthfully," Kyle began, staring directly ahead of him, lost in thought. "With Butters… Cartman is possibly the only one to be… friendly toward him… well, in a Cartman way. Most people won't even talk to him because they think he's annoying."

Stan nodded slowly, understading Kyle's logic.

"Then… why do you like him?" Stan asked bluntly, turning toward his best friend.

Kyle didn't answer; he looked lost in thought again. Eventually, they reached Stan's front door.

"I really… don't know," Kyle said, smiling. Stan looked at him for a moment, then pushed open the front door.

---

_Why am I freaking out over this so much… Eric isn't gay. It's not like he and Butters will end up together and going out and kissing and whatever the fuck those assholes want to do…_

_It doesn't matter that I'm in love with him and he knows it, and someone he seems to like a lot more than me is in love with him too… he probably doesn't care. It doesn't matter he's kissed me twice now and he doesn't seem phased by it in the least, he still treats me the same… he doesn't even care it's all a big fucking joke to him._

"Kyle?"

_He doesn't even notice how it affects me. I mean, I woke up the second time and he wasn't there. He's only nice me when… when it's convenient… or something… I don't even know._ Kyle's chest hurt. _Hell, he's never nice. He's just Cartman._

_Eric Fucking Cartman._

"Kyle?"

_God, he and Butters are probably off having fun and doing something right now… what if Kenny eggs them on too? What if he pushes Cartman to do something with Butters??_

_What the hell am I going to do?!_

Stan shook Kyle's shoulder. "Earth to Kyle- the phone!!" Stan said, holding the phone out to his best friend. Kyle snapped out of his thinking and stared at it.

_How long have we been here?_ Kyle wondered, vaguely realizing they were sitting in Stan's room. Stan dangled the phone in front of his face, waiting for Kyle to take it.

Kyle grabbed it and held it up to his ear.

"…Hello?"

"Hey, uh, Kyle? It's Bebe."

There was a silence. Before Kyle could ask how she knew he was there, Bebe began to explain in one breath, "I tried calling your house, but your brother said you were at Stan's house, and I still had the number in my phone," _My brother?_ Kyle asked himself, "so I called because, well, I wanted to apologize for how I've been treating you."

Kyle thought for a moment as to how Bebe might have been treating him differently recently. She sorta just ignored him at school… but a few weeks ago she'd called him a fag, but he figured it was because of Wendy's jealousy and wasn't really her thoughts…

"You're fine," Kyle said. Bebe breathed a sigh of relief on the other line.

"Great! Uh, there was another reason I called…" she took in a deep breath, "Could you… go out with me tonight?"

Kyle briefly wondered if there was something wrong with his hearing.

"I mean I know it's short notice and everything, but I just really wanted to see you… and uh maybe if you're not to busy…"

_Wait… she's asking me on a…_

"He'll be there," Stan answered for him, yanking the phone from Kyle's hand.

"Stan what the hell-" Kyle began, but was cut short by the look on Stan's face.

"That's right… eight o'clock? Yeah, okay, later," Stan clicked the phone off and looked at Kyle, smiling.

"What the hell did you set me up for?! And with fucking _Bebe_ of all people?!"

Stan looked down at Kyle, annoyed. "You are not going to sit around my house and mope for the next few hours about fucking Cartman and Butters. You are going to go out, show a girl a good time, and cheer the fuck up."

Kyle's mouth dropped, "But I don't even like her-

"Are you gay?" Stan asked bluntly.

Kyle looked at him, shocked, "I don't think so! Why does that-

"Then just go on a date with her and be happy. You don't have to like her, or kiss her or anything," Kyle looked horrified at the prospect, "it's just to distract you for a while, okay?"

Kyle stared at Stan, trying to comprehend what he said. He thought about Eric and Butters and how much fun they were probably having at that moment, and sighed. Eventually, he gave in.

"Alright, fine, I'll go, but that doesn't mean I'm going to have fun-

"Good!" Stan said happily, "I'm now going to get Kenny, and we're going to help you get ready for your very first date." He smiled brightly and ran out of the room.

Kyle sighed. _God damnit, what have I gotten myself into?_


	35. Show Me You're Imperfect, too

Author's note:

It is 12:15 am as I type this, so excuse me if I don't seem more enthused.

The story is not over, and I am not dropping it. Don't freak out, you have no idea how many comments say 'WHY HAVEN'T YOU UPDATED?! IT'S BEEN TWO DAYS!"

Most people take at least a month to update, two days should be a blessing, haha. I've been spoiling all of you…

Anyway, this chapter is insanely long, but it's worth it. If there are any typos, please message me, because I just finished this chapter and gave it a once look-over before I uploaded it.

Special thank you to:

screamsaimxfire, Twilight Temptress, Emily Cartman, mpkio2, Fiddlestix, HogwartShinobi, GlitterBlings, dreaminGemini, ayafangirl, Raigo, TheyKilledKenny, Kyle Broflovski Fan, Tusk of Thyme, Jesselric, Edtheoddfish, HitTheRoad, Raigo, Butters-St0tch, animeroxz, KnougeandSonadow, gaaraofthefunkXD, Iyrsiiea, AnnaAsakura25, Somewheretobe, Evilerthanyou, pochipochi, The Brat Prince, Velvet Starlight, royed4eva, thequillofdestiny, DragonSapphire, junge1992, Zow-Katow, Esteya, DanniDinmont, The life of a teenage racoon, lustfulangel723, Evie Antorcha, shmutzik, microwaved noodles, 911girl, TripleS-18, sou-chan2000, chibimonkeyanimefan, animegirlsailor, and animegirlsailor, FOR YOU ARE THE ONES WHO HAVE REVIEWED MY STORY AND MADE IT THE MOST REVIEWED KYCART!

I should start thanking people more often, I promise a list as to more personal thank you's later on, with the thank you's to my friends who have bothered to read this as well, and the people who have PMed me/ been a constant reader and reviewed… just not when I'm completely exhausted.

Much love,

OnigiriReject

---

"If you love something let it go free. If it doesn't come back, you never had it. If it comes back, love it forever."

Doug Horton

"Kyle!" Bebe waved happily from the entrance to the movie theater. Kyle smiled awkwardly and waved back, feeling slightly embarrassed. He walked toward her in the snow, his hands in his pockets to protect them from the cold weather.

To anyone else in South Park, if not the world, this would have seemed like a completely normal date. A boy and a girl going to the movies. Nothing out of the ordinary at all. Kyle shook his head, thinking about how absolutely wrong that was.

He felt slightly self conscious though- this was his _first date_. Ever. Not only that, but he wasn't wearing his hat. Kenny and Stan took it away from him and made him go with his hair showing. Kyle felt extremely vulnerable with his red locks showing; only his friends and family had seen much of his hair. Bebe was wearing her normal red outfit with her blonde hair down, which made Kyle feel even more embarrassed he looked different than usual.

"You look… great," Bebe said, smiling, looking him up and down. Granted he'd borrowed one of Stan's jackets, he didn't look much different than normal. Were people supposed to compliment each other randomly on dates?

"Thanks… you too," Kyle said, attempting to smile. He really didn't want to be there.

She stared at him for another moment, then flicked her hair and turned her back to him, walking toward the ticket booth. He trudged along behind her, unwillingly, and vaguely wished he had stayed at home playing videogames with his best friend.

---

_Okay, let's play a fun little game. I'm going to think of a place, any place that I'd rather be instead of here._

_First: hanging out with Stan at his house, playing Halo…_

"Do you think in another life I could've been a bird?" Allie asked, turning to Noah, the waves crashing behind her.

_Maybe at school, learning something. I still haven't finished __Beowulf__… that's due next Friday…_

"I mean like reincarnation!" Allie said excitedly.

"I don't know," Noah answered, smiling.

_I could be hanging out with Kenny even, looking at Playboy. Even that's more bearable than this…_ he thought angrily, staring at the screen.

The movie theater was replaying _The Notebook_ that night, little did Kyle know, and it was one of Bebe's favorite movies. She was tearing up and smiling and really loving the characters and all that shit.

_I'd rather… be cleaning something. _Kyle thought bitterly, watching Allie and Noah flirt on the screen. _I'd rather be sleeping…_

"Say it!!" Allie screamed, running at Noah. Noah grabbed her and spun her around in a hug.

_I'd rather be in the seventh circle of hell._

"Alright, you're a bird," he admitted, smiling. They kissed.

Kyle threw up in his mouth a little. He grabbed a handful of popcorn and stuffed it in his mouth, attempting to cover the taste.

"Now say you're a bird," Allie said, pulling back breathlessly from Noah.

He smiled at her, "If you're a bird, I'm a bird." The waves crashed under his feet as they kissed again.

_How nice… to have someone you love enough to sprout wings for, _Kyle thought, irritated. _Honestly, does he really think that they'll always love each other, no matter what? Where the hell do people get such a naïve idea from?_

Bebe continued to smile and completely ignored Kyle for the next thirty minutes of the movie; she was getting really into it. At some point, he noticed her hand on the armrest.

"_Now, if her hand is just lying there on the arm rest, that means she wants you to grab it, so go for it!"_ Stan told him earlier. Kenny had nodded eagerly.

_Damnit I'm not holding her fucking hand,_ Kyle thought angrily, directing his gaze back at the screen. _I don't even like her!_

He remembered how Cartman had held his hand a few nights before, when his arm was bleeding, in an attempt to keep it still. Kyle smiled, then beat the image out of his head.

_Damnit, I hate you Cartman! Stay out of my fucking head! _He yelled inwardly.

"Why didn't you write me?!" Allie yelled at Noah, through the rain. "Why?! It wasn't over for me!! I waited for you for seven years, and now it's too late."

"I wrote to you three hundred and sixty five letters… I wrote you every day for a year," Noah said, looking confused.

"You wrote me?" Allie's make up was running in the rain.

"Yes. And it wasn't over. It still isn't over-" Noah grabbed Allie passionately and pulled her into a deep kiss.

_What… idiots,_ Kyle thought miserably. _Even if you love someone, there's never a guarantee of happiness._

Bebe sniffed to his right as tears trickled down her face, smearing her eyeliner.

---

_Wonder what they're doing right now… probably having fun, probably talking… probably playing fucking dress up again… probably enjoying each others' company… probably touching and playing and GOD I HATE THEM!! _Kyle thought angrily, walking alongside Bebe in the snow. She looked at him, concerned.

"Kyle?" Bebe asked from his right, "Is something wrong? You don't seem like you're having fun."

"Oh! No, sorry Bebe," Kyle said defensively, "I'm just a little distracted- there's a lot of stuff due on Monday." He attempted to smile convincingly.

Bebe smiled a little back, lightening up a bit. "That's good... How did you like the movie?"

_I thought it was unrealistic and full of false hope._ "I thought it was okay… a little overdone in some places, but overall okay."

Bebe looked curiously at him, "Yeah, I could understand part of that, it's a lot like every other romance movie. But, you have to admit some of the lines can really stick with you."

"What do you mean?" Kyle asked curiously.

"I mean… okay this might sound totally cheesy, but that bit when she's talking about wanting to be a bird? A lot of people can relate to that. Just wanting to fly away and forget about everything," Bebe said thoughtfully. It was obvious she'd seen the movie enough times to memorize it. "And the fact she found someone who's willing to fly away with her and have their whole lives be about each other… that's hard to find." Her hand brushed up against Kyle's slightly as they walked. She blushed while Kyle mulled over all the things she said, completely oblivious.

_Finding someone like that… is just really rare?_ He wondered. _What if you love someone, and they aren't willing to become a bird with you and fly away…_

"We're here…" Bebe said quietly as Kyle noticed they stood outside of her red house. "Thanks for walking me home, I had a really great time…" She paused and looked at Kyle, "And Kyle… I'm sorry for everything I said before… you know. It was just because of the things Wendy told me, about Stan never being there for her… I was trying to be a good friend, and well, I fucked up, so I'm sorry."

Kyle looked at her blankly, "Bebe, I totally understand, you don't need to apologize-

"Yes I do Kyle! I feel horrible for how I treated you!" Her eyes shone brightly in the night sky, her long curly blonde hair moving with her head.

She gazed into Kyle's green eyes with her light blue ones. It seemed like she was expecting something- waiting for Kyle to do something. She closed her eyes expectantly.

Kyle couldn't think of what it was she wanted, so he continued, "You don't need to apologize Bebe, I totally understand, don't feel bad, okay?" he smiled.

She looked taken aback for a moment and pulled back her head. "Oh… alright." She turned toward her front door and unlocked it. "Night, Kyle."

She quickly opened the front door and walked inside, leaving Kyle alone in the cold, completely oblivious to what just happened.

---

"So… Kyle," Kenny said slyly the next day. "How was your date?"

There was a pause and Kyle tried to think of an appropriate answer. "Well, I'll never watch _the Notebook_ again."

Kenny laughed as he tried to shoot Stan, tapping wildly on his controller.

"I feel like though… at the end of the night, she was expecting something. She stuck her face really close to mine and closed her eyes, then got mad and went inside," Kyle continued. Stan pressed pause on the controller.

"Where were you when this happened?" Stan asked curiously, turning back toward his best friend.

"Outside of her house. We were saying goodnight," Kyle said.

Kenny started to laugh and looked over his shoulder at Kyle. "She wanted you to kiss her."

"…What?"

"Yeah dude, that's what it sounds like…" Stan said, smiling. It was funny how Kyle was supposedly smarter than all of them, but he couldn't figure that much out.

"You're kidding! Seriously?? Stan, you said I wouldn't have to kiss her!!" Kyle said, freaking out.

"Well, you don't have to, but… she wanted you to apparently."

_Fuck,_ Kyle thought.

"Ugh… can we just not talk about last night? Ever?" Kyle asked his friends, pulling his hat down over his eyes.

Kenny snickered again, "Fine, fine. Stan, can I borrow your phone?"  
Stan turned toward him, slightly confused. "Yeah sure, but why?"

"I was gonna get some more company," Kenny smiled. He walked into the other room and was heard dialing a number on the phone.

"Dude, what're you doing?... Butters?! What the hell are you doing over there?!"

Kyle and Stan exchanged looks as Kyle's stomach plummeted, understanding who Kenny just tried to call.

"Get Cartman on the fucking phone… Cartman? Or should I say, _Eric_? I assume you're busy now. Too fucking bad, we're having fun. Great job breaking two hearts asshole," Kenny slammed the phone back on the receiver and walked back into the living room, where Stan and Kyle were staring at him expectantly.

Kenny sighed, "I'm sorry, Kyle. I'm really running out of options of what to do here…"

"Don't worry about it, Kenny," Kyle said quietly, attempting to smile. "So am I. But if Cartman really just wants to be with… _Butters_, and not hang out with us, that's his prerogative. If he really just has so much fun with Butters that he ignores… _us_," he added cautiously, noticing the confused look in Stan and Kenny's eyes. "Then whatever, fuck him, ya know? I could care less." He huffed and folded his arms across his chest.

_Kyle… you're a bad liar_, Kenny thought. _I'm just sorry Cartman is so fucking stupid he doesn't realize how much he's hurting both you… and himself, essentially breaking both of your hearts._

That night, after Kenny left and it was time for bed, Stan was pretty sure while he was in his bedroom, he could hear muffled sobs in the living room.

---

"KYLE!" a high pitched squeal came from behind him as he walked through the door with Stan, Monday morning. He was met by a forest of curly blonde hair and a tight hug.

"Hey Bebe-" Kyle said, trying to breathe through her grip. She let go and smiled at him.

"Could you come to my locker with me? I wanna talk," she said, tugging at his shirt. He threw a confused glance back at Stan, who ushered him to go with her.

"Sure…" Kyle said tentatively, letting Bebe pull him down the hall, toward her locker.

Her last name being Stevens, her locker was much closer to Stan and Kenny's than to Kyle and Cartman's. For this, Kyle was grateful, for it gave him more time to avoid Cartman, and essentially, ignore Cartman ignoring _him_.

Bebe let go of his shirt and turned to face him, batting her eyes flirtatiously. "I was hoping… you would like to go out again this Friday night, see another movie…" she smiled bashfully, "this time, maybe something you'd like."

Kyle blinked- he was sure their awkward moment Saturday night (where he didn't realize she wanted to kiss him) would ruin her opinion of him/make her not want to ask him out again.

Bebe began to explain, "Well… I should tell you, I've liked you for a while actually… and when Wendy said that you and Stan might be… gay, I sort of lost it. I'm sorry, but I really do like you…" Bebe continued explaining, but Kyle stopped paying attention as soon as he realized what last name was alphabetically close to Bebe's.

_Stotch_.

Butters and Cartman were walking toward Bebe and Kyle, seemingly engrossed in conversation, at least on Butters' end. He was cheerfully talking incessantly to a bored-looking Cartman.

_I really don't want to seem them… I really don't want to see __**him**__,_ Kyle thought, his heart beating in his ears. Bebe had her back to Cartman and Butters, so she wouldn't have realized what Kyle was freaking out about. Nor did she even notice he wasn't paying any attention to what she was saying.

Bebe continued to chat ceaselessly as Kyle stared at the incoming Cartman. Cartman glanced up and met eyes with Kyle, not quite registering who it was yet.

In that second, Kyle stopped thinking and just wanted to block out Eric. He was sick of being hurt. He tightly shut his eyes, bent down slightly and shoved his face into Bebe's, kissing her sloppily on the mouth.

She first was surprised with his sudden interest in her mouth, but gave in and kissed him back, shoving her tongue in his mouth and pulling his chest against her boobs, not even wondering why he suddenly kissed her.

_This feels wrong, everything feels wrong…_ Kyle thought, forcing himself to keep his stomach calm. He opened one of his eyes slightly to see Cartman, standing completely still in the hall, his mouth agape, staring at Kyle.

Kyle closed his eyes again and attempted to steer Bebe in the way of his view, not wanting to see Eric's shocked face. Kyle wanted to throw up.

---

"I saw that major public display of affection earlier, Kyle," Kenny said, smirking. "You and Bebe were all over each other. What happened?"

Kyle didn't say anything as Cartman sat down in the desk next to him. Stan looked over at Kyle, concerned.

"Oh…you saw that?" Kyle said distractedly, looking down at his hands. "I just… felt like it I guess."

Cartman snorted and zipped open his book bag. Kyle ignored him.

"Well, something must have caused you to suddenly have such an interest in eating off the face of the school slut," Kenny said smartly, eyeing Kyle. Stan shot him a reproachful look.

"Kenny, shut up," Stan said angrily. He looked at Kyle worriedly, "He has his reasons…" he added quietly.

Kenny was no longer in the mood to play games. "Kyle, why the hell did you kiss her? We all know you don't like her."

"Hey fellas! What're you all lookin' so serious over? Did something happen?" Butters asked excitedly as he took the seat on the other side of Cartman, completely oblivious to the fact he just interrupted an important conversation.

"Oh nothing, just apparently Kyle has lowered his standards to sluts now," Cartman said shortly, not looking up. Kyle's stomach flipped over as his insides boiled with rage.

"I have to go to my locker," Kyle said suddenly, standing up. "I-I left my copy of Beowulf, I'll be right back…" he dashed out of the room.

Kenny and Stan both coldly turned toward Cartman, without a word, their eyes shooting daggers. Cartman stared at his desk for another moment, then sighed heavily, and stood up. He slowly walked out of the room.

Stan sighed and turned back toward the front of the room, while Kenny smiled to himself, then noticed Butters watching Cartman's back disappear from the classroom with a look of disappointment.

"What's up, Butters?" Kenny asked, being careful not to take his anger toward Cartman out on Butters.

"Oh… um nothing. Just wonderin' why Eric ran off in such a hurry after Kyle..." he trailed off, then turned toward Stan. "You sure they aren't 'going out?'" he asked, trying to use the words Stan did a few days before.

Stan thought for a moment, then decided it was better not to lie to Butters. "They're not going out, Butters… but I'm pretty sure Kyle wants to."

"Oh," Butters thought for a moment, "Then did he get Eric a bracelet?"

Stan and Kenny exchanged confused looks. "Why would he get Cartman a bracelet?"

"Well, when some people become special friends, they get matching bracelets that say "best" and "friends" on them. I always wondered why you and Kyle never got them, cuz you've been 'going out' for a while."

Kenny stared at Butters, trying to understand what he was saying. "Butters… tell me what you consider a special friend to be."

Butters thought for a moment, then smiled, "Special friends are friends that are always together, hang out outside of school, and really care about each other. Like Kyle and Stan," Butters smiled warmly at Stan, "That's why I wanted to ask Eric if he was already special friends with Kyle, since I didn't wanna embarrass myself or nothing. But Stan, aren't you Kyle's special friend? You aren't 'going out'? I was wonderin' why he was being so friendly with Eric if you were his special friend…"

Kenny looked at Stan for a moment and started snickering.

_Seriously… _Stan thought, _Seriously?_

_Kyle… Congrats.  
_"Butters… looks like we're going to have a little talk about your word choice," Stan said, taking out a blank sheet of paper and a pen.

---

_Fucking asshole, just stares at me. I just couldn't see him earlier… I couldn't take it. And Bebe was there… hell, maybe I just wanted to make him jealous._

Kyle shuffled through his locker to find his copy of Beowulf. He heard someone walking down the hall, toward him. The footsteps stopped directly behind Kyle's locker door.

"…Hey," Cartman said after a second. Kyle huffed and closed his locker door.

"What do you want?" Kyle asked, sounding annoyed.

"…I wanted to talk," Cartman said awkwardly, looking anywhere but at Kyle.

Kyle rolled his eyes. "Why the hell do you think I want to talk to you? Why don't you go ignore me for Butters again, fucking fat ass." Kyle tried to walk past him but Cartman put his arm in the way. Kyle glared at him.

Cartman looked down at him, slightly surprised, "You noticed I was ignoring you?"

There was a pause- Kyle couldn't believe it. "You… you knew were doing it… was it _on purpose_?!"  
Cartman looked annoyed, "Of course dumb ass, do you know how fucking hard it is to ignore you anyway? I'd have to be doing it on purpose! You're always right fucking there, having some problem with something."

Kyle burned with rage, "Well excuse me for fucking existing." He turned his back on Cartman and began to walk past him, back toward his classroom.

"Why the hell did you kiss that skank?!" Cartman yelled from behind Kyle. Kyle coldly looked over his shoulder at him. "You're probably covered in fucking STDs now, you stupid Jew!"

"What's the big deal, Eric, it's just one little kiss! Hell, you've kissed me, so I know that kissing doesn't even mean a damn thing, so it doesn't matter who I do it to!"

"What're you talking about?!"

Kyle turned to face him. "You kissed me twice, Cartman, TWICE! To you, that might not mean anything, but to me… they meant so much you have no idea!" Kyle's eyes watered in his fury. "And they meant absolutely nothing to you! They made me so fucking happy I wanted to die! And you couldn't possibly understand how it feels to take that away from me!!"

Cartman paused, trying to understand what Kyle was saying, "When the hell did I say they didn't mean anything?!"

Kyle stopped and looked at Cartman. "It's obvious you only did it to freak me out, there's no other reason! I'm surprised you haven't kissed Butters yet, since you always thought he was more fun anyway! You're _his_ special friend!"

"What the hell are you talking about?!" Cartman yelled back at him, losing his temper. "I would never fucking kiss that gay wad, that's gross!"

"What's the big deal _Eric_," Kyle said, spitting out his name like a curse word. "Obviously kissing is no big thing otherwise you wouldn't be torturing me with it!"

"You really think that's why I kissed you?! To joke with you?!"

"Well, it doesn't matter anymore! I feel nothing from you! Just go back to ignoring me for Butters, see if I care!"

"What are you talking about?! You fucking Jew, you aren't listening to me at all!"

"You're Butters' fucking _special friend_, go fucking kiss him and give him hell, I don't care! I don't need this crap anymore!" Kyle turned his back on Cartman and attempted to walk off.

Someone wrapped their arms around his waist and pulled him in, holding him there. Kyle stopped trying to move; he felt like a rabbit seen by a fox, he couldn't move.

"Let go of me, Cartman," he said, not turning around. He felt Eric's breath on his neck.

"Not until you fucking calm down and listen to me," he said dangerously in Kyle's ear.

_There's no way _this_ is going to calm me down…_ Kyle thought bitterly.

Cartman didn't say anything for a while, then heaved a heavy sigh. He asked Kyle quietly in his ear, "So you don't love me anymore?"

"No. I hate you. Always have, always will," Kyle answered back calmly. His eyes glistened but he kept the rest of his face firm, not showing any trace of emotion.

"Really… So even if I do this," Eric lowered his face so it was below the hairline on Kyle's neck, and wrapped his arms securely around Kyle's chest, pulling him in closer. He pressed his lips against the soft skin on the side of his neck, partially opening his lips. Kyle let out an involuntary gasp. Eric pulled back slightly and continued, "You don't feel anything?"

"Le-let go of me, Cartman," Kyle said with less enthusiasm than before.

Eric opened his mouth and breathed in, tasting Kyle's skin. He pulled back slightly, "No."

"Cartman… stop."

Eric pulled Kyle in closer until there was virtually no space between them. Kyle's temperature rose as waves of pleasure radiated from his neck in all directions. His heart raced- it wasn't fair. Why could Cartman do this to him?

"Please… stop, Eric," Kyle pleaded, closing his eyes.

Cartman kissed his neck, then bit it softly, Kyle gasped. He should have felt violated, but at that point nothing Cartman could do to him would he consider harassment.

"You really don't feel anything?" Cartman asked innocently. Kyle didn't answer, he was doing all he could to stifle any sounds being released from his mouth, let alone speaking. They stood like that for another moment, Kyle with his eyes closed, trying not to moan in response to Cartman's breath on his neck.

"Where did you get the idea… that I didn't mean it?" Cartman asked quietly. Kyle quickly opened his eyes and attempted to tilt his head, to see if Cartman was serious. Eric's head was out of his line of vision, so Kyle couldn't see his face. "I swear, how stupid… do you have to be to not understand when someone kisses you twice… they mean it."

Kyle's heart thumped loudly in his chest. He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

_What… is he saying?_

_He meant it?_

_It wasn't a joke…?_

"And Butters… is nothing. He's just someone else that's there… I would never kiss him. How could you think I would joke about kissing you…? I wouldn't have wasted my… _first kiss_… on someone if I didn't mean it…"

Kyle pulled Cartman's hands off his chest and turned to face him. Eric wasn't looking Kyle in the eyes, and his cheeks were red. Kyle was shocked.

"But…you said your feelings for me have never changed," Kyle said slowly, trying to catch Cartman's eye.

"They haven't," Cartman said confidently yet quietly.

"But… you hate me. And you say you meant it, but you hate me…" Kyle trailed off, not understanding Cartman at all. He was still sure he misheard Cartman at some point.

Eric looked up and locked eyes with Kyle. Kyle shuddered; Cartman had the look of complete determination in his eyes.

"I have always felt the same about you, Kyle," he said, keeping eye contact. "There was never a day that went by when I didn't think about you, or wonder what you were doing. My life without you is completely empty. I've always been like this- I've always felt this way."

Kyle stared into Cartman's brown eyes, unable to comprehend what he was saying. He couldn't make himself move even if he tried.

"Seeing you cry drives me crazy, but seeing you hurt makes it even worse. That's why I was ignoring you- I was hurting you. I couldn't… bring myself to do it anymore." He looked down, ashamed. "And… you being close with anyone… be it Stan, or that fucking skank Bebe, makes me so… fucking… mad." His hands shook. "You being touched by anyone else, or hugged, or kissed… makes me so mad you have no fucking idea!!" He calmed down slightly and looked back up into Kyle's green eyes with his brown ones, a look of complete honesty in them. They looked so vulnerable.

Eric took a step toward Kyle, "And even… if I fucked up, and you don't like me anymore…" he took another cautious step toward Kyle, "before I go crazy and kill someone, can you just go along and pretend you like me for five seconds?"

He was barely a foot away from Kyle now. Kyle didn't even breathe- he was too afraid of breaking the illusion. Eric reached out his right hand and placed it under Kyle's head, tilting his chin upward. The other arm, he wrapped around Kyle's lower back. He slowly lowered his face until his lips were only an inch away from Kyle's. Kyle held his breath as his heart threatened to break out of his chest.

"And when you say you hate me…" he whispered, "I go absolutely fucking insane."

Cartman closed the gap between their faces before Kyle could respond, softly pressing his lips against Kyle's. Kyle closed his eyes right away- he felt like he was in a fairytale. Everything in his world calmed down whenever he was this close to Eric- he loved the feeling. Everything only made sense when he was around. They were together. They were one. Kyle finally felt whole.

All too soon (when their supposed five seconds were up), Eric pulled back. Kyle quickly moved his arms upward, wrapping them around Cartman's neck, and pulled him back in.

_I hate you._

_I'm sorry._

_I love you._

_I'm sorry._

_Don't ever leave me again._


	36. There's a Curse Between Me and You

ZOMG Author's note:

I put it here at the top because then I know people will read it. Hehehe…

So, DSMB is slowly coming to a close. I don't know how many chapters are left, but everything is finally tying together into a knot of happiness… It's eleven thirty at night, sue me.

Anywho, I've decided that this is not going to be my last fan fic. I'm starting to write another KyCart, which I already like more than this one. I suggest everyone checks my author page within the next week and reads the first chapter.

Why do I like it more? Because of a few things-

I'm actually taking the time to write the chapters eloquently. The new chapters will probably be up every week instead of every few days, but they're long and written well, so I think it's worth it.

I'm taking time with the plot and the planning and the character development. It's not just all falling out of my head, like this story.

It's a KyCart and Style fic, meaning a wonderful love triangle. Sorry Style haters, I don't agree with it much either, but it makes for a great story, don't you agree?

Anyway, back to DSMB, please enjoy my newest chapter, with minimal editing… sorry. I felt like it had been too long since I updated, so I finally wrote everything out.

Sorry sorry, please enjoy! Thank you again reviewers and new readers, there seem to be more every day, it's so exciting haha!

Much much much loveeee,

Onigiri Reject

---

"You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have truly lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love."  
Henry Drummond

Kyle Broflovski was a normal boy. He went to school, hung out with his friends, had a family, and led a seemingly normal life. Although, ever since he was young, he had one thought that entered his head every day, which could be deemed by some as unhealthy, others might call it obsession. A constant thought, plaguing the back of his mind.

Originally, Kyle might have been considered a normal boy, until that thought became the one driving force in his life when all else went to shit.

Ever since he was little, he was obsessed with beating Eric Cartman.

Eric Cartman… was anything but a normal kid. Large by physical standards, always way ahead of his age when it came to curse words and inappropriate gestures. Hobbies included bashing everybody about everything, worshipping Hitler, and making fun of Kyle.

Their relationship… was complicated. Is complicated. They could never stand to be in the same room without arguing, loved to make the other miserable, and were in a constant rivalry with one another. To anyone on the outside, it looked like hatred. Cold, complete resentment of another human being.

But, to Kyle, Cartman, and their two best friends, Stan and Kenny, it was obvious there was more. Underneath the hatred, they saved each other when it really counted, in their many life threatening situations. They could have left one another for dead, and not have had to worry about them for the rest of their lives.

However, it was Cartman who realized first that his life would be empty without Kyle. He would have nothing, he would be sad and lonely.

Kyle was oblivious of this until recently, when he lost almost everything important in his life. Only then did it become clear where his true feelings lied.

Although the two of them continued to fight, mock each other, yell, scream, beat, punch, kick, cry, and kiss, they were still Cartman and Kyle, and that was just the nature of their relationship.

And even in their completely _unhealthy_ relationship, they managed to find happiness.

Kyle pulled Cartman into him with such force, Cartman was first surprised and didn't respond right away. Kyle mouthed hungrily at him, attempting to tell Cartman everything he had to say. Apologies, words of love, words of hate, anything as long as he could keep Cartman there.

Eric pushed his lips back onto Kyle's and closed his eyes as well, wrapping both his arms around Kyle now. Instead of blood, it felt like complete ecstasy was pumping through his veins. He pushed his body against Cartman's, wanting to be closer, never feeling close enough.

Cartman steered Kyle against the lockers, never breaking the kiss. Kyle never once opened his eyes as Eric redirected the kisses from Kyle's mouth onto his chin, slowly lowering to the neck again.

"What… are we doing…" Kyle asked breathlessly, not opening his eyes.

Eric stopped briefly and answered quietly, "I have no idea…" he continued to bite at Kyle's neck. Kyle felt his eyes roll into the back of his head as he lost all sanity.

"We… shouldn't…" he said, opening one of his eyes to gaze around the hallway.

Cartman pulled back and eyed Kyle. "I don't want to stop," he said bluntly, burning holes into Kyle's eyes.

Kyle shuddered and tried to find his words, "…neither do I."

At first, Kyle thought Cartman was going to attack him with his lips again, but Eric just sighed heavily and put his head on Kyle's shoulder. Kyle was surprised at this sudden gesture, and just stared at the back of Cartman's head.

"…You shouldn't love me," Cartman said quietly, after a moment.

Kyle blinked, "…I know," he replied softly, knowing the truth in those words.

"This is probably going to blow up in your face."

"I know," Kyle said defiantly. He reached out his arms, then stopped for a second, wondering what to do. He finally reached them around Cartman's shoulders as Cartman looked up and met Kyle's eyes. "…What am I going to do?" Kyle asked him.

Cartman looked at him for another moment, "_We_'ll deal with it," he lowered his head onto Kyle's shoulder again, and lowered his voice, "…But no one can know."

---

"There you are Kyle, sit down, took you long enough to get your book," Mr. (it was wearing a tie) Garrison said when Kyle opened the classroom door.

"Sorry Mr. Garrison," Kyle said quietly, shutting the door behind him. He slowly walked to his desk in the back of the room and sat down next to Stan. Butters seemed to be completely engrossed in a piece of paper with a lot of Stan's untidy scrawl all over it, while Stan eyed Kyle suspiciously.

"Dude, where's your book?" he asked when he noticed Kyle's hands were empty.

"Oh…" _Shit_, Kyle thought, _I must've dropped it_. "Uh I think I left it at your house… it's not in my locker, so… yeah."

"Where's Cartman?" Kenny whispered at him. Kyle blushed and attempted to pay attention to Mr. Garrison. Eventually, Kenny's accusing stares made him answer.

"He… went home," he said quietly.

Kenny eyed him and smiled. "Hey… Stan, I'll be stealing Kyle tonight."

"Why?" Stan asked quickly, casting Kenny a confused look.

"I just haven't been able to hang with him for a while now… it would be a nice change," he smiled innocently.

Stan rolled his eyes, "Whatever."

Kyle only vaguely listened to what they were saying; he was too absorbed in what Cartman had said earlier.

"_Why can't anyone know?" Kyle asked confusedly._

"_It would just be better… if this was a secret…" Cartman said, not looking Kyle in the eyes. "Trust me… this way is better for us."_

_What did he mean by that? Does he just not want people to think he's gay?  
Or… is he ashamed of me?_

_Does he think… I'm not good enough?_

_I'm so confused._

Kyle held his head in his hands as Kenny glanced over at him.

He whispered, "Kyle, pop your collar."

Kyle opened one of his eyes and looked at Kenny. "Why?"

"Trust me," Kenny said, smirking, "unless you _want_ the whole world to see those hickeys on your neck."

Kyle gasped and covered his neck with his hand automatically while Kenny's smile grew wider.

"Didn't know Bebe went for the neck…" Kenny said quietly, leaning toward Kyle, "…unless there's someone else."

"Shut up, Kenny," Kyle hissed at him, flipping up his collar, and blushing ferociously.

"You have some explaining to do later, Kyle," Kenny said, turning his attention back to the front of the room.

---

"Kyle!" Kenny waved from Kyle's locker after school, obviously waiting for him. Kyle averted his eyes and walked toward him, then began to twirl his combination in.

"Kyle… that wasn't Bebe was it?" Kenny said, grinning ear to ear.

"Shut up, Kenny," Kyle murmured, looking around to make sure no one was listening.

"Oh Kyle, you are being just as ignorant as our dear Eric now!" Kyle rolled his eyes and pulled open the metal door as Kenny continued, "I've been here this entire time and you're refusing to tell me what happened? Those are the fruits of my labor! Do you have any idea how hard I've been working for the two of you! I've died at least three times from the sheer stress of all this alone!!"

Kyle replaced several books in his bag from his locker and slammed the door shut.

"Let's go," he said quietly, standing up and quickly exiting the hall, Kenny trailing behind him, dumbfounded.

"Kyle, you can't fucking avoid this forever!" Kenny said angrily, catching up to him. "You are going to tell me, and you are going to tell me now! Did you tell Eric how you feel??"

Kyle stopped walking and met Kenny's accusing gaze with his own watery, sad eyes.

"I can't tell you," he said sadly smiling.

Kenny's stomach plummeted as Kyle turned back toward the school entrance and continued to walk out. Kenny took a moment to recover, then ran up next to him and walked alongside him out of the building.

Once they were safely off school grounds, Kyle's tears began to leak from his eyes, slowly trickling down his cheeks. Kenny was completely stupefied by the whole thing.

"Okay… Kyle. Stop," he said, grabbing Kyle's sleeve and causing him to halt. Kyle didn't turn to look at him. "You can't tell me anything… is that right?"

Kyle slowly nodded, still not looking at Kenny.

"Then to my following questions, say either, 'no,' or 'I can't tell you,' okay?"

Kyle turned to face Kenny, looking distinctly pathetic.

_God Cartman, what the fuck did you do? _Kenny wondered angrily.

He took a deep breath, "Did you tell Cartman how you feel?"

"I can't tell you."

_Okay, that's a great start_. "Is he the one that gave you those marks on your neck?"

"I can't tell you."

"Do you finally understand how he feels?"

"No," Kyle said softly. Kenny looked confused.

"Kyle, he fucking broke the skin on your neck, I think it's pretty clear…"

"Then why do I have to keep it a secret?! Why doesn't he want anyone to know?!" Kyle asked angrily, more to himself than to Kenny.

Kenny blinked, "Did he say he doesn't want anyone to know? He wants it to be a secret?"

Kyle realized what he just said, and turned away stiffly, "No comment."

"…Even from Stan and me?" Kenny asked angrily.

"I can't tell you…"

Kenny sighed, annoyed, and grabbed Kyle's arm. "We are going to my house, and we are going to have a nice, long talk about Eric and his unusual tendencies, okay? Okay." He began to drag Kyle in the direction of his house, silently cursing his friends' stupidity the whole way.

---

"Okay Kyle, let me get this straight… so to speak," Kenny said, smiling. Kyle couldn't help but smile back; they were sitting in his living room, on Kenny's couch, underneath massive amounts of blankets. "Cartman basically kissed you until you bled, then said he didn't want anyone to know about it? Even Stan and me?"

Kyle thought over his options, and knew that even if he didn't tell Kenny, Kenny would've figured it out sooner rather than later. "Yeah… he said that it would be better if no one knew."

Kenny stared at Kyle for another moment, then sighed, his hair falling in his face.

"Kyle, do you remember what happened last time everybody thought you were gay?"

"Yeah… I got beaten up by my classmates that I've known since preschool, and mistakenly thought of as friends."

"Yeah. And what makes you think actually coming out this time would make their behavior any different?"

Kyle blinked, thinking the question over.

"It wouldn't be. Cartman… probably doesn't want me telling you this… Stan, too, but Stan told me a while back… that Cartman felt guilty for how all the kids were treating you. He blamed himself for why they were beating you up and making your life hell for a while."

Kyle was in complete disbelief of what Kenny was saying.

"I know, Cartman feeling guilty… that's a shock… well, actually, you could say this whole thing is a shock…" Kenny concluded, casting his gaze across the room. "But, regardless, Cartman probably doesn't want that to happen again. He doesn't want you to suffer for something that he feels… is his fault."

Kyle stammered, "Bu-But it's not his fault! I love him, there's nothing he can do about it! I can't even do anything about it, and even after I find out… he might feel… similar…"

Kenny smacked Kyle on the top of his head, "'_Similar_'?? You think he feels _similar_??"

"Well, what the hell else am I supposed to think?? He did kiss me, and bite me or whatever the hell these are," Kyle said angrily, pointing at his neck. There was a line of bruises from his jaw line down to his collar bone, with red bite marks surrounding them. "But… how am I supposed to believe that he might… might feel the same way that I do, if he can't even say it in front of anybody?!"

"Kyle, I just explained that, he doesn't want to hurt you-

"FUCK THAT!" Kyle said angrily, throwing the blankets off of himself and standing up. "He's already hurt me more than he'll ever know! There's _nothing_ else he could possibly do!! He acts like he's ashamed of me!! What did I do?! Am I not good enough?! I just… don't know, Kenny, I don't know! The only way I could go along with hiding how I feel from now on is if I knew deep down, undeniably, that he might… that he might _love_ me!

"But I don't know that! He doesn't even say it! How am I supposed to trust that?? After my mom and dad saying they loved me, then treating me like shit for hell knows how many years, I need proof! I need words! I need something to rely on!! WHY THE HELL CAN'T HE EVEN GIVE ME THAT MUCH?!"

Kyle breathed heavily, his blood pressure rising. Kenny stared up at him, then sighed and motioned for him to sit back down. Kyle reluctantly sat on the couch again, and pulled the blankets around himself in the cold.

"Kyle… even though he didn't say it… you should trust his actions more than his words… I mean, it is Cartman we're talking about…" Kenny said, carefully choosing his words. "And, it's not my place to say how he feels. He needs to do that himself- I'm sick of being his messenger."

Kyle stared down at his lap. "How… the hell do you seem to know so much more about this than I do? How can you just understand everything so well?"

Kenny smiled. "It's death. You learn a lot after you die a few thousand times, all those revelations sort of jumble together and cause a greater understanding of the universe and whatnot."

Kyle grinned back, "You ever get sick of that?"

"Not as long as I get the chance to annoy Cartman with all the things I know, and shouldn't. How else do you think I knew about Clyde Frog?"


	37. When I close my eyes, it's you I see

Author's note (of doom!):

Okay, thank you all my patient readers for putting up with this story for… 37 chapters now. Wow, not only is it the most reviewed South Park fan fiction…. But I'm pretty sure it's the longest. Haha wow.

Anyway, this story has another chapter after this one, then I'm pretty sure it's done. THEN I will be able to concentrate on my new story, 1.5 Miles per Hour (Which I will tell everyone again, kindly, please go check it out!! :D), which is not Style but Style and Kycart, it's a love triangle… deal with it, haha.

Anyway, I feel like I have to repeat this- this is not the last chapter. So many people will comment and be like "HOW COULD YOU END IT THERE?!"

I didn't. Read the author's note people, it's not over yet!

Much much super love from meee,

OnigiriReject

PS: Happy Holidays! (I was gonna say Merry Christmas but then I thought of Kyle…)

---

"Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own."

Robert Heinlein

_Damnit… _Cartman thought angrily as he lied alone on his bed. His mom was, yet again, away. That morning he thought he saw her car backing out of their driveway, but he wasn't about to yell 'hey mom! How are you?' to her, so he couldn't be sure.

He stared at the ceiling defiantly, wondering if he did the right thing.

_No… the right thing would have been to turn him down flat… to say that I despised him, that way he could go on with his life and forget about me. Then things would go back to normal, and we wouldn't have to worry about this crap._

_But I was too fucking weak, _Cartman thought angrily, sitting up on his bed and glancing out his room door to the equally dark hallway. _If I had just pretended that… I thought I still hated him, or something, then this would have all just gone away._

_I told him he shouldn't… love me_, Cartman blushed in the darkness, still surprised Kyle felt that way at all. _And he definitely shouldn't. I mean- hell, what I do best is to cause him problems and make him miserable._

_Is it healthy at all for him to be even closer to me? But… I want to be near him… even if it hurts him… I really am a selfish bastard._

_Hell… I don't know what I want anymore._

A tapping sound came from his window. Eric turned and saw a pebble flying at his window, hitting it, and bouncing off. He walked over to the glass and raised it, to see Kyle a floor below, a rock held in his hand. A smile spread across Eric's face, even though Kyle couldn't see it in the dark of the night.

"Open the front door!" Kyle called from below, he sounded annoyed, "I knocked on it but you didn't answer, and it's fucking freezing!"

Eric's head vanished from the window frame as he ran down the stairs as fast as he could, and pulled open the front door. Kyle's cold body stood in the doorway defiantly.

_But… I want him_, Cartman concluded silently.

"Get in," Cartman said quickly, averting his eyes. Kyle took two steps into the warm, shadowy house and shut the door behind him. They stood there for a moment, not saying a word, as Cartman purposely avoided looking at Kyle, and Kyle looked at him expectantly.

Kyle decided to break the silence first. "You're an idiot," he started. This caused Cartman to look up. "You think it's better if people don't know? About what?"

Cartman was dumbfounded- he was not expecting this. "Just… if people don't know about… _this_," Cartman said, motioning between himself and Kyle with his hand.

"What exactly is 'this', Eric? Because I'm still not entirely sure," Kyle said, waiting for an answer. Being at Kenny's house helped him realize that if he wanted any answers from Eric, he would have to bait it out of him.

Although, it seemed all of Eric's courage was drained out of him from the previous afternoon. (After rethinking all of his actions in his head for the last twelve hours, he wasn't even sure if what he did was right, let alone if Kyle and he were anything more than just friends… or whatever they were before.)

Eric slowly lifted his left hand and placed it on Kyle's shoulder. He looked Kyle in the eyes determinedly and muttered a very small, "I'm sorry."

Kyle blinked, completely surprised and confused, "Why are you… _sorry_?"

"Because… if I really… cared about you… as much as I think I do…" Kyle blushed as Cartman continued, "then… I would have turned you away. It would… be so much better for you if… I wasn't in your life."

Kyle reached both his arms out and quickly wrapped them around Cartman's torso, pulling him into Kyle. Kyle buried his face into Eric's neck and breathed in.

"No it wouldn't," he said stubbornly. Cartman blinked and gazed down at the top of his hat. "I… would be fucking miserable… if you weren't here," Kyle said sadly.

Cartman stared for another moment, bewildered, then sighed, removed Kyle's hands from his torso, and grabbed Kyle's hands. He gently tugged them as he walked up the stairs, motioning for Kyle to follow, and eventually pulling him up the stairs to his bedroom. After they both stood in his room, Cartman still holding Kyle's hands tightly, he said quietly, "You have no idea how hard you're making it for me… to make the right decision."

Kyle rolled his eyes and tried to jerk Eric's face toward him, "Since when do you think about what the right decision is?! You only want what's best for you!" Eric said nothing as Kyle began to lose his temper.

Why is he deciding to back out now?! Kyle thought angrily, after all we've been through! "You're fucking Eric Cartman, start acting like it!! Be selfish! I don't fucking care!! Do what you want-"

Cartman tilted his face toward Kyle, causing Kyle to shut up immediately. He had an unfamiliar dangerous, almost dark, look in his eyes; he tightened the grip he had on Kyle's hand.

In one swift motion, Eric tugged Kyle toward him and placed one of his hands on Kyle's lower back, bending Kyle into him. Cartman lowered his face dangerously to Kyle's, their lips barely a centimeter apart. His eyes danced darkly as Kyle's widened in fear.

"You really want me to be selfish?" Eric asked, walking Kyle over to the bed and dropping him down violently onto the mattress. He placed one hand beside Kyle's head, and grabbed Kyle's chin with the other, jerking it upward. He smiled angrily and lowered his face back into Kyle's. "You want me to act like I normally do? Be a complete asshole, only out for myself? You want me to only think of my happiness?"

Kyle's pulse sped up as Cartman breathed venomously on his lips.

"If everything was about my happiness… I would have fucked you a long time ago, and not cared about if you felt the same. I would have made you mine and ruined you for anyone else. But you don't seem to realize this Kyle… how long I've been holding back. How badly I've wanted you…"

Cartman lowered his face again; Kyle closed his eyes, expecting some violent action from the brown-haired boy on top of him. Instead, Cartman placed his head against Kyle's chest, ear first. Kyle was confused, then realized that Eric was listening for his heart beat.

Cartman sighed, "But I can't. I can't… it would hurt me to do something you didn't want me to do. Like when I first kissed you… that hurt me to see you so confused and disgusted by what I did. I just caused you more trouble than it was worth."

Kyle's eyes watered, "Eric… no, that's not it. I just… didn't know how I felt, it wasn't because of you. Don't say that, please…" Kyle felt horrible- he hadn't the slightest clue about how much Cartman was hurt by that rejected kiss.

Cartman lifted his head and looked at Kyle, "You said… you don't know what we are. If we're together or whatever… well, you're Kyle Broflovski, and I'm Eric Cartman. That's a fact… but… if you expect me to know what… all of _this_ is, before you do… I mean, you're the smart one… Besides."

He sat back on his own legs and gently pulled Kyle's hand toward his own chest. Kyle flattened it and placed it directly over Cartman's heart. It beat rapidly to Kyle's touch.

"You… don't seem to understand how hard all of this is for me," Cartman said, smiling sadly. Eric's heart thumped loudly against Kyle's hand.

Kyle eyes widened as he looked between his own hand and Cartman's eyes. He slowly leaned forward and kissed Eric's lips lightly, then pulled back.

"Why're you… acting like this? Why can't you just be selfish, like you used to be, it would be easier for the both of us…" Kyle said, looking away, embarrassed by his sudden impulse

Eric reached both of his arms out and wrapped them around Kyle's shoulders, pulling Kyle into him. He fell back onto the bed, pulling Kyle with him. They lied against the soft mattress like that for another minute. Cartman lowered his head into Kyle's hair and closed his eyes.

"They say people change… when they're in love."

---

"Can I say we're together?" Kyle asked quietly in the dark at about five the next morning. It was daybreak outside; you could barely see the sun rising from Eric's window.

"Depends on who you're gonna tell. You're not going to go broadcasting it to the entire world, are you?" Cartman asked, annoyed. Kyle lied next to him on the bed, above the covers. The night before, after their argument and Eric's violent outburst, they had lied awake on his bed, saying nothing. They just lied there in each other's arms, with no need for conversation or physical expression. They were happy just being together like that.

Kyle thought for a moment, "Stan… and Kenny," Cartman scoffed at the mention of the latter, "the rest of the world can just find out on their own… ya know?"

"Whatever. I personally don't care if anyone knows- I don't think it's anyone's god damn business who I'm with."

Kyle rolled his eyes, "They're our friends… besides, they've been with us through this whole ordeal, and they know more than you think they would… especially Kenny."

"That doesn't surprise me…" Cartman muttered, glancing back down at Kyle.

Kyle stared up at him with his large green eyes, "I'm not doing anything in public."

Cartman blinked, "What?"

"I'm just… not comfortable with public displays of affection."

Cartman laughed, "You really think I'd be willing to make out with you in public? Who do you think I am?"

Kyle furrowed his brow and frowned. "You've done it before," he said hotly.

"Yeah… well, that's different," Cartman said, averting his eyes.

"How is that different?!" Kyle asked, rolling onto his stomach and placing his head on Cartman's chest angrily.

"That was before I knew you felt the same way…" Cartman said, still not looking at Kyle. Kyle attempted to catch his eyes as Cartman glanced back at him, "Besides, who says you get to call all the shots? You're _mine_ now. You have to do what _I_ say."

"What?!" Kyle said angrily, then realized Cartman was smiling. Kyle blushed and looked away, "Fu-fuck you."

"I know you want to."

"Shut up, Cartman!"

"Oh, we're back to that again are we? Fine. Jew."

"Asshole!"

"Nerd."

"Fat ass!"

"Day-walker!"

"Lazy, conceited, intolerant Nazi!"

"Know-it-all, Ginger, ass-licking teacher's pet!"

"Bigot!"

"Jew!"

"You already used that one- you can't use the same one twice!"

"So? Who came up with that stupid rule?!"

"I did and I say you can't use one that's already been said!"

"Really now?"

"Yeah!"

Cartman leaned forward and kissed Kyle on the lips, then pulled back and smiled. Kyle blushed and looked down.

"I really do hate you sometimes," Kyle said angrily. He then leaned forward into Cartman and kissed him, but with much more force than Cartman's previous one.

Eventually they parted and Kyle lied down on the mattress, closing his eyes. He felt completely content. Cartman stared down at him, then quietly climbed over him, causing the mattress to creak. Kyle opened one of his eyes as Cartman wrapped his arms around him from behind, and pulled them close.

Cartman leaned close and brushed his lips against Kyle's ear, causing Kyle to shudder. Cartman closed his eyes and breathed in. He whispered something in Kyle's ear that caused Kyle's eyes to widen.

Kyle turned his head to look at Eric, completely shocked, and noticed he was blushing. He smiled and snuggled into Cartman's embrace, closing his eyes. At that moment, there was nothing in their lives except each other, and they both were completely content that way.


	38. I Will Follow You Into The Dark

OnigiriReject's AUTHOR'S NOTE:

I am so sorry. I am so freaking sorry it took two weeks to update this time… Winter break for me was doing all my college applications and essays and portfolio and…. Aghh I'm just really really sorry it's taken so long.

That being said, this is the last chapter of DSMB. My new story, 1.5 MPH, will be the one I update frequently from now on. I promise it's better than this one. :D

And, I thank all the dedicated readers of this story. I really don't deserve all the attention it's gotten, I'm just happy to have discovered I'm not the only CartmanxKyle lover. I thought I was a freak for a while haha!

Special thanks at the end of the chapter for those of you who have been super nice to me!

---

"Love is a symbol of eternity. It wipes out all sense of time, destroying all memory of a beginning and all fear of an end."

Author Unknown

"WHAT?!!" Stan yelled in the boy's bathroom the next day, "You spent the night with CARTMAN?!!"

"NO! Stan, not like that!" Kyle quickly clasped his hand over Stan's mouth in an attempt to shut him up. Stan's eyes were wide like saucers, but he eventually calmed down and motioned for Kyle to take his hand off.

"Can you at least tell me how you started at Kenny's house, and ended up walking to school with Cartman?" Stan asked confusedly. Kyle looked down.

"It's because… I love him Stan," Kyle said, not looking away from the floor. Stan sighed.

"I know that, but-

"We're together now…"

Stan stopped and watched his friend. "What?"

"We're… _together_," Kyle said emphasizing the last word. Of all the times for Stan to be dense, now was certainly not it.

"Together… you and Cartman…." Stan tilted his head, much resembling an owl.

"…I'm his boyfri…" Kyle trailed off, looking up at Stan hopelessly. Stan finally seemed to figure out what he was saying.

"OH! …oh," Stan said looking happy at first, then confused again, "You and… Eric Cartman, who you have kissed at least three times to my knowledge," _More… _Kyle thought, a red flush spreading across his cheeks, "are… going out?"

"Yeah… please don't tell anyone," Kyle said pleadingly.

Stan rolled his eyes. "Kyle, two things. One, if I told anyone, they'd think I was crazy and have me locked up, and two… if he breaks your heart, I'll kill him."

"THANKS STAN!!" Kyle yelled happily, jumping onto Stan and hugging him tightly. Stan laughed too, hugging Kyle back.

"Alright, now get off me," Stan said, letting go of Kyle.

"If Eric saw that, you'd be dead," a voice said from behind Kyle. He glanced and saw Kenny standing there, smirking. Kyle rolled his eyes and let go of Stan.

"So you heard?" Stan asked Kenny. Kenny smiled and tapped his forehead.

"Dude, I already freaking _knew_. When Kyle left my house last night to go see his beloved Eric, and didn't come back. I assumed… you know," Kenny banged his wrists together and smiled evilly.

"No we did NOT!" Kyle snapped at him and hit his hands down. Luckily, Stan didn't seem to catch the reference. "But no matter what…" Stan looked up at Kyle as Kenny's smile vanished, "We're all okay… right?"

Stan blinked, then laughed, "Of course dude, why wouldn't we be?! We're the ones happy for you!"

Kenny walked toward Kyle and gave him a noogie on top of his hat. "OW!" Kyle yelled, "What was that for?"

"You're being stupid," Kenny said bluntly, smiling. "You're our friend Kyle, no matter what. Stop being dumb about it, we'll accept you no matter who you're fucking."

Kyle smiled and blushed, "Sh-Shut up, Kenny!"

His two best friends laughed as Kyle tried to regain his composure, but ended up laughing along with them. Slowly, it died down.

"Anyway…" Stan said, facing Kyle. "What're you gonna do now?"

Kyle thought for a moment, "You mean… about my family?"

Stan nodded. Kyle looked away and thought for a moment, "I… don't especially think it's their business who I date…"

Stan looked like he was about to interrupt, but Kyle continued, "But I need to talk to my mom anyway… and Ike. And…" Kyle closed his eyes and sighed, "It's better… if they know… because I think it's time I go home."

Kenny smiled appreciatively as Stan walked over to Kyle and patted him on the back. "We're here for you, dude," Stan smiled. Kyle smiled back.

"I know… but this time, I won't need _you_."

His two friends blinked confusedly at him as Kyle smiled confidently. "By the way, Kenny, can you do me a favor?"

Kenny frowned, "I'm not into guys."

Kyle laughed and waved his hands in front of him, "Seriously… I need you to… tell me how to break up with Bebe… Stan could never break up with anyone, so I figured you might be more knowledgeable on the subject."

Kenny's smile couldn't have been wider. "There's only one way to get over an old fling…"

Kyle and Stan looked at him questionably.

"With new one."

With that, Kenny dashed out of the bathroom, leaving Stan and Kyle wondering if Bebe's virginity was at stake.

"Anyway Kyle, you're okay? I mean… you'll be okay later? With your mom?" Stan asked, sounding concerned.

"Yeah… I'll be fine. Now I won't need to lean on you as much Stan…" Kyle smiled, "I have someone else I can count on."

---

"You ready?" Cartman asked, facing Kyle. They stood outside of Kyle's old house for about five minutes, as Kyle stared at the door and Cartman patiently waited for him.

Kyle swallowed, "I… think so. You… wait out here."

Cartman's brow furrowed, "Why? Don't expect me to let you go in there alone."

"I need to, Eric. I'm sorry," he added, facing Cartman sadly, "But I need to do this. Okay?"

Cartman huffed and folded his arms in front of his chest. "Fine. No more than five minutes, otherwise I'm coming in after you."

Kyle nodded, "Fine."

"Kyle?" a voice said from Kyle's right.

"IKE?!" Kyle said surprisedly, glancing down at his little brother. Ike looked just as surprised to see Kyle as he held the strap of a duffle bag over his shoulder. He shifted uncomfortably and looked away.

"What are you doing here?" he finally asked, looking back up at his brother.

Kyle blinked, "I came… to talk to Mom… and you. Ike… I'm sorry for the shit I put you through. It was wrong to run away and leave you by yourself… and I'm ready to come back."

Ike looked confused, then smiled, his eyes watering, "Kyle… you're my big brother, and I'm sorry… for what I said," He pulled Kyle into a tight hug, Kyle smiled, "But… I'm not going back."

Kyle let go of his brother, and looked at him, shocked.

"Mom… threw me out. She's getting the divorce worked out with Dad… and I'm going to live with him," Ike said calmly, gesturing over his shoulder at a hybrid parked about a block down. Kyle could barely make out the outline of his father leaning against his car in the distance. His father looked up and noticed Kyle. He stiffly raised his right hand and waved at his son.

Kyle stared for a moment, then awkwardly waved back. He glanced back at Ike.

"Ike… I'm sorry it's all ended up like this."

Ike smiled sadly, "I don't think it would've worked out any other way. Don't worry, you'll still see me. Dad got this apartment near the Synagogue, so I can still go to my school… and…" Ike met his brother's eyes, "It's pretty small, like... for only two people."

Kyle brain took a moment to process what Ike had just said. Ike added hastily, "I mean, if you needed to, you could come with us too, it would be small though... I'm sure Dad would be happy. Mom… is pretty angry right now, what were you planning on asking-

"Ike… this is my life, and I need to do this for myself. I really don't know what I'm going to say to her, but… I need to do it. Okay? I'll call you later and tell you my living arrangements… and if I need to stay with you guys for a while… I'll tell you, okay?"

Ike smiled a toothy grin and hugged his brother, "It'll all work out Kyle… in some way. I'll see you later, okay?"

Kyle smiled back, "Yeah… later."

His little brother buried his head into Kyle's shoulder. "I'll miss you."

Ike let go and turned toward his father's car, running quickly so Kyle couldn't see his watery eyes. Cartman coughed behind Kyle.

"And were you planning on coming out to your brother, or did you just overlook it?" Cartman asked, sounding annoyed.

Kyle stopped and turned toward Eric, seeming to have just remember he was there. He yelled back over his shoulder, "Ike!"

Ike reached his father's car and turned toward Kyle, his dad looking as well. Kyle quickly pulled Eric into a tight hug, his arms around his chest, and yelled "I'll be fine, I promise!"

Ike blinked, processing the scene in front of him, while Kyle's dad automatically started laughing and got in the driver's seat. Eventually, Ike smiled and waved at Kyle, "I KNEW IT!" he yelled happily and opened the passenger door, getting in and slamming it behind him.

Kyle waved as they sped off, and glanced at Eric, "There, happy?"

Cartman was looking at him curiously with a slight red tinge on his cheeks. "Not really, but whatever."

Kyle rolled his eyes and let go, glancing back up at the house he used to live in.

"You said five minutes… right?" Kyle asked, not looking at Eric.

"Yeah… you have five minutes," Cartman said, scowling slightly. Kyle slowly approached the door and opened it, dousing himself once again in the darkness.

---

"Mom?" Kyle called, closing the door behind him.

"What the hell are you doing here?" his mother said sharply from the couch. Kyle jumped slightly, not realizing she was there.

"I… need to talk to you," Kyle said with more confidence than he felt.

"Really? …It's been what, two months since you left? I haven't seen hide nor hair of you, I don't even know how you are… and you come back, not even bothering to knock, and expect me to want to talk to you?" his mother said coolly, standing up. Kyle could see her outline; she looked disheveled and moved slowly.

"Really Kyle… what did I teach you. _Manners_, Bubbala, manners…" she slowly moved toward him.

"Mom… I need to tell you something," Kyle said calmly, despite his mother's calm trek toward him.

"What? That you're a horrible, lying, conniving child that shouldn't have ever been born?!" her face suddenly twisted into one full of spite. "WHAT KIND OF CHILD LEAVES THEIR MOTHER LYING IN A POOL OF THEIR OWN MISERY- WHO THE _HELL_ DOES THAT?!!" His mother sped toward him and slapped him upside the face. Kyle stood stunned as Sheila looked into his shocked eyes with her cold, hard ones. "You disgust me. You expect me to listen-

"MOM IT'S IMPORTANT!" Kyle started, "YOU NEED TO HEAR THIS!!"

"WHAT, WHAT THE HELL DO I NEED TO HEAR?!! WHAT IS IT-

"I'M SORRY!!" He yelled his eyes watering. She smirked at him. "I'm sorry I left you, and I'm sorry for not being there when you were obviously suffering… I came to ask if… you want me back. If you still need me here…"

"Pitiful…" his mother said coldly, looking at him with disgust. "I don't want you. I don't need you, just like I don't need Ike or your father. You think I want you here? You're just a horrible burden." She reached behind Kyle and opened the door, the sunlight washing over the room.

Kyle saw his mother's eyes were puffy from tears.

"Mom… please… there's something else. I think… I've known this for a while, and you… might want to know…"

"I don't need to know anything about you."

His mother's words rang in his ears as she caused him to back out of the house. He stopped and numbly stood in the doorway, his back to the street.

"I'm gay," Kyle finally uttered. His mother's face, if possible, became even more hard and full of hate than before. She scoffed and looked him directly in the eyes.

"Get out of my house. You are no longer my son, I disown you. Ike too, he's going to go live with his father. This whole family is poison; the only way to dissolve the poison… is to get rid of it," Mrs. Broflovski looked down at Kyle with a look of complete disdain.

Kyle felt his heart literally breaking. Even if she hurt him, and yelled at him, and kicked him out… she was still his mom. Kyle's eyes watered.

"Mom… I'm sor-

"So, he messed up, and he's not yours anymore? He's not your responsibility because he's not doing exactly what you wanted?" a voice said from behind Kyle, in the doorway. Kyle turned to see Eric Cartman standing directly behind him, his arm on the door.

"You… you disgusting brat, I know you," Sheila said angrily, taking a step toward them. "You're the one who threatened me before… the horrible slut's child, no wonder you're like this. Years of torment my boy has endured from you, and now you expect to step in the way and play hero?"

"_Your_ boy? Didn't you just disown him? He's no longer yours. You could care less where he is or what he's doing, so why are you getting so mad? Why do you care who's now in his life?" Cartman said smartly, his face unchanging. Kyle blinked; it was hard to believe that anyone could stand up to his mom.

Sheila's face twisted in rage, "Get out of my house! Both of you, you disgusting little _faggots_! OUT!"

"You're coming with me," Cartman said quietly in Kyle's ear, grabbing Kyle's hand and pulling him out. Once they were in the lawn, Cartman turned back toward the house, and yelled at Sheila, "He's _my_ responsibility now! And you won't ever get to see him again, you sick twisted bitch! Stay away from Kyle!" he yelled angrily.

Sheila blinked and looked just as confused as Kyle.

"If you don't care where he is and you just want him gone, you have no say in the matter, only Kyle does. I'm just telling you so you know if you ever try to fuck with my Kyle again, I will not hesitate in killing you.

And, I _dare_ you to try and call the police on me. They wouldn't dare, I've gotten away with hacking up dead bodies before you bitch, don't test me," he said dangerously.

He dragged Kyle out of the lawn and down the street, leaving Sheila looking completely dumbstruck.

"Wh-what are you doing?! Eric!" Kyle attempted to get Cartman's attention but was being pulled against his will by his boyfriend. "Eric, did you even think about what you just did?! I could've gotten her to forgive me! I could've-

"No you couldn't have Kyle, don't you get it?!" Cartman wheeled angrily on Kyle, his eyes full of rage, "Even if you did, did you really want to go back living with that cunt?! Back to her hitting you and making you miserable?! I wouldn't be able to look at you like that again, you looked… so absolutely broken," Cartman looked away from Kyle, down on the sidewalk. "I… I couldn't bear to see you like that again Kyle."

Kyle's world had been completely turned upside down. "But… I can't keep living with Kenny and Stan and you, switching back and forth. It's too much to ask for from you guys, after you've already done so much… where am I supposed to live?"

"You'll live with me, idiot. Permanently," Cartman said, meeting Kyle's eyes again, his own eyes suddenly much softer. Kyle's mouth fell open, "You're mine now. I told that bitch that you were my responsibility, and I meant it."

"But-But I couldn't ask for that! Eric, no, I can't, you've already done so-

Cartman pressed his lips against Kyle's forcefully, causing Kyle to immediately shut up. He wrapped his arms around Kyle and pulled him in close, breaking the kiss and pulling Kyle's head into his chest.

"I didn't give you an option, Jew, you're going to come and live with me, and that's final," Eric said with a feeling of a conclusion.

Kyle looked up into the brown eyes he loved, and lost the will to protest. A smile spread across his face as he nuzzled into Eric's chest, hugging him tightly. He pulled back and frowned slightly, "The dead bodies before… you were talking about Scott Tenorman's parents… right?"

Cartman blinked, "Duh. Who else would I hack up?"

"Just checking…" Kyle looked away and blushed. "Anyway... I get my own bed…"

"What?! No, you're sleeping with me," Eric said dangerously, smiling widely. Kyle blushed.

"No, no I'm not!"

"Technically Kyle, I'm your landlord now and you have to do what I say, otherwise I could kick you out."

Kyle's mouth dropped open, "You wouldn't."

"Oh yes I would, you're sleeping with me, and that means I get you to myself all night."

"Eric that's fucking gross!"

"HEY, not my fault you're a virgin! You wouldn't be so grossed out by that kind of stuff if you weren't!"

"You're a virgin too, dip shit, so don't act like you're better than me! I just meant it's gross to… sleep with someone I just got into a relationship with!"

"I just said _sleep,_ Kyle, _sleep_. As in 'turning off the lights and falling asleep.' What the hell did you take what I said as? God Kyle, you're such a pervert."

"I am not! You totally set that up!"

Cartman laughed and grabbed Kyle's hand, pulling him behind him as they walked off toward Cartman's, and now Kyle's home. The warmth from Cartman's hand spread through Kyle's, giving him the feeling of comfort. Kyle smiled, and somehow, even though he couldn't see Eric's face, he knew he was smiling too.

And as they walked like that down the street, Eric's words from the night before rang through Kyle's ears, giving meaning to every moment they ever spent together.

"_I love you, and I'll always be here. No matter what."_

---

Thank you to everyone who has read my story. Much love to all!!

This is a special thanks to those who have reviewed and spoken to me more than just once, or who have shown complete interest in the pairing and such. I love everyone who has read this, but these people deserve a freaking medal for putting up with me for so long, haha….

_Special thanks to the following for reviewing and talking to me and being great readers and such, THANKS TO ALL THOUGH FOR READING:_

-Screamxaimxfire for putting up with my constant PMs and random nonsense, and being an amazing reviewer since I started to write this monstrosity, she was the first reviewer!!

-Twilight Temptress _and_ Emily Cartman, for being an awesome duo and talking about my story to each other and recommending it and also dealing with my PMs at random hours in the night… sorry I update so late haha.

-Mpkio2 for reviewing every single freaking chapter, for the amazing KyCart video on youtube, for loving my story and for recommending songs!!

-Fiddlestix for UNDERSTANDING MY PLUSHIE OBSESSION OMG!! KYLE!! Haha and just for being awesome in general to me about my story and PMing meee and being nice and friends… yes. (It's midnight right now, can you tell??)

-ayafangirl because you've reviewed so much and been such an avid reader, since the beginning it feels like. I love your reviews haha they make me smile.

-HogwartShinobi- haha your reviews seriously make me smile. I love it when people get happy reading my story. You've been reading for a while, too, which makes me extra happy because you stuck with my… *coughhorriblecough* amazing writing skills. Your username still rocks haha. Rice ball reject? Yes.

-GlitterBlings- KYCART IS OTP!! Ahhhhh you… you are friend. Yes. I'm losing the ability to think right now, but I'm super thankful to you for reading… :D! And for being cool and understanding my pairing and PMing and fun times.

-dreaminGemini- AGH YOUR REVIEWS!!as I recall, you started reading in the middle, right? Well you've been READING AND REVIEWING AND READING LIKE CRAZY! I have much love for you for being cooooolll!!!

-Raigo- you rock dude. Reading Yaoi as a guy takes some serious balls (scuse my Cartman-speak), and you shouldn't let shit get you down. Remember "Screw you guys, I'm going home!" :D

-TheyKilledKenny, you have been reading for the longest freaking time! Your reviews cause me to laugh most of the time haha, and your username is also the shit. :D (that's a good thing btdubs.) I hope to see more reviews from you on my next stories. :D (STYLE!)

-Kyle Broflovski Fan- DAMNIT I LOVE YOUR REVIEWS!! THEY MAKE ME SO FUCKING HAPPY YOU HAVE NO IDEA! I love the length and how you obviously have read it and understood and LIKE IT!! Ahhhh Kyle=God. PLEASE STAY A READER! You're so freakin cool.

-Tusk of Thyme- you've been reading for a while and I love your random short reviews haha.

-Jesselric, you have been a great fan for the entire time. You always review and seem to really love my story. I'm honored to have it on your top three favorite KyCart fics list. :D

-Edtheoddfish for keeping up with the story, even though I didn't notice your reviews… I'm so sorry again!! THANKS FOR READING!!

-HitTheRoad- HAHA YOU!!!!! I swear you're like my twin from far away… Your reviews make me happy. And you help me realize I'm not the only sane one who likes JtHM. :D you fucking rock girl!!!!

-Butters-St0tch, you've been reading this for a while now… I like your reviews. Your username rocks too btw. I don't think we've ever personally spoken but I really appreciate all your reviews and loveness of my story. :D Okay it sounds lame but I mean it. And I understand what you meant by influencing you with the story, believe me. For a year I tried to be like Sasuke from Naruto (God that was a sad year… and a longggg time ago), so don't worry. As long as you don't try to be like Bebe and sleep with everyone, I'm okay and won't feel guilty. :D

-gaaraofthefunkXD- YOU HAVE BEEN READING FOR AN EPICLY LONG TIME! AGH!!! AND YOU KEPT READING!! AND YOU REVIEW A LOT TOO!! You win my thanks and loveness.

-AnnaAsakura25- ahhhh you've been here since the beginning. You fucking rock for putting up with it for this long, I swear. I hug you!

-The Brat Prince because this line actually had me laughing for a good hour- "I love you. Marry me. No, seriously. My boyfriend won't like it, but we can kill him and hide the body in the trunk of my car. KIDDING." Haha you are a great reviewer.

-royed4eva- you've reviewed a good amount of times, and I really enjoy what you write. Please continue to review my crap! :D

-KnougeandSonadow- THANKS FOR YOUR NICE REVIEWS!!! Omg I don't think it's that great…. But it makes me so happy to hear someone say that my story made them feel something. Thank you!

-Broflovski- I just like you haha! Thanks for getting an account so you could review.

-thequillofdestiny- you started reading recently but you caught up extremely fast and leave the sweetest reviews! Much love!

-junge1992- yay for your new notebook! I will be remembered! :D And thanks for reading and reading and reading… you have patience. Haha I'm so happy to have you as a fan, your reviews rock my worldddd!

-microwaved noodles- you're one of my favorite reviewers, even though you've been absent for a while. I look forward to more amazing reviews when you return!!

-TripleS-18- for creating the KyCart lovers group and adding my story to it!! Thanks for keeping up with it!

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Forever loving, OnigiriReject

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EXTRA!!!

THIS IS MY TAKE ON WHAT HAPPENED AFTERWARDS!

Bebe got Chlamydia from a Ginger she met at a bar after Kenny was through with her.

Wendy ended up with Token, because no one else would put up with her controlling ways. She and Stan finally spoke at graduation, mending their relationship and deciding to stay friends. They email each other every week.

Stan and Kyle remain best friends throughout their entire lives. Stan eventually became the leader of the Goth Kids of South Park, but still acted like the same old Stan. His cult following has meetings Tuesdays and Thursdays in the cafeteria.

Butters and Paris Hilton lived in her mansion, until she died from the AIDS she contracted from being in Mr. Slave's ass, two weeks after Butters moved in. He now owns the Hilton hotels and is a billionaire, with many, many 'special' friends.

LeAnn sends postcards from Hawaii to Eric, where she now lives with Robot Chef, completely happy. She also sends twenty dollars a month in allowance..

Cartman became the Governor of Colorado, just a small step toward his journey to rule the world, with Kyle by his side. Cartman 2012? Yes.

Kyle is on good terms with his brother and father, but still doesn't speak much with his mother years later. Although, the four of them still celebrate Hanukkah together at his dad's house, Eric sometimes joining (when he was able to keep his composure.)

Kyle and Cartman still live together, but sold LeAnn's house. They bought a new one, still in South Park, with Cartman's money. It's a giant mansion, complete with extra bedrooms for Clyde Frog and Kenny for when he visits (complete with heating). They remain as happy and blissful as Kyle and Cartman could ever be, still arguing incessantly and eventually making up… in their own way.

Finally, Kenny lived (and died) happily ever after, many, many times over.

End. CHECK OUT MY NEW STORY!!!

Love, O.R.


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